by Angela White
She didn’t look away, but most of the hopeful Eagles did.
Angela slowly wiped her arm over her face and walked toward the corridor.
Adrian came through with a huge scowl, drawn by her waves of pain. “Don’t do that! Lock it up!”
Angela sucked in a deep breath, taking Adrian’s comfort openly as he placed a hand on her arm. “I’m sorry.”
Adrian sighed, voice gentling. “So am I, sweetheart, but you have to control it. Your emotions can trigger new gifts or activate them and you don’t have the energy for that right now. Breathe.”
Angela allowed him to guide her out of the shower and into the first training space. She didn’t bother to scold him for lying about where they would go next. She headed for the rear, where she’d planned for the coffee pots and water cases to be placed upon stocking the cave for the camp’s entry. She had wanted the people guarding their lives to have places where they could gather and bond, but also places where they could escape the constant demands of the camp.
Angela poured a cup of the thick coffee, but refused the thin cookies when Tracy gestured to the tray.
“You sure?” Tracy asked. “Li had them sent up. He thought you’d come here next.”
Angela scanned Tracy, delving in without permission or consideration.
Tracy paled. “I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not,” Angela corrected. “None of us are.”
She set her cup down untouched and walked toward the exit.
“No.”
Angela stopped, but didn’t turn at Adrian’s command. This wave of alpha order was stronger because it was open, fueled by the witnesses and the emotions at having two of their leaders in the same place.
Adrian released his hold, sorry he’d revealed it to her. He should have waited and used it on her when it really mattered. “Let’s work on your arms.”
Angela turned around with so much rage showing that Adrian dropped his head. “I won’t do it again.”
It flashed Angela to her past, to another voice saying that to her for an unrelated reason. She and Marc had been children then, with no idea of the horrors waiting for them. They’d thought the ones they were dealing with then were as bad as it would get.
“Come back to me,” Adrian called.
Angela felt his warmth surround her, pulling her from the haze of the past. She spent a lot of time there now, searching for meaning, for clarity. Everything that she’d become was connected to those miserable years and she searched them relentlessly.
Adrian took her hand, sending a wave of need that snapped her out of the maudlin and into angry awareness.
Angela jerked her hand free, unable to hide the wince. Her arms were always sore and heavy.
“A few days of this will help,” Adrian explained. “You should have been in physical therapy already.”
“I refused it,” she stated, stepping into the machine to avoid his touch.
“It’s on the easiest setting. Do five reps on each arm. Wait two minutes between sets.”
“How many sets?” she asked, unable to fight the excitement of being allowed to do something that would hurt.
“I’ll let you know,” Adrian answered, switching the machine on.
The room was a health training area, with gym equipment, lockers, and mats lining the floor. It was also a defense lesson sector. Adrian could tell from the faint blood splatters on the mat in the center of the space. Most of their fighting lessons didn’t draw blood, but kai always did. She made them a place to hang out and bond away from the camp, he realized, spotting the couch along on wall and the counter with drinks and snacks. She’d known they would need that. Camp members weren’t allowed in the training areas.
Around them, the Eagles slowly resumed their workouts and conversations, but everyone watched as Angela began pulling on the rope with two pounds of weight.
“Damn.” Angela clenched her eyes as pain seared her arm on the first pull. “That’s insane.”
“Because it’s only been a few weeks?” Adrian asked, staying close enough to grab the rope if she slipped.
“Yes. I never watched the patients suffer through rehab.” Angela pulled down for the second rep, almost tearing up. “Yeah, this sucks.”
Adrian started to ask if she wanted to do something easier first…
“It’s perfect. Thank you.” Angela yanked harder, pulling the weights smoothly this time. Tears flooded over her cheeks.
“Two more,” Adrian encouraged, watching her shirt for signs of wounds breaking open. Her stitches had been out for a week and the scars were bright on both arms. The right was bigger than the left. More damage had been done there.
Angela struggled with the fourth pull. It hurts! I deserve this. Angela groaned as she reached the bar, breath coming out in a hiss while she controlled the descent. Before she had time to recover, she pulled down with her self-hatred.
Adrian flinched at her low cry, but didn’t interfere as she controlled the release and immediately began on the other arm. This wasn’t about his emotions or her physical pain. It was about the future.
It took all of Angela’s concentration to keep pulling on the bar. She wanted to die. Hurting herself was the next best thing, but her body didn’t want to do it. Every pull was a fight for life that her mind didn’t want, but her heart longed for. It left no room for stewing on anything else.
Adrian made sure she was left alone, but he didn’t let her go so deep into her thoughts that she was able to tune out again. The pain was horrid, but it was also healing. He knew.
So did the men and women around them who’d been hurt or made mistakes and had to claw their way up to being okay with surviving. Those here who hadn’t had those epiphanies yet would still tell the camp members that Angela was fighting hard to recover and get back to them. It was a win-win for everyone, if Angela could do it, if Adrian could get her to keep doing it.
“Don’t let Tracy leave,” Angela instructed, openly crying. “I need company.”
Adrian motioned to the sentry.
Greg stopped Tracy and Charlie. The couple had been invited in by Daryl, who had hoped they would stay. He didn’t get many opportunities to observe them. Tracy still wasn’t spending any more time in the camp’s eye than she had to.
Tracy didn’t want to stay. It was clear in her expression, but she took the machine next to Angela anyway. She’d had thoughts that she needed to have them confirmed or denied. She just wasn’t positive that she was ready for the answers.
“You’re doing better in some ways,” Angela told the woman, waiting the allotted time before starting her next set. “You can think again.”
“Yes.” Tracy switched on the machine and set it to her last Eagle level automatically. When she pulled, she wasn’t prepared for the pain either. “Ouch!”
Angela nodded, bracing. “Yeah.”
Both females did their set without speaking or sweeping the room, needing their energy to complete it and their will power not to make any more sounds.
Tracy was able to do it.
Angela wasn’t. The last rep tore a cry from her that made Adrian step forward. “Three minutes between them.”
Angela ignored him to regard Tracy. “Please forgive me.”
Tracy’s eyes filled with tears. “It was me or her, right?”
Angela winced. She hadn’t thought Tracy would figure that out.
“Right?”
“Yes.”
Tracy blew out an angry breath. “Death, or rape and a beating. Great choices.”
“I’m sorry.”
“What if it hadn’t happened?” Tracy insisted. “Was there another way?”
“There were many ways,” Angela answered honestly. “I chose the one that saved the most lives.”
“It saved lives?” Tracy hadn’t believed anything good had come from it, other than how real it had appeared to Donner and the big bunker.
“Yes. If Sherman hadn’t found a hostage, he would have been the snipe
r we couldn’t guard against. Crista would have survived. You would have been unharmed. Sherman would have shot Donner and then me. The big bunker would have blown up the mountain. It saved everyone.”
Tracy stared into Angela’s eyes, wanting to believe her. “Can you prove that?”
“No.”
“I’m supposed to trust you on it?”
“You are alive,” Angela pointed out ruthlessly.
“Why is that?” Tracy questioned. “Why me over her? Was it because Charlie loves me?”
“No. In fact, that almost swung it the other way,” Angela admitted, bracing to do another set. “I didn’t want his possible misery to influence me, so I used a list of pros and cons. It was close until I got down to service for the camp and then you outmatched her in every way. She spent her time chasing Jeff and adventure. You labored behind the scenes because you wanted to be a part of something bigger than yourself. We needed you more.”
“You’re okay with making choices like that?” Charlie demanded from behind them.
Angela shook her head. “No. Not at all.”
“Then why do you do it?” he asked angrily.
“What’s the alternative?” Angela shot right back, reaching for the rope. “I could have not done it and we’d all be in labs, bunkers, or graves right now.”
Charlie couldn’t deny that. He stomped over to a bench in the corner and plopped down to wait.
Tracy sighed. “He’s so young.”
“And angry,” Angela agreed. “When he scares you, tell him. He won’t even see it if you don’t.”
Tracy didn’t deny it. Angela understood.
“I do,” Angela whispered brokenly. “My entire life has been that way. I thought Safe Haven would be different.”
“It is,” Tracy insisted. “We’re hurting, but the herd isn’t. They’re happy and healthy because of it.”
Angela paused. “Does that make it worth it?”
Tracy considered, wanting desperately to heal. “I believe so. It lets me sleep easier now, since I decided that it matters. What you’ve told me will also help when it’s three o’clock and no one hears my mental screams.”
Angela flashed to her last dream, of still being on the mountain with Vlad, except Adrian didn’t come. “It’ll get better if we stay in the light. We’ve told other people that, right?”
Tracy nodded shakily. “Together? I don’t think I can do it alone.”
“Yes. I owe you that.”
Tracy started to say she didn’t agree, and then closed her mouth.
“Good girl,” Angela praised, pulling. “When you need it, call in the marker and I’ll honor it no matter how hard it is.”
“Thank you.” Tracy accepted what none of the others here would receive from Angela for her actions to save them from Donner and the government.
“We’ll need to do it every day,” Angela stated.
Tracy didn’t argue.
Adrian was more than relieved. He was ecstatic. His wave of joy flooded the chamber, along with determination to keep those good vibes flowing no matter what it took or who it pissed off.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Detained
1
“Why is Cynthia being held in the detention center?” Tonya asked as soon as Kenn entered the radio impression. She was eager to be finished here. The radio space was warm, adding to her impatience. She didn’t need as much heat as some people did, but Kenn liked it roasting most of the time.
Kenn had paused at the query. “How do you know that?”
“I gathered the air quality reports from Samantha a little while ago. Nathan was busy, so Greg asked me to get them. I saw it on the monitor.”
Kenn realized Samantha and Neil had been given the full feed from the entire cave. He wasn’t sure why that bothered him, but it did. “She had a run-in with Marc and melted down. She asked to be put there,” Kenn told her, doing as he’d been instructed. Tonya was among the biggest gossips in camp. “Let me have those reports. I’ll take them to Marc.”
Tonya handed him the packet, waiting for the end of her shift. When she finished with this, she was going to the lab to check the results from her first tests. It had sucked to discover their friendly cat had cancer, but it had also made for a good test subject. If her research helped the cat, maybe it would do the same for people. Tonya had no idea if it would. No one did anymore. All she could do was try it and hope.
Kenn stuck the envelope into his notebook and quietly left. He didn’t feel guilty about using her this way, but he did pity Tonya that she couldn’t be brought deeper into the chain of command. She would never be a full partner for him, not like Angela might have been.
Kenn made sure he was alone in the tunnel before dumping the envelope into a burning trashcan like Marc had told him to do. The camp couldn’t know the real levels of radiation out there until it was gone, so these papers had been invented with good numbers for Tonya to spread when in reality, the numbers were still rising at the bottom of the mountain. The Mexicans were dying. Samantha was filling out the nametags. Until they had to use them, the herd didn’t need to know what was coming.
Tonya spotted Peggy as she came from the radio impression at the end of her shift, but it surprised her when the den mother fell in step. The cool corridor was a nice relief from the sweltering radio space, but Tonya didn’t stop to enjoy it. She had plans for the evening.
“Got a minute?”
Tonya shrugged. “You can walk with me if you want. What’s up?”
Peggy kept pace as Tonya walked to the lab to check on the cat. She’d given it a dose of oil mixed in canned foods every morning since she had prepared the concoction. So far, none of the results was promising.
“I’d like to ask you how you feel about leadership.”
Tonya slowed, meeting Peggy’s eye. “What do you want?”
“Your help,” Peggy answered. “All women need your help.”
Tonya knew what was going on with Peggy and Hilda. She was just surprised to be a target of their conversions. “What did Angela say?”
“Nothing, recently.”
Tonya frowned. “And before that?”
“She encouraged it. She’s one of us.”
Tonya shook her head as they reached the ladder. “Not me, then. If she was still encouraging it, the camp would get to vote.”
“Wait, you don’t understand.”
“No, I get it,” Tonya refuted. “You want me to screw up my place here to take a chance on being the next female ruler, but I’ve got news for you, Peggy. This camp wants Angie and they don’t want any woman other than her.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is,” Tonya insisted, swinging her feet onto the ladder. “The fact that you don’t know it, but you still believe you can find a candidate, is scary. Listen to the camp. They want Adrian.”
Peggy’s profile iced over. “That will not happen.”
Tonya shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not, but I do know that he and Marc would both have to die, along with half the men in this camp, before they’d give it to another woman.” Tonya descended. “And then there’s the fact that I don’t want it.”
Peggy let the younger redhead go as she caught sight of the guards on the ladder. They were both rookie females and neither of them were happy with the conversation they’d been able to hear.
Peggy glowered at them and got the same in return.
Is Tonya right, she asked herself. Is the time for female rule already over?
Stewing, Peggy marched toward the living quarters.
Behind her, Doug moved through the tunnel with a huge scowl. Later, he would tell Marc.
2
“The doctor won’t treat her,” Morgan told Marc, joining him in the brig, where they had the place to themselves. “He doesn’t want to treat descendants anymore.”
Marc sighed, setting his pen down. “What happened?”
Morgan grinned sheepishly. “Autumn told him his hands were too cold.”
Marc laughed. “Well, I can see where that might shock him.”
“What do you want me to do about it?”
“Nothing,” Marc stated. “We’ll have our other doctor take over the descendants.”
Morgan frowned. “Angela can’t be around the pregnant woman right now. Maybe not for a long time.”
“I meant Millie,” Marc stated coolly. “She doesn’t mind dealing with us. Send her in to talk with Cynthia.”
I have to know if Cynthia’s right, Marc told himself worriedly. I have to know if Angie is that far gone.
“The hole is filling up,” Morgan stated, sweeping the empty cells.
Marc didn’t answer. They’d disposed of the assassins who had attacked Angie in the shower while she and Adrian were there. While he was relieved another set of assassins had been unearthed, Marc couldn’t help feeling useless. He and Missy, along with Neil and Jennifer, were about to get to work on digging out the rest of their moles. Then maybe he could sleep at night.
3
“Why were you in there? Tell me the truth!”
Candy paused outside the washroom, where Jennifer was interrogating Julia in the shower.
That’s to get her off guard and make her nervous, Candy thought. Angela taught us that in one of the last few classes before Donner came.
Candy lingered, not eavesdropping, but so restless that she had no idea what to do with herself.
“Whatever your deal is, it won’t succeed,” Jennifer warned. “I’m watching you. If anything else goes wrong with them, I’ll know who to come to about it.”
Candy moved away from the entrance before Jennifer came out and directed that anger on her. Candy didn’t think she could take it. All she felt like doing was sleeping and that scared her. Unlike the other women, Candy wasn’t feeling any movement yet or hearing any contact attempts. As far as she knew, Lee hadn’t been a descendant and she knew she wasn’t. Her babies were normal. She wasn’t disappointed, but in the excitement of having fetuses who could communicate, her own wonderful pregnancy was being overlooked.