by Lucy Coleman
‘I’m not sayin’ a gatherin’ wouldn’t be a fine thing to do. But we’ve done that before and when everyone mucks in to bring a little food and drink with them, it’s a neighbourly thing. I’m up for that, but wearin’ a suit… and speeches. Too formal for me, by far. Instead what I’d like to do is try to raise enough to build a kiddies’ playground.’
‘Where?’ I ask, totally surprised by his suggestion, although it is a great idea and so typical of Tollie.
‘Well, I’m not averse to fencin’ off a bit of land the other side of The Retreat and I wondered how you feel about that, Immi.’
I look at Gray and he stares back at me, frowning.
‘Tollie, it’s your garden. You can do whatever you like with it,’ I point out, but Tollie simply shakes his head.
‘It might suit me, but the long-term future of Lock Keeper’s Cottage is in your hands and it’s time we did a swap.’
I freeze. Both Gray and I know what Tollie is hinting at, but how on earth did talking about a celebratory dinner turn into me moving into the cottage? I’d bet money on the fact that Fisher and Tollie have been talking. And plotting, by the sound of it. Gray looks decidedly uncomfortable, as we both know what Tollie is hinting at. Gray isn’t in a position to start making firm plans for the future and I have no idea how to reply to that remark. It was aimed at me, but I can see from the expression on Gray’s face that he thinks it was aimed at him, too. This is so embarrassing and totally out of order.
‘Of course, I wouldn’t just hive off that land if you thought it wasn’t a good idea. Bein’ that you might have different plans for this place.’ Tollie looks directly at Gray, before his eyes return to me. ‘Oh, before I forget, David and Pete sent up a complimentary box of six Bullrush Christmas Brews. I think a beer would go down rather nicely right now, don’t you, Gray? I’ll leave you to mull over my suggestion.’
And with that, Tollie disappears back into the kitchen, leaving Gray and me sitting there speechless.
‘He’s right, you know, about next year’s celebrations.’
Gray looks across the table at me as I sit toying with a plate of Sarah’s signature dish, spaghetti with chicken and mushrooms.
‘I understand Tollie doesn’t want a formal dinner and he’d feel more comfortable with one of our usual community get-togethers. It is special when everyone pitches in and it means the expense is shared. And I agree, a playground for the kids is a brilliant idea. But why on earth he then dragged me into this, I have no idea. Except that—’
I find myself hesitating. Is it time to come clean and say the things we never talk about, but simply skate over?
‘What?’ Gray stops twisting pasta around his fork and sits back in his chair expectantly.
‘Um. Well. I think Fisher said something to Tollie and he decided to interfere.’
‘Interfere?’ Gray gives me a blank look.
I sigh. ‘When you’re able to stay for the weekend… well, Mondays are hard for me. Suddenly you’re gone and the week ahead seems to stretch out forever. Last Monday I was down. It had been such a long time, you know, since you were able to stay, and I couldn’t hide it from Fisher. The minute I walked into the office I dragged him under my black cloud, and it was wrong of me. But we had such a brilliant weekend and, well, it was just one of those days.’
Gray’s elbows are now on the table and his chin is resting on his hands. His expression is pained.
‘I hate the drive back on Sunday evenings. It’s even worse, in a way, than the days I can’t stay. We’re together, having fun and living like a couple and then it’s back to reality. Tollie and Fisher only want what’s best for you, Immi. You deserve more than a part-time relationship.’
He sounds glum.
‘Listen, Gray, I wasn’t a party to this, and I think it’s wrong of them to try to—’
‘What? Bring it to a head? Make me realise I can’t keep stringing you along like this?’
He sounds defeated, as if he’s done something wrong.
‘I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you if you were the sort of man to walk away from a person you care about when they need you the most, Gray. Rona needs you. As Tollie needs me in his life. This isn’t just your problem, it’s mine too.’
Two half-eaten dishes of food are sitting there, rapidly going cold.
‘It’s obvious we can’t go on like this forever, Immi, I’m well aware of that. It’s not fair on either of us, is it? For you, it isn’t just about being here for Tollie, but this community has given you the stability you always longed for. I understand that and why it’s so important. Believe me, I’m doing everything I can to get Mum to the point where she has her own little network around her again. She’s so close to being able to stand on her own two feet again and hopefully pick up the pieces of her life. She knows how hard it’s been for you and me, and that’s been tough for her to bear. Mum prides herself on being strong, but getting sick made her feel vulnerable and afraid. It takes a while to let those feelings go.’
He hasn’t smiled once since we left the cottage and as he pushes his plate away, a little wave of pity washes over me. Life isn’t fair, I know that only too well. I understand the situation he’s in and, as time goes on, the sense of frustration and impatience that comes with it. Some things simply can’t be hurried, as exasperating as that may be.
I reach out across the table for his hand, and we intertwine our fingers.
‘You don’t need to explain, Gray, really you don’t. I’ll have words with Tollie and Fisher; it’s wrong of them to get involved in our business. They aren’t looking at the bigger picture, which is what is making me so damned annoyed. If it were the other way around it would be an entirely different story. If I suddenly decided to move away, they would be floored. It would leave a hole in their lives, as it will for Rona, when you move out again.’
Gray’s frown is deep and it’s a look that doesn’t suit him.
‘I should never have moved back in, I suppose. But having to give up work because of her health issues hit Mum hard. Financially, she can only afford to continue to stay in the house if I can pick up some of the bills. Well, until she can return to work, or is eligible to take her private pension early. Maybe then it will be time to move into something smaller and less expensive to maintain.’ This is the first time Gray has opened up to me about this and I’d been labouring under the impression that she didn’t want to move home.
‘Hey, guys, are you done? Was there anything wrong with the spaghetti?’ Kurt looks from one to the other of us questioningly.
We unlock our fingers and I give Kurt a forced smile as I push the plates to the end of the table.
‘No, it was great, Kurt, really it was. We’re both tired, that’s all. It’s been a long week,’ I explain.
‘Sorry to hear that. How about dessert on the house?’
One glance at Gray and it’s obvious we both want to head back to The Retreat.
‘That’s a lovely thought, but we’re up early tomorrow. Some of the greenery on The Star Gazer will probably need replacing; plus, we have the first of the Little Stars trips tomorrow, as well as the regular cruise. It’s going to be all go,’ I add brightly.
‘Well, the girls are excited about it, that’s for sure. There’s nothing wrong with Tollie, is there?’
I shake my head. ‘No, he’s good. But he doesn’t want to go with the big celebratory dinner next year. He has other ideas.’
Kurt grimaces.
‘Uh-oh. I had a feeling it was going to be all change and that’s my fault for letting it slip. He would have gone along with it if all the arrangements had been in place.’
Kurt looks annoyed with himself as he stacks the dishes and settles them into the crook of one arm. I shoot him a consoling glance as I stand and begin pulling on my padded coat.
‘I doubt we could have kept it a secret, Kurt, so don’t worry about it. The important thing is that we’re honouring Tollie’s wishes, not forcing something on him
that he’s not happy about. As long as everyone is included, there’ll be some sort of party going on – it might be a little less formal than we’d planned, that’s all.’
Gray and Kurt exchange a guarded look. People will be disappointed, and we know it.
‘Well, Sarah still hasn’t forgiven me, so if you get a chance and could put a good word in for me, I’d be extremely grateful. Especially if the weeks of planning are about to fall apart. I’m not going to be Mr Popular around here.’
I nod, giving him a reassuring smile, but before I can answer him, Gray interjects.
‘I don’t think you’re going to be alone there, Kurt.’
‘Hey, guys, neither of you have done anything wrong and I’ll be having a couple of very pointed conversations, don’t you worry.’
As I stomp off, Gray tries to keep up with me but he’s no match. Starting off what promises to be a wonderful weekend feeling angry because of other people’s interference is tarnishing the highlight of my week. And that’s not fair.
‘Slow down, Immi,’ Gray calls out above the general background noise. But I beat him to the door. As I step out onto the towpath and take a couple of paces forward, without warning my right foot suddenly slips from beneath me, sending me hurtling to the floor.
‘What…? Argh!’
As Gray strides forward, leaning over me with concern etched all over his face, the door behind us slams shut. Suddenly, he too slips and ends up in a heap next to me.
Then I begin laughing as I collapse against him.
‘Ow!’ I declare, nursing my right arm.
Neither of us moves, we just stare at each other and realise how ridiculous we must look right now.
‘Are you all right? Nothing’s broken?’
His voice is tinged with apprehension.
‘Only my pride if someone else steps through that door before I’m back on my feet. Thank goodness I wore a padded coat as it softened the fall. How about you?’
‘I’m okay. Don’t try to stand, Immi. This whole section is a sheet of ice. Crawl over to the grass on all fours and I’ll shuffle back inside to alert Kurt, so he can throw down some rock salt. I think we’re lucky – we both seem to bounce rather well.’ However, I notice that he winces a little as he inches backwards.
Rolling over onto my knees and shuffling forward very gingerly, I call out over my shoulder, ‘Gray?’
There’s a groan as he pulls himself upright using the door handle.
‘Yes?’
‘Tollie and Fisher are right. I was wrong to be angry with them because they were only looking out for us.’
Reaching the grassy strip, I ease myself back around to face him; he’s poised, waiting until he can see I’m okay.
‘I know. It’s time to formulate a plan; we need to make this happen.’ And then he waggles his index finger at me. ‘Don’t move a muscle until I get back – that’s an order!’
Unable to suppress a grin, I call out, ‘Yes, boss.’
As Gray disappears back inside I sit there getting soggier by the second, finding myself thinking about my dad. It’s so easy to take everything for granted, even the fact that there will be a tomorrow.
I’m done waiting. Life can end up being one big excuse if you let it and that would be such a waste. There are always options to consider if everyone is prepared to work together to find the best solution, and it’s time Gray and I did just that.
7
Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow
‘Good morning.’
I’m drifting in and out of sleep. Gray’s voice seems to float on the air. I roll over, willing myself to sink back into my dream, where I was idly strolling along a beach. Mere moments ago, the sand beneath my toes felt so real that my hands were trying to brush it off and now the vision is no more. Easing open one eye, I see Gray is propped up on his elbow, leaning over me.
‘I have a surprise,’ he whispers.
‘What… at six-thirty in the morning?’
‘You’ll like this one.’
With that he jumps up and walks over to the window. Rather reluctantly I drag myself out of bed and saunter over to stand beside him. My eyes spring open wide as I stare out.
‘Snow!’
‘Admittedly it’s only an inch, but doesn’t it look beautiful? Come on, let’s get dressed. It won’t be slippery like last night and let’s enjoy it before it melts.’
We’re like two big kids, wrapping up warmly and creeping out, mindful not to disturb Tollie as we take the path along the side of the cottage and pull the heavy front gate shut very gingerly behind us.
When I stop to draw in a deep breath, the air is chilly on my teeth, and as we begin walking the snow is satisfyingly crisp underfoot. The sky is a rich, azure blue, without a cloud in sight. As the day warms up, this winter wonderland will disappear, so we want to enjoy it while we can.
‘What a bonus,’ Gray says, wrapping my arm in his and giving it a squeeze as we walk towards the marina. ‘How are your bruises this morning?’
‘Not too bad. I have one the size of an egg on my arm, but my rear took the brunt of it.’
He laughs. ‘Mine, too. Fortunately, you had a little padding.’
I half turn to give him a withering look.
‘I meant your coat,’ he explains apologetically, and I flash him a cheeky smile.
We walk on in silence and Gray steers us across a grassy bank, helping me over the wooden stile onto the pastureland.
In front of us a pristine white blanket stretches out as far as the eye can see. The pretty and serene setting is only broken by the green of the hedgerows, where the fine powdery dusting is already melting. It’s peaceful until some raucous blackbirds fly overhead, giving chase, no doubt, to tiny insects carried on the light breeze.
‘This is heavenly.’ Gray stops and I sidle up to him, grabbing his hand.
‘Life doesn’t get much better than an early morning walk like this.’
‘Immi, we sort of take what we have for granted, don’t we?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well…’ He pauses, casting around for the right words. ‘We’re a couple, an odd couple given our circumstances, admittedly. But—’
He turns to face me, planting a kiss on the tip of my cold, and probably rather pink, nose.
‘You will marry me, won’t you?’ He asks the question rather hesitantly.
Staring up into his eyes, I throw my arms around him. Well, as far as they will reach given that we’re both wearing thick coats.
‘Of course, I will, crazy guy. Why wouldn’t I?’
‘No, I mean…’ Gray steps away from me and drops down onto one knee. ‘Imogen Tolliman, will you marry me?’
As I look down at him, the smile on my face stretches from ear to ear. It’s enough to know he’s serious about our future together, but the timing isn’t right.
‘Stand up, you fool! Look at your jeans – one knee is now muddy and wet. There’s no rush, Gray, really.’
I offer my hands to help pull him to his feet and we both utter a little groan. It seems that bouncing isn’t quite as painless twenty-four hours after the fact.
‘Putting it off, I’ve realised, is making us both miserable, Immi. When you long to be with someone, every single day you spend apart is a day lost. One you will never get back. I knew from the start what I hoped would happen between us. I couldn’t take my eyes off you. There was something so magnetic – I felt as if I already knew you, somehow. It was crazy and exhilarating at the same time. The buzz has never left me.’
‘Hmm. Crazy is the perfect description for us, isn’t it? I haven’t allowed myself to really believe that something this wonderful can happen, in case it goes wrong. Every time you leave me, it feeds my fear. I try so hard not to cling to you, when in reality that’s exactly what I want to do.’ My heart is heavy to admit my insecurities, but it’s time to be honest with him.
Gray pulls on my hands, dragging me into him.
‘Ah
, Immi, it breaks my heart to hear you say that. I know how hard it was for you, losing your dad and being uprooted. It’s time I proved to you how important you are to me and I’ll sit down with Mum to talk about her options. She’ll understand, although I won’t pretend it’s going to be easy. Like it or not, things can’t go on as they are forever. Aysbury is going to be home for you and me, and maybe she should consider living close by. Selling up and buying something smaller will be a big adjustment, but it will take away the financial worries and make her independent again. And we’d be on hand if she needed anything.’
I don’t quite know what to say to Gray, as it sounds as if his mind is made up. However, an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach begins to stir. Laying out a plan is one thing, making it happen is another.
‘So, what’s your answer?’ Gray is looking at me intently as he awaits my response.
‘Yes. Of course, it’s a yes. But—’
‘No buts. Not any more. As for what Tollie was saying about the cottage, it is your inheritance for the future, but we’re happy enough in The Retreat, aren’t we?’
I look at him, still trying to take in his words and what this means.
‘We are, but you know what Tollie is like when he makes his mind up about something. He often talked about extending the cottage and bringing it up to the same standard as The Retreat. It’s his dream, really.’
‘It doesn’t matter to me where we live…’ Gray’s voice softens ‘… as long as we’re together. But I also wouldn’t like to upset Tollie in any way.’
I can see that it’s awkward for Gray, as most couples get to choose their first home together. Shrugging my shoulders, I don’t know what the answer is, and I let out a sigh. He looks at me, pointedly.
‘I have a nest egg from the sale of my flat. It’s enough to cover the cost of renovating the cottage, as it stands. New bathroom, replacement kitchen and total redecoration. Maybe we can convince Tollie to stay put, if we do the work gradually. You know, so it doesn’t overwhelm or inconvenience him. Whoever is going to be living there, the fabric of the building, too, requires a little TLC. But more importantly, I want to contribute something. Not because I need to prove anything to you, but to feel that I’m a part of this. And I want to show Tollie that I intend to look after you and keep everything ticking over.’