Hold Me Until Forever

by Christina Phillips

  Meg was her replacement, and she’d started work on Monday so Ella could show her the ropes. “Yeah, she’s great. She’ll keep you all in line.”

  He dangled a key in front of her. “Want to use the bathroom?”

  “Sure.”

  In the five weeks since she’d first starting coming to the club, he’d always insisted she use the small private bathroom the partners used, which led directly off their office. It was a lot better than having to use the public ones. There sure were advantages to dating one of the partners.

  Are we really dating? She still couldn’t work out exactly what she and Alex had. Nothing much had changed in their friendship. They still laughed and joked at work, and then several times a week they came here in the evenings and had sex.

  It was a relationship of sorts. Maybe things would change once she left Grayson’s, and Alex didn’t see her nearly every day. Because much as she loved all the sex, sometimes she just wanted to hang out with him at night, like they were a proper couple.

  Next week she’d have it out with him. Once he faced the fact she wasn’t always around he’d realize things needed to change. If they didn’t go out on dates or stay at each other’s place overnight, how were they going to keep this thing going?

  Do I really want him to stay the night at home? Yeah, well, maybe not. Since she’d moved back last weekend, her mom had been surprisingly mellow and most of that had to do with the new foster kittens. But she wasn’t sure her mom’s good humor would extend to being nice to Alex.

  “I’ll meet you at the bar in about half hour.” He gave her a bone-melting smile as they left the room and it was hard not to fling her arms around him. He didn’t like demonstrations of affection in public, and especially not when they were in his club.

  “Okay.” She sounded good and breezy and even managed not to watch him as he strolled off into the Wednesday night crowd. As she made her way toward the bathroom, she passed a couple she’d become friendly with over the last few weeks. They were a few years older than her, and she stopped to have a quick chat with them in the lounge.

  It wasn’t until she checked her cell that she realized just how long she’d been gossiping, and she made her good-byes. “See you soon.” She wouldn’t mind seeing them outside of Excalibur. But that would just be awkward. She hadn’t exactly told them she and Alex were a couple, but she hadn’t corrected their assumptions there either.

  Never mind.

  She was still smiling to herself as she left the lounge and all but collided into Abigail. Damn woman was always hanging around. Did she live in the club or what?

  “Hey, Ellie.” Abigail flashed her fake smile as she yet again called her by the wrong name. “Not with Alex tonight?” She raised her perfectly threaded eyebrows in mock amazement.

  None of your business.

  “Hi, there.” She flashed a fake smile of her own, but at least hers looked genuine. Is that really something to be proud of?

  “It’s great you’re moving on,” Abigail said, running her fingers through her long blonde hair before twisting a length over her shoulder. She guessed it was a seductive move although why the other woman was showing off to her was a mystery.

  Then Abigail’s comment finally registered. “Moving on?” Shit, she hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

  “From clinging onto Alex. He likes variety, and why shouldn’t you, too? It’s only fair.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  Abigail’s smile turned brittle. Obviously she wasn’t used to being called out on her bullshit. Ella folded her arms and glared because who the hell did this bitch think she was?

  “There’s no need to be vulgar.” Now Abigail sounded like a freaking school principal. “I’m sorry if this is all news to you. But since you and Alex are such good friends”—she made that sound kind of nasty—“I thought you’d know what he’s like. He certainly enjoys himself here when you’re not around to cramp his style.”

  For a mad second she had the urge to launch herself at Abigail, the way she used to fifteen years ago in schoolyard fights. No one picked on little Ella Clark unless they wanted their hair pulled out by the roots. And if she didn’t get to them, Coop certainly had a way of making bullies back off.

  She was no longer nine years old. No way would she embarrass Alex in his own club. And she certainly wasn’t going to give Abigail Asswipe the satisfaction of knowing she’d pissed her off.

  Alex had said they were exclusive. That was good enough for her.

  “I do know what he’s like. And trust me, I don’t cramp his style.”

  Her intention of making a grand exit stalled when instead of backing down, Abigail merely smirked. Don’t rise to the bait. Great advice. She almost managed to follow it, before the other woman flicked her hair over her shoulder in what was most definitely a challenge.

  “What?” She practically snarled the word. So much for not giving Abigail the satisfaction.

  “Nothing. Not everyone can handle having sex in public.”

  Alex had never asked her to. In fact, the only time it had been mentioned he’d seemed adamant he didn’t want them to have sex in front of anyone else. Is that something he enjoys? Not that she was sure she’d want to actually do it. But then again…

  “And of course,” Abigail added, sounding so sugary sweet her teeth hurt. “What man doesn’t love wrapping his lover’s hair around his fist? It’s just primal instinct.”

  Punch to the gut. Her muscles tensed as Abigail’s words leaked into the hidden corner of her heart. She’d chopped off her hair at fourteen, after her mom’s boyfriend had smashed her up against a wall in a drunken fury, gripping her hair as though he owned it. She’d frozen in terror, but her mom had appeared from nowhere and hadn’t hesitated for a second. The boyfriend had been slung out on his ass with a bloody nose. It was the first time, and maybe the only time, she’d realized her mom did actually love her.

  She’d never told anyone about that. Not even Cooper. Even now, even with Alex, the thought of him twisting her hair around his hand made her stomach churn with nerves.

  Abigail stood in front of her, looking everything that Ella would never be. Even her accent dripped class and polish. On the outside she looked like the perfect partner for Alex. But he’d told her weeks ago he wasn’t interested in Abigail.

  She shoved aside the rising panic and dragged out the bravado she’d hidden behind so often while growing up.

  “If all you can offer is long hair and a streak of exhibitionism, then no wonder Alex only wanted you for one night.” Suck on that. She couldn’t summon up one of her mocking smiles, though. Instead she stalked off and hoped Abigail hadn’t seen her shaking.

  When she reached the office she took a couple of deep breaths before unlocking the door. She’s only jealous. Sure, she knew that. Nothing Abigail said meant anything. But it’d be so much easier to laugh off if Alex didn’t seem so hell bent on keeping their relationship confined to inside his club.

  Time to get it out in the open. What would he do, break up with her if she told him that? She couldn’t see it. It wasn’t as though she was going to give stupid ultimatums or anything. She just didn’t want to keep it a secret any longer.

  And maybe it’s time I finally stopped hiding behind my war paint…

  “So you’re not living together?” The female voice hit her as she pushed open the door. The office was empty. She grimaced and took a stealthy step backward. Obviously she’d interrupted some kind of confrontation going on in the bathroom.

  “Of course we’re not.” Alex’s voice stopped her dead. Should she escape while she still could or go face him before anything else was said? “Why the hell would anyone think that?”

  Move. But she couldn’t. Does he have to sound so disgusted by the thought of us living together?

  “Oh, I don’t know.” The woman sounded vaguely amused. She also sounded like Alex’s partner, Lisa. “Probably because if another guy so much as looks at her si
deways you give him a death stare? Not like you at all.”

  Her hammering heart slowed. Okay, that wasn’t bad. Now if she could just get her legs to move she’d be out of here before she was caught eavesdropping.

  “Ella’s not used to any of this. I promised I’d show her a good time, and that’s what I’m doing.”

  Her hand twitched around the door handle. It was the truth, but the way he said it made it sound…tacky.

  “You sure it’s nothing more serious, Alex? Because she doesn’t strike me as the type to—”

  “It’s not serious, Lisa. It’s just a thing we do here at the club.”

  No. No…

  “You’re not fuck buddies?” For some reason Lisa didn’t sound impressed.

  She didn’t wait to hear his answer. She pulled the door shut behind her and leaned against the wall.

  It’s not serious. He’d never told her it was. Face it, he’d never told her it was exclusive on his side either, had he? He’d just demanded that she be exclusive and she’d jumped to conclusions.

  Just because she wished there was more didn’t mean there was. And obviously there wasn’t. You understand what this is. He’d said that to her right at the start. But over the weeks she’d managed to push it to the back of her mind. She’d convinced herself he was coming around, that what they had was so much more than just amazing sex.

  There was more. They were good friends. But it wasn’t enough.

  All she wanted was for him to acknowledge she meant something to him. To let his family know they were together. She wasn’t looking for a white picket fence with him.

  Liar.

  She wanted it all.

  The door handle rattled. She pushed away from the wall, her stomach churning. No way can he catch me here. She’d only just reached the bar when he arrived, and somehow she managed to dredge up a smile.

  “Hey, you okay?” His own smile morphed into a frown as he leaned toward her. Any other time she would’ve met him halfway. But Alex’s halfway was light years away from what she wanted. And her heart hurt too much to carry on playing this game.

  “I’ve got a killer headache. Can you just take me home?”

  “Sure.” Why did he have to look so concerned? He was making this even harder than it was already. “Do you want me to stop off at a pharmacy and get you something for it?”

  What can you buy to heal a broken heart?

  “No, it’s fine. I just need an early night.”

  “Okay.” Before she knew his intention, he took her hand and squeezed her fingers. It was hard, but she managed not to squeeze him back. “You’ve been overdoing things. Your mom’s not been giving you a hard time, has she?”

  “Not really.” Another time she would’ve told him how gooey her mom was being over the kittens but she couldn’t summon up the energy right now.

  He didn’t reply, but she could feel the tension running through him, as though he thought she was holding something back.

  When he parked outside her house he took her hand again. “See you tomorrow. Don’t forget, I won’t be in until mid-afternoon.”

  She knew he wouldn’t be in until late tomorrow. It’d give her time to clear her stuff out without having to confront him.

  Coward.

  Her grand plan for leaving the car without a backward glance fell at the first hurdle. She leaned toward him and kissed him gently on the lips. “Bye, Alex.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  The following afternoon as Alex parked in the lot and made his way to the Grayson’s office, he tried to figure out what the hell was wrong. He couldn’t even work out why he felt uneasy, just that he did.

  Okay, not exactly the truth. He was worried about Ella. She hadn’t answered his text that morning asking if she was okay. But since Meg hadn’t contacted him in a panic about anything, he guessed she was just too busy to reply.

  She’s never too busy to reply.

  It wasn’t just that, though. Something bugged him about last night, but he couldn’t nail it down. He’d gone to the office in Excalibur, intending to surprise Ella in the bathroom. Instead he’d found Lisa there, and she hadn’t seen Ella.

  I’m damn sure I locked the office door behind me. But it had been ajar when he left. How had that happened?

  “Hi, Meg,” he greeted his new office manager. Ella wasn’t there. “Any problems?”

  “No, everything’s fine.”

  He stood in the middle of the reception for a moment. Everything wasn’t fine. What the hell was wrong?

  It took him another couple of seconds to figure it out. The huge poster of a white Bengal tiger that Ella had pinned to the wall two years ago was missing.

  He stared at the bare wall. That was going to take some getting used to.

  “Oh,” Meg said. “Ella went home about an hour ago. She wasn’t feeling too good.”

  “Right. Thanks.” He went into his office, closed the door and pulled out his cell.

  It went straight to voicemail.

  “Ella, give me call when you get this. Speak to you soon.”

  Six hours later she still hadn’t returned his call. Meg had left a couple of hours ago and Jackson had dropped by to catch up on stuff, but now he was alone in the office.

  The brooding sense of unease had only grown worse. He had a ton of work to catch up on but couldn’t concentrate.

  Fuck it. There was always tomorrow. He’d stop by Ella’s and make sure she really was okay. In fact, he’d pick up a pizza on the way, and maybe they could watch a movie together or something. It was unnerving just how much he wanted to do that. Even the thought of having to face her mom’s hostility wasn’t enough to put him off.

  What would it be like, knowing he could go home to her every night?

  I didn’t just think that. Except he had, and now he couldn’t get it out of his head. A knot tightened in his chest. I don’t do relationships. He’d never even wanted to try before. But could he—with Ella?

  As he grabbed his keys from where he’d tossed them on top of his calendar, he saw an envelope tucked under it. What the hell?

  His name was scrawled on the front in Ella’s writing. Frowning he ripped it open.

  Hi Alex,

  I decided to take a couple of days leave to clear my head. Guess you were right about me needing a break before starting at Gaia.

  Yeah, but he hadn’t expected her to just take off without warning. At least nothing was wrong. The tenseness in his shoulders eased.

  The last few weeks have been fun. But I guess it’s time to move on. Don’t want to ruin your rep by having anyone think we’re serious. :)

  The words blurred. Has she just finished things between us? He blinked a couple of times, but all he could see was that fucking smiley face leering up at him.

  He unlocked the fist he couldn’t remember making and stared at the crumpled paper.

  Take care.

  Ella.

  That was it. Stupidly he turned it over, in case she’d written Gotcha! on the back, but it was blank.

  Like his mind.

  He collapsed onto his chair and stared blindly at the note. She can’t end this. He wasn’t ready to finish this crazy thing he had with her.

  I’ll never be ready.

  It didn’t make any sense. Why now? She’d been fine last night. Right up until…

  A chill inched along his spine. Don’t want to ruin your rep by having anyone think we’re serious.

  Had she overheard him talking to Lisa? She’d had the keys to the office. And while he didn’t want anyone jumping to conclusions when it came to him and Ella, he sure as hell hadn’t meant that the way it sounded.

  What did I mean? He didn’t know. Only one thing was important.

  He needed to speak to her. Now.

  “She’s not here.” Ella’s mom glowered at him through the crack in the door. Obviously she didn’t trust him enough to unhook her security chain, despite having known him all his life.

  On second thought, t
hat was probably the reason why she didn’t trust him.

  “I know she’s not.” Only because he couldn’t see her car in the street. “But I need to give her something before Monday. Her cell’s dead and I’ve forgotten the address she gave me.” Jesus, how low could he sink? He kept a smile on his face, the one Ella said made him look as unthreatening as a panther with toothache. Hope she was joking. This was the friendliest smile he could manage.

  Her mom let out an impatient breath. “Fucked if I know the address. You’ll have to ask that Paris girl Cooper’s taken up with.”

  With that she slammed the door in his face.

  The rain slashed against the windscreen, making it hard to see the road as he drove further into the mountains. He’d had to call Cooper for the address of Paris’ cabin, spinning some half-assed story about how Ella had forgotten her purse and he needed to take it to her. There were so many holes in that explanation he’d been cringing even as he spoke, but luckily his brother hadn’t seemed to think there was anything crazy about it.

  The GPS finally directed him onto an off the beaten path dirt road, and the headlights picked out an old cabin up ahead. He cut the engine and gripped the steering wheel.

  What am I doing here?

  It was almost midnight. Ella would think he’d lost his mind. I could’ve waited until she came back. Except he couldn’t wait. He had to make her understand that no matter how things might’ve sounded with Lisa, it didn’t change what they had between them.

  He was drenched in the few seconds it took to get to the front door. He rapped on the timber. “Ella, open up. It’s me.”

  The wind whipped through him and he hunched his shoulders against the driving rain. Finally the door opened a crack, and she peered out at him.

  “Oh my God.” She pulled the door fully open and raked her gaze over him as though he was an alien. “What’s happened? Are you okay?”

  He stepped inside and resisted the urge to drag her into his arms. He’d obviously woken her up, and she was all sleepy-eyed and makeup free and looked so vulnerable, his defenses went into overdrive. “You didn’t answer your cell.”

  She closed the door and didn’t turn around straightaway to face him. When she did, there was a strange look on her face. “You drove all the way here through a storm just because I didn’t reply to your message?”