by A. B. Bloom
“Hey.” I didn’t make eye contact. “I'm setting off early.” I shouldered my bag higher.
“But you haven’t eaten.” He waved me towards the kitchen, a flicker of worry crossing his face.
“I’m not hungry, Dad, I’ll grab something at school, okay?” It wasn’t a question but I felt obligated to make it sound like one.
“Sure.” He looked like he might argue but his expression cleared. “Family dinner tonight?”
“Oh,” I flustered. “I might go out with some of the people I met from school. I think I heard them mention a trip to town.”
“Town?” He frowned. I raised my eyebrow. Was he going to partake in some parental guidance? “Who are you going with?”
“Do you know names now, Dad?”
“Well, no, it just makes me feel better knowing.”
I couldn't argue with that logic. “Celeste.” I sighed. I knew I wasn’t going anywhere with her. Hell, I’d only met her the once. I only knew two names from school, her's seemed the safer choice to pull out of the air. I just didn't want to sit down at a dinner and skirt around the fact Dad was keeping secrets.
His expression lifted with my explanation. “Sure. Have fun.”
“Thanks.” His easy agreement set my nerves on edge. I turned my mouth down as I walked out the front door into the pouring rain. Now, not only would I get drenched on my way to school, but I’d also have to entertain myself afterwards, and I’d bet it would still be raining.
My hair was shower wet by the time I clambered up the steps to the school lobby. The first thing I saw was Connor, freckles and all, sitting on the lower step of the imposing internal stone staircase. He smirked when he saw me drip through the doors. “My car isn’t that bad,” he called.
I grimaced in his general direction. A raindrop slipped down my nose and balanced on the tip. He laughed and got up, stretching, and sauntered over. “I think you are rather stubborn.” He reached forward and caught the raindrop, making me flinch with his close movement. He grinned.
“What?” I snivelled and wiped my nose with the back of my hand. “Because I don’t want to accept a lift from a stranger?”
He held his hands up, shrugging. “Hey, there’s nothing strange about me.” he leaned towards me a little and the startling blue of his eyes grabbed my attention. “I’m perfectly normal, I’ll show you, if you let me?”
I breathed a deep sigh and shook my head. Here it came. The uncomfortable "chat." “Listen, I’m sorry, I’m just not interested in you in that way.” I quickly added, "and I won't be," as an afterthought just in case my rebuttal wasn't firm enough.
He cocked his head to the side. “Boyfriend?”
“No!”
His lips quirked at my response. I wasn't going to tell him about the strange feeling in my stomach that made me think I was supposed to be waiting for someone. That I felt like there was someone already, I just didn't know who it was. That wasn't information I would share with anyone. Not now, and not ever.
Actually, Connor wasn’t the right person to have that discussion with at all.
“I’ve gotta get dried up for class.” I went to push past him.
“Here.” He handed me a bag and I glanced inside.
“Uniform?”
He shrugged and for a moment his expression slipped to one of a shy boy. “My sister’s should fit you.” Sliding his hands into his pocket, he walked away.
Sister? Who was his sister? I don't know why I thought I should know. I shook my head to stop the merry go round of words whizzing about my head.
“Thanks.” I called after him but he didn’t turn around.
After I found the toilets I peeled out of the wet clothes. They plopped onto the floor with a resounding squelch. I stared in the mirror, my hair was a twisted mess and I’m talking insane curls that bounced up by my ears. With dubious curiosity, I tugged the dry clothes out of the plastic bag. They looked new. I was so grateful to have something to put on instead of standing in the toilets in my bra and knickers; I figured I didn't need to ask too many questions about why Connor had a spare set of clothes hanging around. I was buttoning the shirt when the door burst open. “Wow, look at your hair!” Celeste fell against the doorframe as she tripped through.
“Thanks.” I grimaced at myself in the mirror.
“You okay? You look wet and tired.” Her critical pale blue gaze flitted over my face.
“I’m fine. What’s it to you?” This “let's befriend the new girl” had the prospect of making me uncomfortable. It had taken six days at my previous school for anyone to acknowledge I was there. Four in the school before that.
Celeste didn’t seem offended. In fact, she laughed. “Gosh, let's add grouchy to that list.”
A smile tugged the corners of my mouth. “I’m tired. I didn’t sleep well.” An understatement.
“No?” She pulled the blazer out of the bag and gave it a shake. A small smile appeared to hold secrets as she handed me the unwanted garment. I shrugged into it with a frown.
“No. Bad dreams, that’s all.” The white flames of my dreams still scorched through my memories, flaying my skin. The black shape I couldn’t grab hold of, still dancing out of sight even during my waking hours. That voice calling for Bronte, desperation ripping it apart, until it sounded like a shattered mirror.
“Oh yeah?” She straightened the collar of the blazer. Again, I wondered why she was being so nice. It felt odd. “What sort of bad dreams?”
I shook my head. “Just random stuff.” I picked my bag up off the floor, water dripped everywhere and it resembled a used tea bag instead of a rucksack. “Why are you interested anyway?”
Celeste frowned. “Jeez, I’m just being friendly. Haven’t you had friends before?”
I hesitated. “Not for a while.”
She shook off her annoyance. “Good, today’s your lucky day, I’m feeling in the mood for taking on a new project.”
Placing my hands on my hips, I laughed a little. It felt odd to laugh with a stranger, the sound bubbled on my lips. “Project!” I shook my head. “I don’t know whether I should be flattered or offended.”
Celeste tilted her head to the side. “Oh, be flattered, please!” She opened the toilet door. “Come on, we’re going to be late.”
I frowned. “Surely we’re late already?” I'd only just splattered onto the school grounds as the bell was about to ring and I’d been struggling out of wet clothes for a good ten minutes.
Celeste glanced at her watch. “Nope. We’re right on time.” As if by cue, the bell rang. “See?” she swept her hand through the door. “Lets rock this.”
“Rock this?” I slipped past her. “I’ve rocked nothing in my life.”
She trilled a laugh, the sound made a small bell ring at the back of my mind and my brain slipped off into deja vu land. “That was because you hadn’t met me.”
“Right.”
I didn’t see Connor until lunch. I wasn’t desperate to speak to him, I just wanted to say thank you for the clothes. I found him at the table I’d eaten my lunch on the previous day. “Hey.” I pulled out a seat.
“Who said that seat isn’t taken?” He was scrutinizing his plate of salad with such intensity you'd have thought he was checking for poison. I was going to take a wild guess that greens weren't his thing.
“Well, is it?” I raised an eyebrow.
His eyes switched onto mine. An electrifying snap of blue. “Now it is.”
“Listen.” I pushed my tray away. I had no intention of eating the pasta Neapolitan. Hunger hadn’t crossed my mind. “I wanted to say thanks for the clothes.” I tried to smile but it came across skew.
“It's fine.” His eyes stayed studying his plate.
Awkwardness hung in the air and I wasn't sure how to proceed. “Well,” I swallowed, “it was more than fine, it was pretty kind.” He still didn't look at me so I bumbled on. “I'm not used to people making such an effort so I guess I don't know how to take it.”
He watched me, his e
yes flicking over my face. Their blatant appraisal made me want to duck under the table and hide. “No? Why not?”
His body language was all jumbled, his tone was genuinely interested, although his body was as stiff as a cardboard cut out.
“Well, when you are the new girl continually, you don't get the luxury of waiting for people to show you kindness.”
He mulled over my words before offering me an enigmatic smile. “Just as well you came to this school, Newbie.”
“Yeah, why’s that?”
The smile widened. “Nice is what we do best.”
I chuckled. “Oh, really? Is that the school motto? I don't recall seeing it in the brochure?’
He grinned and a boyish charm overtook his face. "You clearly haven't read the brochure as thoroughly as I have." I giggled in response and studied him closer. He wasn’t bad looking. It was futile to ignore the fact, but still, I couldn’t bring myself to acknowledge it. My interest in boys was at an all time low. But then I’d stayed nowhere long enough to become interested. Maybe this time could be different? I studied Connor’s face, his blue eyes were open and clear, and the freckles across his nose were strangely symmetrical. I waited to feel something. Some acknowledgement there was an attractive boy sitting across the table smiling at me. But there was nothing.
Maybe I was faulty.
“What’s tricks?” Celeste dropped onto the spare seat with a bang.
Connor laughed. “What’s tricks?” He raised an eyebrow at Celeste with obvious familiarity. “What’s tricks?” he repeated, chuckling some more.
She glared at him and took a sip of water that judging by the look on her face was unenjoyable. “How’s your salad, Connor? Is it nice?”
He glared at her over the plate of untouched greenery. “Delicious, thanks.”
“But you haven’t eaten any?” I said.
Celeste gasped with her hands to her mouth. “Oh, but Connor, you must eat to maintain those bulging muscles you’ve been working so hard on.”
He tried to look unruffled but I noticed the tips of his ears tinged pink. Why I was noticing his ears I had no idea.
With a discernible smile, he stabbed at a piece of endive with his fork and lifted it to his mouth. Celeste watched the fork rise with more interest than a limp salad warranted, and clapped with glee as Connor chewed on the green tip.
“How long have you guys known each other?” I asked once it became clear they weren't going to let me in on the joke they were sharing.
They both groaned at once. Celeste said “Forever,” like it was an infinity too long. Connor said, “Years,” with a dramatic eye roll.
I looked between them both. “So, you’ve always lived at the here at the edge of nowhere?” There was no other way to describe the rugged sea battered terrain than as the edge of nowhere. That's what it was.
They both nodded, although it looked like Celeste was trying to catch Connor’s eye. “So anyway,” she said, preventing me from continuing with my questions. “Tell me about your weird dreams?”
I flushed a little and frowned in Connor’s direction. I wasn't keen to talk about my dark dreams in front of him, but he had pulled his phone out of his pocket and was scrolling through the messages a frown forming between his brows. “It was nothing, just vague images.” I sighed and tried to think of how to explain it. I wasn't sure I could. “You know when you have dreams where it feels like you’ve lost something? But you can’t remember what it is?" I paused while I tried to recall that terrible aching sensation in my gut. “It felt like I couldn’t reach something I needed.”
Connor coughed and glanced up from his phone. He's been listening all along. “Sounds like your typical first day at a new school nightmare to me.” The vibrant blue eyes danced.
“Are you a dream expert now?” I found myself smiling.
“Just one of my many talents.” He winked broadly at me and the air of the room became a fraction more stifling. “I think it means yesterday you met someone out of this world awesome, and you panicked you'd never see that person again.” His smile spread and it was infectious.
Celeste groaned. “What a crock of shit.”
The bell rang signalling the end of lunch. It couldn’t be over already? Surely?
I stood and pushed my chair under the table. “Thanks for hanging with me.” I felt stupid saying it out loud but I felt it deserved a mention. Not one of the other schools I'd attended over the last two years had been this welcoming.
Connor grinned. “I told you. “Nice is Us.”
“Nice is us?” Celeste sniggered. “Where are you coming up with this stuff? She nudged Connor hard in the ribs. He rubbed at the spot, a scowl flitting across his face.
“It’s the newbie, she’s bringing it all out of me.”
“I see that.” Celeste lips tipped down at the corners and she gave Connor a pointed look. “Come on, let's get to class before we get tardy’s.”
I went to follow her but Connor caught my fingers lightly in his own. “Can I give you a lift home?”
“I like to walk.” I said.
“In the rain?”
“It won’t rain.”
“I bet it will.” Something about this made him laugh. I wanted to ask how he could be so sure of the weather forecast but he stepped ahead of us as he made his way to class, and I watched him go.
"Are you checking out Connor's butt?" Celeste held her hands to her mouth holding back laughter.
I gasped and flushed. "No, I was not!" At least I didn't think I was. Was I?
All I knew was that I really really hoped it wouldn’t rain.
The sky was the darkest he’d ever known it. It pulled and turned, tormented and twisted. He waited to feel the yank of gravity as it dragged him down and initiated the fall, but it didn’t come. It should have come.
The energy pulsed through him. Too much energy. It buzzed and fizzed in his conscience. All at once it tasted bitter and sweetly electrifying. It wasn’t all his. It was hers.
Her.
Destiny was a terrible tease. But then so was history, and he had enough of that to keep him occupied for an age. He didn’t want to be occupied. He wanted to be with her, where he belonged. He just couldn’t find her. Couldn’t find himself, couldn’t find his soul.
This had never happened before. History would have it she’d die and he’d wait patiently for her to be reborn. Except this time, she hadn’t died. He didn’t think. Or had she? Instead the energy had forced him away from her. One minute he’d been there. His hands pressed against the smooth skin covering the fragile bones of her face. His thumbs stroking the curve of her jaw. The jaw that he would have loved to kiss if he’d had more time. His lips had touched hers, that electrifying connection that had fuelled his entire existence. And then she’d gone.
Or he’d been gone.
He was no longer sure which.
Now he was in the clouds, alone, while she was somewhere that he couldn’t feel.
It hurt. It tore at his being. Ruptured his thoughts. A piercing separation that threatened to splinter him into fragments of himself.
Where was she?
What had they done?
Anger spurned through him.
She was his. Nothing would stop him protecting her. Nothing. He would do anything—anything—to make sure that she was safe.
He reached into the darkness, feeling for her with his heart and mind. Tasting the atmosphere for her unique scent that followed her through every lifetime. Searching for her. He knew she was there, somewhere, and he would find her.
With every shred of energy he possessed, both hers, and his, he felt out of himself into the dark abyss that kept him submerged and chained in isolation.
Exhausted, despair started to eat away at him. Every time he lost her it took it's toll. His never ending punishment to love her and lose her becoming harder and harder to bear. But this was different. She was different. His punishment was never ending and turned full circle with every life that sh
e lived. Surely he’d paid the price by now? In dark moment’s he wondered just how high the price of love was? How much should they pay just for their love. They’d been paying for a millennium. But now her fate was tangled with another, another destiny, another claim.
His mind was falling into a dark empty place when the last thing he expected happened. A pin prick of violet flickered in his subconscious. He latched onto it, desperate not to let go as he tried to find its location. He reached for it. She must be able to hear him?
Bronte. He cried her name over and over again as he fought through the barricades of protection she’d been swaddled in.
They’d made her forget. He knew that now.
With a determination sprung from years of hurt and loss, he made a promise. A promise that would supersede all others.
He would make her remember.
I stayed away from Connor and Celeste the rest of the day. As soon as the bell rang I dashed out of school and ran down the winding lanes to the new house before Connor could pitch up in his car and offer me a lift.
I wanted to know what was going on. I could all too clearly remember the chatter from the group of girls about darkness and the birds. It was freaking me out, I had no idea what they were talking about.
Dad wasn’t home when I ran through the door so I went straight for the TV room and switched on the oversized flat screen neither of us seemed to watch.
I turned on BBC news. I was sure that if anyone would know about dark skies and dead sparrows then it would be them. I waited and waited for a reference to be made. But it wasn’t. There was lots of talk about Christmas lights going up too early, and the growing Americanisation of Halloween. Nothing at all to do with darkness.
Those girls were mistaken, surely?
I snapped off the television. Throwing the remote onto the overstuffed cushions of the sofa, I made my way up the stairs to my room. The violet hue was comforting and I took a moment to breathe in deeply. It wasn’t enough. I felt for the first time in my life like I may come down with something. I’d always been extraordinarily lucky and avoided most bugs. But right there and then, my nerves frazzled and fizzed in my veins and an intense sensation of uncertainty fell over me like an unwelcome extra layer in the height of summer. I tried to shrug it off. Throwing open the window I allowed misty tendrils to creep their cool fingers into the room. I breathed in again, filling my lungs. The salty freshness of the sea air soothed me, just a little. What was going on? I thought back to Celeste and Connor. Were they crazies? Were they playing some game with the new girl? Had Connor invited me to the dance with him, just so he could stand me up and ridicule me?