by Dori Lavelle
I yank a t-shirt over my head. “Nothing you have to worry about.”
Neal rests his back against the door and folds his arms across his chest. “Since when do you let a woman mess you up?”
I pull the blinds open. A stream of sunshine pours into the room. “What makes you think that?”
“You’re not fooling anyone, you know. This one got to you.” Neal pushes his hands into his pockets. “Anyway, I didn’t come up here to drill you. I came to give you a heads up.” He clears his throat. “Derrick has some chicks waiting for you downstairs, to cure your love bug. He says all you have to do is pick one for the day. No complications and no strings attached.”
“I don’t know about the chicks, man.” I stride toward the table where my breakfast tray has been delivered by the housekeeper an hour ago. I lift the lid and the smell of bacon and eggs meets my nostrils. My stomach groans. “I haven’t even eaten breakfast.”
Neal’s mouth drops open. “Tell me you didn’t just say that. Since when do you turn your back on an easy fuck?”
As I fall into my seat, I recall Lance’s words from our conversation last night.
When I watch you wasting the life I wish I had, it pisses me off.
His words left a mark I’ll never be able to erase from my soul. Denying myself the love of one woman so I can sleep around with many chicks who are only interested in my money, doesn’t seem appealing to me. Being in another woman’s arms without thinking about Grace seems impossible.
Neal crosses the room and comes to place a hand on my shoulder. “Seems like you’ve got it bad, bro. This girl has gotten under your skin. Dare I say it’s love?”
I grab my fork and stab a strip of bacon. I fill my mouth with it, an excuse not to speak. I don’t know if I have an answer for him right now. “Who knows?”
Although Neal doesn’t judge my lifestyle, he’s a true romantic at heart. He met the love of his life in high school and married her on graduation day. But he lost her and their unborn child, two years later, when she was shot during a mall shooting. He’s kept his heart closely guarded since that day, the day his world crashed. The closest he comes to love these days, is when it involves someone else’s heart.
Stars are already dancing in his eyes as he hopes I’ve found the real thing.
He lowers himself into the chair next to me, his expression serious. “Be honest with yourself. If Grace is the one, you have to seriously think about whether you’re prepared to let go of the rest.” He reaches into my plate for a strip of bacon. He chews it for a while, thinking about what to say next or to give his words time to sink into my hardened heart. “You’ve spent years pushing love away. We both know why, and I wish to God you’d quit blaming yourself for what happened to Lance. You’ve paid enough.”
Over the years, I had never told my brothers about the demons that haunt me day in, day out. In fact, the way everyone skirted the whole topic of the accident, you’d think it was taboo in the family. It seems now things have changed.
“Maybe you’re right.” I swat his hand away as he reaches for more bacon. “The debt is paid.”
Neal rises from the chair, towering over me. He’s the tallest of all of us, taking after our father. “Now get out of this room and let’s go have a drink. Only a drink, no girls. You came here so we can spend time together. Now’s the chance to catch up. You know how hard it is to get us all in the same room.”
“Damn near impossible.” I smile and stand. “I’ll be down in a minute. Pay the girls and send them on their way. I won’t be requiring their services.”
The time spent with my brothers is the best I’ve had in a while.
We turn back time and talk about our childhood, bursting with laughter as we make fun of each other’s escapades.
Inside my heart, nothing has been resolved yet. I still have a lot on my mind, a lot I need to figure out, but it doesn’t get in the way of my time with my family, especially now that I’ve made a decision to talk to Grace.
There’s no point, she can’t know about my true feelings. What she decides to do with the information is up to her.
An hour later, when Derrick and Neal leave the room to have a drink outside, and Caleb goes for a jog, Lance narrows his eyes at me.
He points to my cheek. “Are you going to tell me what happened last night or what? You looked all bashed up when you got home.”
“Grace was in trouble. I stepped in.”
Lance raises an eyebrow, a smile playing on his lips. “You mean you were involved in a fight?”
“That’s right.” I burst out laughing because I know what he’s getting at.
“But you fight like a girl.” He shakes with laughter.
They keep going on about me fighting like a girl, even after the fight I had with Lance. But I don’t mind. I’m over it.
I lean back in my chair. “Point of correction. I used to fight like a girl. Past tense. Things change, you know.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re finally a man.” He still hasn’t stopped laughing and neither have I. It feels great to connect.
“Did you get to tell Grace how you feel? She looked a bit low this morning.”
“I didn’t get the chance. There were too many emotions in the way last night.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Maybe today.”
“I’m sorry I painted you in such a bad light. I’m sure that didn’t help your case. Give her time, she’ll come around.” He pauses, craning his neck to gaze at the window behind me. “Make that, she’s just coming around.”
“What?” I follow his gaze. Through the window pane we both watch Grace stepping out of a cab, wearing one of her baggy t-shirts over a pair of jeans. My gaze follows as she walks to the front door, her movements slow and measured. She doesn’t seem to want to arrive.
“Go give it a shot,” Lance says and I nod and rise.
I open the door before she rings the bell. A bolt of lightning hits the center of my chest the moment our eyes meet.
“Hi.” She gives me a small smile and enters. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” I stand there like a fool, unsure of what to do. When she peels her gaze from mine, my chest aches at the spot the lightning struck.
“I should go up to pack my things. I’ve decided to return to the ship today as planned.” Her hand touches my shoulder briefly then falls back by her side too soon. “I’ll be down in a bit.” She walks past me.
After watching her panting beneath me, screaming my name in the throes of passion, it feels wrong that she was being overly polite.
“It’s now or never,” Lance says from behind me. I turn to find his intense gaze daring me to do one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever done. “Be a man, go talk to her. Listen to your heart.”
“You’re right.” I run after her, driven by a surge of panic.
I have no freaking idea what I’m going to say. With each step up the stairs, I remember the memories of us together. The first time I saw her in the gym, the way I felt about her then, the excitement in her eyes, and the laughter when I showed her new places and experiences, when I expanded her world.
My feelings for her have changed from physical to emotional and there’s no going back from that. It’s time to make a decision that will change everything.
22
Grace
I enter my room and release the breath I’d been holding. Being around Bryant hurts so much right now. This morning all I wanted to do was get out, to distance myself from the LaClaires for a moment.
Hanging out with Jillian and Lynn, who insisted on knowing where I had been, was more therapeutic than I had expected. In a moment of weakness, I cracked and told them about Bryant. They didn’t seem at all surprised that I’ve been hiding something, but they never expected my secret to be the big boss.
Although they didn’t judge me, they did openly tell me that he was a notorious player with a string of women to his repertoire, most of them employees.
“Apparently, he doesn�
�t spend more than a night with one girl,” Lynn had said, peering at me over the rim of her Caipirinha glass. “But since you’ve had sex a couple of times and he invited you to his home, maybe you’re something special.”
“What if we get together and he doesn’t give up the other women? Can he really change?”
Lynn squeezed my hand. “Some men do change once they meet the right woman. But there’s no way to know unless you try. From what you told us, he seems to feel something for you.”
“I don’t even know if he wants to be with me. We were clear from the start that we didn’t want it to be more than a few nights.”
“Sweetheart,” Jillian says. “You just walked out of a relationship. Are you sure you’re ready for more than passionate sex?”
I run a hand through my hair. “I wish I could say no to that question, but my heart is kind of telling me something else.”
Lynn straightens up, beaming. “This is so romantic. Will you tell him?”
I took a deep breath, wishing the air could dissolve the knot inside my stomach but it didn’t. I shrug. “I don’t know. What if he rejects me? I doubt he’s ready for something serious.”
“If you don’t tell him, you’ll never know.” Jillian rose from her chair. “And you could end up spending the rest of your life wondering what if. As for me, I need to get my stuff ready for the beach. My Mr. Right could be waiting on the sand right this second.”
Lynn and I burst out laughing, and not long after, I left.
I thought by the time I got to the villa I’d know what to do. I know I should tell him I want more, but I’m terrified.
Now here I am, still unsure of what I should do, terrified to tell him I want more. When my head hit the pillow last night, I was determined to part ways sooner rather than later. Upon waking up this morning, all I could think of was him.
The knock on the door makes me jump away from the door. A chill of alarm touches my spine.
It’s him. I know it. Ready or not, the moment has come for me to lay all the cards on the table. It has to be done.
I hurry to the bed and perch on the edge. “It’s open.” I wedge my hands between my trembling knees.
The door opens and he stands there, handsome as ever. “Is everything okay?” He steps further into the room and closes the door. He comes to sit next to me on the bed and waits for my answer.
“Sure.”
He reaches for one of my hands, brings it to his lips, kissing my palm. I should pull away, stop playing this game. I should start the conversation that will change everything.
But I don’t stop him when he places a hand on my cheek or when he gives me what I can only describe as a desperate kiss. A mouth crushing, tongue twisting, breath stealing, desperate kiss. I don’t try to stop myself from falling deeper into him, following his lead as he removes my clothes.
Sleeping with him again will complicate things more, but it will also give me another memory, one more kiss, one more touch.
Maybe this is the assurance I need to know he wants me as much as I want him, that he wants more. His body tells me he does.
Skin on skin, lips on lips, we head straight for the deep end. No time for foreplay. No time for second thoughts. It only takes a moment for him to get my panties out of the way, for him to slide into me, for me to feel momentary relief.
We thrash and buckle, and cling on to each other, the sounds of our desperation hitting the walls around us. This is insanity, total madness, but it’s what we need to get back to our center.
“Oh, Bryant.” My nails dig into his back. “I love having you inside me.”
We come crashing together, our arms and legs entangled, millions of stars exploding around us. In this moment of joy, it’s hard to imagine anything can go wrong. But once the moment passes, reality steps in again, bringing with it all the unresolved issues we chose to ignore. In the aftershocks of passion, I feel worse than before, well and truly lost.
Bryant rolls off me, his face a mask of confusion. What if chemistry doesn’t guarantee perfection? Just because we have this undeniable attraction doesn’t mean we’ll make a great couple.
For one, we’re both inexperienced when it comes to having a proper relationship. What if we only end up hurting each other? Dustin hurting me was nothing compared to what my heart would look like if Bryant dropped it.
Inching my body back to the edge of the bed, I turn away from him, hiding the tears.
Bryant slides to the floor, kneels before me, his eyes raised to my face. His thumbs wipe away the tears staining my cheeks, his own eyes sparkling. He keeps his hands on both sides of my cheeks.
“Grace,” he whispers. “Forgive me. I care about you more than you can imagine. The last thing I want is to hurt you.”
His words make me cry harder, my shoulders quaking, hiccups breaking through my chest. I try to blink away the tears but they flow faster. He rises and attempts to kiss them away. He can’t keep up.
He lets go of me, steps back, his hands buried in his hair. “I wish I could . . . I don’t know. Grace, I don’t think I’m ready for more than this. And honestly I don’t know if you are.”
I’ve been prepared for anything, but his words leave a dent on my heart. “I think you’re wrong. I’m ready for—”
“Don’t. If we don’t end this now, we’ll both get hurt.” He presses the heels of his palms to his eyes. “It’s probably best I don’t continue the cruise. I’ll take a plane back home. Being together the rest of the journey will only make things harder than they already are.”
“What if I don’t agree?” He can’t make this decision all by himself. We didn’t even discuss it. “What if I want to take the risk? What stops us from trying? I want to, Bryant. I—”
“No.” His voice is hard. “We knew how it would end from the start. We’ve crossed a line and now we have to call it quits before we go too far.”
I wipe away the tears with the backs of my hands and watch him for a long time, saying nothing.
Silence stretches between us like a rubber band about to snap.
He’s offering you a way out. Run before you get burned. Leave.
“I should get my things together, then.” I reach for my bra that’s draped over the headboard.
He looks down at me sadly. “I don’t want to end up hurting you. I’m not good at this. I’ve never been. Your heart is too beautiful to risk breaking. Let’s part with the good memories.”
It only takes a few minutes for me to dress and gather my belongings, while he gazes out the window.
“I guess it’s goodbye, then?” I swallow back the sob rising up my throat.
“I guess it is. I’m so sorry.” He turns to face me, arms stiff at his sides. “I’ll drive you to the ship.”
“That’s not necessary.” I root inside my bag for my phone. “I’ll call a cab.”
Before I leave the room, I glance back at him. The pinched look on his face tells me he’s struggling with the decision he made.
My lips stretch into a bittersweet smile before I turn and respect his wish to walk out of his life.
He’s made a choice. I tried to talk him out of it but he didn’t give me a chance. Now we’ll both have to pay the price.
My intention is to rush out of the house before any of Bryant’s brothers see me. With my tears so close to the surface, I wouldn’t be able to handle the questions and the pity without breaking down.
As luck would have it, I find Neal in the living room, working on his laptop. He gets to his feet when he spots me. “Hey, Grace, hang on a second.” He grabs me by the arm. “Are you okay?”
I want to tell him that I’m not okay right now, but I will be. I’m not the first or the last person to encounter a heartbreak. I’ll recover. I’m strong.
As I meet Neal’s eyes, I blink back the tears. I will not waste any more tears in this house. “I’m fine.” The lie burns my throat. “I have to leave. Please . . .” I glance at his hand on mine and he gets the message, rele
ases his grip. “Thank you for your hospitality.”
He gives me a brief pat on the shoulder and shoves his hands into his pockets. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Grace.”
The cab is already waiting outside when I exit. Within a few seconds, I’m sitting in the backseat of the car, driving away from Bryant and what we could have had. The image of his broken eyes is still reflected in my mind but I close my eyes to try and shut him out.
We’re over before we got started. It’s done. Two men now belong to my past.
23
Grace
I tip my head forward and use the tips of my fingers to apply pressure to my trapezius muscle, holding back a groan of relief as the gentle massage eases the ache that starts at the base of my skull and sets fire to the place between my shoulder blades.
Locked in a moment of momentary relief, the dinner sounds of knives scraping plates, the gurgle of drinks being poured, and the murmurs and laughter around me, fade into the distance.
“Grace Anderson, you are aware how physically demanding the massage profession is, right?” Jillian’s voice makes my head jerk up.
“Sure.” I drop my hand from my shoulder and pick up my fork, stabbing a cube of feta cheese nestled between the crunchy leaves of my Greek salad. My eyes are on Jillian as I savor the tangy taste of the cheese. What’s she getting at?
“Good.” Jillian exchanges a quick glance with Lynn, then narrows her eyes at me. “And you do love your job, right?”
“I do.” I breathe in the aroma of spices, onions, and tuna escaping from Lynn’s pizza al tonno.
Jillian takes a sip of her soda and leans back in her chair. “In that case, I suggest you start taking care of yourself, health-wise.”
“What do you mean?” I lower the fork to my plate as my appetite deserts me.
“Honey, you haven't taken a break from work for a whole week.” She tucks a lock of red hair behind her ear. “You don't want to end up with some kind of injury.”