Alicia’s brows drew together as she looked at him. It was as if she had just realized that Bond had done that a few times for her. Most people didn’t even realize what Bond was offering beyond a head to pet or fur to stroke. Marcus had noticed it though and knew that Alicia’s upsets had also been calmed by the beautiful dog.
“I’m so glad to hear that. The program here at center has been incredibly successful. We’ve had a lot of private individuals specifically donate to the program, so we have been able to train more animals than we might have been able to otherwise.”
“I’m glad that it was something you pursued. I can see now how important it might be for others suffering from even more severe forms of PTSD than Meredith. Having seen it work firsthand, I’m going to make sure the program is always given what it needs.” Marcus smiled at Melanie. “I’ll always advocate for it.”
Melanie stared at him for a moment before a wide smile broke across her face. “We sure appreciate that, Marcus. Knowing that we have your support for the program means a lot.”
Once the tour was over, they made their way back to the office. Alicia was quiet during the trip, and while Marcus usually appreciated the silence as opposed to chit chat, right then he wished he knew was going on in her mind. Though he’d hoped that he’d have the opportunity to convey to Alicia how much she meant to him and that she could trust him, Marcus didn’t know if she was any closer to revealing her secrets to him.
It was only three o’clock when they got back to the office, but Marcus realized that they’d skipped right over lunch. As they took the elevator to the top floor, he said, “Feel free to take your lunch break now, Alicia. I didn’t even think about it while we were out.”
“Thank you,” Alicia said, and when the doors of the elevator slid open, she headed toward the lunchroom instead of her desk.
Marcus noticed that the greeting that Kelsey gave him as he passed her desk was decidedly less enthusiastic than usual. He wanted to shake Jeff for the role he played in that, but then, on the other hand, he didn’t want the guy to fake feelings if he really didn’t have any for Kelsey. Though Marcus had dated over the years, nothing had ever turned really serious. The women usually broke things off with him, telling him that they didn’t like coming third in his priorities behind Meredith and BlackThorpe. The breakups had never left him feeling as bad as Kelsey appeared to feel.
As he made his way to his desk, Marcus wondered what it would be like to be in a relationship that reached so deep into his heart that if the person left him, he’d feel their absence acutely and painfully. He walked past Alicia’s desk and for a moment, he considered what he’d feel like if she decided she didn’t want to work for him anymore and walked out of his life. The pang in his chest was surprising. He pressed his hand over his heart and frowned as he walked to his desk and sat down.
Okaaaay.
Those thoughts were for another time and place. He didn’t want to be thinking about things like that while at work.
~*~
Alicia was surprised when Meredith told her that Jeff would be joining them for supper. The guy had been taking his meals up in his room, but it seemed now that he’d met Meredith and had revealed his connection to her and Marcus, he was more comfortable with them.
As they sat around the table, the five of them, the conversation touched on several topics before Jeff cleared his throat and got everyone’s attention.
“I think I’m going to tell my mom everything,” he said, turning his fork over and over in his hand. “I just can’t hide all this from her. I mean, I’ve hidden so much over the years. I only told her about how our dad had died and that he had another family because there was no way to explain his sudden absence from our lives. But I didn’t tell her that you and Meredith had survived. I needed her to think that chapter of our lives was closed. And I certainly didn’t tell her about my plan when I moved here.” Jeff sighed. “But I think it’s time. Every time I talk to her, the knowledge of what I’m keeping from her eats at me. I can’t do this anymore.”
Alicia felt a sudden tightening of her chest. She knew exactly how Jeff felt. How crushing the weight of keeping secrets from the people around them could be. She envied the freedom he would no doubt feel once he’d come clean with his family.
Could she ever feel that same freedom?
Her thoughts went to the Bible study from the previous night. It had included some discussion of John 8:32 where Jesus had told the Jews that believed that they would know the truth and the truth would set them free. It was a powerful revelation for her. The truth that had been revealed to her was that the lies—outright and by omission—were keeping her prisoner. That the sin of lying would keep her in chains until she revealed everything and confessed the lies she’d told.
The very idea of sharing all that with not just the McKinleys but now also with Marcus and Meredith was daunting. She just wasn’t strong enough to do it. But was she strong enough to continue to carry the chains that weighed her down?
Her shoulders slumped. The very idea of continuing to lie her way through life was just too much. She needed to confess it all. Get it off her chest and deal with the consequences. Confessing was what God would want her to do, so if people rejected her after she shared everything, then she would have to trust that God had another plan for her. Though it was hard to place her trust completely in God, she knew that if she took this step, she had to trust that He would be there with her through all of it. If those she’d come to love rejected her, she would lean on God for strength to continue on.
“Will you head to Rochester to talk to your mom and sisters?” Marcus asked. “You’re welcome to invite them to come stay here if you’d rather.”
Jeff shook his head. “I think that I need to go there. At least until after I’ve already told them everything. It would be too distracting to bring them here and then try to explain everything all while living in your house. I do hope that, eventually, my mom will want to meet you and Meredith.”
“I hope that too,” Meredith chimed in. “It’s just been Marcus and me for a very long time.”
“Don’t forget about Justin and Beth,” Marcus said, reaching out to lay a hand on his sister’s arm. “They’re still our family as well.”
Meredith’s shoulders drooped as her head bent forward. “I know. But it’s hard to spend time with them and not be reminded of that horrible day. And I know Beth is doing so much better than me. She’s married and has a baby.”
Alicia could hear the pain in Meredith’s voice and though she’d never thought that the other woman was aware of how innocent and naïve she appeared to be, hearing her talk about her cousin’s life made it very clear that Meredith knew very well how different she was from her cousin.
Her heart went out to Meredith. It was no wonder that she kept trying to gain Derek’s attention and, probably more importantly, his affection. She no doubt saw the feelings she had for the man as an opportunity for her to have a life of her own. It was pretty clear that Meredith had very limited contact with single men. At least Derek was an all-around nice guy, so it wasn’t as if Meredith was latching on to any single man, regardless of his personality.
“I think Beth would love to see more of you if you think you could ever spend time with her.” Marcus removed his hand from her arm and focused his attention on his plate. It was likely that he had seen Bond’s approach just like Alicia had. The dog now sat next to Meredith with his head resting on her leg. “Just let me know if you ever feel like that’s something you want to do.”
Silence lapsed around the table and without a conversation to focus on, Alicia found herself once again thinking of her plans to come clean. She figured that first and foremost, she needed to speak with Doug and Caroline. After all, it was because of how she feared they would view her if they knew her mother was still alive that she had lied when they first met. Once she’d spoken with them, who she spoke to next would be determined by how they reacted.
The thought
of telling anyone at all made her feel ill. She swallowed the last bite of food and set her fork down on the plate. It appeared that the others were ready for the meal to be over as well because, fairly quickly, each got up and carried their plate to the sink. Though Jeff offered to help with the dishes, Meredith brushed him aside and told him that she might take him up on his offer another time. Alicia, however, didn’t bother to offer, she just stayed and worked silently side-by-side with Meredith.
Thankfully, Meredith seemed more than happy to retreat to her own bedroom when they were finished. Alicia took the opportunity to go to hers as well. Though she certainly didn’t suffer from PTSD the way that Meredith did even though she’d suffered through a traumatic event of her own, Alicia would have enjoyed the presence of a dog like Bond as she settled down on her bed a short time later.
She was thankful that the next day was Friday because she hoped to be able to deal with this whole situation over the weekend. Maybe it would be a good idea to make sure that Doug and Caroline were available at some point before she decided to just go over there. And perhaps locking herself into a specific time would mean that she actually carried through with what she was hoping to do.
16
Alicia picked up her phone and opened her text app to search for her latest conversation with Caroline. When she found it, she lay there for a couple minutes trying to compose a text in her head that wouldn’t result in a whole lot of questions. Unfortunately, there didn’t seem to be any way around that.
Alicia: Hi, Caroline. I’m wondering if you and Doug might have some time this weekend for me to stop by to talk to you about something.
She lay on her back, propped up by pillows, her legs bent with her feet flat on the expensive comforter on the bed. She continued to stare at the phone as she waited for Caroline’s response. Part of her hoped that Caroline would tell her that they were busy all weekend. It would give her the out she wanted to be able to put off dealing with the pain that was no doubt going to follow her revelations. But another part — a bigger part — wanted them to be available so that she could be free of the weight she was carrying.
Caroline: Is everything okay? Are you alright?
Alicia wasn’t surprised that her well-being was the first thing Caroline thought about. That the woman was concerned for her, first and foremost, warmed Alicia. She hoped that Caroline’s concern for her would still be there after she revealed everything to them.
Alicia: I’m fine. I just need to talk with you and Doug if you have some time.
Caroline: We are free tomorrow night. Or Saturday afternoon if that would be better.
Alicia: Tomorrow night would be great. Is seven okay?
Caroline: Seven is perfect.
Alicia: Okay. Thank you. I’ll see you then.
Relief warred with nerves as she laid her phone on the nightstand and curled over onto her side. The end was in sight for the stress that she had shouldered while keeping her secrets since coming to Minneapolis. She just hoped that the end wasn’t in sight for her relationships as well.
Alicia sat in her car outside of Doug and Caroline’s house the following evening. It wasn’t quite seven o’clock, but she hadn’t wanted to be late. At dinner, she’d found out that Jeff had left that afternoon to visit his mom and sisters in Rochester. It appeared that they were both trying to unburden themselves that weekend.
All day long she had been battling nerves and had been distracted at work for the first time. After Marcus had asked if she was okay for the third time, Alicia had taken a trip to the bathroom so that she could have a little conversation with herself. Once back at her desk, she’d worked hard to focus on the tasks at hand, reminding herself that worrying wasn’t going to change the outcome of the evening.
And now, as she sat in front of Doug and Caroline’s home, she felt a strange sort of peace settle over her. A kind of knowing that this was all out of her hands now. She had prayed about the meeting with Doug and Caroline and could only now be responsible for herself, not their reactions. Of course, she hoped for the best, but she would accept whatever their reactions were because, at the end of the day, she alone had set herself on this particular path. And there were consequences to having chosen a path that was riddled with lies and omissions of truth.
The first of those consequences would play out in a short while.
6:57
Taking a final deep breath, Alicia opened her door and got out. For a moment, she wondered if her legs would carry her the distance from her car to the front door. But as she put one foot in front of the other, Alicia found her steps became more certain and sure. Because, at the end of the day, she was doing what she knew was right. That she was being obedient.
~*~
Marcus looked up as Derek walked into his home office. “No sign of Alicia yet?”
Derek shook his head as he dropped down into a chair near Marcus’s desk. “Why don’t you just give her a call if you’re concerned about her?”
Though the thought had crossed his own mind, Marcus shook his head. “She said she was going to spend the evening with Eric’s parents. I’m sure she’s fine.”
In truth, Marcus was less worried about her physical safety than he was about what had been making her anxious and distracted all day. Even though they’d only been working together a short time, he’d always felt that her focus on the job was absolute. But today, that focus had been missing. More than once, he’d had to repeat himself, but when he’d expressed his concern, she had brushed it aside. By the end of the day, her focus had returned, but he hadn’t missed how little she’d eaten at supper.
The bottom line was that he was worried about her. Though being concerned for someone wasn’t completely out of the norm for him, what he felt for Alicia far outweighed any concern he’d ever had for anyone aside from Meredith or his mom. It wasn’t his place, however, to be calling her to inquire about her whereabouts. He just hoped that when she returned home, whatever it was that had been concerning her had been dealt with.
He wasn’t entirely sure that he would be able to resist probing into her business if it appeared that she was still struggling with something. And he had no idea what her reaction would be to any attempts on his part to delve further into her personal life.
Pushing aside his thoughts for the moment, Marcus turned his attention to Derek and the debrief the man gave him each day regarding the security around the mansion. Though Derek lived at the mansion seven days a week, he wasn’t on duty on the weekends. Unless Marcus had reason to be away from the mansion for an extended period of time, Derek’s weekends were his own. Once they finished this daily debrief, Derek was technically off the clock.
“Scans of the system have reported no unusual activity,” Derek said. “There was a brief power glitch at around 3:25 this afternoon. I called the electric company to check on the cause and was told that they had workers in the area who had inadvertently caused the five-second power outage.”
“Was there any way to verify that from the second source?” Marcus asked.
Derek shook his head. “After hearing that they were doing work in the area, I got in my car and took a cruise around the neighborhood looking for them. I found a van with the correct markings and asked to see ID. They had no problem presenting identifications from the power company for me to look at. I called the power company while I was there with the identification and was able to verify that they were, in fact, employees of the company.”
Marcus nodded as he listened to Derek’s explanation. It was one of the things he appreciated about Derek. The man’s willingness to think outside the box and to follow-up in ways that Marcus himself would have done.
“Then I guess we just take that explanation as fact,” Marcus said. “There’s not a whole lot more we can do beyond that to verify what you were told by the power company.”
It didn’t take long for them to conclude the debrief after that. Derek walked out of the office, leaving Marcus alone with his thoughts which, ine
vitably, turned towards Alicia. Again. He glanced at his watch, telling himself there was no reason to be alarmed that she still wasn’t home. After all, it was only nine-thirty. Though she’d mentioned going to Eric’s parents’ place, she hadn’t told him why or what time she would be home, and there really had been no need for her to…because it wasn’t any of his business. Still, Marcus fought the urge to pick up the phone and call her.
Marcus tried to focus more intently on the files he had brought home from the office, but even though it felt like hours were passing, he would look at his watch to discover it had only been fifteen or twenty minutes since he’d last looked. Irritation warred with worry as he tapped his pen on his notepad. Though he had always worried about Meredith, it had been more about her emotional state that her physical one. Since she hardly ever left the house without him, Marcus rarely had moments like these where Meredith was concerned.
He tried to tell himself that it was just concern for BlackThorpe’s most recent employee, but in his heart, he knew it was much more than that. Something about Alicia called to him in a way no other woman had. If any of his other personal assistants had told him that they were distracted by personal concerns, Marcus would’ve just left them to it. But with Alicia, the desire to not only know what was worrying her but also try to alleviate that worry was intense.
10:15
Alicia had never been out this late before. And even though he knew that presumably she was safe with Eric’s parents, it was always in the back of his mind that she was vulnerable as she traveled to and from places. But there was no way to avoid that short of driving her everywhere himself or hiring another guard for her like Derek was for Meredith. He’d gotten to know Alicia well enough in the few weeks they’d been working together that he was fairly confident that she would accept neither option.
A Sense of Security: A Christian Romance (BlackThorpe Security Book 6) Page 22