by Janie Marie
“What the hell, Hood?”
She pressed her hands against his chest to keep him down as she crawled to her knees. “I want to satisfy you first,” she said, leaning down to kiss his chest while her hands roamed his body.
“Baby, you don’t—ah, fuck.”
It was too late. She had already turned and lowered her head to take him in her mouth. The angle, with her ass toward his head, made it easier. What she didn’t expect was for him to growl, slapping her ass before grabbing her leg and hip and lifting her over him so his face was between her legs.
“Aaahhh!” she screamed out as his lips pressed against her core. “Oh, shit, Logan!”
“Keep going, baby,” he said, his lips teasing her more sacred pair.
And, blinking as she rocked herself against his mouth, she leaned forward again so they could please each other at the same time.
“Have you ever done that before?”
Logan slid his hand up and down her side and kissed her shoulder. “No.”
“Really? All the women you were with—never?”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “I told you I didn’t care about them. I really just stuck to—” He kissed the back of her neck, his silence giving her his answer. “I never cared about pleasing them, Hood.”
She nodded, knowing it was stupid to be jealous over his extensive past with women. She never expected to be so comfortable with everything she was doing. It was silly to think some girls didn’t like it. “But you really don’t have any diseases, right?”
“Yeah. I wouldn’t do that to you. I always test before a fight. So I haven’t been with a girl since my last test. But I’ll tell him to check me again so you can see for yourself.”
“Am I a slut?”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “No, Hood. You’re not a slut.”
She shuffled out of his arms and onto her back so she could appraise him. “Do most girls do all this stuff with their first boyfriend?”
He eyed her. “If you’re trying to ask me about Janie, stop.”
“I wasn’t thinking about her.” She really wasn’t. Everything about Janie had slipped away from her mind. “You said you didn’t have sex with her; I believe you. She was so young anyway.”
“Yeah.” He lifted his gaze to the ceiling. “I think it makes you less of a slut if you’re doing this kind of stuff with a boyfriend. I don’t like to call anyone a slut, but I guess you could say the women I used to fuck around with were. You know, the type who just want to fuck whoever they can even when the guy doesn’t give a damn about them.”
“Okay, maybe we should stop talking about it.” She didn’t want to think about that line of women at his fight.
“We can slow down,” he said.
“I don’t think I can.” She looked the other way. She was such a fiend for him.
He chuckled and leaned forward, whispering, “Super freak.”
“I do want to get on birth control though.”
He nodded, rolling so he could rest his head on her breasts. “I didn’t know you weren’t on anything. I should’ve asked.”
“I should have been smarter,” she told him. “I just wanted it so bad. I’ve never felt this way. It’s like I can’t stop from wanting more all the time.”
He grinned but spoke seriously. “I’ll try to keep myself more in control. And I think it’s normal to feel that way, especially when you’re experiencing all this for the first time.”
“I had a panic attack,” she blurted.
Logan lifted his head and leaned back so he could see her face. “When?”
“When you walked out of the locker room.” Her chest ached as though it remembered the pain. “Janie found me on the floor. I didn’t know what was happening.”
“I caused it?”
She shrugged and grabbed his hand when he went to pull it away from her side. “I don’t know. Don’t assume it was because of you.”
“What else would it be from?” He squeezed his eyes shut.
“Logan,” she said, making her tone firm. “Stop. It’s over. She helped me through it.”
“But, baby,” he said, sounding genuinely stressed, “I left you. You were by yourself, and it was probably from me being an asshole.”
“I know,” she whispered, holding his hand tighter when his face pained. “But you won’t again.”
“I won’t. Shit, Hood. Are you okay?” He scanned her body.
“I feel okay. She said I wouldn’t die. I guess she knows about them.”
He nodded, running his hand through his hair. “No wonder you looked like you were ready to fall over. Are you in pain right now?”
“I’m fine.” She smiled even though he looked panicked. “Logan, it’s fine. As horrible as it felt, it went away fast. It’s just more realizing I had one and feeling weak. And besides, I might never have another one.”
“You could,” he muttered. “People who have one usually have more.”
She figured this was his knowledge of Janie talking. “I think it’s just something that built up over the years. It wasn’t just our fight.”
“But I pushed you over,” he snapped.
“We don’t know that.”
“I do,” he said, rolling onto his back. “I’m such a dick. I always hurt . . .”
“Listen,” she said, rolling on her side. “It would have happened, eventually. And, honestly, you probably would have freaked out and made it worse if you’d been there.”
“I’d make it worse?”
“I don’t know.” She just knew she never wanted him to see her in such a pathetic state. “I couldn’t see myself, but I bet I looked like I was having a heart attack or choking. You probably would have panicked. That’s all I’m saying.”
“Is that what it felt like?” His forehead creased like he was in pain. “You thought you were having a heart attack?”
“I’ve never had a heart attack, dork. I just thought I was dying.”
“Hood, baby, I’m so sorry.” He held her cheek. “I’ll do whatever I can to keep you from having another one.”
“I don’t think it works like that.”
“You were scared though.”
She remembered how frightened and filled with pain she was. “I told you she helped.”
“Janie?” He smiled, but he looked heartbroken.
“She knew right away what was happening. She talked me through it.” She didn’t want to praise Janie, but she couldn’t deny she was thankful someone was there. Maybe this bit of gratitude would make him happy. “I think it was the best thing for me.”
Logan sighed and pulled her face to his, kissing her softly. “I’m so sorry.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” She bit her lip, trying to think of something to say to get him to stop blaming himself. Maybe it was a good time to ask about what they were all hiding. “Um, she told me about the stuff she’s been through. She talked about her first panic attack. Even her overdose.”
He sighed, kissing her cheek. “I’m so glad you’ve been strong. You’ve fought back in your own way, never giving up.”
She swallowed, refusing to look at him. He really didn’t know her.
“I’ve helped her with them before,” he added, “but you’re right. I do panic. I just can’t stand feeling helpless. Ryder and my dad are the best with her. Her brothers are like me—they can’t bear to watch.”
“Your dad?” He was distracting her with all the little insights into his life with Janie and the others. She never would’ve guessed he was so close to them all—that his dad would be so close to Janie.
“Yeah.” He shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about him.”
“Okay,” she whispered, not wanting him to turn the conversation on her, but curious as hell about his dad. “And try not to stress out; I’m fine. Besides feeling super drained and like I had to walk under water afterward, I feel better.”
“I’ll be better for you, Hood.”
“I know you will.”
He smiled, lifting her hand to kiss it. “Please just tell me if you have another one. I don’t care what I’m doing—even if we’re fighting. Fuck, throw something at me. I’ll be there for you.”
“But you just said you panic.” She really had no intention of letting him see her that way. It was weak and humiliating. Hopefully, Janie wouldn’t run her mouth.
“I panicked with her.” He shook his head. “But I’ll get over it. I want to be there for you.”
Her heart soared. “I think we should try to build our relationship.”
“What do you mean?” He chuckled, shaking his head. “I mean, I know what you mean, and I want to, but be specific.”
“Well”—she swallowed—“I realized we kind of forget everything when we’re together. I like it. I crave the escape, but I want to know more about you. It’ll be easier for me to accept that you have real feelings for me if I know you. ‘Cause it still feels like you could walk away at any moment.”
His response was instant. “I’m not walking away.”
“You don’t know that.” She bit her lip, hating she was even bringing it up. She was supposed to be digging for information. “You could decide I’m not worth the trouble.”
“You’re not trouble.” He raised her hand to his lips. “If I wanted out, I would’ve bailed the second or third time we met.”
“Okay.”
He grinned, kissing her hand again. “I get what you’re saying though. You want to do more talking and less fucking around in bed.”
“Well, I wasn’t going to use those words.” It hurt he thought everything with her was just fucking around. But she supposed they weren’t exactly having sex yet, so making love wasn’t the right thing to say either. “I’ll get on birth control, too.”
He nodded, looking away. “I feel awful for that. Never let me pressure you. I just get carried away, but I’ll do whatever I can to make you happy.”
She loved him. Her heart—her whole chest warmed up as he kissed her. That’s all this feeling could be. But it didn’t feel like the right time to blurt out her love. What if it scared him away? “I won’t make you wait long. I’ll try to get birth control soon.”
“I can deal with waiting.” He gave her a tender smile. “But, if you want to, I can take you to the doctor. Or you can ask Janie, if it’s weird for a guy to go. I don’t know. I’ve never been to a girl doctor.”
“I don’t want her to come with me,” she said, annoyed he’d suggest Janie of all people. “I can do it alone. It would probably make her cry or something.”
“Why would you say that?” He glanced at her, frowning.
“Well, she was crying about her miscarriage. Maybe anything with birth control or a gynecologist appointment will set her off.” At least it sounded like she cared.
He was quiet. “She was crying about the miscarriage?”
“Yeah.” She tried to show she was sympathetic, but she was kind of relieved for the poor kid. A mom like Janie and a murderer for a father . . . “I didn’t mean to make her talk about it, but she got sad. It’s so weird to even picture her and Ryder as parents. I’m sure she sees losing it as a godsend.”
Logan stared up at the ceiling. “I’m sure they’ll be great parents when they start trying. Or if she just gets pregnant again—she can’t take birth control.”
“Oh.” She wondered why he seemed so down about this, but she guessed he was just upset about Ryder getting her pregnant when he’d wanted her back. “So you mentioned a brother before.”
He chuckled, nodding. “I can’t talk about him either. Sorry.”
“What? Why?”
“Well, first of all, we don’t get along. He’s three years older than me, and I haven’t seen him since—hell, I guess when shit happened with Janie. You’ll probably never meet him, and that’s a good thing. He’s meaner than Ryder.”
She felt the scowl on her face. “Don’t tell me he’s in love with Janie, too.”
“He loves her like a big brother—always has.” He turned, cuddling her. “Stop worrying about all the guys she has. They’re not good guys, including my brother.”
“Oh, is he like a criminal or something?” She felt excited just learning anything about him. Hopefully, he wasn’t involved in Ryder’s crimes.
“I said I can’t talk about it. It’s a Grimm Legacy thing. Don’t ask.”
“That’s not fair.” How come Janie got to have his brother like a brother, but she couldn’t even learn about him? “How am I going to get to know you if you don’t answer anything?”
“There’s not much to know about me.”
She didn’t know how to get him to spill. “Of course there’s plenty to know about you. You’ve had an exciting life as a fighter. You’re one of the actual Grimms . . .”
“That’s just fighting, training, partying, and fucking.” He sent her a guarded look. “I doubt you want to hear about any of that. And I wasn’t raised to be a Grimm, so it hardly matters. All the perks don’t apply to me.”
“Well, what can we talk about?”
“You should probably get some rest, Hood.” He let out a low yawn. “You have school, and then we’ll probably have shit to deal with when I take you home. Unless you’ve decided to stay with Janie longer.”
“No.” She sighed. Even if she felt less hostile, even thankful, toward Janie, she wasn’t going to be buddies with her. She did want to find out what happened to those boys though. Maybe she was jumping the gun. After all, her parents died in accidents; maybe that’s all it was. “So if your brother considers Janie a sister,” she said, getting back on track, “and your dad took care of her—what about your mom? Were they close?”
His hold tightened. “Yeah. Her mom and mine were best friends. Well, my dad was actually friends with her mom first, then he introduced my mom—Gwen—to her mom, Diana.”
“So that’s why y’all are so close?” At least that was a little better than exes.
He nodded, his gaze fixed across the room where the window was. “Her mom died when she was young. She’d been married to Arthur by then, and her real dad was out of the picture. He’s also dead now.”
“She has no parents.” Her chest felt cold.
“Baby, there are several reasons why I think she’d be a good support for you,” he murmured. “Being raised without a mother and father is one of them. She grew up with Arthur as her father, but he’s hardly around. My dad raised her more, and he ended up in prison. And my mom—fuck. Janie loved my mom, but my mom didn’t want me with her. She died shunning her because we refused to break up.”
“Oh.” She looked away, not able to hide the hurt she felt. He was still upset his mom didn’t approve of him and Janie.
“I don’t mean to sound angry,” he said quietly. “I just prefer to remember when my mom was happy, when we were a family and she wasn’t dying. I was all she had because my dad was gone; they were divorced too, but he loved her. He would’ve helped. My brother probably wouldn’t have been much help, but it would’ve been good to have him. I was barely eighteen when she died. It was just me and Janie with her, and she hated us.”
She felt so bad for him. “We don’t have to talk about it. It sounds terrible.”
“It was, but I guess that’s getting to know me.” He smiled sadly. “See why I don’t like talking about myself?”
“Yeah.” She kissed his cheek. “I’m really sorry you went through all that. I’m sure your mom was really relieved to have you there.”
“I hope so.” He sighed. “She had Arthur, a little bit.”
“Janie’s stepdad?”
“They had an affair.” He sighed, rubbing a hand down his face. “I still don’t like to believe it. Janie was the one who saw them. She was only eleven, but she knew what was happening, and she didn’t let them get away with it. They denied it, but she was furious. Hurt. I mean, Arthur is her father, but she was my dad’s little girl.”
“What?” She couldn’t believe this.
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He held her hand. “Janie lost her mom to cancer when she was seven. Diana had been battling it since Janie was maybe two. My parents stepped in to help Arthur, and she was left with us any time Arthur traveled.”
“That’s so crazy,” she said, trying not to sound bitter at the strong bond Logan and his family had with Janie. “I would’ve never thought she was like a sister to you.”
He shrugged. “She’s family. But yeah, she told him what she saw when they refused to confess. My dad didn’t take it well.”
She internally fumed. Had Janie ruined Logan’s parents’ marriage? “How does she know what she saw? She was little.”
His jaw clenched. “Well, she said she saw them naked in Arthur’s bed. Kinda hard to come up with another reason why they would be in bed together.”
“But she could’ve been mistaken.” She stared off at the dark wall, her heart racing. How could Janie have done that?
“Hey, you don’t have to get defensive.” He kissed her head. “I loved my mom, and I didn’t want to believe the shit Janie said; I refused to accept it for a long time, but I know she was telling the truth. And it was wrong of Arthur and my mom to put her in that position. She loved both of them, and my dad. It devastated her. So I’m trying to cope with it. I took a lot of my anger out on her when my mom died.”
“Really?” She had a hard time wrapping her mind around Logan being angry with Janie. After all, she broke his heart, and he treated her like she was his world. A thought suddenly popped into her head that would get back to her investigation. “Logan, if she was raped, was that before or after she got with Ryder?”
He closed his eyes. “Baby, why are you asking? And she was raped. There is no if.”
She rolled away from him a tiny bit. “I was just wondering because you didn’t have sex with her. If you were her first boyfriend, her first time was either a rape or with Ryder.”
He looked at her like she was crazy. “Why are you wondering about that?”
She shrugged, her heart beating faster. Maybe she came at him too strong. “I guess it would just be unfortunate if her first time was when she was raped.”