by Janie Marie
“I just never thought a killer would be like her.”
He sent her a quick glance. “She saved us, baby. It’s different.”
No, it wasn’t. Kylie felt like she was spinning from all the thoughts flooding her. Thoughts of the morning, the night before, of Maura and Lorelei—of Ryder yelling at her. Of meeting Logan and scheming about getting Trevor. Her abuse. Then Janie, the savior who became a rival, then a murderer. She couldn’t stop thinking. She couldn’t stop the building emotions pulling her in every direction.
She wanted to go back to the dark—back under her hood where she felt safe. Back to wandering through the woods alone. It was safer. There was only one monster there, and it couldn’t find her as long as she stayed in the dark.
A numbing sensation began to spread through her chest. She felt her heart beating, reminding her she was alive, telling her she had to keep going, but she didn’t want to feel any other sensations. She didn’t want to feel the ache when she saw Janie receiving sweetness from Ryder while she had to endure his wrath. She didn’t want to suffer the heartbreak that came when Logan spoke of needing to avenge Janie—of how upset he was at the thought of Janie dying. She didn’t want to hear how much Logan used to put Janie first and how she, his girlfriend, was the stranger in his life. She was the unwelcome one, and she wasn’t even a killer.
She licked her lips as she wiped her drying tears. That numbing feeling spread, and words were out of her mouth before she realized what she was even saying. “I saw her crying in her sleep.”
“She has problems sleeping,” he said quietly.
She barely heard him, too lost in her own thoughts. “I didn’t feel bad for her,” she said, almost in a daze. “I was afraid of Ryder because of how he woke me up. Then he was blaming me for things that aren’t my fault. I hate that he gets to be a jerk just because she’s sad. I shouldn’t be treated badly because of her.”
“You’re not treated badly because of her.” He hesitated, adding, “I think everything you’ve had to deal with is going to make it harder for you to empathize, that’s all.”
Fire burned in her veins. “No one thinks about me.”
“Am I no one?” He cut her a dark look.
“But Janie gets to have it all, every single guy’s attention.” She didn’t even know what she was saying; only her rage mattered.
He released a long sigh. “You need to calm down. I’m trying to be patient with you, but you’re starting to act like everything is about you, when last night was about her, Ryder, and me. They’re not blaming you—they’re blaming me.”
If she could breathe fire, she would. “Yeah, I’ll calm down. I guess I forgot plotting murder for your ex is a totally acceptable thing to do.”
Logan whipped his head around. “What the fuck? Are you serious? That’s what this is about? It’s not even about what I almost did for her. You’re hung up on her being my ex.
How could she care about anything else? “She was your ex and not your problem, Logan. She cheated on you. I don’t even know how you can care about her at all after that, yet you’re one hundred percent in her life, ready to do anything for her. You were going to kill for her.
“I mean, I get what she said happened to her was hard to deal with, but there was nothing you could do. Nothing would have made it better. It’s not like she could get un-raped. And it’s not like they raped her repeatedly.
“I get hit all the time and I’m waiting it out. No one is pampering me, or plotting to kill anyone for me. God, for all you know, she made it up. The cops couldn’t prove she’d been raped. Maybe she wasn’t.”
Logan glanced at her, his lips pressing into a thin line as he tightened his hold on the steering wheel.
She went on, sounding more hysterical with every sentence. “Even if she was, so what? Tough it out or move to a different school. They have enough money to get her tutors, too. Instead, she tried to kill herself, getting all of you panicked enough to do this for her. Her stepfather had the right idea. At least he was thinking clearly. But you and Ryder were fools, and he had no right to ask for your help.”
Kylie knew she should stop, but she couldn’t. “I hate that any little thing someone does wrong, all of you are jumping to defend her. I’ve seen it all the time at school. Someone bumps into her, Ryder is punching them. A boy is asking her for a pencil, and one of his brothers is insulting them. It’s stupid.”
“Kylie—” He looked ready to fight someone. “We’re not all jumping when any little thing goes wrong for her. I had no idea you had such a fucking problem with her, but you can’t judge how Ryder and his brothers are around her. I doubt you have any real idea what they’ve gone through with her at school.”
Her heart started beating too fast again.
“Do you even realize how serious rape is?” He was yelling. “Tough it out? What’s wrong with you? She was a victim of a horrible crime. She shouldn’t have had to go anywhere. How is that right? She has to change because they did that to her?”
Kylie heard him, but she wasn’t truly hearing anything he was saying. All she knew was he was telling her she wasn’t as important as Janie. “I should’ve stayed alone,” she said, not meaning to speak aloud. But she continued now that she had. “I never should’ve gone back to see you that day. Getting hit and hiding was a whole lot better than this. I was waiting it out until you came along.”
Logan squeezed the steering wheel tight, the heat from his body radiating to her, suffocating her, but she didn’t react to it.
“No one ever stood up for me before, and that was fine,” she whispered, staring out the window but seeing his furious reflection as he kept glancing at her. “I was nothing to Ryder Godson or Janie Mortaime. I didn’t have him or anyone threatening to kill me. Even Maura never did that. But now—now there’s you—and everyone else. Now Maura and Lorelei have even more reason to hate me. Kevin is mad, too. All because of Janie. Now, you, you don’t even care about me. You only care about her and what happened to her a long-ass time ago. Not what’s happened to me until just days ago. I just wish it were all back to the way it was before. I was fine with things. I was fine.”
He exhaled an angry breath before speaking. “You were not fine. And, clearly, you’re still not. That’s okay—I wouldn’t expect you to just get over things—it’ll take time. But you can’t hold on to this idea that people need to let things go. Just because that was your plan, that you felt it was your only choice, doesn’t mean it’s right. What’s been happening to you is terrible, and I’m trying to help the only way I know how. But don’t ever tell me—or anyone else—that she should’ve been left to suffer. I don’t care who it is, no one deserves to be raped, and no one should ignore it when it’s happened to someone else. You don’t wait it out. You don’t stay silent when someone you care about is suffering. Did I stay silent for you? No.”
“Yeah, but it’s not like they were still raping her,” she muttered.
“What?” He jerked his head around, scanning her before looking back at the road. “Are you seriously saying this shit right now?”
“What, Logan?” She slapped her leg, not understanding his anger. Why couldn’t he be this defensive of her? “It happened. She had Ryder by then, and we both know he would have just stayed by her side if something happened. But you both had to avenge her.”
“Hood.” He breathed out angrily. “I’m not going to talk to you about this anymore. If you can’t bear it, I get it. You have to decide if you’re willing to stick us out. All I ask is that you don’t say anything. But if you really want justice for those fuckers, go to the cops. I broke my end of the pact by telling you, but I’m not betraying her again. If she goes down, I’ll go with her. So figure out your plan. If you want to go back to being a victim under your hood and doing nothing—not getting help—then go for it. But I won’t stick around to watch you suffer when I’m offering to help you.”
Kylie bit her lip. No one knew what her real plan had been before Trevor as
ked her for help. “You just always show she matters more to you, and now you’ve proven she means so much you’d kill for her. She’s not getting raped anymore.”
He let out a frustrated breath. “I don’t mean to make you feel bad, but your way of thinking is fucked up. It’s almost like you’re looking at it like, because she doesn’t have any outward signs of what she’s suffered, she shouldn’t have problems. That you think because she didn’t get raped more than once, which she did—there were two boys—that she should move on like nothing happened.
“You have to know that’s not right. You can’t be jealous that she finally has the support she didn’t have, just because you haven’t had it. I’m giving you support now. Hell, Janie and Ryder are, too. And you really have no idea what she went through. You only know what I’ve told you, so stop assuming you know everything about her, me, or what happened to her. I don’t do that to you. I ask you to let me help, but you don’t want to do anything to help yourself.”
She fumed. He was still defending everything Janie did, and now he was saying she was the one who was messed up. “Forgive me if I don’t want to go kill someone.”
“Dammit, Kylie!” He smacked the steering wheel. “You expect people to understand your pain, but you don’t give a damn about anyone else’s.”
Her eyes watered. “I just want someone to care about me. Stop rubbing it in my face that she has the whole damned world rooting for her.”
He threw a glare at her. “I’m done with this.”
She gasped. “You’re breaking up with me?”
His jaw ticked, and he stared ahead. “I’m done listening to you throwing in my face how I don’t care about you. I’m done listening to you bitch about me caring about her. If you want me to hate her or throw her out of my life—sorry, that’s not happening, and you should feel like shit for expecting me to even consider it.”
She wanted to slap him, but she could only glare at the dashboard.
Logan sighed and softened his tone. “Listen, you’ve both had it bad, but you have to understand we all witnessed her at her worst. I’m the only one to have some small clue as to what you’ve been dealing with. I don’t look at her and think she had it worse—I just know what she’s suffered more than I know what you have. That doesn’t mean you’re not special to me. You could be a tiny bit more sensitive.”
“Like everyone is for me?” She threw her hands up. “So I have to be nice while Ryder yells at me for staring at her?”
“I dealt with him yelling at you.” He sounded regretful, and it gutted her. “And you know it wasn’t really about you staring. I’m not excusing him, but think about everything Ryder and Janie have done for you so far.”
“They haven’t done anything but make problems for me.” She wanted to scream.
Logan grabbed her hand. “I don’t know what else to say. I guess you just need to think about us. If you’re going to fight with me about her, we’re not going to last. She’s been helping you, and you’re not even grateful. And you’re judging her without even focusing on the fact it was me and Ryder who forced her to have to do anything at all. Just think about the bigger picture and let go of the fact she’s my ex who I tried to do the unthinkable for. If anything, be mad at me. Not her. Not because she’s got what you wanted.”
She pressed her trembling lips together as she realized they’d made it to school, and he had parked at the curb. People were staring.
“Baby, we may have started from a lie,” he said softly, “but this is still only the beginning for us. And choosing a future with me involves accepting my relationship with her. I’m not turning my back on her again. You have no idea what it would do to me. I would never be the same. I’m still broken in ways you can’t imagine. Don’t make me choose between you and her.” He leaned toward her and kissed her softly, cracking open the cut on his lip.
All the spinning in her mind seemed to collapse under the weight of his kiss and soothing voice.
“I lost her,” he murmured against her mouth. “I’m just hoping one day I might revive part of the girl I promised to protect—the girl I threw to the monsters.” He lightly held her cheek. “Please don’t make me watch you walk away. I won’t be able to bear knowing you’re willingly walking into danger. Just realize the only way for me to be strong, to be worthy of this beautiful girl staring at me right now, is to be the man I wanted to be for her.”
Her breath hitched as she got lost in his dark eyes. So dark. She could find a home in his darkness.
Logan smiled, kissing her tenderly. “I’m not putting her first. I know she and I are over, and I accept that. I know she has Ryder. But there’s a reason she needs me and I need her, and it has nothing to do with you or Ryder. It doesn’t change the fact I’ve picked you, even when I thought I’d never ask another girl to be mine.”
She didn’t know what to say or think.
“You should get going.” He gave her another sweet kiss. It felt like ice on a dark bruise. Painful but full of healing. “Have a good day, Hood.” He nipped her bottom lip before kissing across her cheek. “Call me if anything happens, okay?” He kissed right below her ear. “I’m going to miss you. I’m going to imagine your beautiful face all damned day.”
“I’m gonna miss you, too.” Her whisper was shaky as he sucked on her neck. “Logan.”
“I want everyone to know you’re mine,” he said, kissing the tender skin. “I want you to look in the mirror and remember I’m with you. Unless you decide otherwise. Then you can cover the memories of me up, hide the proof of me until all traces of me fade.”
Her heart raced. How did he do this? How did he breathe life into her after taking it away?
Logan kissed her cheek. “Get going so you don’t get in trouble.”
Kylie panicked, grabbing his face to kiss him. He kissed her back, making her head spin and her tummy tighten as the whole world dropped out from under her. “Oh, God. Chocolate.”
He pulled away, laughing. “First I’m God, now I’m chocolate?”
“Please shut up,” she muttered, reaching for her bag.
“Don’t be mad.” He grabbed her hand before she could jump out. “Do I taste as good as chocolate, or better?”
She didn’t say anything. She could hardly focus. He was wreaking havoc on her emotions.
“You taste sweet.” He grinned, not looking at all like he’d just spent the car ride scolding her. He was looking at her like she was all that mattered. “Really sweet, just like how your heart is really meant to be.”
Her smile actually hurt. “I have to go. The bell is about to ring.”
He kissed her one more time. “I’ll be here to get you. Just think about what I said and decide what’s best for you. I’ll respect your choice—but I hope you still pick me.”
Of course she was going to pick him. “Okay. See you later.”
“Bye, Hood.”
The hot tears sliding over her frowning lips wouldn’t stop. Not while all she could do was stare at the writing on the bathroom stall door.
Logan Grimm is a sex god
I fucked Logan Grimm
I sucked Logan Grimm’s dick last night
Janie Mortaime cheated on Ryder with Logan Grimm
Logan & Janie forever
Kylie had been in this bathroom stall many times before, so she knew these were all new. When she had come out of her third-period class, she found her locker vandalized. In permanent marker, there were insults ranging from paying the football team for sex, being a whore, a loser—to suggestions that she should kill herself.
Laughter and whispers had surrounded her as she read the final message: Logan will always love Janie Mortaime. You’re nothing.
It hurt. A lot. And no matter how many times she told herself it wasn’t true, she couldn’t erase the words from her mind. She couldn’t stop the images of when she first saw Logan and Janie together. She couldn’t banish the sound of Logan’s voice as he fiercely defended Janie to her—his own girlfrie
nd. And these words now. She couldn’t escape.
“Kylie?”
Her breath hitched and she pulled her feet up onto the toilet.
“I just got to school. I saw you run in here.” The voice came closer. The soft voice that belonged to the girl she couldn’t help but revert to loathing as soon as doubt took over.
Janie fucking Mortaime.
Kylie stared at the two feet that stopped right outside the stall. Her eyes were burning as she wished she could make those legs catch on fire.
“I saw your locker,” Janie said. “You know those were put there by jealous girls.”
She didn’t say anything. She couldn’t. Even though part of her mind was screaming, you’re an idiot to fall for this, she couldn’t stop her hatred and sadness.
“You’re not nothing, Kylie.”
“Leave me alone,” Kylie yelled. “I don’t want your help. Just leave.”
“No, Kylie.”
“Leave!”
“Open the damned door,” Janie shouted, smacking the door. “You’re doing exactly what they want. Now open up.”
“Please go away.” Kylie was afraid now. She had an urge to fight back, but it wouldn’t rise over the sadness that those little black words cut her with.
“I told you to open the door. I won’t let you sit here and let those stupid whores do this shit again.” Janie’s feet disappeared before a loud bang on the next stall made her shriek. “Are you giving up on Logan? If you believe this shit, then you don’t deserve him.”
“I do deserve him,” Kylie screamed, standing up. “This is all your fault!” In no time, she had the door open. Her eyes found Janie leaning against the adjacent stall, arms crossed with cold eyes, intimidating as ever. But Kylie marched up to her, her several inches of height over Janie giving her confidence as she gave the blank-faced bad girl—the murderer—her most threatening glare.