by Janie Marie
He watched her, and she was ready to scream when he looked completely unfazed. “You’re messed up, and you need serious therapy.”
Kylie couldn’t stop the scowl on her face. “Why can’t you just take your girlfriend and go?”
“Where would we go?” He messed with his beanie, relaxed, like he wasn’t being a complete asshole to her. “We’ve always been here . . . Let me put shit this way, if you care about Logan, like really care, you’ll do what I do for Janie: accept I wasn’t the first one she fell for. Accept that even though Logan did some fucked up shit, she still loves him, that she still wants him to be a part of her life. Forever.
“I taunt him, but I lay off when I see it’s getting to her. I take her to see him when she misses him, when they’ve argued and neither wants to apologize first. That’s how you love someone. You don’t try to carve out everyone else so you can be their whole world. You say, be happy. However that’s possible, whoever it’s with, be happy.”
Kylie lowered her gaze. She wanted to scream that he was full of shit, because she knew for Logan, all of it pointed to Janie. But she could only stand there in silence, because the truth was she couldn’t accept any of that—and she didn’t want to know what that said about her.
“Their souls have always been meant to find each other,” he went on. “They’ve been destined to be tied together. I won’t rip my baby apart just so I can be her one and only. I’m just thankful to be the one who helps her shine.”
A tear slipped free, splattering on the tile floor. “What if I don’t make Logan shine?”
He shrugged carelessly, but his tone was less menacing. “You decide if you can watch him with the one who does, or you drag him into the dark with you and watch him die. Me, I give Janie the world and beg her to dance—to glow for all no matter how dark they are. It’s the most peaceful feeling to watch her all lit up, and it’s not all for me. Well, a lot is.” That Ryder Godson smirk that had girls swooning appeared on his face. “She likes looking at me, so she turns into a lightshow just to see my face.”
He chuckled, turning his head, seeming to think about something. “I’ll point out, though, as amazing as it is to watch someone that way, there’s no point if you don’t feel the warmth of their light, or if they refuse to direct any of it at you. If you’re miserable, then it’s you who needs to accept they’re not your happiness, no matter how badly you wish they were. And that’s not the end of the world.”
“What about me?” she whispered. “Why is it so bad to want to matter?”
“It’s not.” He exhaled, focusing on her again. “I’m just trying to help you see it’s okay to let others be loved.”
His eyes dimmed, and it was the saddest look she’d ever seen on his face. “She was in Hell when she let me find her. Logan made a big fucking mess of things, but I’m letting him try to fix what can be fixed.”
She whimpered. “He’s gonna see she’s still all he wants when it’s over.”
“He might.” He shrugged. “But he’d be happy then, wouldn’t he? Would you rather live in a world where Logan Grimm is broken and dark but chained to your side, or would you rather see a Logan Grimm who smiles and glows just as brightly as I know my angel will? Me, I’d rather witness that than realize I was the one who kept her in the dark.”
She gasped, staring at him in disbelief. “You’d let her go?”
He nodded. “If she wanted to leave me. I just need her to keep glowing. If she goes out, so do I.”
She shook her head. “You’re just saying that so I’ll let Logan worship her like the rest of you.”
“I am not.” He closed his eyes, sighing loudly. “And she’s not worshipped. She’s loved. She keeps everyone she loves, and I’m okay with that.”
“You said I’m ugly though.” It just hurt so much for him to call her ugly again and again.
He made a confused face. “What does it matter what I think? I only see her, so even a girl a million guys think is more gorgeous than my baby will pale in comparison. To me, Blondie. When you find a guy who looks at you like that, he’s the one. Maybe it’s Grimm . . . maybe it’s not.”
Her lips trembled. “I want it to be him.”
“You want it to be the man who doesn’t have to force himself to only see you,” he said. “You don’t want to be the only thing he sees because you’ve blocked his view from every other star in the night sky. You want him to see all the diamonds, but his eyes find you each time anyway.”
She could barely stand upright. “But you said Janie is all you see. Is she not blocking all the stars, then?”
He smirked again. “I’m not a normal man, and my baby, she’s my moon. I don’t give a fuck about the stars. I know they’re there. I know they’re trying to get my attention. I know many of them are lovely, but she’s my goddess. My heart. My soul. We’re tied together, and I do my best to remind her that even though she’s scarred and sometimes hidden in darkness as she goes through phases of happiness and sorrow, I still know my beautiful angel is there, and we’re one. Then I beg her to dance. I can’t wait to see her that way.”
She wiped away her tears. She wanted Logan to say this kind of stuff about her, but it was never going to happen with Janie around. “I’m not ready to show my scars.”
“That’s fine,” he said, but not sweetly. He still sounded cold and careless. “Just stop shunning the girl who’s showing you hers. She’s not bragging. She’s hoping you’ll see it’s okay to have them, and she’s hoping she can stop other people from getting ones like hers. And all the guys she has following her, it’s none of your business why they’re there. She’s not going to hide them just because it makes you uncomfortable.” He was quiet for a few seconds. “Just be honest for one moment, maybe it’ll help you get over the hate. Just tell me here—I won’t repeat it—what really bothers you about her.”
It was so hard to make out his face through her tears. He looked like a demon but also an avenging angel—Janie’s angel. “That he loves her with her scars,” she said quietly. “That her mistakes are also some of his, and just that she’s loved by all of you despite the ugliness of what she’s lived through and what she’s done. She’s weak and not right in the head—she’s a killer, yet all of you call her strong, smart, and beautiful. It’s pathetic.”
He chuckled, folding his arms. “I’ll ignore your rude judgment and point out it took her a long time to have his love. You need to sit down and get to know Logan—‘cause you don’t know him. Stop hating her in front of him because it hurts him, and he’s gonna get tired of it. And this isn’t me saying worship her. This is just what you do when you care about someone. If you had someone important in your life, you’d want Logan to tolerate them, right?”
“You don’t tolerate me.”
“Fucking hell.” He rubbed his face. “Do you still not see what the fuck you’re trying to do? You’re trying to matter to the wrong people. I don’t give a damn about you.
“Just get your head out of your ass and accept that you have issues to work through, that they’re friends, and she’s been trying to help both of you. Now she’s hurting, you’re hurting, and I’m this”—he held his forefinger and thumb a tiny bit apart—“fucking close to beating the fuck out of Logan.”
“Please don’t fight him,” she almost sobbed, not really hearing what he was saying anymore, even as his words still echoed around her.
“You know, my baby used to glow,” he murmured. “Not as much as I know she can, but before Logan started prepping for this fight, she was glowing a tiny bit. And surprisingly, she flickered when she helped you that day at the gym. When she heard you call her a murderer, her light roared before dimming at the sound of Logan’s sadness.”
His gaze slid down her body in the most nonsexual way. “You don’t glow. You cast a shadow in every direction, and it darkens the longer you look and think about Janie. Something’s there. Find it and face it.”
She didn’t want to hear any more. “I just want t
o live my life. With Logan.”
“Logan’s still in the dark woods where he lost Janie,” he said bluntly. “Don’t take him to a darker forest just because you don’t want to be alone. Let him find his way out. So what if it’s Janie lighting the way for him? Follow his dumb ass if it makes you feel better.”
She laughed, wiping her tears from her cheeks. “More secrets are going to come out, aren’t they?”
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “Yeah. Don’t expect her to open up with you any more than she already has, especially after this shit with the photos. She knows you were hurt—she wasn’t trying to, but still. You hurt her on purpose. No matter how hurt a girl gets, she shouldn’t try to destroy someone, especially by throwing her to the cruel world.”
“She has my number,” Kylie whispered. “She could’ve warned me.”
“And yet you don’t think Logan should have?” he retorted. “You’re doing everything in your power to blame her, and she’s the main one trying to help. Just think before you act. Blame the right people if that’s how you’re going to stumble around in life.”
“You don’t have to be so mean to me. It was all her fault I got angry.”
He looked like he might roll his eyes but he simply chuckled. “I’m mad you posted my girlfriend’s pictures; I’m not going to be anywhere close to pleasant with you, and I’m not going to be understanding when I have to hear people talking about her. What’s really fucked up is”—he gave her a long look—“if I tried to save you from my brother by pretending we”—he gestured between them—“were together, you’d jump at the chance and not once give a damn what it would do to her. You’d gloat to the world and milk the fuck out of our ‘relationship’. You know I’m right. It’s the same way you jumped at the chance to rub in Maura’s face that Trevor asked you to their apartment. A fantasy boy to make you the center of the world.”
Kylie lowered her head. There was nothing to say to him.
“You’re not her, Blondie. Her rash choices still have consequences, but she has me. She has a fucking army of men like you wouldn’t believe, and we all have her back. You don’t have the same luxuries, and that’s not her fault.”
That felt like a punch to the heart, and she couldn’t keep the bitterness from her tone. “Thanks. You could go one second without reminding me I’m not perfect compared to her.”
He sighed loudly. “Janie’s only perfect for me, Blondie. She’s a dumb girl about certain shit. She’s impulsive and always does the most drastic thing if someone she loves is in danger. She’s not a genius, but she’s special. You can’t let that eat you up. You’ll never have me or my brothers the way she does, and you won’t have the Knights or her men. You don’t compare to her . . . with us.”
She lifted her eyes to meet his stare. “Why do you always talk like that? Like you’re more than a kid like me, that she’s—I don’t know—a Bigfoot. Something that doesn’t exist.”
His lips twitched. “Really? You’re gonna take an extra dig at her and call her a Bigfoot out of all the mythical creatures you could use? Fitting that you would pick that, too. She shaves her arms because girls picked on her for having dark hair. They called her Sasquatch.” He shook his head, laughing. “If you were a guy, I’d break your face.”
Her cheeks burned. “I didn’t know that. I’m just saying Bigfoots don’t exist, but people who believe in them sound as dumb as you do.”
“Ah, there you go again. Just throwing out insults like you have the luxury of being an innocent child who has no filter.” He chuckled. “I dreamed about my baby when Janie was pregnant. She was cute but rude as fuck. She pointed at some old woman and asked, Daddy, what’s that old stuff? Only babies get away with the shit you say.”
All his humor left as he snapped, “Use your damn head. And be a tad bit nice about the person trying to help you. You’re not trying to help me—you’re always ripping my shit apart, so don’t call me a hypocrite. But you can’t deny Janie’s helped you. She’d be a unicorn, by the way. No, something more magical. She’s something magical.”
Kylie huffed, shaking her head. “Well, count on me not seeing anything magical about her. She’s just a normal girl, and you’re all normal people with a lot of money.”
“We’re not normal,” he fired back. “I’ll just say we had a beautiful dream together—and we had a little help from kings, knights, and princes to make it come true. Just wait until you meet her wolves.”
It was infuriating that he could sound so perfect while talking nonsense. Even more infuriating was the fact he always made her talk without her realizing she was. “What if she has a secret that’s too much for you to take? What if it’s something so bad, you can’t look at her the same way?”
He didn’t look remotely worried. “I have an advantage over other guys because I know she’s mine no matter what. Don’t worry about my relationship with her. You need to find out if Grimm’s that guy for you. If he isn’t, well, that just means there’s a better match still waiting.”
She hesitated but then blurted, “Do you ever feel like everything is about her and not about you at all? Like even your own life?”
“She’s why I live and I’m why she lives.” He shrugged. “You entered our world when you got involved with Grimm. Nothing has ever been about us stepping into Kylie’s shitty world.”
Her heart was throbbing “Please stop being mean.”
He stared at her. “I’m telling you what you need to hear because it’s clear no one, not even Grimm, is telling you what an ugly heart you have, and that it’s going to destroy you.”
She gaped at him, words not forming.
“You’re not a girl who’ll go down quietly, though, and that’s why I’m saying this shit to you. Because I see it in your eyes”—he shifted his gaze between hers—“you want to ruin Janie, tear every bit of her from Logan, and in doing that, you’re fucking with my world.”
Kylie swallowed, not breaking eye contact with him. She wanted to argue, but there was no point. All she could do now was find out what she needed to know. “Do you think he felt something when he was with her yesterday?”
His expression went blank. “Yeah. I think they both felt something.”
The air in her lungs felt like it had been stolen. “We’re supposed to be okay with that?”
He heaved a sigh. “It’s okay to be upset and hurt . . . I’m angry with her choice, but I’m proud of her for being brave and doing something she didn’t want to do. I might not give a damn about Grimm, but I know he means the world to her, and she got to be his hero in a way. And while she’s hurting all alone, she knows I’m waiting here. I’m showing her that her stupid little plans can blow up, and I’ll still be here to help her piece everything back together.”
“I don’t think I can deal with her being his hero.” She held her hand over her heart.
“You deal or you don’t,” he said plainly. “The story doesn’t change just because you prefer it to go a certain way. But sometimes tragedy gives us something better than we could have ever dreamed of.”
“Thank you, Ryder.”
“It’s never for you,” he said, and she saw he meant it.
“Asshole.” She wiped her face again.
Now he smirked. “Keep my ass out of your fantasies.”
Knock, knock.
They both looked over as Ryder shoved off the desk and walked toward the door. He withdrew a key from his pocket and unlocked it. Janie walked in, and he immediately pulled her to him.
He kissed her again and again as he lifted her up. “Oh, my love. It’s okay. I’m here.”
“You weren’t there,” Janie cried. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m here. I’m always here.” Ryder swayed with her like she was a little girl. “Everything will be okay. Stay with me.”
Kylie looked away from them just as Logan entered.
“Hey, baby.”
“Logan,” she said, pushing herself up out of her desk to meet him.
He grinned and pulled her into a kiss. And just like that, nothing else mattered.
“I missed you,” he said, smiling against her lips.
“I missed you, too.” She opened her eyes, sighing. He was there.
“I’m sorry I haven’t called. I’ve been busy.” He leaned away. “Why were you with Trevor?”
She froze, staring up at him. “What?”
He glanced at Ryder and Janie. “How long do we have?”
“Only two hours.” Ryder scanned Janie’s face, but he continued speaking to Logan. “Be here when I get back.”
Kylie frowned as she watched Ryder start undoing his jeans, Janie already holding his jacket. “What the—“
“Fuck,” Logan said, turning her around quickly.
“Afraid she’s going to see what a real man looks like?” Ryder’s menacing voice raised the hairs on the back of her neck. Obviously, Ryder the philosopher was gone and Ryder the cold bastard was back.
Logan moved in front of her and pulled off his shirt. “He’s going to pretend to be me so they can leave together for a little while. The building is being watched.”
“Oh,” Kylie said as he handed her his shirt and then shoved his workout pants down. She bit her lip and fought the sigh wanting to come out of her mouth when he winked and finished taking them off.
“Don’t turn around yet,” he said, picking up his clothes as he walked back to where Ryder was.
“Is there gas in your piece of shit car?” Ryder asked him.
“I brought the bike. You can lose whoever follows and the helmet will help them believe it’s me.”
“Blondie?”
She slowly turned around to see Ryder pulling Logan’s hoodie over the shirt Logan was just wearing.
“Yes?” Kylie looked from him to Janie, taking in her empty expression. She didn’t know what she felt now she could see how bad Janie looked. The sunglasses must’ve been to cover her eyes because they were red and puffy from crying. She was paler than normal, too. She looked . . . lost.