by Janie Marie
Lance didn’t answer his question. “I’ll talk to Luc. If you want out of the family, I’ll release you. He’ll have no desire to keep you if I do.”
A constricting sensation wrapped around his heart. “You’d renounce me as a Grimm?”
The look his father gave him was one of sadness, but it was full of love and understanding. “Logan, we’re holders of the Grimm Legacy. If you choose to go off and live whatever fantasy your mind’s concocting with this girl, you’re abandoning our way. Luc could force you, though I doubt he would hurt her now, but he could. But, if I disown you, none of the families would want anything to do with you. You’d be as insignificant as any other soul in this place. You could carry on in ignorant bliss, oblivious to the magic and monsters that were sent here . . . You have a lot to think about, but you have time. Our focus is on Janie’s recovery.”
Logan didn’t know if he was still breathing. It rarely crossed his mind that his father could disown him, renounce him as a Grimm. But it made sense—only Grimms, Godsons, Knights, and Princes were allowed in.
Lance came toward him, ruffling his hair. “Nothing has to be decided tonight. Go see your baby doll—see that she’s alive and safe with Ryder. Just be careful. He’s going to be volatile until she’s out of the woods. You don’t want to be around if he loses it. Still, he needs to know what you’ve been hiding. Take the burden from her; she can’t tell him.”
He felt like a child, but where he’d once been eager to listen to the fantastic tales of their legacy, he now feared what had been hidden from him. “I’ll tell him.”
“Good.” He stepped backward. “If you’re ready to find out what it really means to be a Grimm, close your eyes and surrender to the story. Stop doubting that fairy tales exist and accept that you’re part of something bigger. You’ll feel a tug right then.” He tapped the center of his chest. “It’s the thread that connects you to your purpose. We either follow it and embrace our fate, or we cut it loose and wander off on our own. Just be careful—Darkness is often the easiest path. Many stray down the happy trail, only to realize they’ve wandered into a trap. By the time they turn to find their way back, it’s gone—destroyed because they thought they were the ones who made the wind, the trees, the stars and moon. They—we—are just along for the ride. Visitors in the Creator’s dream. You can’t expect to find the way home after lighting the trees on fire.”
“Wouldn’t that make it easier to find home?” Logan asked.
“Not if home was destroyed in the flames. Lest not forget the wolves who guard her forest.” Lance walked away. “Good night, son.”
Logan turned to leave, too. “Are you going hunting?”
His dad didn’t look back. “You’re not the only one who fucked up in this life. Sometimes it’s necessary to be the Big Bad Wolf.”
Eighteen
Wake
Kylie jerked awake to the dangerous growl of Ryder’s voice. “I should kill you.”
She was terrified and confused about where she was and what had happened, but she didn’t move.
“Believe me, I want to kill myself.” It was Logan.
She frowned, disoriented, but she stayed still and kept her eyes closed as she gathered someone had laid her down on a couch. The last thing she remembered was her panic attack and Logan. He’d come for her. He’d kept her safe.
“I would let you if it helped her,” Ryder muttered. “But she still doesn’t blame you.”
Kylie chanced peeking one eye open and realized she was in a private hospital room. All the lights but one were off, allowing her to make out Ryder’s figure. He was sitting on the edge of a bed, staring down at the person asleep on it. Logan sat in a chair beside him, his gaze fixed on the same person. Janie.
“It was my fault,” said Logan. “I locked the doors, but I didn’t check the apartment or balcony door. Then I guess she opened the door at some point without locking it.”
“Why did she freeze up?” Ryder asked. “We trained her not to panic. Why would she?”
Kylie watched Logan reach for Janie’s hand. Her thoughts were spinning. Whatever had happened, it had clearly taken place at Logan’s apartment.
“Don’t touch her,” Ryder snapped.
Logan dropped his hand to his lap and stayed quiet.
Ryder glared at him. “Both of you have always kept something about him from me. I can tell by the way her eyes go a little wide whenever she sees him, but she blows it off when I ask her. And you always tell me not to worry because he’s not around. Why?”
Logan’s voice was even lower and strained when he responded. “She didn’t want you to look at her like we did. I think she was afraid you’d do what I did to her.”
Ryder didn’t tear his eyes away from Janie, and even in Kylie’s sleepy state, she could tell it was hard for him to stay still. He was itching to fight Logan.
“Tell me.” Ryder said. “I’m done waiting. She’s suffered too much.”
Logan grabbed his head. “He molested her when we were younger.”
Kylie barely held back her gasp. Who was he talking about?
Ryder’s posture was rigid, tight with a restraint that she doubted would last long. “You didn’t believe her?”
“I did.” Logan rocked forward, looking like a little boy in trouble. “I saw it. I walked in on him on top of her. She was crying, and he said he knew she liked it before—that bad girls like her liked it.” He shook his head as an anguished groan got stuck in his throat. “Then she saw me, and she cried harder, screaming for me. It was like she was more devastated that I’d seen. I beat the shit out of him. But my mom—”
“What?” Ryder scooted closer to Janie and lifted her limp hand to hold against his face, calming himself.
“She called me a liar,” Logan mumbled against his palms. “Dad and Arthur were gone, so I didn’t know who else to go to. When Janie saw her slap me, she never spoke of it again. Not even when Dad returned and asked her about it. He told me to keep him away and never leave her. I’ve tried to do that, but when we started having problems, about you, I yelled at her that she was lying like she did before.”
“He’s the one?” Ryder slightly turned his head to the side. “She said I didn’t feel like him after our first time together. I asked her what she meant, and she shut off. Then she was gone.”
Logan hung his head low. “I wanted to believe she forgot, or that maybe my mom was right—that she had lied. I mean, I saw him doing it, but I don’t know . . . I never asked her about him again. I’ve tried to shield her because she still tenses up at hearing his name, or if she does see him, she shakes. She would stare at him, frozen, unless you were there with her. She always clutched you when he got close.”
Ryder lifted Janie’s hand, kissing it. “It’s the same as the story. You wouldn’t know—”
Logan cut him off. “I know what it says about the monsters.”
A low, growling noise rumbled within Ryder’s chest. “Then you knew they’d find her. I thought it was the rapists all this time, but you knew there was another.”
“I’m sorry,” Logan whispered, hiding his face in his hands.
Kylie wanted to go to him, but she stayed quiet, listening intently. These were their deep secrets. That wicked smile touched her mind, but Ryder spoke, saving her.
“Does anyone else know?” he asked.
“Luc does,” Logan said. “Dad believed her, but she refused to tell him anything. I saw it in his eyes though. He was ready to kill him—and me. She kept quiet so he wouldn’t do anything.”
“Lance told Luc?” Ryder almost sounded lost. “She protected both of you.”
“Yes. He wanted Luc to take care of it, but Janie said it was a misunderstanding. He asked me, and I said she made it up.”
All of Ryder’s fierceness was back, and she almost jumped when he snarled, “Leave.”
“Please.” Logan held his hands up in surrender, but he wasn’t running. He was desperate to stay. “I already hate myself.
”
“You should.” Ryder glared at him. “Take Kylie and get out of my sight before I kill you.”
“I need her to know I never meant to hurt her.” Logan was begging now, and her heart started to crack at seeing him so broken. “Just give me a chance to make it up to her. I need to.”
“You’ve had enough chances.” Ryder’s whole frame was trembling. “I’ve given you time to atone for the shit you’ve put her through. Don’t you realize who you are?”
Kylie frowned—who was he?
Ryder continued, “Fucking hell, Grimm, why would you keep this shit to yourself? You took her to your apartment, knowing he could come. What the fuck is the matter with you? Did you want her to get hurt?”
“No.” Logan reached for Janie again.
Ryder shoved him back. “Touch her and I’ll rip your heart out.” He jabbed a finger at Logan’s chest. “You did this. This was your chance to be everything, and you destroyed it.”
“I know.” Logan’s desperate tone twisted her stomach in knots. “I should’ve stopped it. She saw him at school today, and I saw her freeze. I fucked up, but I thought if I kept her by me, she’d be safe.”
“You’re hopeless,” Ryder growled. “You can’t stop lying for one second. All you care about is making yourself feel better. You saw a chance to be a hero because she was breaking, and you knew I couldn’t hold her. You didn’t care what it was doing to her, what danger you were putting her in. And I know what you were doing, you bastard. Luc came in here shouting at me to kill you. You left her alone to go nut in the shower. Now look at her!”
“I’m sorry.”
“Fuck your sorry.” Ryder’s tone was like a slap to the face. “You choose your dick every time to distract yourself because you can’t stand the shit in your goddamn head. You’re afraid of your past—too weak to find out what Janie really is to you.”
His voice was low. “You know I’m forbidden from knowing.”
“No, you’re not,” Ryder said darkly. “All you’ve ever had to do is commit, but you act like a bitch, and Janie covers for you. You’re at risk of being renounced by every family.”
Logan kept his head down as Ryder looked at him like he was the scum of the Earth. “I just didn’t want it to be true.” Logan’s leg was bouncing as he sat there, rocking forward. “Not her. I prayed I’d wake up and it wasn’t true. The story makes it so much worse. If it was a lie, if everything was a lie, I wouldn’t have failed her.”
Fury radiated out of Ryder, hitting her like a blast of hot air. “Well, you did. The tale is there to guide you, and you do this? You just had to man the fuck up and face your mistakes—take responsibility for once. That’s what it’s about, moron. It’s not there to hold your hand and tell you to do this or that—it’s letting you know your soul is seeking redemption. You know right from wrong. You choose to run every time, then you blame it all on her.”
“Just let me help.”
“Why?” The look Ryder gave Logan had her trembling. “So you can betray her again? Just take Kylie and go. I should let Luc get rid of both of you. You don’t deserve any of this. Neither of you. Don’t you realize what all this means? It’s happened before, and you’re fucking up again. Trevor is one of the monsters.” Ryder shook his head. “And you’ve let him feast on her blood this whole time.”
Kylie’s eyes widened at the mention of Trevor. Trevor did this? Trevor had been abusing Janie since she was little? Oh, God. Kylie could barely keep from gasping aloud. She’d believed him. That’s why Logan had to pick Janie up at school—she was seeing her abuser, and she was paralyzed without Ryder there. Even though they didn’t know who they were protecting her from, Ryder and his brothers did shield her.
She started to shake as her mind tortured her, morphing Janie’s face with Maura’s, but she managed to stay quiet.
Ryder raised a hand as if he was going to hit Logan, but he growled and lowered it. “When he’s caught, I’ll be the one to kill him. You had your chance to stop him—to finally do right by her—but you let him get away. You pathetic bastard.”
“I kept him close to keep an eye on him.”
“Good fucking job,” Ryder said, raising his voice before lowering it again. “Goddammit, you better leave right now. I can barely sit here without ripping your damn head off. And stay away from Janie. You’re done. Your friendship is over. Your redemption is finished. Congratulations, because you fucking blew it. I don’t give a damn if she loves you anymore. You won’t hurt my baby ever again.”
Logan nodded as he stood up. “I’m sorry.”
Ryder reared back, but he growled, turning away. “After the shit he did to their lockers, too, you still kept your mouth shut.”
“I was going to fix it.” Logan looked smaller. His whole posture made it look as if he was shrinking.
“He’s probably the one who made the recording, dumbass. If you’d have just opened your mouth, we would’ve taken him. Look at her.” Ryder leaned down, placing his hand over Janie’s stomach. “How long do you want her to suffer? You know she did this for you. She’s tearing herself apart for you and that bitch.”
Logan tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling, his entire body trembling. “Please tell her I love her. Forever. I won’t fail again. I was afraid.”
“You should be afraid.” Ryder turned his head to the side. “You knew the consequences, Reaper.”
Logan took an abrupt step back.
Ryder narrowed his gaze at him. His eyes almost glowed from this angle. He looked like a predator watching his prey. “You’re fucked.”
Logan stared at Janie. His hand twitched, as if he considered reaching for her, but he paused when a hair-raising, almost inhuman growl resonated from Ryder.
“Not yet,” Logan whispered, his posture tense, ready to fight or protect himself. “Please.”
“Take the girl and go,” Ryder said, his voice empty, truly empty.
Kylie panicked, squeezing her eyes shut when Logan was almost beside her.
Ryder spoke again, his tone softening, tired. “Teach her how to protect herself.” He sighed, speaking quieter still. “No, it won’t be enough. Teach her how to live after she fails to protect herself—when you fail to keep her safe.”
Logan’s hand was shaking. “Ryder, are you—”
“No . . . But I’ll leave again. Not tonight.” Ryder kissed Janie’s wrist, tilting his head as he observed his girlfriend’s bruised face. “I need her to stop me.”
Kylie kept watching and listening, wondering what the hell Ryder was saying. Whatever it was, Logan seemed to understand his cryptic words.
Logan took a step closer to Ryder but halted when the bad boy growled. Still, Logan spoke. She realized he was reciting something. “‘Oh, my dearest reaper,’ said the Lord, ‘How thou art lost without thy light.’”
Ryder spoke, seeming to continue whatever Logan had been reciting, “‘Breathe, it will pass. For her flame is yours, dear son. Longer than always. Now roar her name and watch, for she was merely preparing to glow.’” He sighed, closing his eyes as he whispered, “If you care for Kylie, tell her the truth and keep her close to you until we find Trevor. I don’t care if she hates Janie—no soul should feel the way I do right now.”
“I’m sorry,” Logan said softly.
“I know you are—it’s not enough.” Ryder opened his eyes. “Go.”
“Thank you,” said Logan.
“It’s never for you,” said Ryder. “Now get the fuck out of here. I meant everything I said earlier. You and Janie are over. Your forever has ended.”
Kylie squeezed her eyes shut when Logan lifted her into his arms. He was trembling, but he stayed quiet. She was afraid to open her eyes, but she chanced it, peeking enough to catch sight of Ryder as Logan walked toward the door. Her heart was pounding, but she couldn’t look away from the couple. She had hated them so much she would’ve gladly watched their destruction earlier. Now she didn’t know what she felt. Not surprising to her, s
he didn’t think it was sorrow.
Ryder leaned over Janie, his tone changing again—smooth and strong—like honey gliding over broken earth. “Wake, Sweet Jane.” Then he kissed her.
As the door began to close, a light came on, casting gold light across Janie’s busted face as her eyes fluttered open. Her damaged lips moved painfully but no sound escaped.
Ryder smiled, holding her face, his eyes locked with hers. “There you are.”
Light. Just light.
Kylie gasped, sitting up. She looked down, realizing she’d been placed on a bed, but she had no idea where she was. There was only a small sliver of light coming from a cracked doorway. It was hitting her right in the eye, and she saw Logan walking back and forth. He must’ve turned the light on, and that’s what woke her.
She glanced around again. It looked like a typical boy’s room, like you’d see on TV. There were trophies and various sports items. When she spotted a picture by the bed, she froze. It was Logan and Janie. They were teenagers, just posing together, smiling in front of a wooded area.
Kylie moved her gaze around, her jaw slack. It was Logan’s room. This must be the house he grew up in.
Something clattered to the floor, and Logan’s growl resounded from the room he was in. Kylie got up, tip-toeing over to peek through the opening. It was a bathroom.
She covered her mouth as she watched him stare at his blood-stained hands. He was shaking.
“Wake up,” he whispered, balling his fists as his voice cracked. “Wake up.” A tear fell from his eye, splattering on the white tiles, and he collapsed to his knees. “I’m sorry.” He covered his face. “Baby doll, I’m so sorry.”
Kylie’s throat closed as she watched him tremble. He looked nothing like the Logan Grimm she loved. He was a broken shell of her man-boy.
Because he lost her. You got your wish. An empty Logan Grimm. All to yourself. Happy Birthday to you.
The voice was cruel, but it was honest. She’d wanted Logan to herself. She still did.