by Janie Marie
“See?” He put a hand over hers, but he still didn’t look at her. “It’s okay, Hood. And we don’t have to get into this. I still want you to feel special.” He finally turned, pulling her so he could kiss her. “I didn’t want you to wake up to that, but I knew it would be hard to reach him again.”
She smiled against his lips, kissing him softly. “I guess waking up to you arguing with your brother wasn’t the sweetest way to wake up after my first time.”
“Exactly.” He grinned, moving so he could guide her onto her back. “Let me make it up to you.”
“How are you going to do that?” She was breathless and already forgetting what she had intended on talking to him about.
He nuzzled his face in the crook of her neck as his hand went to her stomach. “I think you know.” He smiled as he kissed down the valley of her breasts, sending all thoughts of his brother and Janie to the back of her mind. All she could see now was images from just hours ago—his strong body over hers, his gaze, his touch, his voice.
He kept kissing lower as he slid a hand between her legs. “Already wet for me, hm?” His fingers drew lazy circles there, and she spread her legs apart.
His lips spread into a wide smile at her invitation. “Ah, there’s my beautiful super freak.”
“Logan.” She was already breathing heavily as she rocked herself against his hand. She felt a lot of discomfort, but she didn’t care.
She wanted to feel—feel them—again.
Losing her virginity hadn’t been like the novels she’d read while hiding her flushed face beneath her hood. It had been overwhelming and wonderful all at the same time. Dirty and so fucking beautiful.
Logan hadn’t been like the book boys and men who said they’d be gentle and promised to stop if it hurt. He wasn’t like the fictional ‘bad boys’ either. He was simply Logan. Her Logan.
They’d come so far in such a short time—but she loved him, and she knew without a doubt he loved her back. He didn’t need to be one of those guys she’d read about, those characters that were created to be the perfect guy. Logan wasn’t perfect. He was flawed and broken—he was real. And he was hers. Her man-boy. And she was the one he chose.
“Easy, Hood.” He kissed the spot just below her navel. “We’ve got time.” He slowly pushed a finger inside her still tender passage, which made her gasp and tense against him. “Just relax.” He licked her stomach. “I want to take my time now.”
And this time, Logan Grimm took his fucking time.
Twenty-Two
The Cruel Voice
“God, help me. I think he broke my vagina.” Kylie moaned, pressing her hand between her legs. She wasn’t sure if it was because it was her first time, because Logan hadn’t exactly been gentle, or because she was now starting her period. Her periods had always been painful, but they seemed to get worse every month. Maybe this was punishment for sex before marriage. “I’ll never have sex again, I promise. Okay.” She laughed to herself. “Maybe I’ll have sex again. Definitely. But I’ll do other good stuff from now on. Just please make the pain stop.”
And you think you’re the only one to hurt from having sex? What about the girls who are forced?
Kylie squeezed her eyes shut. That damn voice, or whatever it was, had been gone most of the day yesterday.
Because you don’t care about reality or consequences when it’s just you and Logan. Too bad, bitch. You’re about to wake the fuck up.
“What the hell?” Kylie looked in a hall mirror, almost expecting to see a different face. But it was just her.
Why would you see someone else?
She sighed and continued into Lance Grimm’s bedroom. She paused at the door. He wasn’t home, but she felt like she was being watched. Hopefully, he didn’t have cameras.
After glancing around the hallway again, she made her way toward what she assumed was a bathroom. It wasn’t. It was a closet. No, it was an armory.
“Holy shit,” she whispered, her eyes scanning the arsenal laid out on a table. It looked like a secret door had been opened, and the guns, knives, and rope were being prepared to be packed away. “This guy is crazy.”
Kylie picked up a picture frame on the table. It didn’t look like it belonged in there since it had been lying flat. It was a picture of Lance and Janie. She was young—maybe twelve—and she was wearing a costume. A ballerina. She never would’ve expected Janie to be a ballerina. She wasn’t graceful, and she didn’t have a dancer’s body, but she supposed they let anyone dance when they were young.
Her eyes drifted to the two others in the picture. Logan and his brother. Logan was smiling at Janie—actually, all the Grimm men were smiling at her. Like she was their whole world.
Was?
Fire crawled up her throat as she took in just how lovingly Logan stared at Janie. She didn’t know if he had ever looked at her that way. Would she ever mean more than Janie did to him? He was choosing her over Janie now, but it sure sounded like Logan’s brother was trying to talk Logan into some kind of future with Janie.
You already know you don’t deserve anyone’s love. They are something you’ll never be.
The burning in her throat reached down toward her heart. It was a slow burn at first, but it was soon engulfing her entire being. She did deserve love. She deserved Logan. She deserved to be pampered and be the only thing that mattered to him. That’s how it should be.
Yes, she had told Logan she’d help him find Janie and himself, but the truth was, clingy ex-girlfriends were not supposed to matter so much.
It was foolish to think you could keep a good heart for long.
Kylie closed her eyes, breathing in and out slowly. She didn’t want to be this bitter person. Logan knew she hated Janie, and he was still choosing her. I can be a good person. I am a good person.
Are you when it matters though? When it puts your desires below others?
Kylie opened her eyes, not noticing she was staring at one of the guns until she was touching the handle.
New level of crazy, even for you. Well, I suppose not . . .
She gasped, yanking her hand back. A blinding pain shot through her head, and she panted. “What’s happening?”
A smirk matching one of her own formed in her mind.
She tore her eyes away from the gun. “I’m just under too much stress.”
Pretty sure you’ve always been crazy.
No, I haven’t.
Then why did Maura always ask you about talking to yourself? What do you think you’re doing right now?
Kylie whined as she moved from the table of weapons. Talking to yourself was normal if you were forced to be alone.
A girl wearing a hood in the shadows of her mind took a step forward. You can’t keep the truth hidden for much longer.
“I’m not hiding anything,” she whispered.
The hooded girl lifted her head, but Kylie covered her eyes, whimpering as she tried to focus on her time with Logan.
Darkness fell over her like a heavy blanket. No hint of light to reveal the hooded girl. Just darkness. Like it had been for so long.
She breathed out, uncovering her eyes, happy that all she could focus on once again was her cramps. She didn’t give a second thought to the taunts of her subconscious or the hooded girl. She simply entered Lance Grimm’s bathroom and searched the cabinets, determined to find a box of tampons or pads. “At least I didn’t start in the middle of sex,” she muttered, slamming the drawer. She groaned and placed her hand over her stomach as a painful cramp stabbed her insides. “How could I forget? I bet that bastard made me start.” She pushed items around, then tried to mimic Logan’s voice, “I’m gonna make sure you can’t walk straight, Hood.” She scoffed. “I should shove something up his ass next time. See how he likes not walking straight for a week!”
“You never know—he might like it,” said a deep voice behind her.
Screaming, she clutched her chest and fell on her butt before scrambling backward. She grabbed the first thing
she could reach—a roll of toilet paper—and hurled it in the direction of the voice.
“Whoa, calm down.” The man lowered the box he was holding to block his face from further attacks. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
“Mr. Grimm?” Kylie let out a relieved breath. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were here. I was—”
“Snooping through my bathroom.” He smirked in a very Logan fashion before extending his hand to help her up.
“I wasn’t. I was looking for—”
“Tampons?” he finished, pulling her up, and handed over the package he’d been holding. “I talked to Logan. He said you needed something.”
She covered her face as she looked at the box. “Oh, gosh.”
“Sorry,” he said, frowning. “I can go get you a different kind, if you like. That’s just all I had left over from Janie’s old room. Oh, I guess these are pads. Maybe she doesn’t use tampons.”
Kylie peeked through her fingers and watched as he looked as if he was trying to locate a memory.
“No, I think she uses both kinds. Maybe there are tampons in there, too. Would you like me to check? She hasn’t been here in years though. Do they expire?”
Kylie mumbled in her hands, “Pads are fine.”
“Oh, good,” he said. “Logan said he’d take you to the drugstore later. But I figured this would hold you over. Do you need painkillers? Or a heating pad? Ice cream? Chocolate?”
She laughed softly and pulled her hands away to look at him. “No, I’m good. These will work fine for now. Thank you. Logan kinda turned pale when I told him what was happening, and he just told me to go look in your room. I’m sorry for intruding.”
Lance shook his head. “That sounds like Logan. He avoided his mother and Janie when it was their time. I was always in charge of buying whatever they needed and took their verbal abuse until it was over.”
Kylie wiped some sweat from her forehead. “Um, how much did you hear just a minute ago?”
A flash of menace filled his dark eyes, but he stayed quiet.
She didn’t know what she was more afraid of: him hearing her talk about her having sex with Logan, her period, or . . . “I’m just going to go upstairs now.”
He stepped aside to let her pass. “Are you guys being safe?”
She stopped walking and didn’t dare turn around. Her face was so hot and her heart was beating so fast.
“I’m not trying to embarrass you,” he said, “but I really don’t think I can go through being a grandfather just yet.”
“We’re being safe,” she blurted before he could add anything else.
He nodded. “Good. I ordered pizza for lunch.”
“Sure. We’ll be back down in a little while.” Kylie didn’t stick around, and thanks to her embarrassment, she didn’t give her sore girly parts a second thought as she ran upstairs.
Delicious inked arms came around Kylie from behind as she poured both of them juice. “Look at my baby making me lunch,” he murmured, kissing her temple.
“Pouring you a drink isn’t lunch.” She was adoring this new dynamic between them. They were a serious couple, and he was already set on her living with him. “Your dad ordered pizza.”
“I’ll take what I can get. How’s your . . .” He cupped her crotch, making her almost spill juice everywhere.
“Logan!”
“What?” He moved his hand. “Did that hurt? That’s probably not good.”
She put down the juice and elbowed him. “I’m fine. Just don’t fondle me in your dad’s house.”
He turned her, smirking as he cupped her cheeks. “I probably shouldn’t have fucked you in my dad’s home then, if you wanted me to act all proper.”
Her heart throbbed. “Fucked?”
His cocky smile faded, but he didn’t get a chance to say anything because his dad walked into the kitchen.
“Please tell me you’re both clothed.” Lance walked past them to grab a glass out of the cabinet.
Logan rolled his eyes as he took their drinks to the table. “Don’t become that awkward dad or we’re leaving.”
Lance grinned at Logan. “I missed out on harassing you and your brother with your girls. I’m making up for lost time.”
Kylie wanted to laugh, but she could only think about all the stupid remarks Lance would have made while Janie and Logan were dating.
Oh, shut up.
Kylie scowled to herself as Logan replied to his dad.
“I’m sure we can find some distant relative with a teenage Grimm for you to humiliate.”
Lance laughed as he joined them at the table. His phone vibrated, stopping him from sitting. “It’s Ryder.”
Logan focused on his dad. “Is everything okay?”
Lance typed in a response. “She’s not eating. He’s worried her bulimia is going to mess up her release.”
Kylie frowned as she wondered how many disorders a person could have. “She’s bulimic and she cuts?”
Lance darted his eyes to her. “She struggles with bulimia. That’s not who she is. And she doesn’t ‘cut’. She tried to kill herself because she lost all hope.”
Logan patted Kylie’s leg. “Dad, she didn’t mean anything by it.”
Lance returned his attention to his phone. “Do you think you’ll go see her today? You know she always did better with you.”
Kylie pressed her lips together as she stared at her plate.
“Ryder doesn’t want me around her,” Logan said quietly.
She wanted to roll her eyes. Everyone was so sensitive.
No, as usual, you’re being insensitive.
“Call Tercero.” Lance gave Logan a stern look. “He’s at the hospital right now. You know he can talk the most sense into Ryder.”
Logan took a bite of pizza, but he was staring at his phone.
He’s still trying to prove to you you’re his only focus.
“I’ll wait until she gets out of the hospital,” he said, shoving his phone a few inches away.
Lance sighed, shaking his head.
“Um,” Kylie said, swallowing when Logan and Lance looked at her. God, they really did look alike. Lance’s hair was just a lighter brown than Logan’s almost black hair, and he had a much darker aura. Dangerous. She put aside her fear of him and said, “I told Savaş to try bringing her drinks. Did that not work?”
Logan smiled. “You told them that? When?”
“When you were drooling over the car.” She grinned at him, happy to have a reason not to meet Mr. Grimm’s scrutinizing eyes. “Just tell Ryder to get her favorite foods.”
Logan’s happiness vanished. “It’s not that simple, Hood. She’s been this way since she was a little girl. Anyway, her throat is sore. Giving her a hamburger and fries won’t be easy.”
“I’m sure Ryder knows how to handle it.” Kylie felt Lance’s stare, but she refused to acknowledge him. “I mean, we can go to the hospital if you really have to, but you don’t want to step on his toes. It’ll make her worse if you fight with him. Maybe we can just send flowers or something. Then, like you said, when things calm down, you can talk to him about letting you see her.”
Lance slammed his glass down. “Call Tercero. She’ll want to see you, Logan. You know Ryder was just angry and hurt. He’ll let you in now that he’s had time to absorb everything. The drinks were a good idea, but you know her more than any of us. You should be there. It’ll be good for both of you. And you need to see her if you want to make decisions on what you and I discussed.”
Logan wanted to call. It was obvious because he still wouldn’t stop looking at his phone, and he had already seemed a little less ‘Logan’ since getting up with her a second time.
You can stick by what you told him, you know? He’s not okay.
Logan’s mobile rang, and he snatched it up before she could see who it was. “I’ll be right back.” He kissed Kylie’s head and left to the living area. “Hey, man. I was just talking about you.”
“You should
convince him to go to the hospital,” Lance said, his focus on his phone again.
She wondered if she’d imagined him talking, but then he placed it down and gave her his full attention.
“Kylie, I know he’s trying to prove you’re more important to him. I already talked to him and his brother, and I know he has this idea he’s going to run off with you, but you have to understand something”—he leveled her with a fierce stare—“his connection with Janie goes beyond that of an ex-boyfriend. And Janie has more problems than you’re aware of, many the result of how their relationship ended. It would be big of you to set aside any jealousy you have.”
She couldn’t believe she was back to having her life revolve around Janie. “I’m going to take a fantastic guess and assume you mean their story. And I’m not jealous.”
A displeased smile touched his lips. “Your jealousy and hatred every time her name is breathed are pretty clear on your face. It’s understandable, but it still hurts.”
Her hand went to her cheek, remembering how Ryder said she made an ugly face. No, they were lying.
Lance sighed. “I get it’s hard to accept a bunch of grown men following what you probably grew up thinking were children’s tales, but the Creator—of this world—entrusted us with a mission, along with the gift of finding our true selves if we succeed. Logan has such a quest that can still be pursued.”
Well, this was new.
“What do you mean by that? True selves? Like Logan can finally be free of his guilt if he does whatever y’all imagined?”
He watched her. “You may recall the story The Creation . . . Well, we believe it, and we believe we lived a life in the first world. Many of us died—tragically. During our time there, we encountered some of God’s most cherished and powerful creations. Our time with those beings changed us. Some for the better, some not so much. Then there were a few who didn’t get the chance to find out what we could be—or a handful who were ungrateful right to the very end. The fairy tales—this world—it’s all for us. And we have a part to play for the Creator.”