Common sense tells me that it’s too soon, but I can’t help the cloud of disappointment that comes over me. I stare at the single pink stripe and will for another one to appear. The one that will announce that I’m pregnant.
That we’re pregnant. I try to imagine Declan’s reaction if I were to break the news to him. It’s not too hard to imagine. He would wrap his massive arms around me and lift me high up in the air. Woe unto me if we’re in a public place. Declan does not possess an ounce of embarrassment. I smile as I think about how happy he would be. It hits me how far I’ve moved from my initial goal.
My heart takes on a faster pace. Our lives have become so intertwined that we’re seriously considering making our marriage real. I think about Declan’s declaration that he loves me. I’m not sure I believe it. I think he’s just intoxicated by the thought of becoming a daddy. Having a child of his very own. It would make any man believe they were in love with the baby’s mama.
I leave the toilet cubicle and throw the pregnancy test in the trash after wrapping it in the brown paper it came in.
It will happen, I tell myself. It’s only been a month. Pregnancy doesn’t happen immediately for many women. I don’t know where that statistic comes from, but it’s comforting, and I stick with it.
Back at my desk, I work steadily until noon, when Zoe comes by. My heart leaps when I see her because it means that Declan will soon follow.
“Come on in,” I tell the blonde-haired girl, with an expensive camera hanging from her neck.
“Thanks,” she says and rubs her hands together.
“Are you nervous?” I ask her.
She sits down and tries to smile. “A little.”
“You shouldn’t be. My husband is awesome,” I tell her.
“Thank you,” a deep voice says behind the slightly open door, and then he walks in.
My heart skids to a stop. I want to pinch myself to believe that the heartthrob who just entered my office is my husband. He comes straight behind my desk to plant a kiss on my mouth.
I’m flushed when he goes back to the other side of the table.
“You must be Zoe,” Declan says and plops down on the extra visitor chair.
“Yes, sir,” Zoe says.
“Call me Declan,” he says, and when he smiles at her, I can tell that she’s instantly charmed. Declan is a people person. He has an aura about him that invites people to feel free with him.
He asks her a few questions about her work and then leans back in the chair. “I’ll be completely honest with you, Zoe. I know very little about social media and creating a buzz, and God knows what else,” Declan says.
Zoe giggles.
“This is my wife’s forte, and if she says that you’re the best person for the job, I’m happy.”
My brain stopped listening at ‘my wife.’ Those two words stake a claim in my memory as the sweetest words I’ve ever heard. Now I understand why newlyweds overuse those words. My husband. My wife.
I realize they are both looking at me. “Yeah,” I say rousing myself from my daydreams. “I think Zoe’s perfect.”
“Do you drive?” Declan asks her.
“Yes,” she says.
My mind wanders as Declan tells her what she’ll need to do the following day when she goes to the Santa Monica branch.
When they are done, Zoe leaves, and Declan and I are left alone in my office.
“Any time I’m left alone with you, the first thought that comes to my mind is how I would love to wrap my lips around your nipples. I imagine how hard they must be, aching to be licked and sucked,” Declan says, his voice a drawl.
The words go straight to my pussy. “Declan, stop.” My voice is husky. And I’m sure he can tell the effect his words have on me.
“Lunch?” he says.
“I’m buying today,” I say and stand up. “Let’s walk to the salad bar. It’s my favorite lunch spot.”
“I want to go everywhere you go,” Declan says and stands up.
I stare at him. “That sounds spooky.”
He laughs. “It was meant to be romantic.”
I shake my head. “Don’t be romantic then.”
I’m self-conscious when we leave the privacy of my office and Declan grabs my hand and refuses to let go. I’m sure my face is beet red as I feel the eyes of my employees on us.
I relax once we’re out on the street. I love the anonymity of it. Declan and I stroll hand in hand, blending in with the rest of the population. I think about what he said about us trying to make it as a couple, and suddenly, it doesn’t feel as frightening or confining. It’s not the same as what Leonard and I had.
He had become overly possessive, and by the time I took action, it was too late. Both of us had sort of accepted that it was normal for him to want to know where I was at any time of the day. If I did not respond to his text in two minutes, he came to find me.
Declan and I are a little early, and the lunchtime crowd has not come in.
“Grab a place to sit, and I’ll get our food. Chicken?” Declan says, and I nod.
I can’t peel my eyes off Declan. He gets our food and is walking toward me, and he can tell that I’m staring. I can’t seem to get enough of feasting my eyes on him.
“What?” he says with a laugh as he sits down.
“I like looking at you,” I say flippantly.
He laughs and assumes that I’m joking. I’m dead serious. Declan is easily the sexiest guy I’ve ever seen. Would it be so wrong to allow myself to flow with it? To try a proper relationship.
Remember Leonard.
The voice in my head has grown weaker. Yes, I remember Leonard, but I also know that I cannot compare the two men. Declan is nothing like Leonard. Nothing at all. He’s cut from a different cloth. He’s a good man. That, I have no doubt.
“So, tell me about your hometown,” Declan says.
“It’s not on the beach,” I quip, and he laughs.
That’s another thing that makes Declan so lovable. He takes life easy. Leonard had an intensity about him that turned everything into a competition. One that he had to win.
“The population is … wait for it, six thousand.”
Declan’s jaw drops. “You could almost know everyone.”
I laugh. “Almost.”
“Who was your first boyfriend, and does he still live there?” Declan asks, his eyes dancing.
I swallow hard and refuse to let the thought of Leonard spoil my mood. He and I were over a long time ago. I’m sure that he’s moved on and found someone else to bully.
I wrestle my mind away from Leonard and go deep into the recesses of my memory. Jack. That was his name, though calling him my boyfriend would be stretching the truth a little. “Jack. His name was Jack, and I have no clue as to where he lives now.”
I take a bite of my sandwich. “What about you? Who was your first girlfriend?”
“Easy. Amber. She was the prettiest girl in school,” Declan says, and something burns my chest. I try to dislodge it, but it won’t shift or let me breathe properly.
Ridiculous. How can I be jealous of a high school love affair?
“Until she dumped me for the captain of the football team,” he says as laughter bursts from his mouth. “They got married right after high school, but sadly it didn’t last.”
“High school first loves rarely work,” I say.
“Are you going to see your father tomorrow?” Declan asks.
Air leaves my lungs. That’s the question I’ve wrestled with ever since I decided to drive up to Arlen. “You don’t beat around the bush. Straight to the heart of the matter, that’s you.”
Declan smiles. “Yeah, when it’s important. I’ve seen how having a rift with your parents affects other areas of your life.”
I can’t imagine Declan falling out with his parents. “Did you fall out with your parents at one point?”
He shakes his head. “Not me. Ace. Even if they’re not super close now, Ace is at peace. I want the same fo
r you.”
“Thanks. I think I might.” I hadn’t planned on it, to be honest, but seeing as we are bound to run into one another, I’d rather it was on my terms. Plus, I’m an adult.
“Were you close with your dad?” Declan asks.
“Heck no,” I say automatically. “My mom and I have always been super close. My dad loved his work, or that was the impression I got as he was never home. He was busy for the longest time; his was the only law firm in town.”
“He missed out on knowing one of the most amazing human beings I know,” Declan said.
His compliment warms me all over. “Thank you.”
Declan picks up his coffee and sips it. My gaze lowers to his mouth. I watch the movement of his lips and remember how it feels like when they brush against mine. Everything about Declan fascinates me.
“Does your ex-husband still live in Arlen?” he says.
I almost choke on my coffee. “The last time I heard, no.” My mom had offered the information a couple of years ago, probably in the hope that I would return home for a visit.
The place held horrible memories for me, but now, they don’t have a hold on me anymore. I don’t feel any anxiety at the thought of going to Arlen tomorrow.
I look at Declan, and gratitude flows through me. “You are a good guy,” I tell him.
He laughs. “I’m not sure a lot of people would agree with you.”
“Look how you offered to drive up to Arlen with me, and I know for a fact that you’re busy. Thank you.”
“It’s a chance for you to show off your big handsome husband,” he says, with a twinkle in his eyes.
“My modest husband, you mean?” I say.
He laughs. My favorite sound is Declan’s laughter. With him, there’s no holding back, whether it’s laughter or talking loudly, or expressing himself. Declan lets it all out.
Time flies, and when we drain our coffees, and I glance at the time, I’m surprised that we’ve been in the salad bar for almost two hours. The lunchtime crowd came and went.
Outside, Declan takes my hand again as he walks me back to the office. I can do this, I tell myself. I can handle a real relationship. I think that I’ve finally buried the ghosts of my past.
Outside my office, I stop and face him. “Thanks for lunch.”
“You’re welcome,” Declan says.
“And for everything else.” I don’t know how to put it into words. In his own way, Declan is showing me another life. One where love can feature in my life again. I’m peering through a crack in the door right now, and what I see makes me want to step in through the door. I want a taste of what it feels like to wake up to sunshine every day.
Declan seems to understand what I mean. He leans down to kiss me and then leaves. I let out a sigh. It feels good to feel alive.
Chapter 22
Marian
I’ve always loved road trips, though, over the years, I’ve gone on fewer and fewer. My life has been all about business, and as we drive toward Arlen, I feel as if Declan and I are on an adventure. I relax back in my seat and watch the landscape go by without paying particular attention to it. A yawn escapes my mouth.
“Sleepy?” Declan says.
“No, just relaxed.” I chuckle. “Too relaxed.”
We decide to spend the night in Arlen and return to LA tomorrow. It feels like a vacation, which it isn’t, as I’ve crammed several meetings with some vendors on my schedule.
“This reminds me of the times Father would take all of us out on the yacht for days on end,” Declan says.
“I suppose it’s the same feeling of getting away from everything,” I say. “Do you miss it?”
He shakes his head. “Nope. Ace loved it, though. For me, it made me feel like I was imprisoned and couldn’t get away. Sailing is still not my favorite thing to do, but if you want to go, I can make an exception.”
“I don’t have a strong urge to sail,” I tell him with a laugh.
“Good.”
I haven’t been home in years. I wonder what has changed. I know all of my friends left, but I lost contact with them way before. It was easier to drift away to keep peace with Leonard.
Now I know that bullies like that. They push away everyone you love so that you become completely dependent on them. By the time you realize what’s going on, you have no support, and no strength to fight him.
Lucky for me, I had my mom on my side. Without her, I don’t think I would have left Leonard. I shudder at the thought of living the same lifestyle. I would probably be dead. I must have drifted off to sleep because the next time I come to, Declan is calling me, except that he sounds so far off.
He shakes me and jolts me into full consciousness. “What?” I rub my eyes, and my surroundings start to make sense.
“You were screaming in your sleep,” Declan says, his tone worried.
I lay my head back on the seat, still caught between sleep and being awake. “I was dreaming about Leonard. He was hitting me, and I was trying to cover my face.”
Saying the words out loud transports me back to another time and place. I feel as if the Marian, who was married to Leonard and accepted his abuse, was a different person.
“He used to hit you?” Declan says, his voice tense.
“Once. He hit me once,” I say and instantly regret telling him about my dream.
“Is that why you divorced?”
“It was many things,” I say. “I should have done it sooner.”
“I despise men who hit women. They are cowards and the scum of the earth.”
The venom in Declan’s voice makes me smile. “You’ve made me believe in the goodness of men. I’d started to believe that all men are like Leonard.”
“They spoil it for the rest of us. He’d better hope that we don’t meet,” Declan says.
I laugh it off. “He’s not worth it.”
We stop along the way for a bite and some coffee in a country inn. We spy cows grazing in the fields near the inn.
“I wish I were a cow sometimes,” Declan says, and I giggle. “They look so foolishly happy, and why not? All they have to do is find some grass and munch the day away.”
“I wish I were a bird,” I tell him. “Then I’d get to leave and go elsewhere when I get tired of my current dwelling.”
“Do you wish to go away often?” Declan says.
“Don’t you?”
He shakes his head. “Not really. If I do, I go to the beach and walk barefoot on the sand.”
“I’d like to do that,” I tell him.
“You have a home by the beach now,” Declan says and reaches into his pocket. “which reminds me, I’ve been meaning to give this to you, and I keep forgetting.” He hands me a set of keys hanging from a cute pink keychain.
“What’s this?”
“Spare house keys for you. Now you can go anytime you want,” Declan says. “The apartment is yours.”
Tears fill my eyes. My chest feels full to the point of bursting. “Thank you.”
“Don’t feel obliged to do the same,” Declan says. “Only when you’re ready.”
I want to do the same. I trust Declan, and I want to take that step toward making our marriage real. Fear, like a shadow, creeps into my heart. “What if’s” form in my brain. I shake them loose and concentrate on the kindness in Declan’s eyes.
With trembling fingers, I reach for my handbag on the floor and fish out my spare key. “Sorry, it’s not on a pink keychain,” I tell Declan as I hand it to him.
“Are you sure about this?” he says. “It’s a big step.”
I nod. “I’m sure.”
Understanding flows between us as we stare into each other’s eyes, knowing that something in our relationship has shifted.
***
We check into the Summit Resort at eleven in the morning, and I immediately fall in love with the rustic design. It’s a new development on the outskirts of town.
“I wonder if they do weddings here,” I say to Declan as we make ou
r way to our room.
The porter, who is carrying our bags, overhears and speaks over his shoulder. “We do, ma’am,” he says. “We do outdoor weddings in our expansive gardens.”
I squeal like a child. “Awesome. I can’t wait to see them.”
“Your room has French doors that open up to the garden,” he says.
“Perfect,” I say.
“Welcome to The Summit Resort, Mr. and Mrs. Carter,” the porter says, as he places our bags on the rug next to the closet.
“Thanks.” I’m utterly charmed by the rustic room with a huge bed held up by solid logs designed to look like tree trunks.
“This is charming,” Declan says and moves across the room to open the French doors leading out to the garden. He slides them open, and a gust of air enters the room, flooding it with the sweet scent of flowers.
“You have to see this,” Declan says, but I’m already moving toward him.
“Oh wow.” I’m awestruck by the expanse of greenery bordered by lush gardens filled with beautiful flowers. Benches have been placed around the garden in strategic spots, and I immediately head for one, a few steps from our room. Declan comes and sits down next to me.
“Let’s stay here forever,” I say as a sigh of satisfaction escapes my mouth.
Declan chuckles. “You’d miss Lilly’s Love and beg to be taken back in less than a day.”
He’s right. As beautiful as the resort’s gardens are, I like cramming my day with stuff to do. That’s just how I’m built.
“Now that we’re here, shouldn’t you call your father?” Declan says.
I groan. “Do I have to?” I sound like a petulant child, but I’m dreading going to meet my dad and his new family. I know his wife in passing. In a town of four thousand people, it’s kind of hard not to have seen someone at least twice.
Declan stands up, takes my hand, and pulls me up.
Back in our room, I hunt for my cell phone in my bag, and when I find it, I call my dad. I’m nervous as hell. My father has always made me feel nervous, probably because we’ve never had anything to say to each other.
I hold my breath and hope that he doesn’t answer. No such luck. He answers on the second ring.
“Hi, Dad, it’s Marian,” I say.
One Hot Fake: An Accidental Fake Marriage Romance Page 13