I couldn’t afford to start panicking right now, I reminded myself. I had my son to think about. And Kenji, too.
“There is one thing I wanted to talk about,” Ken said suddenly.
I refocused on his face, feeling curious. It was the first time we were meeting face to face in weeks, and the first time Ken had initiated talks between us. I wondered what he had to talk about and if it had anything to do with Mike. I’d mentioned little tidbits of how we met and got together, and our earlier years as a couple. Did he want more detail than that?
“You can talk to me about anything, Ken,” I said honestly. “I’ve really wanted to talk to you, too, just…”
His expression turned sheepish, his lips tilting up at one corner into a smile. “Yeah, sorry about that. Work has been crazy.”
I hummed. “How’s the studio been doing?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “It’s getting off the ground, at least. I have customers coming in, a lot of them. There’s already a gym in town, and they’ve been in the area longer than I have, but because I’m focused on boxing and not just working out, I’m getting a lot of clients. I’ve been so busy organizing the classes, not to mention there are people that will need and are willing to pay for one-on-one instruction.” He sighed. “It’s hectic.”
“What did you do before you came here, anyway?”
“I worked at a gym as a personal trainer. That’s why I just opened my own and know most of what I’m doing. For the business part… when a lot of kids my age were going off to universities, I was taking a bunch of online courses on things like business administration because I didn’t want to be left completely behind. I didn’t think I’d ever use them, just thought it would be useful to know and…”
“Years later, it’s worth something,” I finished for him.
He grinned at me, then sighed and his eyes slid closed. “I’m still worried about the future, though. Yeah, things are fine now. But you never know, things could take a sudden bad turn.”
I pursed my lips, thinking that my situation was quite similar.
“You can't keep worrying about the future, though,” I said quietly. This was something I’d come to find for myself, even if the future I was facing now was less than satisfactory, to put it mildly. “You lose out on a lot if all you keep doing is thinking about what will happen before it happens. Focus on right now, but try to stay cautious, and you should be fine.”
“Is that advice coming from experience?” His eyes opened, and he stared at me.
“You could say so. After Mike left us, I kept wondering what would happen the day I let myself and my son down. I was in a slump over it for a month before my best friend managed to snap me out of it. She’s good at doing that, and she told me something along those same lines. I don’t know where I’d be without her.”
Ken tilted his head a little, his expression thoughtful. “Is there a possibility I could know this friend of yours?”
I frowned, thinking it over seriously. “I don’t think so… I mean, she’s seen us at least once—”
“Wait,” he said, interrupting. “When exactly did she see us?”
I shrugged. “Think back to that first day we went out together when you broke my fence and came to fix it.” My eyebrows arched as I looked down at him, and he had the grace to look sheepish about it.
“Yeah, sorry about that. I was deep in thought when that happened. I swear I didn’t do it on purpose.”
I just chuckled at his hastily thrown out excuse. “I was never mad about it. Plus, I’m grateful it happened, because who knows how long it would have been before you decided to talk to me?”
Ken laughed with me. “I guess there is that.”
He grinned at me, his arms around my waist squeezing me a little.
“So,” I continued with my story, “you and I went out and ended up at a restaurant together, twice, just on the first day. My friend was in the area, and she saw you. She told me about it later. It’s possible that you’ve met her and just don’t realize it’s her. Her name is Annara.”
He frowned and tried to think, but then he was shaking his head.
“Sorry, the name doesn’t ring a bell.”
I wasn’t surprised. She was pretty good at flying under the radar. Plus, I was sure she still had a gym membership at the old place.
“I’ll introduce you to her one day,” I said, without thinking. It took me a minute to realize what I’d just said, and I winced. “Sorry…”
“You don’t have to be sorry,” he said quickly. “This is kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.”
My eyebrows shot up. My heart started beating a little fast, as I wondered if I should be worried.
“Really?” I said, trying to make my voice sound casual.
He saw right through me. “You don’t have to doubt yourself, Lydia. I’m not trying to break up with you, it’s just… when I saw that guy at your door making you uncomfortable, I wasn’t sure exactly what we are, and if I had a right to pick a fight with the guy when I didn’t know who he was. If anything, I should be the one worried here.”
“What?” I stared at Ken, who looked serious. “What the fuck are you talking about? Ken, do you understand how awesome you are? My ex just showed up on my doorstep, and you’re still here. You get along great with Bryson. I’m carrying so much baggage, and I’m already so much older…”
He caught my face between his palms, leaning up to press a quick peck on my lips to get me to stop.
“You need to stop thinking like that,” he said seriously, holding my gaze. “Lydia, you’re beautiful, so much more than you think. Ever since the first time I got a proper look at you, I can't help but keep looking. You’re older, yes, but you’re sexy, and I never felt for any other woman what I feel with you. It worried me a little in the beginning, how easy it would be to fall for you, but… I’m willing to stop running away from it if you are.”
I blinked down at Ken. My mind didn’t want to process what he was saying because there was no way it was possible. He was implying he had feelings for me. Possibly deep feelings.
“And my son?” I asked to stall. “It doesn’t bother you that I have a kid?”
He shook his head. “Lydia, my parents had me young. Straight out of high school! And you’ve raised such a wonderful little boy, how could it bother me? I’ve sat down with the both of you, remember? You’re both wonderful, and I know I wouldn’t mind having you both in my life for a while, Lydia. I’ve always been looking for a home, someplace to settle down roots. Would it be so stupid if I said I found it in you and Bryson?”
I pursed my lips, seriously considering what he was saying. I knew he wasn’t just trying to use my son and me as a placeholder family to get over this issue with his parents. I’d seen how genuine he acted when he was around my son.
“It wouldn’t be stupid,” I mumbled after a minute.
Ken grinned up at me like I’d given him the world, and I blinked at him in confusion again.
“I want to see just how far you and I can go. I was nearly married before, and you got divorced. I’m not saying we’ll get there, but…”
My body shivered, even though he felt warm against me. Remarrying was one of the last things on my mind. After Mike, I hadn't even thought of meeting another guy I could feel anything so deeply for. And yet, here was Ken, who I’d already imagined having a child with. And now, marriage. I had to admit, though a great part of me was unsure, it didn’t sound terrible.
I ducked my head into his chest. Ken didn’t ask for me to give him an outright answer, and I appreciated that. I took a bit to arrange my thoughts and feelings, Ken’s fingers carding gently through my hair calming me down.
Several minutes later, I had my answer.
“Can you spend the night?” I asked, my voice in a whisper.
His hand in my hair didn’t even hesitate. “Of course.”
“Even…” I started, only to trail off as my worries got the better of me again. Get
a grip, would you, I chided myself. You can do this. I took in a deep breath and looked up to meet his eyes. “Stay tomorrow, even if my son comes home. Whatever the time.”
Ken smiled at me. “I promise I’ll be here until you tell me to go away.”
19
Kenji
I woke up the next morning to the sound of an incessant ringing. I was holding Lydia in my arms, and once she heard the sound, she squirmed to get out of my hold.
“Wait just a little bit,” I groaned, tightening my arms.
Lydia sighed. “I’d love to stay here with you, but that’s my phone, Ken, not an alarm. I need to pick it up. What if it’s Bryson?”
My eyes opened up, and I grimaced. Bryson. I’d promised I’d stick around even if he came back, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready for it. But when she pulled away and looked up at me, I made sure she wouldn’t notice just how tense I was, worrying about the boy’s reaction. He was what meant the most to her. If he didn’t want me around replacing his dad, things could go wrong. I’d seen the same thing happen with one of my friends, when his dad got re-married, though he’d been older than Bryson then. He and his stepmother still didn’t get along.
Hopefully, Bryson liked me enough that he wouldn’t react badly.
I let Lydia go and watched as she slid out of bed. She was naked, and how she didn’t seem conscious of her body made me smile. She’d act a certain way and think I didn’t notice she was trying to hide her middle, but I was observant when it came to her. I’d showed her last night that there was nothing to be ashamed of in her body. I was glad I was getting through to her, and I would reassure her as often as she needed.
She picked up the phone and frowned down at the screen.
“What is it?” I asked. I sat up, letting the sheets pool around my waist as I eyed her curiously.
She shot a glance at me before she was back to staring at the phone. “I don’t know. It’s an unknown number. I don’t know who it could be.”
She was frowning and looking right at me when she picked up the call, so I saw her initial surprise, followed by dread, then annoyance.
“Hello, Mike,” she said through gritted teeth. “How the fuck did you even get this number?”
My eyes widened. Mike, her ex-husband.
He said something that had her mouth falling into a neutral line.
“You had no right to do that. If you wanted my number, you could have asked me to give it to you yesterday. It should have been my decision whether I wanted you to have it or not. I changed it because of you in the first place.”
Having heard enough, I shot out of bed and moved to stand next to her so I could listen in. She saw me come towards her and pulled the phone away from her ear. For a moment, I was worried she’d tell me she wanted privacy and didn’t want me listening in to the call. Instead, she held it up and put it on speakerphone so I could hear, and sat down next to me.
“Just tell me what you want, Mike.”
“I want to talk, Lydia. It’s all I’m asking for.”
“What if I don’t want to talk?” she retorted.
There was a short silence before he answered; “Then I could just go look for Bryson and talk to him instead.”
Lydia went still, then scowled down at the phone. Her hand, still holding it up, trembled. I brought my hand to hold hers, and she shot me a grateful, if strained, smile. She breathed deeply then let it out before giving him her answer.
“If all you want to do is talk, then fine.”
“Is Bryson there?” he asked.
I saw Lydia grimace. “No, he’s been over at one of his friends since yesterday.”
“Do you mean Jason?” he asked.
Lydia didn’t seem to be too happy that he knew. “Yeah,” she said reluctantly. Then quickly added, “And if you’re coming to talk here, you better know right now that you will scram, no questions asked, if he happens to come back. I don’t want him to see you before I can talk to him about this first. Do you hear me?”
There was a short silence. I wished he would say no, that he would argue so she didn’t have to see him. There was absolutely no way I was leaving now that I knew he’d be coming over, so what if Bryson came right after and saw us? Besides, if Lydia and I were going to continue to be a thing, then we needed to let the boy know soon, rather than risk him walking in on us one day. At least this way we could explain things.
“Fine,” Mike answered, sounding reluctant. But he’d agreed.
Damn. There went my wish of him just making himself scarce. I had to admit, even after our talk last night, I couldn’t help but worry when I thought of that guy being under the same roof as Lydia.
“I’ll be over in about half an hour,” Mike said. “I’ll see you then.”
He cut off the call. Lydia sighed, the sound heavy with annoyance, and tossed the phone on the bed. Though behind the annoyance, I could read her distress.
“Fuck. Half an hour is not enough time to prepare for this.”
“It was going to happen sooner or later, right?” I said, trying to comfort her. “It would be better if you got all this shit out of the way, right? How long do you think you’ll be able to keep from your son that his dad is in town, anyway?”
Her expression immediately turned worried. I didn’t want to upset her, but she knew she needed to face reality, I was just there to push her. This was Bryson, a kid that had been affected so terribly by his dad’s departure. He wasn’t saying anything outright, but sooner or later, he might ask about his dad. Especially once Lydia and I explained about our relationship. He’d probably worry his dad was getting replaced or something.
Then there was the worst case scenario. What if he found out weeks later that he could have met his dad sooner, but his mom had kept things from him? Bryson seemed like a boy who equally loved his parents, even with one of them having been absent for a long while. He probably wouldn’t take it well.
After a minute of fretting, Lydia groaned and leaned against me. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close, nuzzling her hair.
“You’re right,” she admitted defeat. “I need to get this sorted. The sooner, the better.”
We stood there hugging for a bit longer before she was reminded we were pressed for time. We were both still naked and covered in a mess from last night. She looked over the both of us, grimaced, and dragged me into the shower.
I didn’t even need her to tell me that I couldn’t try anything in the shower. I was perfectly well behaved for once, and we got showered and out of the bathroom in under twenty minutes. She went through her closet for clothes to wear, while I put on yesterday’s outfit because I didn’t have much of a choice.
“Do you need to go home?” she asked when she saw me dressing. “You don’t have any spare clothes over…”
It was a mistake I was going to rectify as soon as I could.
“He’ll be here any minute. It’ll just be awkward if I walked in while the two of you were talking.”
She pursed her lips. “Do you want to be here? When we have this talk?”
“I think the question is whether you do?” I pointed out. “If I’m going to be here anyway, might as well stick around. If we provide a united front, it might throw him off his game just a little.”
I was trying to get her to accept it because I didn’t want to leave, not even to get fresh clothes. Besides, if he walked in and caught me in yesterday’s outfit, he might clue into the fact that I’d stayed over. After yesterday’s exchange, I wanted to use anything I could to get on his nerves.
After some deliberation, Lydia nodded. “All right,” she said, looking up at me with eyes full of determination, with just a hint of fear. “I would like for you to stay, Ken.”
I shot her a smirk. “Of course, Lydia. It’ll be my pleasure.”
She probably caught the vindictive note in my words, because she snorted and rolled her eyes at me.
Minutes later, we were walking down the stairs, both fully dressed and ready
for the confrontation. Like he’d been waiting for the right cue, the bell rang once we made it to the foyer, and Lydia went to open the door while I hung back but kept a close eye.
“Hello, Mike,” she said coolly.
“Lydia,” he returned calmly.
She stepped out of the way so he could come in, and he froze, seeing me standing there. His eyes flitted between the two of us, before narrowing on me.
“What is the kid doing here?”
I bristled at his words, and his tone.
“Watch it, old man,” I snapped back. “I’m not a kid.”
“Acting so hot-headed, what else could you be?” he sneered. “If you want to have some fun like yesterday, boy, let me tell you right now it’ll go very differently. You caught me by surprise before.”
I snorted. “I don’t believe you.”
It might have been a while since I was in a real boxing match, but whatever fight this man could bring, I was confident I’d beat him. I wasn’t going to let anyone bother Lydia, not even her ex-husband, whatever rights he had with his kid.
Still, he looked pretty confident himself, and going by his size, he could at least inflict damage. Thankfully, Lydia stopped anything before it could start.
“I didn’t invite you here for a fight, Mike,” she said, voice firm. “You will say what you came here to say, and that’s it. All right?”
The two of us glared at each other a bit longer, then he scoffed and turned his back on us. He headed for the kitchen, and we followed. He sat down at the dining table, where I’d been sitting every time Lydia had me over for dinner. The little move, whether he knew what he was doing or not, annoyed the fuck out of me. Instead, I sat by Lydia, in Bryson’s usual seat.
“Now, talk,” Lydia commanded.
Mike folded his forearms on the table and completely ignored me as his eyes stared intently at Lydia.
“First of all, you need to understand that I had a good reason for leaving.” Lydia snorted at that, but he went on. “It was a job I got called for one day, not one I could easily refuse. I didn’t want to leave, Lydia. I had to.”
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