“I saw…”
“What? What did you see?”
She shook her head. “I thought I saw someone out there. I thought I saw my father.”
Erik turned away from the window and went to her. He wrapped her in his arms as he had wanted to do from the first moment he’d stepped foot in the house. “It’s okay. Sometimes that happens when you lose someone you love.”
“I think I’m going crazy,” she sobbed and gripped his upper arms as if to steady herself.
“You aren’t going crazy, Cheryl. It’s a natural process of mourning. A lot of people think they see loved ones after they’ve died. It’s just that we want so much for them to be alive that our mind plays tricks on us.”
“See, I told you I was going crazy. My mind isn’t working right anymore.”
Erik pulled her tighter. “That’s not true. Hey, I thought I saw Candy after she’d died.”
“You did?” Cheryl looked up at him as if seeking the truth of the matter in his eyes.
“Yes. It happened one morning when I was walking into the intensive care unit at the hospital. See, that’s the last place I saw her alive, and it must have just stuck in my mind. Anyway, I was talking to this one nurse, and I looked down the hall and there she was. I was so shocked I had to look away, and when I looked back, I could see that it was just another nurse. It wasn’t Candy at all, but in my heart I guess I wished it could have been. I really wanted her to be alive and well.”
Cheryl nodded. “Sometimes I wake up hearing a baby crying. I thought maybe it meant I was crazy. I don’t want to be crazy, Erik.” She put her head on his shoulder and said nothing more.
For several minutes they held each other. Erik wanted to give her strength and peace, but at the moment, he wasn’t sure how much he had to share. She’d managed to shake him up in a way that he couldn’t ex-plain or ignore. If he said much more, he was certain that he’d declare his love for her. And he couldn’t do that. Not yet. Not when she was so vulnerable to the past.
He stroked her hair, breathing in the scent of what could only be described as a garden of wildflowers. He liked the way her curls slipped like silk through his fingers and the way her head seemed to fit just right against his neck. He wanted the moment to go on forever.
Suddenly Cheryl pulled back. “Stay with me tonight,” she pleaded.
Erik said nothing, but he knew his expression relayed his surprise.
“I don’t mean anything by it,” she continued, in a tone of desperation. “Not in a sexual sort of way or anything like that. I’m not like that…not really. I just can’t stand another night alone in this house.”
Erik regained control and shook his head. “I know you aren’t like that,” he whispered. He saw gratitude in her eyes as she realized he meant every word. “But I can’t stay here with you.”
Her expression fell. “Why not? Are you afraid of what people will think because of me?”
He shook his head. He couldn’t tell her the truth; it might drive her away from him for good. “No, I’m not afraid of what people will think. It’s just that I know it wouldn’t be good for either one of us. But I have an idea.”
She looked at him warily. “What?”
“Why don’t you stay the night with CJ? I know you two are good friends, and I know from what she told Curt and Christy that she’d wanted you to come recuperate at her house anyway.”
“I’d hate to impose,” Cheryl said, barely whispering the words.
“I don’t believe for one minute that CJ would find it an imposition. Why don’t I call and make the arrangements while you go upstairs and pack what you need?”
“I just don’t know.”
“It’ll be the best thing. You’ll see. Staying with CJ will keep you out of the public eye and give you a time of peace and quiet while someone else worries about the details.”
“I guess we can try, but what if she says no?”
He thought her very much like a little child who needed desperately to know that the monsters in the closet wouldn’t get her. “She won’t say no. She loves you,” he answered. I think I love you, too.
“I guess that would be okay.”
“Great. Now you go get your things, and I’ll call CJ.”
He watched her reluctantly leave. She seemed to war within herself about the decision. He went to the telephone and then realized he didn’t know CJ and Brad’s number. Dialing directory assistance, he memorized the number they gave, then hung up the phone and redialed.
“Hello?” a sweet feminine voice sounded.
“CJ? It’s Erik Connors.”
“Hi, Erik. What’s up?”
“I’m at Cheryl’s and wondered if I could ask you a favor.”
“Sure. What is it?”
“Well, Cheryl’s a little upset. She thought she saw her father outside the window, you know, just her mind playing tricks and whatnot. I figured, given the fact that today’s his birthday, it’s probably extrahard on her.” When CJ said nothing, Erik continued. “Anyway, I wondered if she could come spend a couple days with you. She’s at the point where she doesn’t want to be alone, and I think it would be a good idea if we rallied round her and made sure that she didn’t have to be alone.”
“Of course she can come. Brad and I will be right down.”
“No, that isn’t necessary. I’ll bring her up. I think I remember the way. Look, I really appreciate this. She seems so scared, and even before she thought she saw Ben, she was obviously agitated and upset about something.”
“Did she tell you about her encounter with the DEA?”
“She mentioned it, but wouldn’t go into detail. What happened?”
“Why don’t I tell you when you get here? I’m certain it has more to do with her fears than anything else right now.”
“Why do you say that?” Erik asked, suddenly sensing that CJ was keeping something from him.
“Because,” CJ replied, “today isn’t Ben’s birthday. His birthday is sometime around Christmas.”
“I see what you mean. Okay, well, I’ll have her out there shortly.”
“Erik?” CJ called to him. “Don’t be mad at her for lying. If I were going through half of what she’s been through, I’d probably try to cover up my feelings, too.”
“I’m not mad,” Erik answered. “Just disappointed. I wish she’d learn that she can trust me.”
“Apparently, if she’s letting you bring her to me, she’s already learned that lesson. Just give her time. I think she’s greatly embarrassed by what she’s done in the past, and how it’s taking its toll now is anybody’s guess.”
“I suppose you’re right.” Erik bolstered his courage once again. “I’ll see you soon.”
He hung up the phone and looked back at the window for a mo-ment. If today wasn’t her father’s birthday, maybe it was no ghostly apparition she’d seen at the window. Maybe someone was stalking her for information or for some other reason. He had just determined to go outside and check for footprints when Cheryl reappeared, travel bag in hand.
“I’m ready,” she whispered.
Erik forced aside his doubts and worries. “Great. Tell you what. We’ll stop for fast food on the way. How’s that sound?”
Cheryl gave him a tight smile. “Sounds fine.”
thirteen
Cheryl felt a sense of peace wash over her as CJ and Brad’s three-story, native-stone home came into view. She’d remained awkwardly silent throughout the ride, wondering whether she should play it straight with Erik and explain about the list. He’d already proven himself loyal to her in their friendship, but he was Curt’s brother-in-law, and she couldn’t take the chance that he might even accidentally tell the DEA about the list.
“Are you still okay with this?” Erik asked, pulling into CJ’s drive and parking the truck.
“Yes, I think so.” She tried hard not to think about how much she’d come to trust him. Would she tell him too much? Would she give too much of herself to him? She pushe
d these fears aside and reached for the door handle. “Thank you for bringing me out here.”
“Hey, I’m not running off until I know for sure that you feel comfortable. I even told CJ that I planned to come in with you.”
Cheryl smiled. Once again he’d put her comfort in front of his own. He could be spending the evening out with friends or relaxing at home after a hard day’s work. Instead he was chauffeuring her and making sure she was safe and happy.
They walked in silence up to the door where CJ stood waiting for them. “I’ve watched for you for about the last ten minutes.”
“We’d have been here sooner, but I had to feed her,” Erik offered good-naturedly. “She can’t cook, you know.”
Cheryl looked up and shrugged. “I suppose there’s no sense in de-fending myself. Everybody here knows that’s true.”
CJ laughed. “I was never much of a cook, either, but Brad is so demanding. …”
“Hey, did I hear my name mentioned?” Brad questioned, striding into the foyer.
“Hi, Brad,” Erik said, pushing Cheryl forward. “CJ was just telling us how you forced her to learn to cook.”
Brad put his arm around CJ’s shoulder and hugged her close. “Yes, well, if she’d been any less proficient with airplanes, I probably wouldn’t have married her at all.”
CJ elbowed him sharply, while Cheryl and Erik exchanged a smile. Cheryl knew the truth of this love match. She’d been with CJ when Brad had first come into her life. “Did you ever hear the story of how they met?” Cheryl surprised them all by asking Erik.
“No, I can’t say that I have.”
“Well, before you get started on that story,” CJ said, “why don’t you come in and make yourselves comfortable.”
“Sounds good to me,” Erik said and followed Brad’s example by putting his arm around Cheryl. “Lead the way.”
If anyone was surprised by his actions, no one said anything, and Cheryl relaxed, allowing him to take her to a plush gold-colored sofa. He sat down, almost in unison with her and seemed not the least bit hesitant about remaining close at her side. Cheryl thought at first that his nearness would make her feel awkward, but instead it had just the opposite effect, and she turned to him with an enthusiasm she’d not felt in months.
“CJ used to be quite claustrophobic, and she got herself locked into the bathroom of one of Brad’s hotel rooms. I went for help and thought Brad was one of the hotel maintenance people.”
“She nearly pulled my arm out of its socket to get me upstairs with her,” Brad commented.
“Well, after he got her out of that bathroom, he didn’t have to be forced to remain at her side,” Cheryl added.
“Yes, but that was only after I’d thrown up and totally humiliated myself in front of him,” CJ said with a laugh. “You know it has to be true love when a man forms a relationship with a woman after he’s held her head over the toilet.”
They laughed, and Cheryl felt a certain comfort that she’d so long missed in her life. She felt safe here and knew that no one would come to hunt her down and demand answers that she couldn’t give. There was always the possibility that Curt would show up to see CJ, but Cheryl knew that CJ would protect her.
“Let me get us something to drink,” Brad offered. “We have all kinds of soda, iced tea, juice—so what’ll it be?”
Erik looked at Cheryl. “Tea sounds great for me,” Cheryl said, trying hard not to notice how blue Erik’s eyes were.
“Make it two,” Erik told Brad. “You need any help?”
“No, you go ahead and visit. This will only take a second.”
CJ lost little time in striking up the conversation. “Cheryl, Erik said you were feeling pretty spooked this evening. Are you feeling better now?”
Cheryl nodded. It was easy to remember her earlier discomfort, but in this house she knew it was far from her. “It was kind of a hard day,” she said. Then remembering that she’d told Erik it was her father’s birthday, Cheryl had a pang of conscience. “I lied to you, Erik,” she said, suddenly needing to confess the truth. “Today isn’t Dad’s birthday.”
Erik exchanged a quick glance with CJ before asking, “What was it then?”
Cheryl took a deep breath. “It was a lot of little things.
Everything just catching up with me, I guess. Ever since that Damon Brooks guy tried to break my wrists, I just haven’t been the same.”
“Damon Brooks? Who is he, and why didn’t you say something about his trying to hurt you?” Erik asked, extremely agitated by this news.
“He was the DEA agent who came over the other day when CJ was there. I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk about it,” Cheryl admitted. “I suppose I have to accept that this kind of thing is just going to be my lot.”
“They have no right to hurt you. What happened?” He looked first to Cheryl and then to CJ.
CJ took a seat just as Brad returned with the drinks.
“Well, this guy showed up as I was leaving, and Cheryl asked me to stay while he questioned her.”
“Thank goodness I did,” Cheryl said softly.
“No, thank God you did,” CJ corrected. “I think God divinely oversaw that entire episode. If I hadn’t been there, there’s no telling what he might have done.”
Erik was now very upset. “Just what did he do?”
“He got really ugly with Cheryl, demanding that she produce a list of her father’s contacts and drug drop-off locations. It was the same information Curt had already asked her about, but Mr. Brooks certainly didn’t use Curt’s manner.” CJ took a glass of iced tea from her husband before continuing. “He pushed Cheryl around and finally grabbed her by the wrists and yanked her up off the sofa. He twisted her arms so that she was in a lot of pain.”
Cheryl pushed up the sleeves of her lightweight cotton blouse. Her wrists were encircled with bruises, and Erik’s normally jovial expression turned markedly angry. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier about this?”
Cheryl shrugged. “What could you have done?”
“I know what I intend to do,” Erik replied, gently touching her wrist. “I’m going to Curt on this. I’m surprised you haven’t already talked to him, CJ.”
“I’ve tried,” CJ admitted. “But he hasn’t been around, and I didn’t want to talk to Christy about it. Plus, it didn’t seem like the kind of thing I could discuss with just anybody down at the DEA office.”
“Well, I’ll get ahold of him. There’s no call for this kind of thing.”
Erik was gently massaging her wrist, and Cheryl very nearly lost all thought of her earlier concerns. His touch was mesmerizing. What was happening to her?
“Well, someone definitely needs to get to the bottom of it,” CJ said without trying to camouflage her own anger. “I was terrified. He threatened to break her arms when I started to call the DEA.”
“What kept him from doing it, anyway?” Erik said.
“Mary showed up,” Cheryl answered. “I guess he figured three wo-men were too many to deal with.”
“It’s uncalled for, and I wish I had been there to keep it from happening.”
He let go of her, and Cheryl almost wished she could brazenly bring his hand back to hers. But she didn’t. She steadied her nerves and took a long drink of the tea. Everyone was upset because of what had happened to her. The tension in the room made her uncomfortable. She’d come here for her own peace of mind, and now it seemed that she’d caused problems for everyone else. It suddenly seemed necessary to apologize for her part in their discomfort.
“Look, I want to say something, and I’m not exactly sure how to begin,” she finally spoke.
She drew another deep breath and tried to start again. “I loved my father a great deal, and I don’t want to think badly of him. Still, I know there are things I probably ignored and problems I never knew about. I don’t want Dad’s memory put through the mill, grinding it up into grubby little bits, all the good along with the bad. He wasn’t really as bad as some people want to make him
out, but I guess I’m ready to admit he was no saint.” She held up her hand when CJ started to speak. “I guess love overlooks a lot of mistakes.”
“That’s what the Bible says,” Erik interjected.
“Well, then,” Cheryl said, considering this for a moment, “you can see where it’s true. Anyway, I guess what I want to say is that I’m sorry for the way each of you has been dragged into this. CJ, you know I loved your mom and dad. They were like an extra set of parents, and they were fun-loving and kind, and I’ll always mourn their passing.”
CJ wiped tears from her eyes, and Brad moved in to sit on the edge of her chair and put an arm around her. Cheryl felt a twinge of jealousy that constricted her speaking for a moment. CJ had found true love—love in such a rare and pure form. Cheryl looked away quickly, afraid that her expression would betray her own longing.
“And, Erik, I know I’ve been particularly hard on you. You’ve offered me nothing but human kindness and encouragement. I’m really sorry that your sister suffered because of me. …” Her words trailed off. She didn’t know what else to say. She was able to admit that she was sorry that she’d ever met Grant Burks, but not to this crowd. They hated him enough, and to add to that seemed like it would be throwing gasoline on a fire already out of control.
“You can’t blame yourself, Cheryl,” CJ said. “You were deceived. We all understand that.”
“Curt doesn’t. He thinks I’m knee-deep into whatever Grant and Dad had going on. And, frankly, I still don’t believe that Dad knew everything that was happening.”
“He probably didn’t,” Brad agreed.
“But whether he did or not,” CJ continued, “you have to understand that we don’t hold you accountable for something your father did or didn’t do, for that matter. As for Grant, well, you are no different than hundreds—no, thousands—of other women who fall for men who woo and wow them, only to use them for information and material benefit. Grant was good at what he did.”
“And I was very much in need of being loved,” Cheryl said softly.
“You were just naïve,” CJ added.
“Well, I don’t intend to ever be that naïve again. I’m through worrying about being loved.”
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