by Jodi Thomas
"Will you touch me again when you kiss me tonight?" She asked so innocently that he was reminded of how little she knew of lovemaking.
"If you like."
"I would like that very much."
It took every ounce of his determination to turn and leave her.
CHAPTER 25
Lacy never spent so much time getting ready for anything in her life. She had her first new dress to wear and her first dance to attend. There had been barn dances now and then at Cedar Point, but no one ever asked her to go along with them. She could hardly let a man take her, and unaccompanied women usually went with their parents. Walker's father would have escorted her, but she knew the dance would only remind him of how crippled his limbs were.
This might be her only chance to attend anything so grand. For one night she wanted to forget all her worries and just enjoy. Zeb Whitaker seemed a million miles away, and Nell was in the best of hands with Carter, Bailee, and Ranger Dalton to look after her.
Walker knocked on their door just after dark as though he were her escort picking her up. He offered his arm, and they walked across the parade grounds to the dining hall. He told her she looked nice and reminded her twice to keep her shawl around her so she wouldn't catch cold.
A crowd of men stood on the porch smoking. They parted as Walker led her through them. Walker spoke to a few as he passed.
Inside, people hurried around making last-minute adjustments. Most of the wives were on the committee and had drafted their husbands into helping set up. The chairs in the big, open room had been shoved to the walls. The back side was lined with tables of food, and a far corner held a five-piece band.
"It's not all that fancy," Walker commented.
"It's grand," she answered noticing all the white tablecloths and rows of candles along each window. Though the surroundings had little color, the women in their gowns rainbowed the room.
She slowed as they neared a group standing near a wide fireplace decorated in dried flowers and purple sagebrush.
Walker covered her hand with his gloved fingers. "Relax, Lacy," he whispered.
She thought he used the same tone he'd used with Trooper, but she didn't want to comment on it and spoil the evening. It occurred to her that he might be a little nervous, too; though this was a fort, it wasn't his fort.
"I'm not sure of the rules." She'd been so excited thinking about the dance. Now that they were here, all she felt was fear. She had lived a lifetime of not being accepted, and the thought that she could just walk into this group and they'd welcome her seemed impossible. Lacy had lived in Cedar Point for five years, and some of the old-timers still looked at her as if she were new in town.
"Just stay beside me. If someone asks you to dance, it's polite to say yes; then you'll be escorted back to my side when the music stops." Walker squeezed her fingers. "These things are usually quite boring. We may want to leave early."
"But I don't want to dance with anyone but you."
He glanced down at her and smiled. "Don't worry about your skill. A gentleman never dances above his partner's level. Any man who asks you will take it easy. Believe me, you'll probably do as well at following them as they do at dancing."
Lacy wasn't sure if he reassured her or insulted her. She didn't have time to ask before Walker began introducing her to people. There was no way to remember all the names, but Lacy smiled and relaxed as she recognized the women of the quilting circle scattered among the others. Before Walker could stop them, Millie and Grace, the two youngest quilters, pulled her away from his side and raved about her dress.
Millie swore it was the most beautiful dress she'd ever seen and, when the major's wife joined the circle, she agreed with them.
"Walker thinks it might be a little low," Lacy admitted.
"Oh, no," they all chimed at once.
"Only a husband would think so," Marianne whispered and winked.
When the dancing started, Walker pulled her back to him and joined the others, ready to start the grand march. It was a simple dance where couples lined up in rows of four and stepped their way across the floor. She laughed. Everyone, even those without partners joined in the line of half dancing and half marching that officially started the ball. Her dress covered most of her steps, so no one knew if she were truly following the others.
When the song changed, couples turned to one another, and those without partners hurried off the floor. A violin started a slow tune, whispering across the air as if calling all lovers, then the other musicians joined in.
Walker smiled down at her, his hand touching her back. "Close your eyes, Lacy and dance with me on the prairie in the moonlight."
She followed orders. He whirled her around the floor. Slowly, she relaxed and let his gentle guiding tell her where to move. When she grew brave enough to open her eyes and look up at him, she was surprised to see him smiling at her.
"Thank you," she whispered.
"For what?"
"For this night."
"But, it's just started, Lacy."
"I know, but it's already the best night of my life. No matter what happens, I'll always have this one night that I danced with my handsome captain at a grand ball with white tablecloths and candles all around the room."
He pulled her a few inches closer and whispered, "No matter what, we'll have this night."
When the music stopped, Walker seemed reluctant to let her go. As they walked back to the others, he said, "I have to ask Mrs. Garner to dance. It's considered protocol. Will you be all right if I leave you with the ladies?"
"I'll be fine." Lacy couldn't help but wonder what kind of trouble he thought she'd get into surrounded by the army.
Theda, January's old maid sister, smiled when Lacy walked over and sat down in the chair next to her. January and her husband, Adam, danced, leaving the sister alone. "I'm afraid I don't know enough people to mingle like my sister told me to do," Theda said in her shy way, her hands already knotting and wrinkling her dress.
Lacy agreed. "How about we just sit back and watch? If anyone asks, we'll be busy mingling with each other."
Theda laughed. "I'd like that."
"This is my first dance," Lacy volunteered. "It's a little frightening."
Theda looked like she might cry. "This must be my hundredth, and to tell the truth, they only get worse. Every year I make the rounds to all my married sisters' homes, and at almost every stop there's a dance or a social I have to go to. Most of the time I spend the night just watching. There aren't that many single men over thirty that might ask me, and those who do usually turn out to be single for a reason."
Lacy felt sorry for the woman. Theda would never be the type to catch a man's eye, and Lacy wasn't surprised no one asked her to dance. Theda stood almost a head taller than most of the men in the room.
"How many sisters do you have?" She tried to change the subject.
"Five," Theda answered. "I'm the youngest, and the plainest." She shrugged, as if the fact didn't bother her. "So, while the others married, I stayed home to take care of my parents. I didn't mind. My father was a doctor, so I helped him after mother died, for as long as he practiced. Now, I'm alone. I have a little money to travel, but where can a single woman go, except to visit family?"
Lacy almost told her that when she was single at fifteen she went West, but instead, she said. "I took care of Walker's father until he died. I know how that can take all your free time, but in the end, it's worth it. I felt good about what I did for him."
Theda nodded, as if they'd just become comrades. "That explains it," she said. "Everyone wondered why Walker never had his wife with him. It certainly couldn't be for lack of love, I've seen the way he looks at you. Now, I understand."
Lacy thought of correcting her, but the music stopped once more, and she noticed Walker returned Mrs. Garner to the major's arm. She'd watched them dance, and from what she could tell, Mrs. Garner never moved more than a few inches and then only in a circle. They stood in the center of w
hirling couples and talked, more than danced.
When Walker returned to Lacy's side, he didn't sit down ·but stood in front of Theda. "May I have the honor of this dance, Miss Theda?" he asked in his formal way.
Theda seemed delighted as she accepted. "I'm a little rusty, Captain, but I'll try to keep up with you." She stood, eye to eye with him.
Walker glanced back at Lacy and winked, making Lacy have to cover her mouth to keep from laughing out loud.
She watched as Walker took Theda's hand to dance. To her surprise, the tall woman followed his every move. She watched as his steps grew bolder, and Theda followed in time. When the music finally stopped, several couples had paused to watch the handsome captain and the tall old maid conquer the dance floor. By dancing in long steps, he'd made Theda look graceful, willowy.
When the old maid would have left the floor, Walker bowed and asked for another dance.
Theda glanced at Lacy, and when Lacy nodded her approval, the old maid smiled, making her look not nearly so homely.
This time Walker knew her skill and danced with Theda as if they'd danced together a hundred times.
Lacy stood as they walked back to her. They were both out of breath and laughing. She remembered what Walker said about a gentleman matching his steps to the lady's skill and was proud of him. He stepped close to her but took Theda's hand and kissed it. "Miss Theda, it was a pleasure. Promise you'll have time for another dance before this night ends."
The old maid blushed and thanked him as men lined up behind Theda, waiting for the captain to leave so they could ask for a turn.
Walker guided Lacy onto the floor.
"That was nice of you," she whispered, well aware of what the moves had cost him in pain.
"She's a good dancer," he answered, holding his arm still as his left hand rested on her back. "But it's you who feels right in my arms."
They sat out the next round and filled their plates, Lacy with tiny sandwiches and the captain with sweets. Before Lacy could eat, an officer asked her to dance. She looked to Walker for help in saying no, but instead he nodded slightly.
Only Walker had been wrong about her being escorted back to him after the song ended. She didn't make it off the floor before another asked her, then another, and another. Lacy tried her best, but didn't feel comfortable with the men who all appeared cut from the same cloth. At her height all she noticed were blue wool chests and shiny buttons. She tried to concentrate on following them but in so doing wasn't able to listen to their conversations. She wanted to freeze in midstep and say, "Do you want to dance or talk? Make your choice. I can't do both at the same time."
By the fifth dance, she decided she would say no even if it was impolite. Only the next soldier didn't even give her a chance, he grabbed her hand and whirled her against his chest.
She opened her mouth to protest, when she looked past the wall of blue to his face and relaxed. "Thank goodness," she whispered. "It's about time you saved me."
Walker laughed. "I had to finish eating."
She tripped on his foot. "You didn't eat mine, did you? I'm starving."
'That's what took me so long."
She tried again for his foot, but he moved too fast, and she laughed. Without a word, she settled into his arms.
After a while, she whispered, "Shouldn't we stop? Your wound must be giving you great discomfort."
'The pain in my arm from dancing is nothing compared to the frustration I feel watching another man hold you. It's easier to dance than plot the murder of every man in this room."
She glanced up, surprised at the warmth in his eyes. He gave no hint that he might be kidding.
They didn't leave the dance early as he'd said they would. Lacy thought he might just be making sure that she remembered her one social. It seemed impossible to believe that the captain actually enjoyed himself. When the band announced the last waltz, he pulled her outside and onto the parade grounds. There, in the moonlight, they danced with only the guard from the gate watching.
When the music stopped, she thought he might kiss her, but he offered his arm, and they walked in silence back to their quarters.
After an evening surrounded by music and laughter, the silence of the little room seemed deafening. Walker bent and built the fire, but neither lit the lamp. She moved to her side of the bed, he to his, and they began undressing as the clock struck the midnight hour.
Lacy wasn't sure what to wear. She thought of changing into her nightgown, but it looked so plain compared to the undergarments she'd bought to go beneath her new dress. She pulled the dress over her head and laid it carefully over a chair. Tomorrow she'd brush it and pack it back in the box. She'd save the dress forever, and someday when she was very old, she'd make it into a quilt so that she could sleep beneath it and dream of this night.
She untied her first petticoat and let it drop to the floor. She took a step. The next petticoat fell.
Walker, who was removing his boots, watched her. "How many of those do you have on?"
Another dropped. "Five. Mrs. Deeds said that was the absolute minimum." Another puddled on the floor.
Walker had lost interest in his boot and simply stared as the last one fell. She stepped out of it wearing her silk pantaloons with lace and ribbons tied just below each knee and white stockings beneath.
When she leaned to pick up the petticoats dotting the floor, he said, "Lacy, come over here."
She walked to where he sat, wondering if he might be having trouble taking off his left boot. The bandage around his arm was stained in blood, but it appeared more dried than fresh. "What's the matter?"
"Do you have any idea how adorable you look?" He smiled, letting his hand brush from her waist to rest on her hip. "I can't stop watching you."
"Let me change that bandage while you're doing all this watching. If the blood dries, it'll be really painful pulling the old cotton off."
The strap of her camisole fell from her shoulder, leaving her breast exposed almost to the nipple.
"Forget it." His voice sounded low, and for a second she thought angry, until she saw the fire in his eyes. He tugged at her strap and pulled the silk down until he freed one full, rounded breast.
Drawing her suddenly between his legs, he opened his mouth over the tip of her breast as his hands slid down over the silk of her undergarments.
Lacy cried out in surprise and pleasure. But this was no gentle game of kissing and touching. She wanted him to touch her, but slowly. She didn't want him to take her, she wanted to give herself to him.
His arm pulled her down in his lap, and his kiss moved to her mouth savage with need. She suddenly felt like they were doing battle, and he planned to win.
"Wait." Lacy tried to push away. "Wait!" She needed him to go slow. His haste made any pleasure vanish. All she felt was panic. She pushed harder. "Stop!"
He released her so fast she almost fell backward.
For a moment he stared at her, breathing hard, pulling himself under control. Lacy stood, stepping out of his reach. She turned her face away, embarrassed, even though she wasn't sure what had happened. One minute he'd be polite, loving, and the next it had been all fire and hunger. She wasn't sure if it was his fault or hers; all she knew was that something hadn't been right.
"If you're waiting for me to say I'm sorry," he said as he jerked off his boot, "you'll wait till hell freezes."
Lacy raised her chin. "I only wanted you to slow down. This is new to me. I need time."
"How much time! A week? A month? Five years of marriage?" He plowed his fingers into his hair and looked down, angry more with himself than her. "You're driving me completely mad, Lacy. You're every inch a woman. A woman made for loving if there ever was one, but sometimes you're like a child. You make it seem like the passion I feel for you is somehow dirty."
He tossed his boot into the corner. "You were fifteen when we married, and part of you is still fifteen. You want me to hold your hand and kiss you and sleep next to you and not make lo
ve."
"And you're old and worldly at twenty-seven?"
"Well, I've had some experience. Who lives to be twenty and never even kisses a man? I didn't think that was possible for even women like Theda, much less a woman like you."
"I was married at fifteen. I didn't think I was supposed to go around kissing men. Within months I had a paper to run and your father to care for. That didn't leave a lot of time to run around town kissing any man who bumped into me." She made herself take a breath and added, "I thought my husband would teach me all about it, not get angry at what I don't know."
She reached for her coat. "I'm not a child. But if I'm so behind in years, I can fix that in one night. How many men are there on this fort? Three hundred, maybe more. If I kiss a hundred, will that help even our score? Or maybe I'll expose myself to a dozen. You seemed to like the view; I'm sure they will."
"Calm down, Lacy!" he yelled.
She headed toward the door. "If they're as fast at bedding as you, I might be able to sleep with several before dawn. Then maybe I'll be caught up to you, and you'll stop treating me like an idiot."
"Lacy, don't you dare leave this room." His words rattled the air.
She turned back to him. "Or what?"
He moved toward her until he stood a foot away. "I swear I don't know whether to paddle you or make love to you." He kept his hands at his sides as if forcing himself to use words and not actions. "I didn't mean that it's wrong nor to know how it is between a man and a woman. I meant that it's hard on me seeing you and wanting you and ..." He rubbed his forehead. "Oh, I don't know what I mean. You've succeeded in completely destroying my peace of mind."
Lacy almost felt sorry for him. "You haven't been easy on mine, Captain."
They stared at one another, then both smiled, knowing each gave as much as they got. She knew a fire burned between them, but she had no idea what to do about the flame.