Just like she did that night we met when I touched her face.
And I remember my reaction to her shiver—I thought my dick was going to break through my jeans.
I push that memory out of my mind. Right now, I need to comfort Mia, not fuck her.
“Talk to me, Mia. You shouldn’t keep all that sadness buried inside.”
As she turns to face me with those gorgeous blue eyes that are shining with pain, I forget everything except for why I pulled over to the side of the road.
She lets out a shaky breath. “Jamie Beth just pointed out something silly.” She tells me about the jinx comment, and I break into a laugh.
“That’s ridiculous,” I say. “We play eighty-two games a year. You think we’re going to win them all? Doesn’t happen, darling. And tonight’s loss had nothing to do with you being there.”
She nods. “I know it’s silly. And normally, I probably would have joked back with her. This time of year is always tough for me. Last week was my mom’s birthday, and that’s always a hard time for my dad. And then, today is the anniversary of her death…”
I go still. “You never said anything. About either date.”
“I didn’t want to bother you. We’re so newly married, and…”
I take her chin in my hand. “Nothing about you is a bother. I want to know these things.”
She reaches up and takes my hand into hers. “Okay.”
“I want to know more if you want to tell me,” I say in a low tone.
She takes a deep breath. “I think I just mixed up the two things in my head tonight is all.”
I furrow my brow. “I’m not sure I understand.”
“That’s because it’s irrational.” She smiles at me sadly. “The day my mom was killed, she was on her way to watch me compete at a riding event.”
“You rode competitively?” I don’t know why I’m surprised; Mia was extremely comfortable on a horse.
“I was a competitive jumper for years. It was just for fun. I always knew I’d stop once I graduated high school because my goal was to take over the family business.” She pauses. “Riding was like my mom’s and my thing that we did together. And for this particular event of mine, she had a meeting with a client that she couldn’t change, so my dad drove me. My mom rarely missed one of my events. I called her my good luck charm. I truly thought I couldn’t lose if she was in the stands watching me. I didn’t always win, of course, but I did do well. Every time she was there, I’d place.”
“You must have a lot of ribbons,” I say.
She smiles, but the smile is sad. “I do.”
My gut fills with dread in anticipation of where she’s going with her story.
“But that day, I was off. My horse knocked every jump. And my mom never showed up. I remember being upset with her when I didn’t place. I thought she got so caught up in her work that she couldn’t come.” She lets out a deep breath. “I was wrong. Turns out that her car was hit three miles from the arena where my dad and I were waiting for her. She blew through a yellow light and a drunk driver hit her. It wasn’t a red light, but still, she probably should have stopped. Instead, she was in a hurry to get to my show. She was my biggest supporter, and I can still imagine how badly she wanted to be there for me. I can still remember…” Her voice cracks just a touch before she continues. “I had just left the arena with my horse. I dismounted, and I was walking toward the gate to meet my dad. A police officer approached me. He confirmed who I was, but he wouldn’t tell me anything until we found my dad. And when the cop told us both…” She cuts off. “Let’s just say my dad’s never been the same.”
Something tells me Mia’s never been the same, either.
“I’m sorry,” I say, gently squeezing her hand with mine. “I’m truly sorry for your loss.”
She physically shakes her shoulders like she’s shaking it off. “It was years ago. But the thing is, I blamed myself for her death. Because if she hadn’t felt compelled to get to my show, she wouldn’t have left her meeting, and she wouldn’t have been rushing…”
“Hey.” I gently squeeze her hand. “It’s not your fault. She adored you. She wanted to be there for you. None of what happened was your fault, Mia.”
She clutches onto my hand like a lifeline. “I understand what you’re saying. It makes perfect sense. But I’m irrational when it comes to the loss of my mother. And for some reason, your game tonight reminded me…”
Her reasoning, however faulty, makes sense to me in that moment. Mia thought maybe she’d affected the outcome of the game tonight. Just like how she thought she was responsible for her mother’s death.
“You seriously think you’re the reason we lost tonight?” I say to her.
She fidgets in her seat, but I’ve got her hand wrapped tightly in mine, and there’s nowhere to go in this truck.
“I just know that you haven’t lost a game in weeks. And I’ve been watching you closely on television. You’ve been on fire, Declan. And tonight, you were flat.”
“That’s all true. Those facts you just rattled off. First of all, I didn’t realize you’ve been watching so closely as you just said.”
Her hand tightens in mine, and I get the distinct feeling I’ve made her feel vulnerable. I hasten back to the point.
“Second of all, tonight we played a shitty game. That’s all it was.”
“I was late,” she murmurs. “And you were worried. The security guy told me. So, that could have…”
“Distracted me?” I say. “Yes, I admit it did. But then, you showed up. And I still played like crap. All of that is on me, Mia. The Denver Alphas’ coaches know my tendencies inside and out. They exploited them. Simple as that.”
Her taut expression relaxes. “I get it. But…”
I know where she’s going, and I cut her off. “You’re coming to the next game,” I say firmly. “And the one after that. In fact, we have a ten-day stretch of home games now, and you can come to all of them. I guarantee we’ll win every one whether or not you’re sitting in that seat behind the bench. But I sure as hell would rather have you sitting there than not.”
“I’ll come.”
“Good.”
We lapse into silence as we stare at each other. I want to give her a hug or something, but I don’t want to intrude on her space.
“Declan.” Mia’s expression shifts from anxiety and grief to something else. I’m not sure what it is until she says in a flurry of words, “You kissed me at the game.” I open my mouth to apologize to her when she adds, “I liked it.”
“Fuck, Mia.” I lean closer to her. “So did I.”
Beep, beep!
We both turn at the sound of the honking horn.
Luke’s truck is idling right next to us. Cooper sticks his hand out the passenger window and waves before the truck accelerates and leaves us where we were.
“That’s Luke and them,” I murmur.
Mia shifts so she’s leaning back in her seat. “We’d better go join them at the house before they come check on us. Plus, I have to gather up Jamie Beth since she’s staying at the cabin.”
Right.
I start the truck back up, and we drive up to the main house. When we park next to my brother’s car, Mia shifts so she can reach for her purse at her feet.
Her flannel shirt slides up so I can see the creamy skin of her lower back. Without thinking, I let my hand go where it wants to.
Mia’s still bent over as my fingers graze the bare skin just above the empty belt loops of her jeans. She freezes in place.
“Declan.” Her voice is muffled between her knees.
I remove my hand, and she whips back up into a sitting position.
“Sorry,” I say. “I didn’t plan to…”
She shoves off the seat and plants a hard kiss on my mouth.
No tongue, no lingering, just pure, unadulterated Mia with her sweet-tasting, sexy lips.
I run my thumb over my bottom lip where she just kissed me.
“Was that payback
?” I ask her with a grin.
She shoots me a cheeky smile as she reaches for the door handle. “I wanted to give you something to think about while we’re hanging out with your family.”
“You did, darling.” I turn off the truck and open my door. “It’s all I’ll be thinking about.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Mia
“You and Declan were making out when we drove by, weren’t you?” Jamie Beth asks me.
“No,” I tell her. “We may have shared a quick kiss.”
She gasps. “Tell me everything!”
She and I are hanging out on the couch in the living room while the guys wander in and out between grabbing a beer and hanging out on the porch.
“That didn’t happen until we parked at the house,” I say. “He pulled over to talk. He had noticed I was upset after the game. So he asked me why.”
“And?” she prompts me. Her green eyes are round with curiosity.
I glance away from her, knowing what kind of reaction I’m about to get. “I told him about today.”
“You told him…what today is? The anniversary of your mom’s…”
I nod.
She hugs me so hard I shove her away with a laugh.
“Sorry,” she says. “But I mean, this is like a huge deal, Mia. You never tell anyone that.”
It is a huge deal. “Honestly, I never planned to tell him.”
“What made you change your mind?”
“I guess because he wanted to know why I was upset. He was genuinely concerned about me. I felt…” So close to him I could barely stop myself from climbing into his lap.
“Oh my God.” Jamie Beth’s watching my face. “You kissed him, didn’t you? You initiated it?”
“It wasn’t a long kiss or anything. More like a friendship peck.” A peck I had to force myself from turning into something far more intense.
“Friendship, my ass.” Jamie Beth laughs. “I believe you that it was brief, but I don’t buy that the two of you didn’t want a whole lot more. I’m heading back to the cabin without y’all so you won’t have a third wheel by your side.”
Before I can tell her that’s not necessary, all of the guys return to the living room from the porch. They’re still talking about the game.
“Oh, my head,” Jamie says. “Don’t they get tired of the same topic? We were just at the game—why keep rehashing it?”
“Just wait until the playoffs,” Cooper says as he walks over to us. “Then, it’ll be pretty much nonstop hockey.”
He scoots in next to Jamie Beth’s free side, and she sighs but makes room for him.
I smile to myself as the two of them instantly start up with their brand of flirting—bickering.
Declan catches my eye and asks if I want to leave.
I nod at him and look over at Jamie Beth. “You ready?”
“She’s fine here,” Coop says. “If you want, you can stay on our couch. That way, Mia and Dec can be alone.”
Uh-huh. As Cooper’s hand goes to Jamie’s cheek so he can brush a stray hair off of her face, I highly doubt worrying about Declan and me is his main concern.
But Jamie Beth isn’t about to admit to any sort of feelings for Cooper, no matter what is or isn’t true. She jumps up from the couch and asks me for my keys.
“I’m going to beat you and your husband back there,” she says to me. “I’ll sleep on your floor.”
“Don’t be silly. My bed is big enough for both of us,” I say as I hand her my keys. “Oh, the security code.” I tell her what it is. “Make sure you turn it off when you walk in the door.”
Cooper stands up, too. “I’ll drive you, JB,” he says. “No argument. You’re not walking in the dark alone. We may not have people, but we still have mountain lions and bears.”
Jamie Beth waves goodbye to me, and she and Cooper disappear out the door.
I walk over to Declan just as Cam says to him, “Mom and Dad called earlier. They’re flying in morning after tomorrow. So they’ll be in town for your next game.”
Declan chuckles. “They’re using my game as an excuse to be here when their first grandchild is born.”
Cam shakes his head. “Dad’s obsessed with going to your games. He always has been.”
Declan nods noncommittally, but I don’t miss the flash of pain that crosses his face.
“Your dad flies out for a lot of your games?” I ask him.
“As many as humanly possible,” Cam says before Declan can answer. “He thinks he’s responsible for my brother’s success.”
“He has good reason to feel that way,” Declan says. “I probably would have quit if he hadn’t pushed me so hard.”
“You’re a born talent,” Cam argues him. “Dad pushed me too, but I didn’t have the drive you did. You got where you are on your own merit. Dad just won’t see that.” He turns to me. “You may have picked up on the fact that Tyler Wild’s not exactly the warm, fuzzy type. And he’s mellowed from when we were young.”
I smile. “Well, we can’t pick our parents, right? As much as we want to.”
Cam’s ever-present grin grows wider. “Exactly.” He kisses me on the cheek. “Good to see you again, Mia. You guys have a good night.”
“By the way,” Luke calls out to Declan. “Logan and Blake are driving up from Texas and they’ll be here tomorrow or next day.”
“Who are Logan and Blake?” I ask Declan as we walk outside and get into his truck.
“Cousins from Texas,” he says. “I’ve never met them. They’re cowboys, so Luke and them go back.”
Cooper’s already driving back from dropping off Jamie as we pull onto the road.
“Their little goodnight didn’t last long,” I say dryly.
Declan smiles. “Coop’s going to have to up his game if he wants to hold her attention, huh?”
“I don’t know if it’s possible to hold Jamie Beth’s attention,” I say. “She’s not exactly desperate for a man.”
Declan goes quiet as we make the drive to our cabin, but my mind is racing with questions.
One of them slips out of my mouth before I can stop it. “Your dad was never…rough with you, was he?”
Declan flicks his gaze over to me. “What makes you ask that?”
“I don’t know. My dad’s father—my grandpa—he was hard on Dad growing up. Put a lot of pressure on him to be, for lack of a better word, perfect. He didn’t ever feel like he could step out of line. And if he even thought about it, well, he hit him in the face.”
Declan sucks in a breath. “You’re scary on the mark, Mia.”
“Am I?” I freeze. “So your dad…”
“He would use his hands,” Declan says like he’s talking about the weather. The only way I can tell he’s affected is he’s slowed the truck so much that we’re literally crawling toward our cabin. “A slap across the face like you said. Or on my head. Just enough that I got the point. When I got older and bigger, he stopped real quick. Once he knew I could take him out, he wasn’t nearly so brave.”
“I’m so sorry,” I say, my words barely audible.
“Cam doesn’t know,” Declan says as we pull up to the cabin. “I don’t plan to ever tell him.”
“How do you know he didn’t hit him, too?” I ask.
“I’m ten years older than Cam. And when I was fifteen, I told my dad that if he ever hit Cam the way he had me, I’d cut him out of my life once I got drafted. It was the only real leverage I thought I had because like Cam said, our father lives for hockey. Anyway, he swore he’d learned from his mistakes with me and that he would never do that with my brother. He even apologized. I made the decision then that I wasn’t going to hold onto it.”
“Have you?”
He turns off the engine and glances at me. “I think the toxicity of our dynamic affected my level of trust in people. If you want to get into psychological shit, maybe it’s partially why I’m thirty-eight and have never had a serious relationship.”
I nod.
“This is a shitty conversation,” Declan says, and I know he doesn’t want to delve any deeper. “Sorry to bring you down.”
“I’m not sorry,” I say honestly as we open our doors and step out of the truck. “First of all, I asked you, and you were courageous enough to share that with me.” I meet him on the other side of the truck and put my hand on his arm. “Thank you for telling me.”
“You’re welcome.” He looks at me with those gray eyes that can turn from stormy to calm multiple times in a conversation.
Or when we’re in bed together.
The air thickens between us, and I swallow hard and point enthusiastically—way too enthusiastically—up at the stars.
“Nothing like a Montana sky,” I say in a bright tone.
“That’s true.” Now Declan sounds like he’s trying not to laugh.
I don’t blame him. My game is essentially at zero, and my ability to deflect is just as poor.
I give up on faking it, and just speak what I’m feeling. “Declan.”
“Yeah.” His tone is gruff and uneven.
And I go for it. “How come you kissed me at the game?”
He keeps his gaze trained on the stars over our heads. “I wanted to. It felt…” He pauses. “Like the only thing I wanted to do in that moment.” He clears his throat. “Kind of the way I feel right now.”
My inhale is audible. I bite down on my bottom lip and don’t answer him.
Without saying anything, he turns and takes a step toward the cabin door. With his keys dangling in his hand, he says, “I don’t want to say good night.”
His back is to me, but I can hear the way his voice hitches. Like he thinks I may not want the same thing.
I touch his elbow. “I don’t, either.”
“What do you want, Mia?”
He’s giving me an out.
But I don’t want an out.
I just want him.
“I want to be alone with you.”
“Thank Christ.” He turns and takes me into his arms.
He rubs my back, and even through my coat, I can feel the heat of his palms.
I fist the lapels of his suit jacket and look up at him. “Take me somewhere we can be alone.”
The fact that Jamie Beth is inside our cabin is so ironic. She’ll want to kick herself tomorrow.
Declan (Wild Men Book 8) Page 14