“I understand why this is necessary, but I still don’t want a lot sentimental outpouring about Noah.” Those icy blue eyes met hers again. She sighed—he’d been abundantly clear.
“Which is why I’m coming to you. I’m trying to do this right, Chance.”
Could he see that? She didn’t want to disrespect him, but she had a job to do. Mayor Scott had made his wishes very clear.
“Okay...” He dropped his gaze and nodded. “I get it. The mayor has you in a tight place right now.”
She felt a wave of relief. “He really does, Chance. Thanks for recognizing that. So, let’s think of some memories of Noah that can show this town the kind of man he was while still respecting your privacy. It’s a fine line, I know, but I think we can do it.”
Chance took another bite of pie. “He was involved in Big Brothers. That’s something he cared about.”
“Yeah, I remember that.” She clicked a pen open and jotted it down. “Didn’t he also help reroof a couple of barns that year with the terrible wind storm?”
“Yeah, for free, too.” Chance nodded. “He was a good guy.”
“That was the year you and Noah started work on that boat, remember?” she asked, a smile coming to her lips. “You were going to fish together all summer. He said I could fry up your catch, and I told him he could fry up his own catch. I don’t scale fish.”
Chance smiled sadly. “Yeah, we didn’t get too far, though. Neither of us knew anything about refinishing old boats. I doubt it would have floated once we were done with it, anyway...” Chance paused. “We said we’d buy a decent boat new. We said we’d take Dad fishing.”
They wouldn’t have had the chance to do it, she realized. Noah left for the army shortly after the wedding fiasco.
“I’m sorry, Chance,” she said softly. “It would have been fun.”
Chance nodded and looked away. A tear sparkled in his eye and he blinked it back. This was fresh for him.
“I should have seen it coming,” Chance said, his voice gruff. “He should have told me he was thinking about the army. But he wouldn’t have—” He stopped.
“I don’t get it,” she said. “Why not? You two were so close. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t have brought it up, especially since he’d obviously gotten serious about it. You were his twin brother.”
“Because he and I—” Chance stopped, cleared his throat. “He knew how I felt about you.” Chance met her gaze with an anguished expression and he scrubbed a hand through his short hair.
“What?” His words sank into her mind. “Noah knew?”
She’d assumed that Chance had managed to keep that secret from Noah, as well. She certainly hadn’t clued in until the night before the wedding when he’d finally said something, but even then...
“That’s why he didn’t tell me anything. I’d harbored some pretty intense feelings for you, and I don’t blame him for not believing he could trust me. He wanted to start a life with you, and knowing how I felt, he needed to take a big step back from me.”
Chance had been distant, so reserved. She’d spent more time than she should have chipping away at that professionalism of his, and all that time he’d been hiding deeper emotions than she’d ever imagined. In that light, her teasing and cajoling had been far from appropriate.
“You just said that you’d be interested if I changed my mind about Noah...” She searched through her memories. “It was a crush, I thought.”
“Maybe a bit more than that.” Chance shook his head. “You two fell in love, and I sorted out my feelings privately. That’s how I do things, if you hadn’t noticed.”
And she’d spent years—literally years—cozying up to her future brother-in-law, never realizing how difficult she was probably making it for him.
He met her gaze once more, and she saw a flicker of a smile on his face. “I was the biggest champion of that wedding. Would have been nice if you’d actually gone through with it.”
They were silent for a few seconds, and Sadie’s heart welled with regret. She’d noticed some tension between the brothers, and she’d chalked it up to Noah getting married. Marriages changed dynamics, and she’d done her best to keep the brothers close. They needed each other—she wasn’t one of those women who tried to take a sibling’s place in her man’s heart.
She’d been so naive back then...and because of Chance’s feelings for her, he hadn’t been close enough to his brother to be taken into confidence. While she hadn’t intended that, or even suspected, she had spent several years trying to draw the man out of his shell, trying to bond with him despite his reluctance. And because of that, Noah wouldn’t confide in the brother who might have made all the difference.
“And now?” she asked hesitantly.
“Sadie, that’s all in the past,” he said. “You have nothing to worry about.”
“But the...um—” She swallowed. The kiss. That’s what she was trying to say and kept getting stuck in her throat. Chance raised an eyebrow.
“You mean the other night. Just a little nostalgia. It’s under control.” Those blue eyes met hers once more, and then he heaved a long sigh. “Trust me on that.”
“Okay.” She nodded.
“So back to business.”
She had questions, but she wasn’t even sure what they were right now, or if she should even ask them. Whatever his feelings had been, if he said he’d dealt with them, then she had to believe him. And he was right—they needed to focus on the work at hand.
“Yes, back to business.” She sucked in a wavering breath and looked at her notes. “So we can mention the Big Brothers program, the barn reroofing...and the boat?”
“No.” Chance’s tone hardened. “Don’t mention the boat. That’s private. Use the other stuff. And if you have a memory with Noah, use that.”
“Should I ask one of your cousins, maybe? Would that make things easier?”
“No, just keep it simple.”
He sounded tired, and she circled the options on her notepad, then looked up at Chance once more.
“I’m sorry, Chance,” she said softly. “I wouldn’t have come between brothers. You know that, right?”
“You didn’t.” He fixed her with a granite stare. “And I was fine. It was under control. There’s right and there’s wrong, Sadie. Feelings don’t change that.”
She didn’t answer. Noah hadn’t been the jealous type, but whatever it was that Chance had felt, it had been enough to drive a wedge between the brothers.
“I’m going to head home,” Chance said. “You have what you need from me?”
“Maybe a few more photos of Noah,” she said.
“I provided one.”
“Right.” That was as much as he was going to give on that front, and she wasn’t about to push it further.
He paused with a hand on the back of the kitchen chair he’d just vacated. “I hope I haven’t made you uncomfortable.”
“No, of course not.” That wasn’t exactly true, but it was the polite response. “I appreciate you coming by.”
“Good night.” The wall was back up—that shell he always hid behind. And maybe there had been a better reason for that personal shield than she’d given him credit for. It was time to step back and leave Chance alone.
She’d inadvertently gotten between Chance and Noah in life, and she couldn’t allow herself to do that now that Chance was grieving his brother’s death.
Lord, she silently prayed. What did I do?
Chapter Ten
The next morning, Sadie sat with a cup of coffee in front of her, watching the snow fall outside the kitchen window. She could hear a neighbor shoveling a driveway, the metal scraping against asphalt and carrying in the midmorning air. She’d gotten up early and had already done a lot of the writing for the booklets to be printed. Her eyes ached from the long time in front of the
computer screen.
Nana had gone out to buy some nutmeg. She had more baking plans, apparently, and Sadie heaved a sigh. Pumpkin pie, or whatever it was on the menu, wasn’t going to ease her disquiet this morning. Her mind was still on Chance’s revelation the night before: he’d had feelings for her. That night on the porch before the wedding had been more than an articulated crush—it had been much more...
Had she really been so stupid not to see it? She felt naive this morning. She hadn’t been a slip of a girl, so she didn’t feel like she had much of an excuse. She’d been twenty-two when she and Noah started dating, and twenty-seven by the time they were supposed to get married. How on earth had she missed something like that?
If it weren’t for her good-natured pestering of her future brother-in-law, if she hadn’t been blithely enjoying his company instead of focusing on the romantic relationship with Noah that she was supposed to be invested in... If she’d looked closer at what she had with Noah sooner instead of avoiding the hard topics by hanging out with his family, she might have broken it off before she’d done so much damage. At the very least, she might have been less of a wedge between Noah and Chance. In the end, Noah hadn’t needed her, he’d needed his twin brother, and he hadn’t had that fraternal relationship because she hadn’t been taking anything seriously enough!
And now she was asking Chance to share precious memories of his late brother in order to please the mayor. Yet again, she felt like the wedge, this time between Chance and his brother’s memory. She hated that—it had never been intentional. Just like her mother...blithely breaking hearts in her path as she swept off to whatever new horizon tugged at her. When a man like Noah could offer her everything and it still wasn’t enough, then the problem wasn’t the man—it was inside of her. Was she destined to live a life of constantly seeking, like her mother had, leaving heartbreak behind her?
But if Sadie didn’t plan this ceremony to the mayor’s specifications, she stood to lose a great deal. Still, was the mayor’s good word worth putting Chance through all of this? She might have been terrible for both Noah and Chance, and maybe it was time for her to sacrifice something for them and make up for all the pain she’d caused.
She’d been praying about it all morning, and God didn’t seem to be answering yet. God had been so clear about her move back to Comfort Creek. He’d come so close that there wasn’t a doubt as to what she should do. She’d felt His nudge as clearly as if He’d taken her by the hand and led her back home. So why the silence now?
Sadie had only had one mug of coffee so far, and she needed a whole lot more caffeine to keep herself rolling today. She pushed to her feet and brought her empty mug to the counter. She wasn’t quite ready to get back to work yet. She’d set herself a personal deadline of completing the write-ups today so she could get everything uploaded to the template tonight and get her order in line for printing. The clock was ticking on this one.
She reached for the coffeepot, and as she did, she saw a bundle of envelopes behind the coffeemaker. Normally, she wouldn’t bother with her grandmother’s stashes of old mail, but she noticed some red lettering on the front of one envelope, and she tugged it out. It was an electricity bill with the words “Final Notice” emblazoned across the front. She froze, then grabbed the rest of the mail in a single handful and pulled it out.
As she flicked through the envelopes, she saw more of the same—unopened bills. Sadie tore open the most recent phone bill and saw that her grandmother hadn’t been making her payments lately and she owed a good amount of money. She didn’t have her service cut off yet, but she was definitely in the hole. The same was true for her electricity bills and the natural gas. The only thing she seemed to be up to date on were her property taxes, which was a relief, considering.
How long had this been going on? Her heart thumped hollowly in her chest. Her grandmother had never hinted that she’d been having money problems, and Nana had been so happy that she’d been coming back, and showed her joy with treats and baking. If she’d ever even suspected that she’d be a burden—
Sadie heard the sound of footsteps on the side walkway, and she guiltily looked up as Nana turned the knob. She was tempted to push the envelopes aside, but she couldn’t pretend she hadn’t seen these.
“So I ran into Linda across the street—” Nana began, and then stopped short as her gaze fell onto the pile of envelopes. Her cheeks were already pink from the cold, but her gaze flickered away from Sadie and she shut the door solidly behind her.
“Nana—” Sadie began.
“Linda’s grandson is joining the army,” Nana went on, but her tone had changed. She was embarrassed, Sadie could tell.
“Nana,” Sadie repeated. “We have to talk about this.”
“No, we don’t,” her grandmother replied with a shake of her head. “Put those back where you found them and stop snooping, young lady.”
If only it were so simple. She wished she could do that and let Nana off the hook. She hated embarrassing her, but this was a big problem, and ignoring it wouldn’t fix anything.
“I didn’t know you’d been falling behind,” Sadie said. “You should have told me. I could have been helping you out.”
Sadie had been picking up groceries, but her grandmother had refused to take a penny toward other expenses. Did Nana really not have enough money coming in to pay her basic bills?
“I don’t need help,” Nana said, shaking her head. “It’s fine.”
“It isn’t,” Sadie said. “Nana, I’m not a child anymore. I’m thirty-two! I can pitch in. We’ll sort this out.”
“You need to focus on starting up your business,” Nana insisted, shooting her an arch look. “I’ll catch up. I always do.”
“So this has happened before?” Sadie asked quietly.
“Once or twice. God always provides, dear. Now, you have your business to worry about. That’s important to both of us. I’ll take care of the rest, Sadie. Put together that ceremony and impress the socks off of the mayor.”
“Nana, you need some help now. I can pay some of these bills—”
“With what?” Nana made it sound ridiculous, and Sadie shook her head.
“With the nest egg I set aside for my business. I’m not going to sit on money while you’re struggling, Nana! You raised me better than that.”
Her grandmother pulled a bottle of nutmeg out of the grocery bag in her hand and put it on the counter with a thunk, then balled up the bag in her hand and shoved it into another grocery bag hanging from a cupboard door handle.
“No!” Nana’s soft tone hardened. “You can chip in a little once you get paid for this job, and not a minute before. Do you understand me? That money is to give you a fair start at your own business, and I like that bigger picture. You’ve finally found your calling, and I’m not going to derail you. I’ve held out this long, and I can hold out a little longer still.”
“They’ll turn off our power,” Sadie warned.
“I pay a little each month. They won’t cut my power yet,” Nana said with a shake of her head. “Now you stop worrying about my finances and get to work on that ceremony. I think we both know that our mayor won’t accept anything but the best.” Nana turned toward the living room. “Now, I’m going to go warm up my feet, if you don’t mind, dear. I’ll let you get back to work.”
Was that it? That was all the discussion Nana would give to her situation? Sadie didn’t know what she’d expected, but it was more than that.
“Nana—” she called.
Nana disappeared around the corner, but her voice filtered back. “And put those envelopes back where you found them.”
Sadie sighed. Nana had always been a proud woman, but she’d never suspected that her grandmother was struggling to pay bills. She wished she’d known that sooner. To think she’d been stashing away her own little nest egg of cash to fund her small business while her grandmot
her had been falling behind. Sadie had money in the bank right now, while her grandmother was pinching pennies. That stung. Sadie had wanted to rent an office space here in Comfort Creek, but that would all have to wait. Her priorities had just reshuffled.
Nana was going to need more than an injection of cash to pay off her debt; she was going to need some ongoing help to stay afloat. Sadie had come home to start a business, but it looked like she’d be providing for more than just herself, and she needed to start getting a regular income right away. This project for the mayor just became a whole lot more important.
She might be willing to sacrifice her own plans to make up for the pain she’d caused Chance and his family, but Nana needed her now. This job might be painful for Chance, but it was the start she needed to begin supporting Nana. Sadie couldn’t afford to lose it.
* * *
Chance slowed his pace on the snowy sidewalk as he came upon the owner of the stationery store, Vern, shoveling his section of sidewalk. The snow was still coming down in slow, lazy flakes, and the sidewalk had a white velvet covering up until the stationery store where Vern was keeping it completely clear. A short, black man with a balding head and a friendly smile, Vern was a fixture around there.
“Morning, Chief,” Vern said, giving his shovel a knock against the cement.
“Good morning.”
Vern let him pass, then continued shoveling with the scrape of metal against sidewalk. Chance’s mind had been preoccupied ever since last night. He hadn’t meant to say so much—what was with him lately? He’d spent five years bottling up his feelings around Sadie and never letting on that he felt anything besides casual friendship, or perhaps a bit of a crush, and now that the pressure was off, he’d suddenly announced it, and all its messy glory.
And she’d looked stunned.
Lord, what is with me? I keep praying for guidance and discretion, and I keep blowing it.
God normally answered those prayers for him and he was able to keep a lid on his feelings, so why was God suddenly leaving him alone in this?
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