by Cynthia Eden
Grayson clarified, “Former CIA.” As of two weeks ago. “I can’t talk about my missions. They’re classified, but yeah, I know how to handle myself with a gun.” And at least twenty other weapons. And when he didn’t have a weapon, he still knew how to take down the enemy.
A faint furrow appeared between her brows. “CIA. Does that mean…what are you? Like, a spy or something?”
Exactly like a spy. “I’m out of the business now,” he told her again. “Just trying to live a normal life.” Because he was tired of the death and the lies. Jemma didn’t want secrets. Neither did he. Not with her. “I don’t have any family left, and this place—it seemed like it might be a good stopping point for me while I tried to figure out what the hell I’d be doing with myself next.” Maybe private security. Maybe freelance work.
Maybe, shit, maybe he’d even write that spy novel he’d always thought about. He sure had plenty of material to use…
“Holly is a perfect refuge,” she said, as that furrow smoothed away. “Or at least, it was.” Her smile was sad. “I’ve been hiding here for years.”
He waited.
No secrets.
She had to tell him on her own. She had to say…
“I’ve been hiding here,” Jemma continued quietly. “Ever since I killed a man.”
***
It was freaking cold in the mountains. Not as cold as it had been in Moscow, but hell…where was Jemma White? Was the woman ever coming home?
He hunched down against a tree. He could always try breaking into her home. Waiting in there for her. Even if she had an alarm, he could bypass it. Freaking child’s play. Yeah, yeah, he could go inside. Stay all nice and warm and wait for her.
After all, Jemma had to come back. Sooner or later.
But with every moment that passed…
His rage grew.
My shoulder still hurts like a damn bitch.
Another fucking black mark against Grayson Cole.
Chapter Seven
Grayson didn’t act shocked by her confession. He sure didn’t look horrified. He just gave a little nod and said, “Tell me more.”
More. She’d been keeping this story inside for so long that she was afraid to tell him. Her father had died when she was seven, and her mom—she’d passed the year before Jemma left for college. That was why she’d waited a year and started college when she’d been nineteen. Since she didn’t have any family left, it had been easier to keep the truth inside.
Easier, but it hadn’t made it hurt any less.
“Jemma. Sweetheart, if you think I’m going to judge you, you need to think again.” His fingers were caressing her shoulders. He stared down at her, his expression tender. “Because I know you didn’t kill anyone in cold blood.”
She shook her head. “No, it wasn’t like that.” She hadn’t been given a choice. It was fight back or die. I didn’t want to die.
“I can handle your secrets.”
Gazing into his eyes, she believed him. The other men she’d dated, hadn’t she pulled back because she’d thought they couldn’t handle her past? Or…
I didn’t want them to know. I didn’t want to open up with anyone else.
Just Grayson. He was different.
Grayson guided her to the couch and when she sat down, he went to work lighting a fire. Soon the flames were crackling and he was back at her side. Not pressuring her. Just…waiting.
So she stared into the fire as she told him her story. “You were right before, about some men not being able to take no for an answer.” She’d known a man like that. Only she hadn’t realized the truth about him, about how he was, not at first. “I met Gage right after I enrolled at college. He was friendly, popular, two years older. He was even captain of the basketball team.” Everyone had loved Gage.
Everyone but me.
“We went out a few times, but…things didn’t click for me. I didn’t want a hot and heavy relationship. I don’t know that I wanted any relationship back then. I was just…finding myself, I guess. But Gage didn’t like it when I said that I wanted to cool things down.” She’d been so nervous when she told him that she wouldn’t be seeing him again. “He said I was crazy. That just being with him…well, that made me the luckiest girl on campus.”
“Sounds like a dumbass.”
No, Gage had actually been very, very smart. And that was why it had taken so long to stop him. No one else could see what he was doing. She took a deep breath and kept staring at the flames. “He started following me around campus. I mean…it’s not like it was overt.” Not at first. “I’d leave the library, and he’d be there. I’d go to the movies and…he’d be there.” She shivered even though the fire put out plenty of warmth. “Coincidences, at least that’s what I told myself for the first week.”
“But it wasn’t coincidence.”
She shook her head. “I made the mistake of talking to a guy in my Intro To Politics class. We walked out of the lecture together—we were laughing about something, I have no idea what. I just remember, I was laughing and I looked up and I saw Gage.” His gaze had frozen her on the spot. “That night, my roommate went to a party. I was in the dorm room alone, and Gage broke in.” Her words came faster. “He put a knife to my throat and said if I ever so much as thought of being with someone else, he’d kill me.”
”Bastard.”
“He left. I was a mess. Shaking and…terrified.” Her hand lifted and touched her lips. “He kissed me while he had that knife to my throat. I was afraid that he was going to rape me.”
Grayson surged to his feet.
“He didn’t.” Her hands fisted in her lap. “I called campus security as soon as he left. Told them everything. They brought him in for questioning, but Gage just said I was his crazy ex, trying to cause trouble. He had two of his basketball buddies swear he was with them, that they were out shooting hoops.”
Grayson began to pace. She could feel his fury filling that cabin.
“I knew he’d be angry with me for reporting him, and I stopped going out. Just went to my classes. Immediately came back to my room.” Her chest seemed to squeeze as she recalled that dark time. “Everyone started thinking I was the crazy one, just like he’d said. No one believed me, not even my roommate. Like I said, Gage was popular. People loved him.”
Why don’t you love me, Jemma? Why don’t you? For an instant, she could hear his scream in her mind.
“People can be fucking blind,” Grayson said, his voice tight.
She nodded. “A week later, I was walking back to the dorm after a night class. I could see the lights of my building. I was so close…” The words trailed away. “But he caught me. He just came out of the bushes. Grabbed me. In the next second, I was shoved up against a tree and he had that knife at my throat again.”
Why don’t you love me, Jemma?
Tears stung her eyes. “He made me go with him. Gage kept that knife at my side and he wrapped his arm around me. When we passed people—people we knew—he’d jab that knife into my side harder even as he laughed and told them all that we’d gotten back together. That he’d decided he liked a little bit of crazy.” A tear slid down her cheek.
“When he forced me into his car, I knew that he was going to kill me. I knew it. He was going to take me away from campus, and I wasn’t ever coming back. I saw one of the campus cops, and I tried to get his attention. I called out to him, but I didn’t think he noticed.” She’d been bleeding then. Shaking.
“Gage took me to the edge of the campus. There was an old frat house there, an abandoned place. The windows were boarded up and the house was covered with cob webs. He kept that knife on me and made me go inside.”
Grayson stopped pacing. He turned and his gaze focused on her.
“He told me that if I made him very, very happy, he’d let me live.”
Grayson stepped toward her.
“I started to take off my shirt.” Pain, humiliation burned through her. “And he started laughing. I knew he’d been lyi
ng to me. Something was wrong with him. Broken, twisted up. I could see it, but no one else could.” Her hand slid to her waist. To the scar that was there. “He stabbed me three times. I screamed as loud as I could, and I fought him, but he was stronger and I was sure I was going to die in that place.”
“Jemma…” His eyes blazed down at her.
“But I got lucky. Seems some guy had decided to bring his girlfriend to that old frat house that night, too. Maybe he wanted to scare her. Maybe it was their make-out spot, I never found out for sure but…” Jemma shook her head. “They were outside and they heard my screams. They came running in and they saw Gage on top of me. I was bleeding and begging for help and he told them to just get the fuck away.” She swiped at the tear on her cheek. “They didn’t get away. The guy charged at Gage.” The guy…his name was Ben. Ben helped me. Ben and Julie. “Gage dropped the knife. I-I picked it up. His back was to me and I was yelling for him to stop. To just stop.”
Some guys can’t take no for an answer.
“He spun around and lunged at me. And I drove that knife right into his chest.” Her breath heaved out. I told him. I told Gray everything. Her chest felt lighter. Her racing heart was slowing down. “Ben and his girlfriend, Julie, they told the cops what they’d seen. I wasn’t charged with anything—”
“Because you damn well shouldn’t have been.”
“But I left campus after that. I came back here. Decided to stay.” I was safe here. “I’d always loved baking and desserts and I—and I realized I had a knack for what I was doing.” Chocolates were the ultimate comfort. She knew that for a fact. “I had money from my mom’s life insurance, so I used it to buy the shop, and Holly Jolly Chocolatier was born.”
Grayson just stared down at her.
“That’s my secret.”
There was no missing his fury. “You’ve been keeping this inside…for all these years?”
“Gray—”
He caught her hands in his and pulled her up so that she was standing right in front of him, caged between his body and the couch. “I am so fucking sorry you went through that hell.”
She swallowed.
“I wish that you’d never known pain a day in your life. I wish that I’d been there, that I’d known you then. Because you can absolutely be certain of this…I would have believed you.”
She couldn’t look away from his eyes. So much emotion there. Not just fury. Pain. Need.
And…
“You’re brave, Jemma. Brave and strong and smart, and you don’t have to keep your past secret. You did nothing wrong. It was all him. Not you.”
She knew that. Knew that Gage had been sick. But she also knew… “People look at you differently, once they find out that you’ve taken a life.”
A muscle flexed along his hard jaw. “Yes,” he gritted out, “they do.”
She understood right then that Grayson had killed. CIA—she knew what it meant. He’d been a spy. And if his missions were classified, she might never learn of the battles he’d faced. But she could feel his pain, just as surely as she knew he felt hers.
Two lost souls. Was that what they really were? Because as she stood before him, Jemma didn’t feel so lost. She actually felt as if she’d just found something that had been missing from her life for too long.
Someone.
“Gage is dead.” She’d watched his body be put into the ground. “So he’s not the one after me. He was the only threat I had.” She didn’t have any idea who could be targeting her now. “Why is this happening?”
His hand lifted and curled under her chin. “I don’t know, but you aren’t facing it alone. You don’t have to ever face anything alone again. I’m right here, sweetheart, and I’m not going any place.”
But…there was one place she wanted him to go—no, them to go. His bedroom. “Will you make love to me?” She hadn’t realized how much courage it would take to say those words. Her breath hitched and her hands trembled as she waited for his response.
Grayson smiled at her. “Oh, sweetheart, it would be my absolute pleasure.” His head bent and his lips took hers. Softly. Carefully. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held on tight. There would be no stopping. No turning back. She wanted to be with Grayson. She wanted to let go…
To go wild.
With him.
He picked her up, still kissing her, and he carried her through the cabin. She hadn’t ever been carried before, and he made her feel… protected. Precious.
He lowered her onto the bed and the mattress dipped beneath her weight. He pulled back and turned on the little lamp that waited on the bedside table. “I want to see you,” Grayson told her.
And she wanted to savor every single moment with him.
Watching her, Grayson yanked off his shirt and tossed it aside. Her gaze raked greedily over him—he had a gorgeous body. Wide shoulders, strong chest, abs that rippled. More than a six pack.
She should be taking off her clothes, too. Shouldn’t she? Uh, yeah, you kind of have to do that. Jemma pulled her shirt over her head and dropped it on the floor. She started to kick out of her boots…
“Let me,” Grayson said, voice a deep, dark temptation. He caught her left boot. Slid down the zipper. That low hiss seemed incredibly loud. He eased off her boot and her sock and his fingers slid along the edge of her calf, massaging her ever so gently.
Her fingers grabbed for the bed cover and she held it tight.
Grayson shifted his attention to her other boot. Another long, low hiss filled the air, and then that boot was on the floor. He took off her sock and once more, his fingers slid up her calf. She’d never thought calves were any kind of erogenous zone before. They were calves. But his strong, warm hands were gently kneading her muscles and her eyes were about to roll back in her head. “Gray!’
He let her leg fall. Grayson leaned over her and unhooked her jeans. Slid down that zipper and then he was tugging both her jeans and her panties over her legs. She didn’t even look to see where he dropped them. She didn’t care. Her gaze was locked completely on his face. On the desire that she could see so easily.
She only wore her bra. A plain black bra because she hadn’t known where this day would end. She wished she had on something sexy and tempting. Something to drive him wild.
“You are absolutely gorgeous.” His voice was rougher than normal and she liked that deep rumble.
He leaned over her and pressed a kiss to her abdomen. She sucked in a sharp breath and her hold on that bedspread went even tighter.
And when he started to kiss his way down her body.
Her eyes squeezed closed. She hadn’t done this before. She’d wanted to—definitely, but…before the nightmare that had been Gage, she’d had one lover. A sweet boy who’d taught her about pleasure. Only they’d both been on the learn-as-you-go path. And they hadn’t gotten to this.
Then after Gage, well…
I won’t think of him. I won’t think of anything but Grayson right now.
Actually, she couldn’t think of anything else. Because his breath blew lightly on her skin and his hands were pushing her thighs apart. Her heart was racing so fast, that mad drumming filled her ears.
“If you want me to stop, at any time…” He looked up at her. “Just tell me.”
“I don’t want you to stop.” She really, really wanted him to keep going. Like, right then. Go, go, go.
And he did. He put his mouth on her. Stroked her with his lips and his tongue and her body arched up against him as she gasped out his name.
He pushed his finger into her—two fingers. Stretching her. Thrusting and withdrawing. All the while, he still used that wicked tongue. Way wicked. Skillful. Very skillful. He put his thumb on her clit. He stroked her harder.
And Jemma came against his mouth. A hard, body quivering explosion that rocked through her. Not some gentle blast or crest or pop of pleasure. A tidal wave.
Then he was pulling away. “No!” She wasn’t done. They weren’t done.
She gave a quick nod. Good, yes. “Get that.” Fast.
He did. He was back in an instant, clothes totally gone, condom on and when he positioned his cock between her legs…
Time stopped, just for a moment. Their eyes met. She wasn’t even sure she was breathing. She could make out more of the emotions in his eyes. It wasn’t just desire, though he sure looked as if he’d like to eat her alive.
But…
Love?
He drove into her, thrust deep and they both moaned. She stopped fisting those covers and her hands locked around his shoulders. He drove into her again and again, and her legs wrapped around his hips.
Deeper. Harder.
So good.
They rolled across the bed. She was on top of him now. His hands were on her hips, urging her up and down and every glide of his long, thick cock in her body had Jemma panting even harder. Her orgasm was building again. Getting so close—
He rolled her. Had her under him. Caught her leg and put it over his shoulder so he could drive even deeper into her. She didn’t have any control. Her body was open fully to him and when he thrust down…
“Gray!”
He came right after she did. Her sex was contracting around him, she was trying to breathe and she felt the jerk of his cock in her. Her eyes flew open and she saw the pleasure sweep over his face.
The same wild, consuming pleasure that she felt.
She held him even tighter.
And when it was over…when the climax finally stopped making her body shake and quake, Jemma laughed.
Probably not the response she should have after sex but…
Grayson lifted up onto one elbow and stared down at her.
She couldn’t stop smiling. “You said…” Her heart still drummed too fast. “You weren’t a one orgasm a night kind of guy…”
His grin slowly stretched across his face. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m not. I like at least two, three really.” He bent to kiss her. “With you, maybe four.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and joy swept through her. There was no fear or pain or shadows from her past. There was only her Grayson and the absolute certainty that he was the man she needed.