Kaley used a finger on his chin to get his head up. "You can tell me anything ... Anything."
"I guess I'm kind of smart—" He pulled in a breath and let it out slowly for time to choose his words carefully.
"And a damned hypocrite for calling me humble." She softened that with a smile.
"It's not just that you have to protect your crazy brother, but ... In any family we know and a lot we don't know ... You'd be the smart one Kaley. Hands down!"
"You think I'm bitter because you stole my smart title? Really Kevin?"
"Well, you should be." He hung his head down again.
She turned his head to face her with her wet hands on his wet face. "You are special. You made my life special. Knowing you and loving you made me more special than I would ever be without you."
They were the most beautiful words he believed ever heard, but he saw her eyes searching his and figured more words like that were on the way.
"I don't damn you for putting me in your shadow. For taking up the little money we had when we only had a little money. For making me an emergency responder when I should be a lazy teenager—"
"Is there a good part coming up, Kaley?"
She laughed as much with her eyes as she did with her mouth and the rest of her body before she held the grip on his face tenderly with her tender hands. "I damn you for spoiling me. I'm attracted to brilliant minds. Knowing you makes me know one thing for sure. I'll search high and low and never find a man with a mind like yours."
He thought she should look mad or bitter after that, but he knew enough to know she didn't. She looked like she looked when she was happy. Happy with him. Happy about him. He noticed her looking more deeply into his eyes than he could every remember anyone looking into them before. He didn't know how he knew, but he knew what she was about to say would come straight from her heart.
"I don't damn you for putting me in your shadow, Kevin. I damn you for putting every man I'll ever meet in your shadow."
"You could marry me like I asked you to when I was three." He knew it sounded weird, but it happened back then, and he thought it would be good to say it right then. Her smile told him he was right.
"I love you so much Kevin."
"I love you so much too—" He barely finished that before she planted a sweet kiss right on his lips. That was weird at first, but then it wasn't. For someone who was a neophyte at feelings, it felt right. It was a rare emotional moment between the two least emotional members of his family. He deemed it a great moment and enjoyed it until his girlfriend ended it.
"You guys, I'm already sick to my stomach," Zoey called from the door.
Kevin thought it was funny how quickly Kaley leaned back, got a strange look, and had her face blush red from the instant blood flow. He turned to Zoey at the back door, "Can't a guy make out with his big sister in peace?"
"Once again honey, don't take this the wrong way—" Zoey yelled playfully.
"But, I'm an idiot," Kevin yelled back.
"Yes!" Zoey yelled.
The door closed, and Kevin felt Kaley's hand on his shoulder she was using to stand up. "You're not an idiot." She leaned over and put her face close to his. "You're my sweet special sweetheart of a brother." She gave him a sweet kiss on the forehead.
He sat back and watched her dry herself with a big beach towel and go inside. He really wished he was the sort who could sort out feelings. Everything she said and did made him feel enough to almost know what she felt. Almost. It was the knowledge past the almost that he wanted to know. He let that pass though. There were a lot of things he knew he would never know.
****
A few nights later, they were all on a big blanket in the back yard to enjoy the cooler than usual summer breeze and watch the shinier than usual night stars. Kaley handed out the bottles of the dark stout beer she'd developed a taste for.
Zoey took a swig and grimaced. "Bitter. Too bitter."
Kevin didn't raise his head and the beer went all over him. He laughed as the others laughed. "A little bitter, but I love it."
Kaley sat up. "Kevin, when you were a little boy, you whined, and I snuck you a glass of water in bed."
"And I did the same thing?" he said.
"You did the same thing," Kaley answered.
"My eyebrow finally got thick enough to hide it." Kevin sat up and touched the spot on his eyebrow. "Tell me the story about my scar. The real story."
Kaley and Kami looked at each other and without words, decided who would start the story.
"It was when Mom read something and decided you couldn't sleep with them anymore. Dad fought her hard, but you know Mom." Kaley waited for that to register.
Kevin nodded because he didn't want to slow down the story he was eager to hear.
"Kaley and I butted heads with Mom even that long ago." Kami smiled as those memories paused her briefly. "It was my turn to sneak you into bed with me. You said you wanted to sleep on my side of the bed. Kaley had the sense to make the sensible argument. You were a roller. You always rolled one way. We made you sleep on your regular side of the bed, but when she went to bed, I let you have your way."
Kevin smiled as he nodded and finished it himself. "I rolled off the bed and hit—"
"The sharp corner of the night stand," Kaley said.
"Mom was so pissed when she came in and saw you all bloodied up." Kami clutched herself defensively at the tale of her mother's past anger.
Kaley laughed a light laugh before she recalled a better part of the story, "Dad was like, 'Hey Buddy, your first good wound. That scar's gonna make you so cool it'll make the girls at school drool over you' and that was our Dad."
"That was Dad," Kami said.
"Dad—" Kevin thought on that sweet memory of that sweet man and thanked his blessings again for being stuck on the sweetness instead of going through those horrible stages the nice bald grief counselor told him about.
"And I still mean this in the nice way—" Zoey patted Kevin's hand. "My sweet idiot has a long history of idiocy."
Kevin shrugged. "Once an idiot, always an idiot." He took a swig of his beer.
It happened so fast, it seemed like the blink of an eye for those not making it happen.
Kaley was on top of Zoey, holding her down forcefully. "Call him an idiot one more time, and you'll never call anyone anything again!"
Kevin felt the urge to protect Zoey. Or, at least say something mean enough to make his big sister get off her. He also felt the urge to do nothing. That's what he did.
Kaley pinned Zoey down for a few more moments until she got off slowly.
Kami got over Zoey, but she wasn't threatening. "What she's trying to tell you is if you keep telling him that, he'll repeat that like he just did, and eventually, he'll believe that." Kami's look showed a hint of anger. "And that's not right."
"You're right." Zoey sat up when Kami got off her. "I'm sorry Kaley."
Kaley gave a slight nod before she took a big drink.
Zoey looked at Kami. "Sorry."
Kami gave one nod. "Okay."
Zoey turned to Kevin. "I'm so, so, sorry. Can you ever forgive me?"
"I forgive you." He did say those words, but he didn't know how he felt. He knew he wasn't mad at either of his sisters. He guessed that was because they were doing what they were supposed to do. What they always did. He rested on the ground and looked up at the sky. "You know I could bore the crap out of everyone with the stars and constellations, but why don't we open it up for someone to lay out an argument?"
The others were too raw from the exchange to say anything.
"No volunteers, so I'll appoint Kaley Riley to make a case." He looked over at her and exchanged benign looks with her.
Kaley sat up and thought for a few moments. "Sometimes, Kevin says something. I argue. Get pissy. Stew on it for a while." She smiled a loving smile. "And see the brilliance of it later."
"You can't butter me up for more, Sis." He flashed his brows and hoped it was close to
Taylor's move he kept doing to make it part of his learned rapport repertoire. "I'm already paying for your college."
Kaley smiled lovingly and appreciatively while the others laughed. "There's no statute of limitations for a homicide. That means we'll be worrying about what we did coming back to bite us on our asses—" She pulled in a breath and let out a sigh. "For the rest of our lives."
"So many little things to think of." Kevin breathed and sighed just like his sister did. "One little thing I didn't think of ... Would do us all in."
"We're already watching our backs. Worrying about what we did. Maybe that's more of a reason to kill more." Zoey said that timidly because she was still a little shaken from the confrontation. She qualified it, "If we're careful. Cautious."
That was a thought they all thought on for a while.
"I think we were lucky. Lucky situations." Kami took a look at each of the others. "Lucky to have each other."
"That craving we all have. How do we satisfy it? How do we keep beating the odds? How can we keep killing without paying for the killing?" Kaley looked around like that was the unanswerable question.
After a long silence, Kevin spoke up, "Mercy killing." He sat up straight and gave the others time to do the same before he explained, "It's a growing movement. People who are terminal. In too much pain."
"The right to die movement," Kaley added.
Kevin nodded at his smart sister. "Some are too weak to do themselves in. There's a small, but growing group of helpers to help them do it."
"They need to die. We need to kill." Kami looked at Kevin with pure admiration.
"If we get caught, we'd have support from those who support the right to die," Zoey said.
"Good idea, Kevin," Kami said.
"Great idea," Kaley said.
"Yeah, great." Zoey looked off at a small tree swaying in the wind. "That keeps us doing what we love to do. Together." She turned and took long looks at Kami and Kaley. "Our group. Our team. It won't get larger. It can't."
Kaley looked at Zoey respectfully. "No, it can't. That means we're stuck with each other."
"For life," Kami said.
Kevin saw the women giving each other long looks. He was hoping they would say more, so he would know more. He didn't have the patience to wait, "You're the only people I care about in my life." He held up a palm. "Except for Mom ... Uncle Frank ... Taylor and Beth." He saw there was something more going on. "I don't think it's a bad thing that we're all together and have to stay together. Are you saying it's like—" His face filled with worry. "It's like a prison to you?" He turned his head from looking at Zoey to look at Kami. "To you?" He looked at Kaley. "You?"
"I think what she's trying to say—" Kaley didn't get to finish that.
"Stop saying what you think I'm saying." Zoey held her pointing finger up and it matched the anger on her face. "Stop treating me like I'm an idiot," she yelled.
"You're the idiot-namer, idiot-caller, idiot-idiot," Kaley yelled back.
Kevin was completely lost about what was going on. He leaned back and supported his lean with his palms on the blanket.
Kami reached and held a wrist of each of the other girls. "Cut the crap!" She held the grip on the wrists until she got the nods of compliance. "Whatever you've got to say, say it, Zoey."
Zoey forced herself to take some calming breaths, before she took a big one to get it out, "All this 'One!' crap. Staying together forever. That's all fine and dandy, but Kevin and I are a couple. Do you really think you two can bring two men into our group? How the hell is that going to work? That's the problem I don't see us solving." She turned and took a loving look at Kevin before she looked back at his sisters. "Sure, we're a team. More than that, we're a family. You're his sisters, who feel like sisters to me, but I'm not his sister and he's not my brother." She had to catch her breath after that.
There it was. Kevin had seen that before. Many times. It was usually between his sisters or between his sisters and his mother. There was usually a huge fight beforehand. A big blowout. The storm before the calm. It wasn't a male sexist thing to think that because he saw that. Many, many times. It was women letting it out and having it out before they became closer than they were before. It was a woman thing, but it was a beautiful thing.
"And we have that family thing, but you and Kevin need to have your own thing." Kami looked right into Zoey's eyes when she said that.
"And you two need the space to have your own little family within our family." Kaley looked as intimately into Zoey's eyes as Kami had.
"Yes!" Zoey said a little too emphatically.
The summer night sounds marked the time it took for that to sink in.
Kami slowly stroked one of her aesthetically perfect high cheek bones as a grin seeped onto her classically beautiful face. "You and me and guys, Kaley. We either have to have a lifetime of one-night stands, or—"
Kaley got the same grin. "We need to be celibate ... For our lifetimes."
Kevin was surprised he saw them seeing humor in that idea instead of anger. He saw humor and explained when his chuckling brought the three sets of female eyes on him, "It would be an easy fix if you two weren't my sisters." He could tell the humor was having a humorous effect on them. "I mean sister-wives is one thing, but real sister, sister-wives?"
The girls' laughter started in snorts and spurts, but it ended up loud, strong, and long-lasting.
Kaley leaned and gave Zoey a side hug as she pointed at the house with the hand from her other side, "Maybe now's a good time for you and Brother to have your own family time."
Kevin was surprised how quickly Zoey stood up and had her hand out to prompt him to stand up. He did. He walked toward the house with her. He could tell he felt excited. There was another feeling his unfeeling self was feeling. Dread.
****
Later that night, Kevin walked into the kitchen as his sisters sat down on the big couch with giant plastic bowls filled with sugary cereal and milk, to watch a cartoon on the television the sound was barely audible on. "If this is the 'Who can eat the biggest bowl of cereal?' competition, hold up because I want in." Kevin adjusted the oversized bathrobe he wore over his gym shorts.
"We'll wait," Kaley said.
"You're in," Kami said.
Kevin had his giant bowl of milk and cereal and was sitting between his sisters in short order.
They watched and ate comfortably for a while.
"I still haven't been able to go all the way with Zoey. Well, kind of all the way the first time, but only kind of." Kevin was aware his sisters' heads turned so quickly it had to hurt. "I want to have a hard truth talk, so let's all agree to keep all eyes on the TV." His peripheral vision confirmed the slow turn of their heads.
Kami was the first sister who couldn't take the suspense as Kevin ate a big bite of cereal. "What was the problem?"
"Zoey's still a little nauseous." Kevin chuckled after that. "I'm so bad in bed, I make my girlfriend want to throw up."
Kaley couldn't endure the next long pause. "What gave you a hard time, Honey ... Did you ... Could you—" She cleared her throat to speak less nervously. "Could you get—" She pulled in a breath, blew it out, and sighed as she gave up.
Kevin chuckled at that. "No problem with that. The problem is that won't go away. Why do you think I'm wearing Taylor's big, plush bathrobe in the summer?" He looked down to make sure he was covered completely. "Still." He shook his head. "He's still standing at attention."
Kami subtly scooted a few inches away from Kevin. She broke the eye contact rule when they broke it and looked at her. She pointed where he'd looked. "At ease, Soldier."
That made them laugh hard before they got their eyes back on the television and got more cereal in their stomachs.
"Dad used to sneak us the junky cereal and let us eat it in big bowls." Kevin thought he was getting that memory from the taste of the sugary milk.
"What was the problem tonight, Kevin? With you?" Kaley asked with her eyes fixed on the scre
en.
"You're right, Kaley, it was with me. The nausea was an excuse. A face-saving excuse." He set the bowl on the coffee table even though he wasn't finished. He leaned back and folded his arms and stared straight ahead. "I'm remembering more." The corners of his eyes let him know both sisters had stopped themselves in the middle of bites. "Zoey said, 'You do me a favor and I'll do you a favor' and it was more than the words I heard before, it was the intonation ... The sexy voice ... The same movement of the hand." He shook his head. "Everything the same."
"Kevin, I have to tell you—" Kaley said with a trembling voice.
"No!" Kami had leaned forward to look at Kaley.
Kaley leaned forward and spoke as loudly and firmly as Kami, "He said he's remembering. I want to be telling before he's remembering."
Kevin kept his eyes straight ahead and his arms folded tightly the whole time it took for his sisters to settle down and settle into the same position.
"When you were going through that with Nonie—" Kaley started.
"Stop sugarcoating that shit!" Kami said sternly.
"When Nonie was molesting you, it made you sexually active, Kevin," Kaley said calmly, but sadly.
"That was during the time we let you sleep with us," Kami said sadly.
"No, no—" Kevin's hands shook as he shook his head almost violently. "Please don't tell me I did that. Not to you. Both of you."
Kami held one of his shaking hands with both her hands. "It was a mutual thing. I mean, I saw you getting that way and went that way with you."
Kaley did the same with his other hand. "It really was a choice. A choice we both made, and both learned we were ... Doing ... With you."
"We didn't know about Nonie." Kami's head went down. "Should've known."
Kaley saw her sister's guilt freeze her up and took over. "We knew you were going through something. Whatever it was. Whatever we had to do. We would do it to get you through it." She thought quickly on how that sounded. "That sounds like it was a chore." She shook her head. "It wasn't. It was more of a—" She was the most well-read of the sisters and she described it in a more literary way, "Labor of love."
The Killing Rileys- First Love, First Kills Page 16