Winston chuckled at the male. Ash was his best friend. Even though they were different kinds of shifters. Even though Ash was older and an alpha. It didn’t matter in the least. They had still become fast friends from the word go. “Let’s change back and head home,” he suggested.
Human skin or not, Ash bristled, the male still on high-alert. “Call it a gut feeling … something isn’t right.”
Winston paced to where Ash was standing.
The male seemed to be listening for something, his brow heavily furrowed. “I wish I knew what the fuck was going on.”
“Something is definitely up. Herds of game don’t disappear into thin air. At this point though you’re just hungry. We’re all hungry … for meat.”
Ash’s nostrils flared, his eyes were focused on the canopy up ahead. “I’m hungry but that’s not it. Something spooked the game. I sensed something out here. Something’s wrong!”
Winston shook his head. “If there was something in these woods, we’d know about it.”
“Make no mistake,” Ash paused. “There is something in these woods . thousands of square miles. It would be easy for them to hide.”
“From us? We’re shifters for fuck’s sake. They can’t hide from us.” Winston shook his head. “Now that’s crazy talk.”
Ash shrugged. “You’re probably right but I’d still be willing to bet my right nut on it.”
Winston laughed. “You’re on. I’m sure it’s a simple case of the herds migrating though. Something to do with the solar system and the way the planets are aligned. Or maybe global warming. It’s fucking with nature in the worst of ways.”
The big male shrugged, his agitation from earlier all but gone. “What happened to you on Saturday?”
“What do you mean, what happened to me?” Winston folded his arms. “Nothing happened.”
“You’re right, nothing happened,” Ash chuckled.
Winston fought an eye roll and lost. Here we go again.
“You took a female back to your hotel room but didn’t touch her.” Ash grinned. “My sources tell me she was not too thrilled when she left. Made a ton of noise and called you a limp dick.” Ash choked out a laugh. “Limp dick,” he muttered to himself, still laughing.
Winston rolled his eyes a second time. “Yeah, yeah, it’s ‘Pick on Winston’ week. Why can’t a male just change his mind? Why was it that my dick immediately got a bad rep? Why can’t a male walk away from sex without being ridiculed?”
“There was nothing wrong with that female.” Ash shook his head. “Trent told me it was the blonde with the hair all the way to her ass. She’s a little noisy, but—”
“My point exactly.” Winston blew out a breath.
“Are you still banging on about how you’ve had it with fucking around?”
“You have no idea.” Winston narrowed his eyes. “You’ve only been at it for a couple of years.”
Ash’s eyes darkened, pain caused his features to pinch.
“Hey, bro …” Winston kept his voice soft. “I’m sorry. That was out of line.” What the fuck is wrong with me?
Ash shook his head. “Nah!” He rolled his shoulders. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”
Winston could see that he wasn’t. What male would be?
“So, no more Shifter Night for you then? No more going to the ‘Dark Horse’? No more females? No more fun … fuck! I’m glad I’m not you.”
“Who says I can’t still go to Shifter Night? Who says I can’t spend time with the females? Who says that sex equates to the only form of fun to be had?”
Ash barked out a laugh. It was deep and throaty. “You have got to be fucking kidding me. You still plan on hitting town?”
“Sure,” Winston shrugged, “why not? I don’t plan on fucking around but I can still go and enjoy myself.”
“We’re meat to those human females, plain and simple. Meat. They don’t want us for anything other than our dicks,” Ash palmed his cock as he said it.
“You’re wrong. Humans want nothing more than to spend more time with us. I’ve had numerous females beg me to meet with them again, or to take them back with me. They wanted a relationship with me. Begged me for a chance.”
“They wanted more cock. It’s always about the sex, trust me. They don’t want to take you home to meet daddy. They don’t want you to take them out to dinner or to go dancing. They want you because they know you have a big dick and you know how to use it. That’s it, end of story.”
“Cynical much?”
“Nope.” Completely deadpan.
Winston shrugged. “I guess I’m just better relationship material. Females definitely want me for more than just sex.”
“How do you figure?” Ash narrowed his eyes.
“I’m better looking and I’m easier to talk to.”
Ash choked out a laugh. “So full of shit.”
Winston grinned. “You know it’s true.”
“I’m better in the sack. The other stuff means fuck all to me,” said in true Ash style.
Winston nodded. “Yeah well, I’m sick of being used. Sick of using females right back. I guess I want more, that’s all.”
“Said like a true pussy.”
“Who the fuck are you calling a pussy?” he growled.
“Pussy wolf,” Ash lowered his voice. His canines were longer than they had been a few seconds ago.
“Fuck you, bear.” He felt his own teeth erupt, his hairs stood up and his muscles bunched.
“Plenty of fucking for me; for you,” he laughed, the sound rough and raw, “not so much.” Hair sprouted from his chest. His jaw elongated.
“Fucking around! Huh!” Winston felt his own fur begin to sprout. He felt the cords in his throat tighten. “It’s meaningless, emotionless and not for me. Not anymore.” So deep he could barely understand himself. “I want something more.”
Ash changed back. The male breathed deeply, even hunched over the middle. It took effort to shift. He pulled himself upright, eyes on Winston. “Something more.” He was breathing deeply, his eyes on the ground. “You don’t want love … trust me on that. Love can destroy a male.” His friend took in a deep breath and shifted.
It was exactly what Winston wanted. It was what he craved.
3
“What an asshole,” her doctor announced.
“To be fair, I did puke on him.” Ana still felt appalled at what had gone down.
“Still.” Doctor Brenner shook her head, looking shocked. “He just left, without making sure that you were okay first?” She cocked her head. “That’s just plain wrong. Maybe you were having an allergic reaction, or maybe you were,” she made a noise that gave away her exasperation, “I don’t know … diabetic and going into shock. He simply left. What an ass. I say good bloody riddance.”
“I’m not diabetic and I certainly wasn’t having an allergic reaction. Maybe he was right to throw down that fifty and hightail it out of there. At least, that’s what the staff told me had happened once I came to.” She felt her cheeks heat at the memory. “I woke up a few minutes later on the floor of the manager’s office. I was in the recovery position with a wet towel around my forehead.” She felt her cheeks heat just thinking about it.
“Oh good!” Doctor Brenner’s eyes shone with concern. “At least there are some good folks in this world.”
“You don’t understand.” She covered her eyes with her hand for a moment. “The manager was on the phone with 911 at the time … yep … the emergency services.”
“No!” Her therapist drew out the word, then she chewed down on her bottom lip to stifle a laugh. “I’m sorry,” she said. “That’s terrible. What did you say?”
“I told them I was fine … because I was fine. They wouldn’t believe me at first but I managed to convince them that I’d fainted. They made me promise to go to the emergency room. I feel like such a failure.” Ana felt her eyes fill with tears. “I’m never going to get over what happened.”
“You’re not a fa
ilure,” Doctor Brenner said the words with such conviction that for a moment she was tempted to believe them. How could she though?
“Didn’t you hear me, doc? I puked all over him.”
“Who says they want marriage and a family on the first date? I’m surprised he didn’t propose. I might have reacted in much the same way.” She rolled her eyes. “If you don’t mind me saying, that guy sounds a bit strange. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.”
“Brett’s just an analytical type personality through and through, the guy knows exactly what he wants. I can’t blame him, he was just being honest.” She sighed.
“He was a bit of a jerk though … he sounded like a jerk to me. I’m surprised he didn’t make you fill out a questionnaire before he let you sit down.”
Ana sniffed back her tears and smiled. “I suppose he was a bit of a weirdo. I wouldn’t put a questionnaire past a guy like him. He probably saved that for the second date.”
Her therapist looked at her pointedly. “This was a tiny hiccup. You’re making huge progress, the last date you went on you had an attack as soon as the guy introduced himself to you and you didn’t even manage to get out of your car on the one before that. I think you would’ve been fine with this Brett guy if he hadn’t mentioned the M-word.”
It was true. Ana had felt pretty okay until that moment. Why did he have to mention marriage? Why did he ask her if she wanted children? “You might be right. I can’t risk it though. I just wish there was some sure-fire way to … to get better.” She felt bad saying it. Move on … get over it … It felt too much like forgetting her past. Forgetting someone who had meant everything to her and a time in her life that she had never been happier.
Doctor Brenner looked deep in thought for a few moments. “What about role-playing?”
Ana felt herself frown. “Role-playing?” she repeated, hearing the skepticism in her voice.
“Role-playing. Don’t you have a really good male friend or maybe a colleague? Go out on a couple of fake dates ‒ go through the motions. It’s a proven fact that desensitizing works on patients suffering from phobias.”
“It’s not like I’m afraid of snakes … or heights. It’s not that simple.”
“It is though. Your fear works in much the same way as someone else’s fear of snakes. Dating, and particularly the thought of a relationship, triggers your panic attacks. Sure, there’s more to it but I really feel you would benefit from some fake dating, if you will. So, do you have a male friend or two you could enlist?”
Ana shook her head. “Carl has a girlfriend ‒ it would be wrong to ask. Pete and I have been friends since we were kids, he’s more of a brother.” She shrugged. “We’ve been out tons of times … I’m very comfortable with him. My friend Edith has a younger brother, but …” she pulled a face. “That’s eeww … he’s six years my junior.”
“It wouldn’t be for real though.”
“Still,” Ana said. “I can’t. He has pimples and still lives at home with his parents.”
“Yikes, okay, I understand.” Her therapist closed the file on her desk. “We need to try to come up with something though. A friend of a friend then … Something casual and relaxed. You need to go through the motions.” She pushed out a breath. “You need to have some fun but without any real date pressure. The fun part is the most important. In fact, I prescribe it.” She pulled out a pad and wrote on it, signing the bottom before handing it to Ana.
She took the paper and laughed. “That’s the strangest prescription ever.”
Written in the middle of the page were two words.
Have fun!
Her doctor turned serious. “It’s what you need, Ana. You need to give yourself permission to have fun and in so doing, to ultimately move on.”
“I want to ...” her voice was thin. Her throat suddenly hurt because of the choking feeling resulting from all of the emotions inside of her. She meant it. For years now, she wished it could happen. Unfortunately, she was beginning to think it might be impossible.
4
Three weeks later …
“Come on.” Edith did a twirl, it reminded her of how a half-drunken ballerina might look. This despite her best friend only having had one glass of wine. “It’s Saturday night. Just say ‘yes’, it isn’t that difficult. It’s a three letter word, for goodness sake. Three little letters.” She picked up the bottle of wine off the counter and skipped back.
Her apartment was tiny so it only took three little skips. Edith sloshed some wine into Ana’s glass. “I don’t know … it seems like too big a step all at once.”
“Your doctor ordered you to have some fun. She ordered you,” Edith said with conviction. She tipped more wine into Ana’s glass, filling it right to the rim.
“No,” Ana shook her head. “She prescribed fun. It wasn’t an order.”
“Same difference. Let’s just go. It will be fun. I promise. These guys are not looking for love or anything. They’re here to let off steam. They’re in town to have a little fun, which is exactly what the doctor ordered. Exactly what your doctor ordered.”
Ana took a sip of her wine. “What if I have an attack?”
“What if you don’t?” Edith giggled. She had a headful of curly hair. “What if you end up having more fun than you ever thought possible?”
“I don’t know.” Ana could hear the uncertainty in her voice. “I don’t want to puke on someone again. You have no idea what it feels like.”
“I’ve puked on someone before.” Edith widened her eyes.
Ana choked out a laugh. “Somehow, I can believe that.”
Edith laughed as well. “I was fifteen. My parents decided that I was old enough to babysit my younger bro. Well, epic fail … I found their stash of vodka and ended up vomiting on my dad when my parents got home.”
“No way!” Ana laughed so hard that her belly hurt.
“At least, that’s what they told me in the morning when I woke up feeling like there was a hole in my head and a sewer in my mouth.”
Ana laughed some more. “I’m having fun right now,” she blurted. “We’re having fun. We don’t have to go to some stupid bar.”
“No, we don’t.” Edith plopped herself down next to her, suddenly looking serious. “I’m happy right here, if you are? Only, I don’t think you are, Ana, not really. I know you want to be able to date again, I know you’re lonely … that you want to meet someone, maybe settle down again one day.”
Ana shook her head. “Forget settling down. I don’t want to think that far ahead. I’m nowhere near ready for that.” She sighed. “But, I would love to go on a date. Not just the start of a date but a whole damned date. From beginning to end.” She made a groaning noise. “Sex … now there’s a concept … What I wouldn’t give for an orgasm. One I didn’t have to give myself that is.”
“It isn’t the same, is it?”
“Not even close.” Ana sighed.
Edith turned to face her. “You can have it all ‒ the sexiest guys you’ve ever seen. I’m talking off the charts, pick your tongue up off the floor hot.”
“Aren’t they big and hairy? I heard they smell musky.” Ana wrinkled her nose.
Edith shook her head. “Shifters don’t have any body hair but they sure are big ‒ you were right on that one.” She bobbed her eyebrows. “I’m not sure about the musky smell. Honestly though,” she choked out a laugh. “I’m willing to breathe through my mouth if it means being with one. They’re supposed to be really fantastic in bed.”
Ana giggled along with her friend.
“Let’s just go.” Edith sprang to her feet. “If you have an attack, we’ll leave.” She picked up her glass and took a sip.
“I hate having them. That’s what I meant when I asked you earlier if you knew what it felt like. I was talking about having an attack, not puking on someone. It’s scary. So incredibly scary. I always feel like I can’t breathe. Like the room is closing in. Worst of all, I hate the way people look at me. I hate the lack
of control. There is nothing I can do to stop it.”
Edith put her glass down and sat on the chair next to Ana. She slid an arm around her shoulder. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to push. I meant it when I said I was happy right here.”
Ana sucked in a deep breath. She hoped to god she didn’t come to regret this. “No!” her voice sounded stronger than she felt. “I think we should go. I have to keep trying. I’ll never get better if I hide out at home. I can’t give up.”
“That’s my girl.” Edith jumped up and gave another twirl.
“You said these guys aren’t looking for a relationship?” Some unease set in.
“Not at all! They’re not allowed to date or have relationships. They come into town for sex. Straight up, all night, blow-your-mind sex.”
Ana huffed out a pent up breath. “Okay then. Let’s do this.”
Edith gave a squeal. “Now to get you all sexied up.”
Oh God, please don’t let this be a mistake! Ana meant it though, she had to try. She couldn’t give up.
A piece of meat.
That was how Winston felt at that moment, as well as whenever he came into town on any Saturday. On Shifter Night, as the locals had dubbed it. He felt like a piece of meat on a butcher’s block, reduced to sinew, muscle and bone. Don’t forget the bone. That was the part the human females were most interested in.
Ash had been right on the money on that note. He yelped as a hand closed over one of his butt cheeks and squeezed. Winston turned. The woman was a little older but still in great shape. She looked him up and down like he was the last piece of candy in the jar, even giving her lips a languid lick. “Hey tiger,” she murmured, stepping in closer.
Nope! He wasn’t feeling it. Not for her, or for the red-head earlier. He hadn’t felt it for the brunette ten minutes before that either. Females approached him left, right and center. The moment he managed to lose one, another would pop up. Some were sexy, some were more girl-next-doorsy, but none held any appeal for him. Not like they used to, at any rate.
Untethered (Shifter Night Book 1) Page 2