“Why not?”
“He’s my friend. I enjoy spending time with him. I’m improving because of him and I don’t want that to stop. I don’t want our friendship to end.”
“And him having feelings for you would mean that you couldn’t see him anymore?”
“That’s right.” She nodded. “I can’t be friends with him if he wants more. It wouldn’t work.” She squirmed in her seat.
“Your friendship could evolve though, into more. It happens all the time. I’m reading a friends-to-lovers romance at the moment.”
“Not this time!” Ana shook her head some more. “I’m not looking for a relationship and he’s not allowed to be in one so, no, it wouldn’t work.”
“You do admit that you’re attracted to him though?” Her doctor raised her brows.
“Yes,” she moaned out the word. “I admit that I’m very attracted to him and he is just as attracted to me. We’ve openly admitted that. In fact,” she pursed her lips together for a second, “you know I told him I was ready to take the next step. I asked him to introduce me to someone with the purpose of taking the next step.”
“Sex?” Her therapist sat forward in her chair.
“Yeah, sex. It’s been four years. I have to … go there again some time. I have to at least try. I can’t just give up. I have made progress and I think I might just be ready for that next step.”
Doctor Brenner nodded.
“Winston has shown me that it could be possible, that I might just be able to do it. Thing is, I had planned to ask him if he would be willing to … help me out with that.”
“Oooh, interesting. He said he wanted to wait though. No more sex until he found the right person.”
“He said he was done with all the meaningless sex. Sex with me wouldn’t be meaningless, would it? Am I being selfish here?” Ana made a noise of frustration. “I am being selfish. I made a joke about him and me … doing it and he ignored the insinuation flat out. It was wrong of me though.” She wrung her hands together. “It doesn’t matter anymore because I’m not so sure that’s a good idea anyway. If there’s even the slightest chance that Winston has feelings for me, us having sex would complicate things.”
Her doctor cocked her head and narrowed her eyes. “I think you’re right. Friends should not have sex with friends. It never works out. I’m not so sure that sex with a stranger is the answer either.”
“Really?” Ana widened her eyes. “You told me to go out there and have fun … to keep stepping it up.”
“Sex is huge though. It’s ultimately up to you. If you feel that’s what you need to do, then go for it. I’m not going to stop you. It’s still a big step from where you are now though. You need to think long and hard before jumping into bed with someone.” She sighed. “Also, be careful of where you’re headed with Winston. It sounds like things could end up getting complicated.”
Ana nodded. “Hopefully not. I don’t want to lose his friendship.” She looked at Doctor Brenner skeptically. “I thought you said you wouldn’t mind going to Shifter Night. Why the change of heart?”
“I’m not against a one-night stand per se. I’ve had a couple, and one or two were nights to remember. You’re still really fragile though. One wrong move could put you right back. It’s a bit of a catch twenty-two. I think Winston is good for you, but things change. They change before you know it.”
“Winston and I are good. It’s the one thing I can rely on in all of this.” Ana realized that she missed him too. She suddenly felt bad for not saying it back.
17
One month later …
His gut churned with worry. How would she feel about his plan? He valued her friendship, looked forward to seeing her. He hadn’t been lying when he’d told her that he missed her. Missed her maybe a little too much maybe? There had been sense in Ash’s words.
Would Ana hate him? Would she tell him to fuck right off? Part of him hoped that she would. Prayed that she would, but this was for the best. He had made up his mind, he was going to go through with it.
Deadbolts loosened and chains clanged. His heart sped up at the thought of seeing her, of holding her. He was so damned fucked. A key turned and the door finally opened. Her security gate was already unlocked. Ana was smiling, her face so radiant that it made his heart squeeze. She wore another one of those tight as fuck dresses. A dark blue one this time. It brought out the color of her eyes. Hugged her body like a second skin. Her breasts were plump, her hips flared and yet she was tiny. Such an intoxicating combination.
Ana launched herself at him and he caught her. She wrapped her arms around him and he held on tight. “Two months is too long,” she murmured as her hands threaded around his neck and covered his mouth with her own. Her tongue was hot and insistent. His dick sprang to life. Hard and throbbing in an instant. His balls felt like they landed in his throat. Ana moaned and pushed up against him.
Fucking hell!
He couldn’t resist the urge to moan as well. He worked hard at not using his hands to explore her. Difficult when he could feel her hard nipples rub against him. When he could scent her arousal. So damned sweet. Her ass was mere inches away from his hands. He itched to touch and squeeze, to seek out her heat. It only bolstered the fact that he had indeed made the right decision. No doubt about it!
“Ana,” he murmured against her mouth.
“Mmmmm,” she half-moaned, half-replied.
“I was—” He chuckled as she tightened her arms around him, not ready to let him go yet. His zipper dug into his cock something fierce. “I was thinking …” He groaned when she pushed her chest a little more firmly against him. Seemingly oblivious to the affect it was having on him. A zing of need tightened his groin. “I was …” He peeled her off of him, putting her back on her feet. Her arms were still around him. “Thinking … we should go to the Dark Horse tonight.” There. It was out.
Winston felt her stiffen. Ana pulled away, her expression serious. “Oh, okay … sure.”
Fuck, this was hard. Way more difficult than he had thought it would be. “It’s just that I think you might be ready.” She had asked him to tell her. It was the truth. Ana was ready.
“Ready?’ She frowned, even giving a small shake of the head. “Ready for what?”
“We’ve fake dated lots of times now and you’re doing really well.”
She nodded. “Better than I ever thought possible.”
“Exactly. As your friend, I declare you ready to take the next step like we talked about.” He put his hands on her shoulders and squeezed. “You told me you might need pushing and well, I’m giving you the push you need.”
“Do you really think so?” Her eyes widened, he could read fear in their depths.
He grabbed her hand. “I’ll be there for you. I’ll introduce you to one or two of the males. The good guys. The ones I would trust with my sister,” he squeezed her hand, “if I had one.”
“Your sister …” she nodded. “Okay. I’m not so sure it will work though.” That same fear still wide in her eyes.
“I think it will. I think you’re ready. Look at us … we’re doing great. I’ve enjoyed texting back and forth,” he chuckled. “There have been a couple of moments where I felt you were definitely ready.”
She sighed. “If you really think so, then I guess …” Ana didn’t look sure.
“I do.” He nodded. They couldn’t go on like this. Ash was right. He needed to do the right thing. The unselfish thing. “Unless you’ve changed your mind. Unless you don’t want to—”
“I haven’t changed my mind.” She worried her lower lip for a second or two before squaring her shoulders. “I trust you, Winston, and if you feel I’m ready …” She mused for a while. He could see that her mind was racing a mile a minute. She looked away. “Well … thing is,” she took a breath. “I know it’s probably selfish of me but I would rather it be you than some …” Her eyes flicked in his direction before moving away again.
“No!” A growl. Much harsher than he inte
nded. Ana flinched. He felt like an asshole. “It’s not that I wouldn’t want to. I think you’re so incredibly beautiful, but …”
She rolled her eyes and exhaled. “It’s fine. You don’t have to explain. It was stupid of me to bring it up, I—”
“No.” He shook his head. “It wasn’t stupid. Far from it. We have chemistry, definitely more than friends should have but, thing is, I value our friendship too much. I would love to be the one to help you through this but I can’t. We can’t. Furthermore, I promised myself I would wait and I plan on sticking to that, unless of course you’ve changed your mind and are willing to think in terms of a relationship.” He folded his arms.
“No!” Her eyes widened in horror. “I’m nowhere near ready for that.”
“You see? I didn’t think so. We’re great as friends. We need to stick to that. I wish you would reconsider doing this though.”
Ana pursed her lips. “You just said I was ready.”
“You are.”
Her eyes narrowed and her jaw tensed. “Then it’s something I have to do. I’m glad you were honest with me.” She sighed, looking him head-on. “I also value our friendship too much. You’re right. Of course you are.” She shook her head. “I’m sure you’ll reach the top of that list soon and you’ll find your Miss Right. And I’m sure I’ll be dating … for real, by then, and everything will work out.”
Despite their attraction, she really didn’t see anything more there. Winston touched the side of her arm. “We’ve kind of done everything we can without totally crossing the friendship line. I think it’s time.” He held his breath, hoping that she would change her mind about this whole thing.
Her eyes brightened up. “Okay. I think I can do this. I can definitely try.”
“I am right, otherwise I wouldn’t suggest it.” He felt guilty. Half the reason he was suggesting it was because he so badly wanted to forget about their friendship, forget about the pact he had made to himself, and rut Ana. She meant too much to reduce what they had to sex though. He had to go through with this. It was time to let her go. It was that or fight for her and he had a feeling, if he did that, she would run as far and as fast as she could.
“Okay.” She smiled, looking completely relaxed. It was fucking killing him.
“Okay.” He tried to sound happy about it when the truth was, he wasn’t sure he would allow another male to touch her. He grit his teeth. Ana was his friend. His friend, dammit. He needed to do what was best for her and that meant moving on. Taking the next step. She needed to do this and he needed to let her.
Her expression changed. Frown lines appeared on her forehead and her eyes clouded.
“What’s wrong?”
“You’ll stay with me though? You won’t just dump me, will you?”
“Not a chance. I’ll be right there.” What the fuck was he saying? “At least until …” He widened his eyes.
Ana rolled her eyes and laughed. “Yeah, yeah, we spoke about this remember?”
He made a noise of confirmation and held his chest, pretending to be relieved when the truth was he felt anything but.
“Are you sure about this?” she whispered into his ear. “I might be having second thoughts.”
Winston didn’t say anything for a few seconds. He clenched his jaw, his golden eyes hardening up. Then he sighed. “Kane is a good male. He’ll take care of you.”
Kane was a sweet guy. It helped that he was attractive as well. He was the definition of tall, dark and handsome. His hair looked almost black. His eyes were a dark brown, like chocolate. He smiled easily. She should be giddy with excitement but she wasn’t. She was calm though. No signs of an attack. That was something.
“So …” Winston folded his arms. He looked tense. Seemed a bit off kilter to her. He smiled and even that seemed a bit forced. “Tell us about something interesting that happened at the hospital this month.” He glanced in Kane’s direction. “Ana is a nurse ‒ a human healer.”
“I’m not really a healer, I assist the healers but yes, of course we had a couple of unique cases come in.”
“What kind of cases?” Kane looked interested. Winston leaned forward.
“A guy and his girlfriend came into the emergency room.” She couldn’t help but smile. The things people got up to. “The doctor-on-call examined him.” She shook her head. “He had a ring stuck around his … you know what.”
“A ring?” Kane frowned. “What kind of ring?”
She pointed at the gold band on her pinkie finger. The one her grandmother had given to her before she passed away. “A ring like this, only it was an engagement ring. He put it on there to surprise his girlfriend. He wanted to ask her to marry him. He thought it would be a fun thing to do, I guess.”
Winston grinned. “Noooo,” he said.
“Yes.” She grinned back.
“The thing got stuck?” Winston’s eyes were animated.
She nodded.
Kane was still frowning. “Why the hell would he put a ring on his dick?”
“It was as a surprise. She got so excited that she grabbed his member and … well … you can guess what happened.”
“How the hell did he get the thing on there in the first place?” Kane shook his head. He didn’t look impressed.
“He became aroused.” Winston laughed. “And the ring got stuck.”
“Very stuck.” She was speaking to Winston, since Kane didn’t seem to find it funny. “The tissues became inflamed from being so badly squeezed, so by the time he got his little erection problem under control, it was too late, the ring was stuck.”
“Little erection is right,” Kane snorted. “He should never have gotten a ring on there to begin with.”
“What happened? How did they get it off?” Winston asked.
“The doctor had to carefully cut the ring off.”
“No!” Winston’s eyes were wide. So beautiful. She had meant to ask him what color his wolf was. It didn’t seem right to do so now. Maybe tomorrow. Would he want to see her tomorrow? Last time he was in town they had spent Sunday morning together as well.
Surely they would remain friends? Of course they would. She felt a pang at the thought of things changing between them. Why couldn’t he have agreed to be ‘the guy’? She knew why, but that didn’t make this any easier. Also, why had he brought up a relationship, like he wanted one with her? It was probably just to prove a point, and it had worked.
“Then what? Was he okay?” Winston kept his focus on her, his words bringing her back from her thoughts.
“Um …” She pulled herself out of her funk. “He’s fine. He was discharged the same day.” She gave a small laugh. “They got engaged at the hospital. With all the drama, she forgot to say ‘yes’ during the actual proposal. It was quite sweet in the end.”
“Yes, that is sweet.” Winston looked sad.
“That’s dumb.” Kane shook his head. “I don’t get humans.” He finally smiled. “It was a funny story though.” He hooked an arm around her waist.
Her heart rate sped up. His touch felt strange, which was completely normal since she hardly knew the guy. Breathe! Stay calm. Okay, she was okay. Flip!
So far so good.
Winston looked at Kane’s arm and frowned, it was as if he could sense her unease.
“Um, Kane,” he said.
“Yeah?”
“Maybe a round of shots before we hit the road.”
“Mmmm …” she said. “That sounds good.” Her nerves were a bit frayed. They were a lot frayed. Was it normal that she didn’t actually want this? That she wasn’t excited for it? It’s just nerves. That’s all.
“Yeah, why not?” Kane winked at her as he brushed past her on his way to the bar.
“What’s wrong?” Winston looked at her pointedly.
“What if—?”
“No ‘what ifs’, you’ll be fine!” Winston looked completely relaxed about it. If he believed in her then she should believe in herself, even if this felt all wrong. Just a
few months ago, this was exactly what she wanted, to have casual sex, but now … she wasn’t so sure. She didn’t want to have sex with anyone other than Winston, which was wrong on every level since he was her friend. He’d made that very clear. If there was any doubt before tonight, it was totally cleared up now. He was the one pushing her to do this ‒ but that was because she had told him to. Arghhhh! When had this become so complicated?
Winston may be attracted to her but he saw her more as a friend or a sister. A sister. Those had been his words to her. Ultimately, that was fine because she didn’t want to ruin what they had either. If he thought she could go through with this. He’d painstakingly dated her, desensitized her and now introduced her to a couple of guys. The least she could do was try to make a go of it.
“Okay then,” she whispered. “I’m going to leave with him. Are you coming back with us to the hotel? I mean, you’re staying there as well, aren’t you?”
He nodded. “Yes, I’ll be in the same hotel, the shifters own the place so you don’t have to worry.”
“I didn’t know that they owned it.”
“Well, now you do. I’ll be close by if you need me but I’m sure you’ll be just fine.” He brushed some hair behind her ear. She wondered if he knew he’d even done it.
“Wish me luck.” She sucked in a breath.
“A female like you doesn’t need luck.” He leaned forward, his eyes on her lips. Then he looked wistful and kissed her forehead instead of her mouth. Not leaving together was weird. Having Winston kiss her on the forehead was weird. Things felt a little upside down.
“I do need luck.” She watched as Kane picked his way through the crowd. He smiled at her. The guy was sweet and cute.
Winston gave her a dirty look. “Believe in yourself.”
Ana nodded just as Kane arrived. He handed each of them a shot. They clinked glasses and drank. The alcohol burned its way down her throat.
“Come, Ana, let’s get out of here.” Kane slid his arm around her again. She waited a few seconds.
Everything seemed fine. She had this. Ana nodded. “Okay.” She glanced at Winston. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”
Untethered (Shifter Night Book 1) Page 12