During his first few months behind bars, Zack still tried to convince Seth to let him go. After that year, he stopped trying, because Seth’s visits and letters were the two things that kept him sane, anchored.
Zack needed a reason to live and seeing Seth again had become the reason.
The silence stretched on although he hadn’t meant it to. Zack didn’t know what else to say, how to start. It was ironic. During Seth’s monthly visits, he counted every second of the hour they had together, hoping it could stretch on. Now?
“Is that all your belongings?” Seth asked.
“Yeah. I didn’t need the rest.”
Seth cleared his throat. “Let’s turn on the radio.”
At a red light, Seth reached for the radio, but Zack placed a hand over Seth’s.
“You don’t need to try so hard. We’re both here, sharing the same space. That’s enough.”
“I wish,” Seth began, then bit his lip.
“Say what you mean. Just spit it out.” Zack didn’t want any lies between them.
Seth nodded. “I wish this awkwardness between us didn’t exist. I wish I could be better at this.”
“We’ll figure out this shit together. I just want to know one thing.”
Seth looked at him with those same wide and vivid green eyes he remembered. Seth hadn’t changed, at least some aspects of him hadn’t, he corrected. Zack was relieved to see that and yet, something about Seth was definitely different. Seth looked tired and there were dark circles under his eyes. Had he been working too hard again?
Every time Zack asked Seth about what was going on in his life, Seth would shrug the question off and mutter, “Just work.”
He thought it might be Seth avoiding the question, that Seth hid something from him. Maybe Seth was seeing someone, and thinking that drove him off the wall. Seth was his alone, made for him and he’d break the fucking neck of the first man who’d hit on Seth.
“Is there someone else in your life right now?” He hadn’t imagined that kiss, how fucking amazing it felt, when Seth yielded to him, practically offered himself to Zack but Seth had pushed him off.
He had to ask. Zack anticipated guilt, that Seth would go on the defensive but Seth stopped the car and aimed his furious gaze at him.
“What the fuck, Zack?”
The steel in Seth’s eyes stunned him, but only for a second. Seeing the fire there, only made him want Seth even more.
“You always dodge my questions when I ask if you’re seeing someone.”
Seth let out what suspiciously sounded like a frustrated growl. “Because there’s no one but you. It’s always been you.”
Seth shut his eyes and began holding out his fingers, counting down, he realized.
“What are you doing?” he had to ask.
“Counting to ten. It calms me down.”
The heavy load in his heart lifted. Fuck, but I believe him. There was no one else. It had just been his insecurities talking again.
“I got it. I’m sorry for doubting you.”
Seth opened his eyes. “You’re apologizing?”
“That such a strange thing? Even a junkyard dog can learn new tricks.”
“You’re not a dog, Zack. Maybe a big bad wolf.”
For some reason, that pleased the shit out of Zack.
Thankfully, for the rest of the drive, they didn’t have another argument. Maybe, just maybe they could make this work.
Chapter Five
“Well, this is it,” Seth explained, killing the engine.
Zack got out, eager to taste the fresh air on his face. Riding in Seth’s car too long reminded him too much of his tiny prison cell. Seeing the buildings and the people through his window overwhelmed him at first. As he got out, he hid a grimace. Seth’s place looked like it was located in a pricier neighborhood of the city.
Even the building Seth led him to looked intimidating, all steel and glass. The Evergreen seemed new and stepping inside made Zack feel out of place.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Marlow,” greeted a uniformed guard at the front.
How could Seth afford a place that had its own security?
“Steve,” Seth greeted the guard with a nod. “This is Zack, he’s staying with me.”
Steve, all six-foot-plus of him, scrutinized Zack from head to toe. The guard furrowed his brows as if wondering where Zack fit in the picture. Zack began to wonder that too. He felt completely out of place here, an outsider who didn’t know where he fit. Zack met the guard’s gaze with his own, not backing down. Despite Steve’s size, the man looked like he’d been buff once, but the rest of him had gone to fat.
Soft, Zack thought, just like this place, this neighborhood. A guy like him fit better downtown, with the graffiti-scrawled buildings and folks he could blend in better with.
“For how long?” Steve asked, heading back behind his desk to open what looked like a record book of guests.
“Forever. Zack’s moving in with me permanently.” Seth uttered the words with a certain fierceness as if daring the guard to say more.
“I see. I’ll keep that mind and I’ll inform the other guards.”
Seth gave Steve a jerk of the head, then grabbed Zack’s hand.
Zack clasped his hand by instinct, marveling at Seth’s smaller one, the contrast between the texture of their palms—his rough and callused by comparison to Seth’s soft and smooth. With Seth touching him, the initial panic he felt about not belonging faded a little.
“Let’s go,” Seth said softly.
They walked to the lift, still holding hands. It felt surreal. Back when they’d been in high school, Seth wouldn’t dare do anything like this. Any show of intimacy or affection in public would be met with condemnation or judgment.
Seth pressed himself against the elevator wall and pulled away from his touch as a mother and her three-year-old kid entered. The mother hesitated, seeing Zack, but relaxed a fraction of an inch when she sighted Seth.
“Good afternoon,” she told Seth, who gave her a brief nod.
Seth’s movements seemed awkward, Zack reflected.
The woman pushed two buttons on the lift, the fifth floor and the highest level, fifteen.
“Thanks,” Seth said.
The woman and kid alighted on the lower left.
Zack whistled.
“You live on the top floor?” Zack asked. “The rent must be fucking expensive.”
Jesus. What would Seth make of that? Seth’s shoulders tensed again and only spoke once they hit the last floor. They stepped out only for Zack to see a single door there.
“No rent. I paid for this place in full. It’s mine. Ours,” Seth said simply, taking out his keys from his back pocket.
“What?” Zack couldn’t wrap his head around the words, not really.
Paid in full? He racked his brain about what Seth told him about his job. Did web developers make a lot? Seth mentioned he worked from home too for some international firm. I won’t talk about my job much, Seth often said during their visits, embarrassed look on his face. It’ll just bore you.
One word hadn’t left his head though.
Ours.
The way Seth said it, it sounded so natural, no arguments.
He stepped in, feeling like a jerk himself for wondering where he fit in the picture. Zack took a look around the space as Seth shut the door behind him.
“I made a spare key for you last month, it’s in the fruit bowl in the living room,” Seth explained.
Last month, Zack mused.
“Sounds like you’ve been very busy,” he commented, taking off his shoes by the door, still not moving.
Seth remained frozen, back pressed against the door. “I wanted everything to be perfect for this day. Let me give you a tour.”
Zack nodded, wishing to hell this awkwardness didn’t exist. There might be no glass between them or a timer counting down every second until Seth had to go again, but a wall nonetheless existed.
Seth showed him the din
ing area, which had an open, modern kitchen behind it. Farther inside, the living room was next to Seth’s home office.
“This is where I do most of my work,” Seth explained, running a hand over a leather-bound planner. A nervous gesture, maybe.
Zack walked to the floor-to-ceiling windows. “You got a nice view here.”
“What do you think?” Seth asked suddenly.
The other man looked nervous again, as if waiting for his verdict.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I have to ask. Did you just move in here recently?” Seth still hadn’t shown him the other rooms. Zack was mighty curious about where he’d been staying or was it too early to presume they’d share the same room?
“No.” Seth slumped his shoulders but he didn’t look insulted. “Why did you ask that?”
“How do I put this? Every other piece of furniture, except your desk, seems brand new.”
Seth let out a laugh, a desperate sound. “I spend way too much time at that desk. Somedays melt into another. Wake up, shower, work. Back to bed. Sometimes, I forget to eat so I set reminders on my phone.”
Zack couldn’t take it any longer. He crossed the distance between him. Seth looked like a deer caught in highlights, and yet Zack saw the desperate yearning there, the same hunger that moved him. He wrapped Seth in his arms and Seth melted into his embrace, trembling slightly. Seth took his hand off the planner, relaxing against him.
They said nothing for a few moments but Zack didn’t mind the silence. He was content to have Seth in his arms after being denied touch for so long. He could stay like this forever, if Seth wished it.
“I’ve been trying so hard,” Seth eventually said, his voice a fierce whisper, “to transform this place into something more cozy, homey, so when you first stepped inside—”
Zack nuzzled Seth’s neck, silencing him. His heart soared. They had a rough start. He made things worse when he asked Seth if he had someone else in his life. Zack was a fool. Seeing this apartment, he understood there had been no one. Seth had been waiting for him for a long time.
Something clicked into place. During their visits, Seth talked to him about the news, about the technological developments going on, but seldom about his personal life. Not letting go of Seth, he flipped through the planner. Each day showed him the same routine. Seth seemed obsessed with planning every hour of his life and each entry was work-related. Even weekends were booked.
The only appointments inside, were again, business-related. No personal entries. No meet-ups with friends. No dates. Small wonder Seth could afford to pay for this place.
Zack was furious. “Seth, what the fuck have you been doing with your life?”
Seth pulled away from him, the spell broken. Seth looked angry. “It’s my life. I did what I wanted with it.”
Zack pulled a few drawers open. More papers, but he found more planners, flipped through each one, temper rising as he found more or less the same. He must have gone through about five years’ worth. Seth watched him, biting down so hard on his lower lip it bled.
Zack could see Seth now, waking, burying himself in work, repeating the same rhythm every day, for the past ten years. Seth made his own prison cell.
“Why?” was all he could ask, still mad at Seth for putting years of his life on hold.
Yet, the sick and dark part of him was pleased. With this amount of work, Seth would have no time to meet another man. Seth only thought of him. Maybe Seth didn’t obsess the way Zack did, but Seth remained faithfully devoted to him, to the idea of a future with Zack, although he didn’t need to.
Any other normal human being would have left. From personal experience, he’d seen plenty of wives and girlfriends breaking it off with his fellow inmates. In his time there, he never heard of a relationship that survived a decade of being apart, not without cracks. Spouses cheated but husbands and boyfriends forgave them. After all, what other hope could they cling to?
Seth let out a huff, clenching his fists by his sides, as if ready for a fight. “I knew this would happen. You’d get pissed at me for working too much, but you know what? Work distracted me, became a coping mechanism especially when the apartment gets too quiet and I become so lonely.”
Seth trailed off as if he didn’t want Zack to hear any more of his vulnerabilities. All his anger ebbed away, replaced by a surge of possessiveness, savage want that he initially feared would scare Seth away.
His time behind bars hadn’t Zack done any favors. It sure didn’t make him a better man, but maybe Seth didn’t mind embracing the darkness in him. Zack was that fucking selfish. He couldn’t let go and it seemed neither could Seth.
Zack waited ten long years. He never regretted his actions ten years ago and would have done the same thing all over again. He’d killed a monster, become one himself, just so Seth could live.
“Come here,” he said, voice harsh, rough.
A vortex of need screamed inside of him, waiting to be unleashed. His skin felt unbearably hot and tightly stretched over his bones. His dick, rigid against his jeans, painfully pressed against the zipper. Since being let out, Zack held back his emotions, remained as aloof as he could be and kept his distance, wanting to see where Seth stood when it came to them.
So now he knew. Nothing and no one stood in the way of him claiming what was rightfully his.
Chapter Six
Something had changed between them. Seth could sense it. Even the temperature in the room seemed to have risen, or was that him? His entire body tensed up in anticipation. He knew Zack would get angry about him working too hard. Right now though, he couldn’t tell what thoughts went through Zack’s mind.
Hearing the command in Zack’s voice, he obeyed. He approached Zack tentatively, like a prey animal. That was exactly how it felt. Zack reminded him so much of a predator now, all the muscles in his body standing out in stark relief. Zack looked like he was carved out of stone, all rough angles and harsh edges.
He knew a man like Zack wouldn’t be gentle. One look into Zack’s eyes had been answer enough. Any other sensible man would have retreated, came up with another strategy but he wasn’t afraid. Zack would never hurt him, he was sure of it ten years ago, and he was certain of it now. Not unless he begged for it.
His need intensified. Only two steps away from Zack and Zack clamped one big hand on the back of his neck, urging him forward. Parting his lips, Seth shut his eyes to receive Zack’s searing kiss. It was all demand and hunger. Seth pressed himself closer, until their chests touched, and the bulge in Zack’s jeans rubbed against his own.
Seth felt like he’d been fasting his entire life for this moment. He yielded, loving the way Zack banded one steel-hard arm around his waist. Zack ran his hand down the curve of his spine, his hold possessive.
Make me yours.
Zack pulled his mouth away, resting his forehead against Seth. Seth panted, waiting for Zack’s next move.
“Tell me to slow down, to stop and I will,” Zack told him.
“I don’t want you to. I’ve been waiting for this moment for my entire life.”
“Once we set on this path, I’m not going back, Seth. You’re it for me and I’m not planning to stop until you’re mine, in every sense of the word.” Zack’s words would have sounded like a threat to another’s ears, but to him they were a sweet promise.
“Enough warnings, Zack. I’m yours, always been, always will.”
“That’s all I fucking need to know.” Zack edged him backward until Seth’s ass hit the dining table.
Seth pressed a hand on Zack’s chest. Zack raised an eyebrow. In response, Seth dropped to his knees. Zack drew a shaky breath, then let out a sexy little laugh capable of melting his insides. Seth ran his hands up Zack’s calf, his thigh, only to feel Zack working his fingers into his hair, tugging his head closer to the zipper of his jeans.
Urgency hummed through Zack’s entire body as Seth unzipped Zack’s jeans and pulled out his thick, engorged cock. The urge to please, to draw soun
ds of pleasure from Zack, made him lean forward until his lips touched Zack’s shaft. Tongue lashing out, he flicked away the pre-cum gathered on Zack’s tip, then took his time sucking and nibbling on Zack’s cock head.
Zack groaned above him, tightening his hold on Seth’s hair. The pressure didn’t dissuade him from continuing to explore, to taste. Seth licked Zack from head to base, not missing an inch. He traced every vein and ridge of Zack’s prick. Reaching Zack’s balls, he took them into his mouth, sucking hard. His man hummed above him, the next tug on his hair sharp.
“Enough games, Seth,” Zack said, voice all command.
A thrill went down his spine as he opened his mouth wider and took Zack inch-by-inch. He gagged on the first try but refused to give up. Slowly, he worked his mouth down Zack’s dick and once he got the hang of it, began bobbing his head up and down. His own erection pulsed and dug against the zipper of his jeans, straining to be free.
“Let me take over,” Zack ordered.
Seth held still as Zack thrust in and out of his mouth. Zack groaned at the last push, before spilling his load down Seth’s throat. Seth sucked it all down, but some spilled down the sides of his mouth. Zack thumbed the droplets away, intense gaze on him the entire time.
Seth settled on his heels, surprised when Zack offered him a hand, before hauling him to his feet. They clashed against each other, and he sought Zack’s mouth again, eager for more kisses and touches. Zack rested a hand on his back, stubble grazing his own clean-shaven jaw. The kiss started rough, sharp, but soon turned tender.
Seth melted into that kiss, closing his eyes. The apartment that had felt so empty for the longest time without Zack in it, faded from his line of sight. He couldn’t recall the last time he ever felt so alive. Seth drank everything in, Zack so close, so accessible. It was just the two of them now, and nothing could tear them apart, not anymore.
On the heels of that thought, all his initial worries and doubts bled away. They seemed insignificant now, when he stood in front of a man who loved him since they were boys, who killed a monster for him.
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