by Alana Terry
Rest. Just a few minutes. Two or three at most. How long had she been out here anyway? The sun was so low on the horizon it was impossible to guess the time. It had been just after dawn when she started walking, but the sun was still so low it could be getting ready to set by now and she would have no way to tell the difference.
Keep walking. That’s what she had to do. She couldn’t stop.
She tried to think about what she’d do when she found warmth. There was a happy place. A hot shower — that was something she could imagine. That hope alone gave her strength to keep going.
And then came the shaking. Funny. She thought she had already been shivering, but it was nothing like this. She tried to wrap her coat more tightly against her, but her fingers had grown numb. She couldn’t grasp anything.
The road turned right just a little bit ahead. She’d make it to that curve, and then she’d let herself rest.
But her legs wouldn’t cooperate. How can you walk in uneven boots when your toes have lost their feeling? How can you keep pressing on when your body’s shivering so hard you’re panting from all the extra exertion? How can you force yourself into action when your brain’s higher functions are shutting down with each passing step, each dropping degree?
And the road stretching so far ahead ...
Keep going, she told herself. Don’t stop moving.
But her body wouldn’t listen. She was still focusing on her happy place.
Hot showers. Steaming mugs of hot chocolate.
The snow was so soft. Soft and downy. A mattress and a pillow and a blanket all at the same time. Piles of blankets stacked three feet high.
That’s what she needed.
She just had to stop and catch her breath.
Just a minute or two ...
CHAPTER 20
ROARING FIREPLACES.
Sandy’s homemade cookies being pulled out of a piping-hot oven.
Electric blankets turned on high and piled on top of her.
Sunbathing on a Florida beach on vacation with her parents.
Hot. So hot.
Why was she wearing this coat? She had to get it off ...
“Kennedy!” She didn’t want to wake up. Not yet. What was Willow doing here, ruining her perfect dream?
Come to think of it, what was Willow doing here at all?
“Kennedy,” Willow snapped. She sounded mad. Kennedy should apologize. She hadn’t meant to lie down in the snow.
Where were those cookies? The blankets?
“Wake up right now, and hold this baby while I try to get a fire going.”
“There already is a fire,” Kennedy mumbled. If she could just remember where she put it ...
“Come on, Sleeping Beauty. Snap yourself out of it and do it now. I’m not joking. I swear I’ll slap you if you don’t wake up and look at me. “
“I’m awake.”
“Look at me,” Willow demanded.
“Ok. Sheesh.” Kennedy tried to say something about being bossy, but her words were garbled.
“I told you to open your eyes and look at me.”
“I am looking at you.”
“No you aren’t. How many fingers am I holding up?”
“I don’t know.”
“Kennedy. Open your eyes. Wake up. You need to take the baby so I can make a fire.”
“... Too hot for a fire.”
Something bit her cheek. “Ow.” Kennedy blinked.
Willow was staring, her hand still upraised. “You awake now?”
Kennedy nodded and rubbed her sore face. “I think so.”
“You gonna be able to hold this baby?”
Every thought Kennedy tried to process had to make its way through a wall of Jell-O. “Why am I holding the baby?” She stared at the newborn Willow had placed in her arms. Rylee was wrapped in blankets so that only her nose and eyes were visible.
“Because if I don’t make you a fire, you’re going to want to go back to sleep, and no matter what happens, no matter how cold you feel, you’ve got to promise to stay awake. Promise?”
“I wasn’t cold. I had blankets.”
Willow ignored her and started making a pile of twigs and branches. “I found a box of matches back at the cabin. Just give me a minute or two and we’ll get you warmed up, all right?”
Rylee yawned in her sleep. Kennedy started to giggle.
“What’s so funny?” Willow sounded cross. Was she mad Kennedy hadn’t made it to the highway?
“The baby made a face.”
“Yeah, well just hold her tight. You guys need to warm each other up while I get this fire going.”
Willow struck two or three different matches before the pile lit. “Here.” She took Rylee, bundled up in all her blankets, and nudged Kennedy closer to the small flame.
“I don’t feel it.” Kennedy frowned.
“Yeah, you’re probably already numb. It was stupid of me to send you out here by yourself.”
“I never made it to the road. I’m sorry.”
Willow shook her head. “Don’t be. We’ll get you warmed up, and then we’ll go together.”
Even though Kennedy’s body couldn’t feel the warmth from the fire, her brain began to slowly clear up, like a car’s windshield with the defroster on. “Where’s Brandy? Did you leave her back at the truck?”
Willow let out her breath. “A lot’s happened while you were out here trying to nap in the snow. Brandy’s dead.”
CHAPTER 21
EVERY OUNCE OF MENTAL fog cleared away in an instant. Kennedy leaned in a little closer toward the flame. “Are you serious? What happened?”
Willow shifted Rylee over her shoulder. “She got freaked out by the last aftershock. I think something in her brain just snapped.”
Kennedy frowned. “What aftershock?”
Willow stared at her. “You didn’t feel it? How long were you asleep?”
“I don’t know.”
Willow shook her head. “You’re really lucky I got here when I did. You know that, don’t you?”
Kennedy wasn’t thinking about her own health or safety. “So what happened with the aftershock?”
“Brandy jumped out of the truck. Set the baby down on the seat and made a run for the shed. You should have seen her go. I tried to stop her. I really thought I was going to get there soon enough, but she got to the edge of that cliff and just dove in. She was screaming for Roger the whole time.” Willow shook her head. “I went after her. I know it was a stupid thing to do, leaving the baby alone in the truck like that, but I thought that maybe if I hurried I could get her to safety or something. But she was gone. Didn’t survive the fall.”
“How’d you get back out?” Kennedy asked.
I followed the fissure a little ways to where it wasn’t so steep. Used the roots of a tree trunk to pull myself out.”
Kennedy didn’t know what to say.
“I would have gotten here sooner,” Willow remarked, “but for as many times as I’ve seen my mom teach other women how to tie a sling, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to make one for Rylee. Plus these shoes are huge.”
Kennedy looked down and noticed Willow’s boots for the first time. “Where’d you get those?”
Willow didn’t meet her gaze. “They were Buster’s. I know it’s gross, but I needed something. Couldn’t walk all the way down here in a sock.”
Kennedy was ashamed that she hadn’t even thought to ask about Willow. “I totally forgot about your foot. Are you ok? Should you take your shoe off so we can look at it?”
Willow shook her head. “I know what it’s going to look like. You don’t need to worry about me.
“But you might have ...”
“I’m fine. Hearty Alaskan chick, remember?” Willow smiled. “And I hate to say it, but we shouldn’t stay here too long. We’ve used up over half of our daylight already, and I don’t want to sound like I’m being melodramatic, but I don’t think any of us are up to spending another night out here in the col
d.”
“I still say we should take a look at your foot to make sure that ...”
Willow shook her head. “We’re getting really close to the Glenn. I still have some matches, so we can build ourselves another fire if we need to once we get there. Are you ready? No more naps?”
Kennedy tried to smile back. “No more naps.”
Willow took in a deep breath and squared her shoulders. “All right. Let’s get moving.”
CHAPTER 22
KENNEDY WAS GRATEFUL to have Willow by her side. Without her roommate’s constant encouragement, she would have been tempted to lie down for another rest.
“How you doing?” Willow asked.
“Aside from freaking out about nearly dying in the cold, I’m great.”
Willow smiled. “You don’t need to worry. There’s no way God’s finished with you yet.”
It was the same thing Pastor Carl said so many times about how certain he was that he wouldn’t die until God had allowed him to complete the work he’d started here on earth. But how could anybody be so sure? How could you tell if God was finished with you or not? And where in the Bible did he promise not to allow people to die until they completed the tasks he had assigned them?
Kennedy didn’t know. She was still trying to figure out how you could know what God’s plan for your life actually was. Carl talked about certain mentors in his life suggesting that he had the gift of preaching. Willow and Nick spoke as if they’d known from nearly the first day they met that God wanted them to get married. They still hadn’t solidified their post-wedding plans, but they were treating the next few months as a big adventure where God would lead them one step at a time.
Is that what he expected Kennedy to do, too? Was it possible that she’d wake up tomorrow morning and the Holy Spirit would tell her I want you to be a missionary in Cambodia, and all of a sudden she would be expected to drop out of school and forget everything she’d worked so hard to achieve?
Is that how God worked?
What about people who never received a clear calling from God in the first place? Was it just that they weren’t listening? Was there one exact path every believer was supposed to take, and if they veered to the right or to the left just an inch, it would ruin their God-given destiny? If that were the case, how could any believer go forward with any life plans? Wouldn’t you be constantly crippled with doubt? Paralyzed with fear that you might go the wrong direction?
Kennedy wished she knew. She hated not having a plan, which is why Harvard’s early acceptance medical program had been such a good fit for her. She signed the papers the summer after her junior year of high school, and the next decade of her life was organized and arranged.
Then Harvard had rescinded their offer, only to reinstate it after threats of legal action. Months later, Kennedy still wasn’t sure what she should do. After watching Willow deliver Rylee, recalling those waves of panic, she was beginning to wonder if she should go into medicine at all. What if the stress was too much to handle?
So much for her perfect laid-out future.
But maybe now wasn’t the time to set out her ten-year plan. She was tired and cold and exhausted. Not to mention hungry. She was in no state to be thinking about anything clearly.
“I really hope Nick’s ok,” Willow said, breaking the silence. “I wish there was a way to jump online and find out how bad that earthquake was.”
Kennedy didn’t respond. If she wanted to keep up her strength and optimism, thinking about last night wasn’t the way to do it.
“Kind of makes you wonder, doesn’t it?” Willow asked.
“Wonder what?”
“You know. About all those end of the worlders and their pickets and pamphlets and things. Didn’t they say earthquakes would be part of it?”
Kennedy shrugged. “I could run around naked on TV screaming that there’s going to be a tornado in the Midwest, and at some point in the next year my prediction’s going to come true, right?”
“Yeah, but why don’t you prophesy with your clothes on like a normal nut-case?”
Kennedy let out a chuckle. “I’m just saying the whole thing’s silly. Jesus says that when he comes back, nobody’s going to be able to predict when it will happen.”
“But he does say something about earthquakes, doesn’t he?”
“Yeah, but there have been earthquakes at least since the time of Noah, right?”
“I don’t know. Aren’t you the Bible expert?”
“Hardly. But I do know that we’re not supposed to get all freaked out when people tell us when or how the world’s going to end. Only God knows that, and when it happens, there’s nothing we can do to try to stop it.”
“There’s something that doesn’t make sense though.” Willow readjusted Rylee in her arms.
“What’s that?”
“Well, Jesus says there’s going to be wars and stuff, right? That it’s going to get worse before it gets better.”
Kennedy tried to remember if there was an actual verse about that. “Basically. That’s what I’ve heard.”
“So here’s my question. Why do we bother at all? Why do we go on the mission field and risk our comfort and safety when things are destined to go to hell anyway, if you pardon the expression? Why do we work at ending slavery or pray for peace in the Middle East or march against poverty? If things have to get that bad before Jesus can come back, if they’re going to get that bad no matter what, why don’t we throw up our hands and stay in our safe little bubbles and hide our faces in the sand like good little fatalists? Nick’s been talking about starting up a home for victims of sexual abuse and human trafficking, and after everything with Brandy, I could totally see myself jumping into that kind of ministry. But if the Bible tells us that the world’s going to continue getting more and more wicked and violent anyway, why should we bother?”
Kennedy was embarrassed to admit that she’d never asked herself that question before. She had definitely grown more aware about the suffering and injustices around her than she’d been as a naïve little freshman, but had that information changed her? She always said she’d like to be involved in some kind of mission work when she became a doctor, even if it was only volunteering for short-term trips, but was that just a copout?
With so many people suffering right now, should she really wait another five and a half years or longer before she tried to help any of them?
She had the feeling that if her feet weren’t so numb, if her hands weren’t cracked open and bleeding from exposure, if her nose wasn’t so cold that it felt like she was breathing through shaved ice, she might be able to offer Willow a more thoughtful response than, “That’s a really good question.”
Rylee let out a grunt in her sleep.
“Is she ok?” Kennedy had never been around a newborn before and had no idea what noises they were or weren’t expected to make.
“The blankets are keeping her warm enough for now. I wish she’d wake up, though. I don’t think it’s a good sign that she hasn’t acted the least bit hungry yet.”
“How far do you think we are from the road?”
Willow sighed. “Let’s just hope and pray we’re close.”
CHAPTER 23
KENNEDY WOULD HAVE never guessed she could walk so fast given how exhausted and cold she was. Her lungs stung from panting, but all that exertion paid off. After rounding a corner, the Glenn Highway came into view.
“Thank you, God,” Willow breathed.
Kennedy’s sentiments exactly.
“We’ve got to find some place to warm Rylee up.” Willow surged ahead.
Kennedy strained to keep up.
“Listen!” Willow called behind her. “There’s a car coming. If we hurry, we’ll make it.”
Kennedy couldn’t run. It wasn’t possible. Please God, she prayed, please tell the car to stop.
“Hey!” Willow shouted at the passing vehicle. “Hey! Slow down. Wait!”
She reached the edge of the road as the sound died a
way. The car was gone before they’d even spotted it.
“Gobstoppers,” Willow exclaimed.
Usually, Kennedy laughed at her roommate’s creative choice in exclamations, but there was nothing humorous in this situation.
“Just a few seconds too late.” Willow shook her head. “I’ve got to sit down.”
Kennedy didn’t argue. The girls plopped onto a snow drift on the side of the highway.
“Guess we should make another fire,” Willow finally declared. “I swear I don’t even have the energy. That car ...”
Kennedy let out her breath. She was still thinking about the speeding vehicle, too, their one chance of rescue.
“We can’t stay here very long,” Willow said. “It’s too cold, and there’s no telling when anyone else will make their way down here. We could go back down toward where we totaled the car, try to run the heater some, or we go the opposite direction and try to make our way to Eureka.”
“How far away is that lodge they were talking about?” Kennedy asked. The idea of an actual heated room to sit down in, or a bed with blankets to pile on top of her, was almost too luxurious to fathom.
“From here? About fifteen miles. There’s no way we’d get there by sundown, but maybe we’ll run into someone on the way. Then again there’s nothing to stop for between here and Eureka. Any cars coming or going that direction will come by here first anyway.”
“So we wait?” Kennedy asked.
Willow frowned and felt Rylee’s cheek. “We can’t just sit here. I say we make a fire, get as warm as we can, then we go to where we crashed the car and pray the heater’s working. I hate to say it, but that’s probably our only option right now.”
“Maybe someone else will come down this way,” Kennedy added.
“You can always hope.” Willow stood up. “All right. Can you hold her while I get another fire started? Just keep her as close to you as you can. And turn this way so your back’s to the breeze. I’m not sure ...” She didn’t finish her sentence. When Kennedy looked at Rylee’s listless face, she was able to guess what Willow was thinking.