by L A Cotton
I eyed my grandmother. She looked stricken. As if the memories were hard to hear.
“I didn’t realize she had a drug problem. I knew she liked to get high and party, but she worked hard in class and had plans for after college. She wanted to be an elementary teacher.” He smiled wistfully. “God, she was beautiful.”
“What happened?” I pushed, wanting to spare myself the intimate details of their doomed relationship.
“We had fun together, but I was young, ambitious. I wasn’t looking to settle down and Maria was a free spirit. We graduated and went our separate ways. I didn’t see her for almost a year after that. When she turned up on the doorstep, I recognized the signs straight away.”
Shit, it hurt to hear this. I’d asked for the truth, for this, but it was shredding me inside to hear the pain in his voice.
“She’d been kicked out of home. She had nowhere to stay and didn’t know where to turn. I...” he glanced at my gran. “We took her in.”
“God, I was so mad at you,” she muttered under her breath and my grandad patted her hand. “But I couldn’t see that poor girl out on the streets.”
“She got clean. Got a job at a diner in town. And slowly we fell in love.” Dad shifted his attention back onto me. “You have to understand, Kyle, I loved your mom very much. When she found out she was pregnant, I was terrified. But there was never any doubt in my mind that we’d keep you.”
“But she didn’t feel the same?”
“She did. God, she wanted you so much. But the pregnancy was hard on her. She was sick, and her family still refused to forgive her. When you were born, she panicked. I saw it the second they handed you to her. The realization of what we’d done. What we’d created. But she had me and your grandparents and we were going to be fine, everything was going to be fine.”
But everything hadn’t been fine.
The lump in my throat grew until I felt like I was clawing for each breath.
“I’ve spent so long blaming her for walking away, but I think, deep down, I was always waiting for the morning I’d wake up and find her gone. I saw the signs and ignored them because I didn’t want to believe it. Having you was one of the greatest moments of my life and I guess, I didn’t want to accept that she didn’t feel the same.”
“Gentry, perhaps we should—”
“No, Mom. He deserves this, he deserves to know the truth.” Dad cleared his throat, loosening his collar. “She left a note. I never told you that. It said that she loved you very much but that she couldn’t be your mom. That you deserved better. Deserved more. But no matter where she went, how much distance was between you, she’d always be with you. I stewed on that note for weeks. Waiting for her to turn up and realize what a foolish mistake she’d made. When she didn’t, I finally accepted what I’d known all along. Your mother was an addict, Kyle. She was sick, and she needed help. So, I made a decision.”
“No,” Gran whispered at the same time as my grandad groaned. Whatever secret was about to unveil itself swirled around the three of them.
“He deserves the truth.”
“Dad?” I croaked barely able to form the word.
“I asked your grandfather to do something for me. To protect you. To protect our family. I asked him to find Maria and make her go away. For good.”
Every muscle in my body tensed. My heart lurched into my throat.
“Kyle, son, we never wanted to hurt you. You have to know that.” It was my grandad talking now. “We only did what we thought was best for you. For your future.”
“Will someone tell me what the fuck is going on?” My vision grew blurred.
“We gave her money in exchange for her promise that she would never try to see you.”
“You paid her to stay out of my life?” The room fell away.
“So she couldn’t hurt you. So she couldn’t do any more damage.”
“But you said it yourself, she was sick. Maria needed help. She needed rehab or therapy or something. She didn’t need an all-expenses paid trip to the getting-high-express.”
“It was for rehab. Or, at least, that’s what we hoped.”
“Did you know?”
“Know?” Dad’s eye widened at my question.
“Did you know she tried to kill herself?”
His silence spoke volumes.
“And it doesn’t bother you? It doesn’t keep you up at night knowing your bribe-money could have been the trigger? My God, what is wrong with you people? Is this what we do? Throw money at a bad situation?” I was up out of my seat now. “You people make me sick.”
“Did you know about Kiera? That I had a sister? Did you keep her from me too?”
“Kyle, please—”
“I don’t have to stick around and listen to this bullshit. I grew up hating my mother. Hating her to the point of not giving a shit whether she was dead or alive. Do you get that? Do you see how fucked up that is? I told my girlfriend my mother was dead. Dead. Because to me that’s how it’s always been. But she wasn’t dead, was she, Dad? She was told to stay away. You told her to stay away because a druggie mom was too much for you to handle. Because a woman like that would tarnish the Stone’s squeaky-clean reputation. That’s what all this is about, isn’t it? That Maria Lessinger, the girl from the wrong side of the tracks, didn’t fit into your brand of perfect. Well, guess what, Dad? People make mistakes. And this, this web of lies you’ve weaved for all these years, is right there at the top.”
“Son, please, it isn’t like that. I made a mistake, I see that now, but we need to talk about—”
“Just answer me one thing.” I cut him off. “If she hadn’t gone against your rule and reached out to me would you have ever told me? Or would you have let me grow up and get old thinking she was just a deadbeat junkie mom who didn’t love me enough to stick around?”
Every last ounce of blood drained from Dad’s face until he looked ashen and the truth sucker-punched the wind right out of me. Because it was right there, written on his stricken expression.
He wouldn’t have told me.
And just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse; reality as I knew it hit an all new level of messed up.
Chapter 22
LAURIE
My eyes flew open, and I searched the darkness for some clue as to what had ripped me from my dreams. Something hit my window and my body froze with fear, but then the illumination of my cell phone jolted me into reality. I leaned over, snatching it off the nightstand and scanned the message.
Kyle: I need you.
I blinked to make sure I was seeing right and then threw back the covers and padded over to my window, drawing back the curtains. Sure enough, Kyle stood there, a blond-haired shadow against the inky night. I rushed downstairs and unlocked the door.
“Kyle, what the hell?”
His defeated gaze looked everywhere but at me and my heart sank.
“Kyle? What is it? What’s wrong?”
“I thought I didn’t care.” He still didn’t meet my eyes. “I thought I didn’t need her in my life. She was dead to me. But now she’s real and I have a sister, and nothing I believed is true and I don’t know what to do with that.” Slowly, he lifted his face to mine and what I saw there gutted me. “Tell me what to do,” his voice cracked, and I didn’t waste another second. Pulling Kyle into my arms, I silently whispered all the things I never got to say.
Everything was going to work out.
He still had me.
I loved him.
I loved him so much watching him walk away from me had broken me in ways I couldn’t explain.
I don’t know how it happened, but we moved to the couch, him still wrapped around me like a child. “Kyle, talk to me,” I said. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“She tried...” he swallowed hard, lifting his devastated gaze to mine. “My mom tried to contact me, and he stopped her, my dad stopped her.”
My heart broke for him. More and more, I was realizing Kyle’s personality was h
is armor. He laughed and loved and cracked joke after joke because it was easier than dealing.
“Tell me what you need,” I said. “Tell me how to help.”
“I need you, Laurie. I need to know we’re okay,” he whispered against my skin.
My eyes flickered shut as Kyle pressed greedy kisses to my neck. His fingers slid over my legs, finding the flesh of my hips.
“Kyle, wait.” I covered his hand with my own. “We should talk.”
He pulled away, and a chill danced over my skin. “I need this, Laurie. I need this, please.” The pain in his voice was like a knife to my heart and I reached out, stroking the hair from his eyes. He looked so vulnerable, so defeated.
So much like the goofy teenager who chased me for months.
“I love you, you know that, right?” No matter what had happened over the last couple of weeks, I still loved him. Nothing had changed that.
“I know and I’m sorry. I was hurt and confused, and fuck,” he swallowed so hard his Adam’s apple rubbed against his throat. “God, I have so much anger in me I don’t know...”
“Ssh,” I soothed. “Come on, let’s go to my room.”
We walked up the stairs and to my room in dark silence. Kyle’s emotions swirled around us like a living breathing entity. But as soon as we stepped into my room, his thin thread of control snapped, and he pulled me against him, caging me in his strong arms.
“Kyle, I—”
His mouth captured mine, desperate, demanding. But I wasn’t scared, he needed this.
He needed me.
It was all I’d wanted and yet, there was something heartbreaking about the moment.
No more words were spoken as Kyle peeled my tank top from my body, pushed my shorts off my hips and down my legs. My fingers dipped underneath the hem of his t-shirt, tracing the hard ridges and planes. But Kyle was too eager, whipping it off and shucking out of his board shorts. And then we were skin-on-skin. He crowded me to the bed, peppering my lips with kisses, my jaw, along my collarbone, and I let myself get lost in his touch.
Maybe tomorrow he’d regret this.
Maybe I would.
But I needed this as much as he did. To feel wanted. To feel loved.
“Kyle,” his name was a whisper on my lips as we tumbled to the bed in a tangle of limbs and love.
“Don’t leave me, Laurie.” He cupped my face bringing us eye-to-eye and dragged his thumb over my bottom lip. “Promise me you’ll never leave me.”
I didn’t want to lie.
I didn’t want to make promises I couldn’t keep, so I smashed my mouth to his, kissing him with everything I had, showing him I was here, and I wanted to fight for us.
It was enough. Something settled in Kyle, and he took his time kissing me back, stroking his way down my waist, along my hip until his hand disappeared between us, finding my center.
“God,” I panted against his mouth as his fingers glided over my panties.
“You and me,” he murmured, slipping underneath the damp material. My body arched into him as he curled a finger inside me. And everything became a blur.
Our kisses.
The sound of our moans.
His touch.
The weight of his body on mine.
I climbed higher, rolling my hips into his hand, needing more. But Kyle didn’t let me fall. He didn’t let me dive head first over the cliff into oblivion. And I almost cried out when his fingers left my skin. Relieved when I felt him at my most intimate place. He hooked the thin material out of the way, replacing fingers with something else. Something that made a shiver ripple down my spine and into every nerve ending.
Kyle broke the kiss and stared down at me as he pushed inside me slowly. Inch by inch. Grinding his hips until we were joined in the best kind of way. “It’s you and me, always.” He pressed a kiss to my nose and spent the rest of the night showing me just how much he needed me.
Loved me.
Always.
I RAN MY NOSE ALONG Kyle’s shoulder, letting him draw me closer. “I’m sorry,” his voice cut through the silence and my heart withered.
Sorry.
He was sorry.
God, I was such a fool. He hadn’t come here last night because he’d needed me. He’d needed sex.
A release.
An escape.
Something to help him forget the shitstorm sweeping through his life.
I started to untangle myself from his, but his arms curled around me. “Laurie?”
“It’s okay,” I said. “I’ll go get a shower.”
“Don’t go, please.”
My uncertain gaze lifted to his. “But you said—”
“You think I... babe, I’m sorry for how I treated you, for pushing you away. For lying. Fuck, I’ve been such a dick. I should have let you in, I should have talked to you.”
“So, you don’t regret last night?”
“Regret it?” Something flashed in his eyes. “Never.” He leaned in and brushed his nose over mine, pressing a chaste kiss to my lips, and relief washed over me.
We were okay.
We were going to be okay.
“Will you tell me what happened?” I rolled onto my side, leaning up on my elbow.
Kyle’s eyes shuttered as he released a heavy sigh. “My mother was a drug addict.” His words hung between us as he stared up at the ceiling. “She wasn’t always that way. Dad said...” He swallowed hard, and I reached for him, linking our fingers. “When they found out they were pregnant, she was clean. Had been for a while. But once I was born, she started to pull away. Guess she couldn’t cope with being a mom.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
He shrugged as if it was no big deal, and maybe there had been a time when it wasn’t, but that had all changed now. “Dad tried to make it work, but she left. Just walked away one day. I wasn’t even a year old. Dad raised me with the help of my grandparents. Then he met Rebecca, and I had this new family. A new mom.”
“God, Kyle, I had no idea.”
He shifted onto his side, so we were eye-to-eye. “Dad never lied to me. When I started asking questions about where she went, he told me the truth. That she was sick and picked her addiction over me. But I had no memories of her, so it was like she’d never been there. I guess you couldn’t miss what you’d never had.
“I don’t know what he told Rebecca, but she never talked about her. No one did. Everyone thought they were college sweethearts and that she just up and left one day, unable to cope. I guess it was easier to let everyone believe that than know the truth.”
I squeezed his fingers in mine as I asked the question that had eaten away at me ever since I found out the truth. “Why did you tell me she was dead, Kyle?”
“She was to me, I guess. No one ever talked about her. Let alone me. And I didn’t want to open that door, ever.”
“You could have told me the truth. The choices your mom made are not a reflection on you. You know that, right?” When he didn’t answer, I pressed him. “Kyle? What is it?”
“Can you imagine if people found out my mom was a junkie who abandoned me? That isn’t something you just shake off, not in a town like ours.”
I got it, I did. A town like Wicked Bay thrived on gossip and scandal. And if you were unlucky enough to get caught up in it, your reputation could be ruined.
But Kyle was just a kid.
He didn’t deserve this.
“Everything is so messed up.” The look he gave me sent chills up my spine. He looked so torn, so gutted. “When she contacted me, my world started to crumble. I kept trying to tell myself I could pretend it wasn’t happening, that if I ignored her it’d all go away, but then Kiera started showing up. And then she told me Maria tried to contact me when I was twelve. I didn’t want to believe her, I didn’t...” his voice cracked, and my heart sank.
“Kyle?”
“She saw my dad, Laurie. She went to him to ask if she could see me and he told her no. He lied. All this time I though
t she didn’t care, but he'd lied.”
My heart broke into a thousand pieces.
“He was probably just trying to protect you.” It didn’t change anything, but I needed to say something—anything—to try and ease his heartache.
“Protect himself more like.” He swung his legs over the bed and sat up, dragging a hand over his face. As I stared at his back, at his broad defined shoulders, I felt a wall between us again. “He didn’t just lie about that, he lied about all of it.”
“What do you mean?”
“She did walk away, but they made sure she stayed away, Laurie. My dad, his parents, they paid her to never come back, how messed up is that?”
“But why would they do that?”
He let out a rough bark of laughter. “Think what it would have done to my dad, to his business,” he added as if he heard my thoughts. “Dad got together with Alec Prince’s ex. His life became public enough, without adding a junkie ex-girlfriend to the mix.”
“They weren’t married?”
“Nah. Dad was fresh out of college and from what he told me, it was a whirlwind relationship. But he wanted to do the right thing, he wanted to make it work.” He choked out the words and I didn’t push for more. He’d already given so much.
“I’m glad you told me.” I nestled closer, brushing my nose along his collarbone but Kyle stiffened.
“What am I supposed to do here, Laurie? I find out my father, the one person who’s always been there for me, lied. The woman who abandoned me was forced to stay away and I have another sister. She’s so angry and pissed at the world, and if she even knows half of what I found out yesterday, I can’t say that I blame her.”
A beat passed. And another. Until he glanced over his shoulder, giving me his eyes. “Tell me what I’m supposed to do.”
I leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his waist, pressing my cheek to his back. “I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out. Together. I’m here, Kyle. I’ll always be here.”
And I meant it.
Regardless of what our future held, I would help him through this. Because love was like that. It didn’t judge or walk away when times got hard. It was patience and forgiveness and even if, in the end, it wasn’t enough.