by B. Love
“There’s a really good chance that I can live just as long as you. My heart is strong and healthy. I take my medicine daily. If I started to have any problems they would up my dosage or change my prescription and see what that would lead to, but I think I have a really good chance of living for a very long time.”
He nodded, but he didn’t seem reassured. And that’s when I remembered what Harlem said about his fear of loss. How losing his mother made him not want to feel. Not want to love. Not want to lose. How he basically prepared himself to lose the people he cared about. I couldn’t help but wonder if telling him about my heart transplant made him no longer want to pursue anything with me.
10 years. She was told she had maybe 10 years to live, and now she’s on year 10. Now that I’ve met her and started to fall deeply in love with her she’s on year 10. She’s on the year that could end her life and change mine in the process. Yea, there was a chance that she could live longer, but what were the odds of that happening? Really?
I was going to have to do some heavy research on this. There was no way in hell that I was going to fall in love with her only to lose her. No. I’d worked too hard to pull myself out of the hell losing my mother had put me in. I wasn’t going to go back there. Not for love. Not when loving caused so much fucking pain.
The rest of dinner was quiet yet smooth. I didn’t want her to think her telling me that had changed anything, but it kind of did. Still, I wanted tonight to be all that we both needed it to be, so when we made it to my home I tried to shake the sadness, worry, and fear that was consuming me off.
I wasn’t even sure if us playing basketball was a good idea anymore.
I mean… what if she passed out or some shit?
I sighed louder than I wanted to as I cut my car off, and her hand reached over and grabbed mine.
“I’m OK, Knight. Please, don’t treat me any differently. I shouldn’t have even told you. I’m sorry for ruining tonight…”
“No,” I kissed her hand and cursed myself for not hiding my emotions better, but dammit, I felt robbed before it even happened. “You didn’t ruin anything. I’m glad you told me. I’m glad you told me, Charlie.”
She turned her head and looked out of her window, and I knew I had to lighten this night up before she shut down on me again. I got out of the car and went to her side to let her out. We walked into my home hand in hand.
“Where’s Harlem?” she asked as we went upstairs.
“Spending the rest of the week at her best friend’s house.”
“Oh. Um… your basketball court is in your bedroom?”
I looked at her and the hesitant look on her face made me smile.
“No. It’s in the backyard. But you can’t play in that dress.”
Charlie looked down at herself and cursed under her breath.
“I forgot all about this. I need to go home and get something to wear.”
“Why? You can put on one of my shirts and Harlem isn’t that much smaller than you. I’m sure she has a pair of shorts you can put on.”
She pulled her hand from mine and slowed her steps as we walked into my bedroom.
“Knight?”
After cutting the light on I looked at her.
“What’s up?”
Her hands went through her hair as she swallowed hard.
“There’s something else that I have to tell you. The reason why I haven’t dated in years.”
There was more?
Oh God.
I sat on the edge of my bed and ran my hand down my face.
“Go for it.”
Her fingers intertwined in the center of her as she bit on her cheek.
“Well… I have a scar from my transplant,” her eyes blinked rapidly as she pulled her hands apart. “It starts here,” she pointed a few inches above her breasts. “And it ends here,” she pointed a few inches under them. “When I was 20, I was about to give my virginity to this guy,” she smiled as tears fell. “He was the first guy I ever felt comfortable enough with to show my body. My scar,” her fingers ran down the center of her chest. Down the length of the scar. “But when he saw it…” her arms wrapped around her stomach. “His face… he looked at it… at me… like it was the most… disgusting thing he’d ever seen.”
That explained all the button down shirts. All of the high neck dresses. She was insecure. She was ashamed of her scar. Her hands trembled as she used them to cover her face.
“I grabbed my clothes and ran. I haven’t shown another man my body since. I haven’t had the desire to. Until you,” she pulled her hands down but avoided my eyes. “That’s why I don’t date. I don’t kiss. I try not to get close to men. Because I know that eventually it’s going to lead to sex and that’s just something I can’t do. I can’t show another man my scar and have him look at me like that again. It would… I can’t.”
My head lowered as I put my elbows on my thighs. It all made sense now. I never would’ve guessed she’d be ashamed, but now that I think about how she reacted to me when I would touch her… when I tried to kiss her… how she’d pull at the top of her shirts when I looked her body over… it all made perfect sense.
“Come here, Charlie.”
She took small steps towards me, and when she stood in front of me I grabbed her hands and looked up at her.
“That was not a man. That was a little boy. A little boy who didn’t deserve you. A man,” I turned her around and untied the back of her dress. “A man would worship that scar and the God who gave you a second chance at life.”
“Knight…”
She grabbed my hand and tried to stop me, but nothing would stop me from correcting her fucked up way of thinking about herself. Her scar. Her story. Her blessing. I stood and took the thin straps of her dress between my fingers.
“A man would spend every day of his life thanking God for yours. Treating you like the blessing and miracle you are for gracing him with your life and presence.”
I pushed the straps down, but it didn’t fall to the ground. She grabbed it and clenched it in her fist. As I sat back down I turned her around to face me.
“Let it go, Charlie.”
I didn’t mean just the dress. I meant that memory. That pain. That shame. That insecurity.
“Knight,” her head shook as her tears started to fall again. “Don’t make me. I don’t want it to change the way you see me. What you think about me.”
“Let it go, Charlie.”
Her eyebrows wrinkled as she chewed on her cheek again. She closed her eyes and dropped the dress. Her hands covered her face immediately as I took my time looking at the scar. At the thing that had her so afraid of men. Of me. Of love. Of sex. Of her body.
I opened my legs a little wider. Pulled her a little closer.
“This is what you’ve been hiding from me?” I ran my middle finger down her scar gently and she shivered under my touch. “You thought this would make you less beautiful in my eyes? This makes you even more beautiful to me. This makes you human. This makes you a survivor. This reminds me that I didn’t just dream you up. This makes you real, Charlie.”
I kissed the scar and her head flung back immediately. I worked my way up the scar, placing soft, slow kisses on every inch of it. By the time I was done she had a tight grip on my neck and shoulder as she panted.
Standing, I cupped her cheek and told her to look at me.
“You don’t have to hide anything from me. I desire you just the way you are.”
I brushed her tears away before placing both hands on her cheeks. The way she looked at me… it was different. It was like she was seeing me for the first time. Like I’d said what she’d needed to hear. What she’d longed to hear.
Her hands ran down my arms until they reached my wrists and she squeezed as her eyes closed and opened.
I cleared my throat and put some space between us.
“I’m gonna get the shirt so we can play.”
Charlie grabbed my hand and pulled me back to her.
“Don’t make me ask for it,” she whispered. “Just give it to me.”
“You’re a virgin, Charlie. You should give that honor to… a man who deserves you. It should be a special moment, beauty.”
“You do deserve me. I don’t think I’ll ever have a more special moment than this. Unless it came with you. Make love to me, Knight. Please.”
“You do deserve me. I don’t think I’ll ever have a more special moment than this. Unless it came with you. Make love to me, Knight. Please.”
I meant that too. No man had ever made me feel the way he did. No man had ever talked to me the way he did. No man had ever soothed me the way he did. Made me feel strong in myself yet weak for him the way he did.
As if that was all the confirmation that I was ready that he needed, Knight pulled me into his chest and covered my lips with his. His pecks were just as soft the first time he kissed me, but this time there was an urgency there that wasn’t previously.
His tongue slid into my mouth as he cupped my ass in both hands and pulled me closer. Giving me all of him to feel against me. I couldn’t keep the moan that fell from my lips inside. Between the slow swirls of his tongue, his lips closing around mine and sucking them into his mouth, the feel of his dick against me, and his hands squeezing my ass… my pussy was throbbing at the same rate of my heart.
Knight pulled away from me only to grab and handful of my hair and tilt my head back.
“Are you sure?” he asked as he looked into my eyes intently. “I don’t know how much teasing I can take.”
“I’m positive.”
“Undress me.”
I exhaled a long, quiet breath as I unbuttoned his shirt. I focused attentively as I pulled his undershirt over his head. As if there was a certain way to do this and I wanted to get it just right. I needed to get it just right. I moved down to his pants, and he continued to look down at me with that same intense, inquisitive glare.
Knight stepped out of his shoes and pants. There was only one piece of clothing left. His boxers. I looked up at him… just to be sure if he wanted me to keep going. When he licked his lips and continued to stare down at me I put my thumbs inside of his boxers and pushed them down until they fell to his feet.
There it was.
“Touch it. It belongs to you now,” he assured me.
I touched his head first. The crown first. And as soon as I did I felt his precum against my thumb. His dick jumped as he bit down on his lip. Lifting my hand, I looked at his cum on my thumb. It made me… curious. My thumb was in my mouth, and I was sucking the taste of him off of me before I think either of us was prepared for it.
Knight lifted me off my feet and tossed me over his shoulder as he carried me to his bed. His hands were pulling my panties down as soon as my body touched his bed. As in a rush as he was to get me in his bed, when he removed my panties and spread my legs his movement stopped. He stared at my pussy until it throbbed in desire for him.
“I’m glad you’ve kept yourself hidden,” he confessed as he crawled deeper between my legs and hovered over me. “Now I’ll be the only man to show you how beautiful and rare and sexy you are.”
His fingers went into my hair as I smiled and ran mine across his scruffy beard.
“How long can I adore you, Charlie?”
My answer was locked inside of my brain at the feel of his dick between my legs and tongue on my neck. I grabbed his waist and squeezed as his teeth bit down on me.
“How long?”
“For as long as you want, Knight.”
“Forever?”
“Forever.”
His lips were on mine again. Sucking. Tongue. Licking. Teeth. Biting. Me. Moaning. The trail his mouth took sent shivers through my body. I watched as he kissed and licked his way down my breasts. My chest. My scar. My stomach. Until he landed between my thighs. No man had ever made it this far before, and the smile on Knight’s face made it clear that he was glad about that as his palms gripped my thighs and spread them widely.
Knight placed a kiss to my left thigh before running his lips and cheek over the place he kissed, causing my back to arch off the bed from the feel of his facial hair tickling me. He did the same to the right thigh and got the same reaction.
“This is your last chance to back out,” he warned me, only to run his tongue from my ass to the tip of my clit.
Loving the surge of pleasure that welled up within me, I instructed him to, “Do that some more.”
He smiled, which made me smile, but when he ran his tongue between my bottom set of lips my smile faded as I inhaled deeply. At first his licking was slow. Soft. Precise. As if he was giving me time to get used to what he was doing to me. He’d suck my clit into his mouth after every few licks, but pull away when my legs would start to tremble and close against him.
Then I felt my clit harden. And I saw him stick his tongue inside of me and pull my nectar out. And all of the reserve I had was gone. My hands went to his shoulders and I squeezed as I moaned and gave myself to how good he was making me feel.
His tongue was harder. His licks were faster. Fuller. His slurping was louder. His sucking was harder. It lasted longer. He stuck his tongue inside of me deeper. He pulled my clit and my pussy lips into his mouth and sucked and licked at the same time until my legs trembled. Until the walls of my pussy throbbed. Until I pushed him away and cried out. Until I came for the first time in my life.
And he watched. We watched. As my nectar slid out me and made its way down my pussy as it throbbed. Knight moaned as he lowered himself to lick every drop of me up, not leaving anything behind.
Knight stood and walked over to his nightstand. He grabbed a condom and ripped it open as he watched me watch him.
“I don’t have anything, but this is for your protection. I’m not trying to get you pregnant, and I know I’m not going to want to pull out.”
I nodded and grabbed a handful of my hair as my legs opened and closed. I didn’t care about any of that right now. All I cared about was having him inside of me. I’m glad he thought enough about it for the both of us, though.
Knight rolled the condom onto himself, and my anticipation was slowly being replaced with anxiety as I watched it… as I watched him… come back to me. Nothing had been inside of me but my fingers and tampons… and he expected me to fit all of that inside? He was long. And wide. And curved. And veiny. And everything. And the sight of it standing straight up as he crawled between my legs again had me swallowing hard and inhaling deeply.
He secured my legs around his waist and pushed my hair out of my face, and the way he looked down on me with such care and gentleness… it removed any anxiety I had.
“If you want me to stop at any time say so. It’s going to hurt at first, but I promise I’m going to make you feel good. You just have to relax, Charlie. Do not tense up and fight it. I need this pussy to stay wet for me.”
I nodded and pulled his face down to mine – trying to use kissing him as a distraction. It worked for a little while. It worked as he began to slowly press his way inside of me. By the time he had just his crown in I was biting down on his lip and moaning.
“That’s right, beauty. Bite me. Scratch me. Do whatever you gotta do. But don’t tense up.”
He wrapped my arms around his neck and continued to inch himself inside of me slowly, only to pull himself out completely when he was halfway in. I started to ask him what the hell he was doing, but the wetness that had covered him from inside of me made it so much easier for him to slide in the second time around. This time he didn’t go in inch by inch. This time he pressed himself inside of me until all of him was inside.
I moaned and pulled him closer, wrapped my legs around him tighter, but it was over. He was in. All of him.
“Are you OK?” he asked breathlessly.
I nodded, afraid that if I spoke my voice would say the opposite. He pulled himself out, heating my body with the friction of our disconnect. He pushed himself in, burying himself as deep inside o
f me as he could go. Our lips locked as he rocked his hips against mine, but it started to feel so good I had to pull away.
Moans were erupting from within me so consistently I had no control over them. I was cursing. And touching and scratching and squeezing his body in any place I could grab. And my stomach was tightening. My pussy was holding onto him. Tightly. Taking his slow, deep strokes and giving him wetness in return. Squeezing him and smacking against him and throbbing as I came. As my legs trembled and unraveled against him.
Knight secured the back of my knees in the bend of his arms and spread my legs as wide as they would go. His body rested against mine as he sank into me deeply. With his mouth next to my ear he asked…
“Can I fuck you now?”
I didn’t think I could get wetter. Get more turned on. But he proved me wrong. I ran my hands down the back of his head and placed them around his neck as I nodded.
“Yes.”
I wasn’t prepared to feel him even deeper, but that’s exactly what happened in this position. Each stroke felt longer. Deeper. It was faster. Harder. His pelvis was brushing against my clit, making every stroke feel magnified. Making every moan turn into curses that were abruptly cut off along with my breath. Making me grow completely silent before crying out his name. Making me stop breathing. Making me not care about not breathing. Making me breathe him. Making me try to push him away, yet pull him deeper into me by his thighs.
I was gone. Lost. Out of my fucking mind. Completely under his spell in this moment at the same time.
And then his heavy breathing turned into moaning and that turned into my name and I came again. So did he. Stopping his strokes while his dick throbbed inside of me. He moaned one last long time as he pulled my hair and shriveled up inside of me.
My arms and legs wrapped around him, and I held on… like I’d die if I let go.
“You can’t leave me, Charlie.”
Knight lifted his head and looked into my eyes. My hand immediately went to his cheek and I caressed it with my thumb. I had to live. Even if it was just for him. Even if it was just to avoid him having to take another loss.