“I’m glad you’re here,” Herb said, drawing his attention back to his friend. “I found some sheet music in one of my old trunks. I think Eva will like the music on it when you two come over again.”
Boaz grimaced. “I don’t think we’ll be able to come by for a long time.” And the longer, the better. He didn’t need her falling at Herb’s feet in utter adoration again.
“Oh.” Herb frowned but then smiled. “Rachel and I could come to your place if Eva doesn’t mind. We won’t impose. I could just come by to play the violin.”
“It’s not a violin. It’s a fiddle.”
“You can call it either one.”
“But we should call it a fiddle because that’s what everyone else around here calls it.”
Despite his laughter, Herb’s eyebrows furrowed. “What’s gotten into you?”
“Nothing. Nothing’s gotten into me.” He glanced back at the house. When was Greg going to get out here? Maybe he should come back tomorrow.
“Unbelievable.”
“Unbelievable what?”
“In all the years we’ve known each other, you’ve never lied to me. Even in your darkest moments, you were honest, and that’s why I stuck with you through it all. But now that things are looking better for you, you’re starting to lie.”
“Don’t do this, Herb,” he snapped.
“Do what?”
“Remind me of how bad I was in the past. You think I don’t hear the whispers when people see me? You think I don’t remember you gave me food when no one else would? Or that you gave me a place to sleep on the cold winter nights?” Irritated, he took off his hat and wiped the sweat from his brow. Setting the hat back on his head, he continued, “I’m tired of everyone bringing up my past all the time.”
“No one’s bringing it up all the time.”
“You just did.”
“This time, Boaz. Not all the time.” A moment passed before he said, “What’s going on?”
Thankfully, Greg picked that moment to slam the front door, an action which took Herb’s attention off of him. Boaz took the opportunity to call out to Greg. Even if Greg didn’t look happy, Boaz would rather deal with him than explain to Herb why he didn’t want him to play the fiddle again.
“I got to head over to Conner’s after I talk to Greg,” Boaz said.
Ignoring the grim expression on his friend’s face, Boaz turned and hurried over to Greg. Sometimes, like now, he wished that he could move somewhere else and start over—a place where no one knew his past. But he couldn’t. His mother and brother were here. His children needed them as much as they needed Eva. And besides that, Rachel was here, and he liked that Eva had a friend she could go to.
By the time he reached Greg, Greg was mumbling something under his breath about how irritating women were. Greg stopped his grumbling and called out a greeting.
“I just came by to see how that horse of yours is doing,” Boaz said.
“It’s doing good. I haven’t had a single problem with him since you took care of him.”
“Glad to hear it.”
As Boaz got on his horse, Greg asked, “Is there anything else?”
“Nope. Just wanted to make sure the stallion was behaving.”
“Thanks for checking on him.”
He tipped his hat then headed off the ranch, intentionally avoiding eye contact with Herb in case his friend wanted to press him about that ridiculous fiddle of his. There was no way he was going to encourage him to play another song for Eva. And he definitely didn’t feel like explaining why.
***
That evening, Boaz came home after everyone ate supper, and Eva set out the pot roast she had kept heated for him. Since Leroy was playing in the parlor and Hannah was walking through the house with her doll tucked under her arm, Eva sat across from him.
“Did you have a good day?” Eva asked.
“It was alright,” he replied as he tore a biscuit in half and smoothed some butter on it.
She cleared her throat and sipped some lemonade. “Well, I ran into Rachel today when I was at the mercantile, and she said Herb found new music to play. I was wondering if…”
Her voice trailed off when she noticed the slight scowl on his face. Surprised, she hesitated. Could it really be true? Had Boaz been jealous yesterday? Did he worry she might have affections for someone else?
Just how did she proceed from here? Did she tell him he had nothing to worry about? Did she ask him why he didn’t come out and tell her that her love of Herb’s music bothered him? Did she act like nothing was wrong?
Unable to pick the best option, she went over to the sink and started washing the dishes. While she grew up with four older brothers, she was at a loss. Her relationship to Boaz was nothing like it was with them, and that made Boaz much more complicated. They seemed to be in a transition from a marriage of convenience to more. She was sure of it. And it was starting to occur to her that she might have to initiate the process because at the rate Boaz was going, Leroy and Hannah would be all grown up before Boaz kissed her again.
Boaz came over to her and handed her his plate, fork, and cup. “It was another good meal. Thank you.”
She took them from him and set them in the soapy water. “I’m glad you liked it.”
After a moment, he said, “You work hard around here. You should listen to music you enjoy.”
Not expecting this, she turned to face him. “Really?”
He nodded. “You’ve done so much for me, marrying me so I could get Leroy and Hannah back. And you go out of your way to make me meals, clean my clothes, and pretty up this house. The least I can do is let you listen to Herb play the fiddle.”
“Boaz, I don’t know what to say,” she softly replied.
Smiling, she took a step toward him. She meant to kiss him on the cheek but he turned his head so her lips met his. The action startled her. She hadn’t imagined he’d do something so bold. But he did and even more than that, he proceeded to bring her into his arms and deepen the kiss.
It was so unlike the chaste kiss he’d given her before. This one was full of passion and longing. He’d been lonely. He had more than the desire to get his children back. He had wanted a woman, someone who’d be his other half, someone who’d complete him and make him whole. He wanted her.
She responded to him, her tongue intertwining with his, her pulse racing in a heady mixture of excitement and curiosity about where this was heading. She thought it might be nice to share this kind of kiss with a man, but she had no idea it would be so thrilling. Indeed, she could get used to this.
Boaz abruptly ended the kiss and took a step away from her. “Eva, I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” she blurted out, aware that her body was racing in anticipation for more.
“I-I shouldn’t have… I mean, it’s not supposed to be like this…between us.”
She stared at him, too stunned to respond. Not that she would have gotten a chance to respond anyway since he hurried out of the kitchen. She remained standing by the sink for a couple minutes, trying to figure out what was going on. He had wanted to kiss her. So why did he apologize? Did he think she didn’t want more? She had invited him to her bed. Surely, he understood it was fine with her if he kissed her.
Finally, she turned back to the dishes and finished washing them. She’d wait until the children were in bed and then she’d ask him what was going on, and she wasn’t going to stop until she got an answer.
Chapter Fourteen
Eva had a hard time reading to Leroy and Hannah when it was time for them to go to bed. Though she read the next short story in the book, her mind kept drifting back to the kitchen and the kiss Boaz had given her. It took all her willpower to bring her attention back to the story so she could finish it. Fortunately, when she was done, the children were asleep.
She closed the book and returned it to her room before removing her spectacles. She took a moment to look at herself in the mirror and brushed back a few unruly strands
of hair. Every day, she’d made it a habit of wearing a bun until it was time for bed. At that time, she chose to braid her hair to keep it from tangling during the night. She considered doing that first, thinking it might make her look softer, maybe even more attractive.
Before she could talk herself out of it, she pulled the pins out of her hair then brushed it. Once she braided it, she headed out to the parlor. She thought about getting the warm milk ready, as was her habit, but she wasn’t sure if Boaz was in the mood to read to her tonight. He hadn’t been last night, and who knew what she could expect now?
Her steps slowed as she approached the parlor. Boaz had opened the book he’d been reading to her. Well, that was a good sign. He did want to spend time with her. But she really didn’t think she could concentrate on the story—even if it was one of the most beautiful she’d ever read—until they talked.
She went into the room and took a cautious step to the chair she usually sat in. When he looked up at her, she took a deep breath. If she didn’t do this now, she’d probably lose her nerve. “Boaz, we need to talk.”
“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather listen to me read to you?”
She caught the uncertainty hidden beneath his teasing tone and almost relented. But they had to do this. Delaying it would only make things worse. She sat in the chair and placed her hands in her lap, feeling much like she did whenever she had to go before the people who hired her when she was a teacher. It was especially nerve-racking when she had to justify why she gave older students more leeway in choosing their studies.
Releasing her breath, she began, “We really need to talk, Boaz, and the sooner we do so, the better.”
He slowly closed the book and set it on the table. “I know. I’m just not very good at this.”
“I’m not either,” she admitted, not sure if it’d make him feel better to know she wasn’t any better at confrontation than he was. It seemed that when she confronted people in the past, it didn’t work out in her favor, but unlike him, she probably couldn’t hold in her thoughts. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but I’d like to know when you intend to come to my bed.”
There. She said it. And she should have felt a little bit better now that she’d asked the question. Except he winced and that wasn’t a good sign. A husband should not wince when his wife suggested intimate relations.
“Eva,” he softly began, “we’re not going to be doing anything that requires us to share a bed.”
“What?” It was a stupid question. She heard him just fine. She just couldn’t believe it.
He cleared his throat. “What I really needed was a mother for Leroy and Hannah. That’s why I married you. I wasn’t planning to do anything,” he shrugged, “more.”
“But the kisses you gave me…?”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I led you to believe more was going to happen and that was wrong. I’ll do better in the future. I promise.”
She stared at him for a long moment as what he was telling her finally sank in. “So our marriage is only a business arrangement?”
“You shouldn’t think of it like that.”
“Then how should I think of it?”
He rubbed the back of his neck and ventured, “A friendship? I’ll provide for you and you’ll take care of the children.”
“That’s it?”
“I’ll be faithful to you. You don’t have to worry about me running around town with other women.”
“Oh, wonderful. This is every wife’s dream come true.” The words flew out of her mouth before she had time to stop them. She crossed her arms. Being subtle was never one of her strengths, and quite honestly, she saw no reason to mince words. “You bought me at an auction so you could marry me, but you didn’t really want a wife. You just wanted a woman who’ll take care of your children. The least you could have done was be upfront about the whole thing.”
“I did. I told you I wanted a mother for my children.”
“But you didn’t add that we wouldn’t have a real marriage.”
“I thought you’d be relieved.”
“Why would I be relieved?”
“Because you didn’t come to Lewistown looking to get married. It just happened.”
“But since it did happen, I think I’m entitled to everything a marriage involves,” she replied. “If any of those other men had won me, do you think they’d be telling me they wouldn’t be coming to my bed?”
“Those men don’t have children they need a mother for.”
“So?”
“So I needed you more than they did.”
She didn’t know whether to laugh or scream. The way he said it, as if it was a simple fact, baffled her. Finally, she said, “You don’t know that.”
“They don’t have children.”
“I fail to understand what children have to do with it. Men who don’t have children could also need a wife.”
He let out a long sigh. “I realize this isn’t what you hoped it would be, but it’s for the best.”
“Best for who?”
“For everyone.”
“Not for me.”
“Yes, it is. I know you don’t believe it, but it is.”
“It’s best that I don’t have a real marriage with my husband?” The only reason she asked it was to emphasize how ridiculous the whole arrangement was. But if she thought turning it around and letting him hear it would make a difference, she was sorely mistaken.
“Yes,” he replied, just as matter-of-fact as he’d been up to this point.
She stared at him for a long moment, suspecting that she’d lost the battle. Even so, she had to ask, “Why? Why is it best for me to be my husband’s friend?”
With a sigh, he crossed his arms in a manner that indicated he was trying to protect himself. “I told you that Leroy and Hannah had no mother.”
“Yes. It was why I agreed to marry you.” That and the fact that he seemed sincere in telling her he’d be faithful and good to her, two things she required of a husband.
“Well, she died right after she gave birth to Hannah.” He paused for a moment, his gaze turning away from hers. He swallowed then softly continued, “She had a difficult birth with Leroy. I knew better than to be with her but in a moment of weakness I gave in and nine months later, she had Hannah. I made sure the doctor was there in plenty of time, but it didn’t do any good. She wouldn’t stop bleeding and…” His voice choked and he took a moment to compose himself. Letting out a deep breath, he shook his head. “Nothing worked. The doctor and I tried everything we could think of, but no matter what we did, she just wouldn’t stop bleeding. And in the end, all I could do was hold her while she kept begging me to save her. Do you have any idea how hard it is to hold someone when you know there’s nothing you can do to help them?”
“No,” she whispered, her heart breaking as she watched him wipe tears from his eyes. Choosing her words carefully, she added, “You think I might have a difficult time giving birth.”
“Or worse.” He stared off into space for a second before turning his gaze in her direction. “I don’t want that to happen to you.”
Now it made sense. His reluctance to be with her stemmed from fear. That being the case, she felt better. She thought through many things she could tell him, knowing very well that all of them would be true. He loved his wife, that much was obvious. He had wanted her to live. He made love to her because he loved her. He wouldn’t have done anything to hurt her. And there was nothing he could have done to save her.
But Eva held her tongue because this wasn’t what he needed to hear. For the moment, he just needed to know that she understood why he felt the way he did. She wasn’t sure what she could do at the moment but decided she needed time to think about it. Certainly, there was some way around the situation. But tonight, the solution eluded her.
Finally, she nodded. “Alright. We’ll be in separate rooms. I’ll sleep in the bedroom, and you’ll sleep out here.”
As she ro
se from the chair, he uncrossed his arms and straightened on the couch. “You’re not upset?”
“No, of course not. You went through a painful experience. No one can fault you for feeling the way you do.” Since there was nothing else to say, she offered him a smile. “Did you want some warm milk while you read to me?”
He smiled in return and relaxed. “Yes, I would, thank you.”
She left the room to get the milk.
***
The next morning Boaz got dressed in the bedroom while Eva made breakfast. Try as he might, he couldn’t take his eyes off her bed. He wanted nothing more than to join Eva, and she had made it clear he was welcome there. He sighed and buttoned his shirt.
As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t seem to bring himself to ask her if she would be willing to engage in intimate activities that wouldn’t risk conceiving a child.
His first wife had had such a difficult time giving birth to Leroy that he’d asked her if they could take measures to ensure she didn’t get pregnant again, but she had been adamantly opposed to it. No matter how much he pleaded with her, she said she didn’t feel right going to church knowing full well she was making love solely for pleasure. Being with her in bed had been too much of a strain, so he ended up sleeping on the couch. And for a while, it had worked. But she’d been much too attractive and he’d been too weak. One night was all it took for her to conceive Hannah.
With a sigh, he sat on the bed and pulled on his boots. Not all women died in childbirth. Most survived it. Eva’s chances were good of making it. While he knew this to be true, he couldn’t help but worry the same thing would happen to her. And just how was he supposed to ignore that fear? Herb made it sound easy. Mitch made it seem easier.
He brushed aside a tear and took a deep breath. Eva had accepted the fact that he wouldn’t consummate the marriage. She’d been gracious about it and hadn’t pressed him to give her a child. And besides, she was happy. She said so. Leroy and Hannah both liked her and referred to her as their mother. She’d filled the void his first wife had left after her death. It wasn’t like any of them were worse off because she was there. They weren’t worse off at all. They all benefited from it.
Boaz's Wager Page 11