Once she was dressed, Nina dragged herself downstairs and slipped on her winter jacket, which seemed so much heavier than it should. She wasn’t sure she should be driving and almost wished she had taken up Sarah’s offer to come over, but she had been right to refuse. Sarah hadn’t come out and said, ‘I told you so,’ but it would be written all over her face. The person Nina needed more than anyone else right now was the man she loved, but the person she married had been erased from her life. Guilty or not, Bryn was lost to her.
Nina was determined not to cry again, and her jaw was set so firm that it ached. When her mobile rang and Charlotte Tavistock’s name appeared, she didn’t know if she should answer the call. She wasn’t sure she could physically speak.
‘Nina, it’s Charlotte.’
It was obvious that Sarah’s daughter had heard the news. She spoke in a hushed tone as if she were talking to someone recently bereaved, which was perhaps appropriate since Nina felt a perverse form of grief.
‘I’m sorry, Charlotte, I was just on my way out.’
‘I won’t keep you,’ she said, but continued anyway. ‘Mum told me about Scarlett, and I know this is a bad time, but I had to phone. I take it you still don’t know who it is?’
Nina was standing in the hall. She had managed to get as far as the front door but hadn’t opened it. She rested her head on a cold window pane. ‘No,’ she said.
‘Well, I’m not saying I have the answers, but there’s something I need to tell you. Something I’ve never told anyone, not even Mum.’
18
Before
Sunday, 24 January 2016
After the trials and tribulations of Christmas and New Year, Nina was happy to take January at a more leisurely pace. It was Sunday morning, and both her children had been out the night before, enjoying the brief respite between the end of their mock exams and the start of the real thing. Liam had gone out with Eva, and Scarlett with the enigmatic Linus, whom her daughter still contested was not her boyfriend and therefore not worthy of introductions to the family.
They had returned home in the early hours and Bryn had come home even later, but unlike his stepchildren, he had risen in time for a late breakfast with his wife. He was stretched out on the sofa, apparently reading the paper but with his eyes closed. Nina had settled at her desk tucked away in a corner of the dining room, even though work couldn’t have been further from her thoughts.
There was no doubt she felt more happy and contented than she had in a long while, but the fiery passion that had drawn her and Bryn together in the first place had cooled somewhat. It was time to do something about their overdue honeymoon, and once she had surfed the net to work out all the details, she went in search of the two people who hadn’t been factored into those plans.
She knocked on Liam’s door first, leaving only a short pause before barging in. There was no doorstop blocking her access and, to her surprise, the curtains had been drawn back. The unmade bed was empty, though the musty smell in the air suggested the room had only recently been vacated by a slovenly teen.
The bathroom was unoccupied and Nina was certain she hadn’t heard Liam leave the house, which left only one other place he might be, though it was the last place she would have expected to find him. It was a rare occurrence to find both her children in the same room at the same time, and of their own accord.
‘What’s this?’ she asked when she walked into Scarlett’s room. ‘Don’t tell me you two like each other all of a sudden.’
‘OK, we won’t,’ Scarlett said.
She was sitting on the floor with her back against the wall facing her brother. Liam had his back to Nina and was perched on Scarlett’s bed with his head in his hands. He didn’t turn around.
Chewing her lip, Nina asked the question she should have asked first. ‘What’s going on?’
Scarlett’s anxious expression reformed into a more familiar pout. ‘Why does something have to be going on?’
Nina waited for one or both of them to provide an explanation, but whatever they were up to, it was obvious that neither had any intention of offering information willingly. Determined not to be sidetracked from her original mission, she said, ‘Look, you know me and Bryn have been trying to get away?’
Again she left a pause, refusing to continue until she was sure she had their full attention. Liam huffed and turned to look at her. ‘And?’
‘I’ve been looking online and I’ve come across a city break to Rome during half-term. The thing is, even if we went after Valentine’s Day, it’s still not cheap. I’d have to pay for cover at the shop and Bryn would lose his earnings while he’s away. We simply can’t afford it, not if we all go.’
Picking up on his mum’s not-so-subtle hint, Liam said, ‘I wouldn’t want to go anyway.’
Nina looked to Scarlett. ‘It’s only for three days and I know I’ve never left you home alone before, but you’re both old enough to look after yourselves.’
‘You’ve never said that before,’ Scarlett said.
‘Well, I’m saying it now. You’ll be sixteen in a few of months and Liam’s practically an adult.’
‘That’s debatable.’
Scarlett still hadn’t agreed, but Nina could see the cogs turning in her mind.
‘Please, Scarlett. I’ll never get a honeymoon if I have to wait for Bryn to save up.’
‘And Bryn’s OK with you paying?’
‘He will be – I won’t give him a choice. I thought it best to make sure you’re OK with the idea first. So, are you?’
There was a loud sigh, followed by a tut. ‘Fine, whatever,’ Scarlett said.
Nina should have been satisfied with their first answers, but she had expected them to jump at the chance of having the house to themselves and their lack of enthusiasm was unsettling. She had thought half-term week ideal because she wouldn’t have to worry about them sleeping in or skipping school all together. She could freeze plenty of meals and ask Sarah to keep an eye on them, but what would they get up to with all that free time in an empty house? How easy would it be to abandon their revision plans and fill the place with friends? Would people stay over and, more importantly, where would they sleep?
‘Are you sure?’ she asked.
‘Yes!’ Scarlett and Liam cried.
They were waiting for Nina to leave and she almost did but turned back. ‘Is there something I should know about?’
Liam had his back to her again and refused to answer, so it was left to Scarlett to respond for both of them.
‘No, Mum, there’s absolutely nothing you should know about.’
Sunday, 14 February 2016
Being a parent had its rewards, but it also had its challenges and Nina had had her fair share. There had been all the usual new mother problems which, with hindsight, were nothing compared to what was to come. No sooner had her children started school and freed up some of her time than she had become a single parent and had spent the best part of a decade being pulled in at least two opposing directions, often more. At the point when she had married Bryn, Liam and Scarlett had both been learning to be independent, and Nina had mistakenly thought that her time would gradually become her own, to devote to her own needs and those of her new husband. So far, that hadn’t happened. While she wasn’t suggesting Liam and Scarlett should be expected to fend for themselves, she was beginning to wonder if it was no coincidence that they had required more maternal intervention and not less since her marriage.
Her children had changed. Liam had transformed from cave dweller to social butterfly, while Scarlett had become more introverted. Sarah had told her it was natural for them to be affected by Bryn’s arrival, but Nina refused to accept full responsibility for the changes in their personalities, which weren’t necessarily problems anyway. Liam had needed to get out more, while Scarlett had let her studies slip. They were teenagers, they were making it up as they went along, and if ever there was a clash in the family, it was more often with each other than the usurper her mum ha
d invited into their home. Liam had stolen Scarlett’s best friend, and Scarlett had distanced herself from both of them.
It was sometimes hard to keep up with her children’s complicated lives, but it didn’t take long for Nina to notice when their respective positions changed again, or figure out the reason why.
‘Have Liam and Eva split up?’ she asked Scarlett, who had surprised her by being up and dressed when Nina returned home from a morning at the shop. She suspected Valentine’s Day had something to do with it, which was also what prompted her question. Scarlett’s brother hadn’t ventured out of the house since coming home from school on Friday afternoon.
Scarlett was lounging on the sofa and didn’t take her eyes from the TV. ‘Looks that way.’
‘What happened?’
Scarlett shrugged. ‘Stuff,’ she said helpfully.
‘Will he be all right?’
From the blank expression on Scarlett’s face, Nina could only presume his sister didn’t know or care. ‘And what about Eva? She must have told you how she feels. Is that why you’re spending so much time with her again?’
‘It’s Valentine’s Day, Mum, of course she’s upset.’
‘You don’t think they’ll make it up?’
‘Doubt it,’ Scarlett said. ‘Can I have some breakfast?’
‘Help yourself,’ she said, but rather than let Scarlett off the hook so easily, she followed her into the kitchen. ‘Did you get a Valentine’s card, by any chance?’
‘Why, would you like to see it?’
‘I was only asking,’ Nina said. ‘Is it wrong to take an interest in my daughter’s affairs?’
Rather than answer, Scarlett began making toast.
‘He’s a lovely boy,’ Nina said, with a little more authority than she had previously possessed. Linus had called over the day before while they were all having dinner. As Nina might have predicted, the moping teenager had been overshadowed and overpowered by her daughter, who had been furious with him for turning up unannounced. ‘Are things getting serious between you two?’
Another shrug.
Nina gritted her teeth as she prepared for another serious talk. She and Bryn would be flying off to Rome on Thursday. They would be away for three days, and more importantly, two nights. She trusted Liam to behave responsibly, with or without a girlfriend, but Scarlett worried her. It was natural for a parent to feel more anxious about their daughters, but Nina’s opinion was also founded on their respective personalities. Liam was the more considered of the two, while Scarlett was impulsive. If it had been Scarlett who had split up with her boyfriend, the whole house would have been expected to suffer too. Her son kept his troubles to himself.
Leaning against the kitchen counter, Nina watched her daughter. She was amazed how quickly Scarlett was transforming into a young woman – every day Nina was losing a little more of her baby girl.
‘Will he be coming over while we’re away?’
‘I don’t think I could stop him.’
‘I hope you can,’ Nina said. ‘I hope you’re confident enough to tell him when he’s going too far.’
The jar of Nutella in Scarlett’s hand slipped momentarily in her eagerness to finish making breakfast and escape the conversation.
‘I don’t want him staying over,’ Nina continued. ‘I’m not saying it’s never going to happen, but not yet, and not by a long mark. And most definitely not while we’re away. I’ve told Sarah to drop by at any time and without notice. You might think you’re in control, Scarlett, but sometimes things can move at a much faster pace than you’re expecting. I don’t want you being caught out if that happens.’
‘Mum,’ groaned Scarlett.
‘No, you’ve wriggled out of this conversation for long enough. We need to talk about it and we need to talk about it now.’
‘If you’re that worried, why are you going away? Stay at home if you don’t trust me.’
Nina was very much aware that she was the one putting Scarlett in a potentially vulnerable situation, which made her all the more determined to protect her daughter – from herself as much as anything else. ‘I do trust you. Tell me this isn’t an issue. Tell me I don’t need to run out and buy you some condoms. I know I can’t stop you having sex for ever, but I want to know that, when it happens, you’re prepared.’
‘Oh for God’s sake, Mum!’ Scarlett yelled.
To Nina’s surprise, her daughter didn’t continue with the rant. She simply held her mother’s gaze and waited for her to work out what she wasn’t saying. It took a long, uncomfortable moment, but eventually Nina had no choice but to listen to the unspoken confession.
‘You have done it? When? How? What happened – God, no, please don’t answer that.’
Nina was mortified. She wanted to know everything while at the same time she wasn’t prepared to hear any of it.
‘Can I go now?’
Nina nodded.
‘And if your next suggestion is for me to go on the pill, then save your breath. I already am.’
Nina stood in the same spot long after Scarlett had left, staring into space and wondering what she was supposed to do next. She had known this day would come and had hoped it wouldn’t be for some time yet. Scarlett was almost sixteen, she had a steady boyfriend and she had enough common sense to arrange to go on the pill all by herself. She was pretty sure that Liam and Eva had had a sexual relationship. How could she object to her daughter sleeping with her boyfriend when she had silently condoned her son sleeping with someone else’s daughter who was only just sixteen? Technically, Scarlett wasn’t old enough, but was that such a big issue these days?
If there was a problem, surely it had to do with Nina’s relationship with Scarlett and the fact that, despite their previous conversations and her daughter’s assurances, she hadn’t turned to her mother for advice or support. Scarlett hadn’t wanted Nina there when she had explained to the doctor that she was about to have adult relations. Was that a reflection of their relationship, or was it simply that Scarlett was growing up?
A kiss on the cheek gave her a start.
‘Penny for your thoughts?’ Bryn said.
‘Oh, you don’t want to know,’ she replied, although she desperately wanted to tell him. She would have closed the kitchen door and shared every last detail, but looking at her husband, she suspected he didn’t have time. She had left him sleeping after a late night on the taxis and hadn’t expected him to get up until mid-afternoon, but he was already showered and dressed. ‘Are you going out?’
‘I couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d start my shift early. With any luck I might earn enough to treat us to the odd ice cream or two while we’re away,’ he said, still smarting from Nina’s insistence that she pay for the holiday.
‘Oh, OK.’
‘You don’t mind, do you? I know it’s Valentine’s Day, but we said we’d save the romance for Rome.’
Glancing over at the champagne and chocolates Bryn had left out for her that morning, she said, ‘Yes, I’ve had my fill of romance for one day.’
‘Is something wrong?’
Nina took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. ‘No, everything’s fine,’ she said. ‘Different, but fine.’
Scarlett
I think I became quite good at leading a double life. Most of the time I was walking around as if I were still the same boring old me, with the same friends, same idiot brother, same nagging mum and a dad who forgot I existed most of the time. But once in a while I got to be someone else, someone who was like this sex goddess who had men falling at her feet. It was a-maz-ing.
But as well as the fun bits, there were times when he was proper annoying. We’d arrange to be together and then something would happen so he couldn’t make it and I’d be left feeling really, really frustrated. I should have been glad that time I got him back – when it was me standing him up for a change – but it was even worse!
I’d been complaining that we wouldn’t be spending Valentine’s Day together properly, so t
o make up for it, he’d promised to spend the evening before with me, and not just a snatched hour either. It should have been easy because Liam and Eva had split up and there was no one to check or double-check my story, and the story was I was going out with Linus. I felt a little bit mean about using Linus. He used to follow me around like a puppy dog and didn’t mind that everyone thought we were going out when I wouldn’t even let him kiss me any more. But to be honest, I felt even meaner on Eva. I should have gone over to see her really. We were back being best friends and she needed me, but Eva wasn’t the only one with problems. Things had been a bit weird after New Year, it was like he expected me to be happy about keeping things the way they were, as if that was how it was going to be for ever. He could have me pretty much when he wanted and the rest of the time he played at being this oh-so-loving husband at home. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t want things to stay the same. I just didn’t realize how much things would change.
So anyway, we had everything planned for my pre-Valentine’s Day treat, but before I could go out, Mum made us all have dinner together. We never used to bother sitting down at the table before she married Bryn and it sort of annoyed me. It was like she couldn’t be bothered doing the stuff she used to do with me, like going out on our shopping sprees, and she thought forcing us all together once a week would make up for it. I only went along with it because sometimes it was better to give a little so she wouldn’t pick up on the big things – like how awkward I felt sitting there, pretending everything was normal.
So we were all there, only when Mum was dishing up some weird fish pie she started making these huffing and puffing noises.
‘There, I’ve switched off my phone,’ Bryn said.
The Affair Page 15