Vikki was still racking her brain, trying to recall the girl’s name. She had lost touch with so many of her friends – which hadn’t been difficult, given how their lives had gone in different directions. Every one of her mates in sixth form had either got apprenticeships or gone off to university. In less time than it took to get a degree, Vikki had left school, married Rob and become a mother. This girl, whose name was … Amy, had lived another dream.
‘I can’t believe our paths haven’t crossed before now,’ Amy said. ‘I go out with some of the others every once in a while. Ah, but you never were one to go to gigs, or out clubbing, were you?’
‘No, I suppose not,’ Vikki said, thinking of all those times she had turned down invites until her school friends had stopped asking.
‘Are you still with Mr Swift?’
It was Vikki’s turn to smile. ‘Except it’s been a while since I called him Mr Swift. Yes, we got married and we have a little girl. Rob’s looking after Freya now – it’s half-term.’
‘Is he still gorgeous?’
Blushing, Vikki said, ‘Yes.’
‘I know I shouldn’t say this, but I had the most ridiculous crush on him at school and I was so jealous of you. You were one of the cleverest in the year and it drove me mad that you were the one being offered extra lessons. Should have been obvious, I suppose!’
Vikki looked over at the reception desk, where a midwife had appeared. She waited in the hope that she might be next on the list, but another name was called. It was going to be a long wait. ‘I didn’t start dating Rob until I’d left school.’
‘Yeah, yeah,’ Amy said. ‘That’s the official line and you’re sticking to it.’ She shrugged and added, ‘But it’s no one else’s business.’
Vikki could continue to argue her innocence, but Amy was right, it was none of her business. ‘You said you have a job, what is it you do?’
When Amy explained that she worked for a major manufacturing company, Vikki felt a pang of jealousy, even though it was a company she had never heard of. That wasn’t the point. The point was she was doing something she clearly loved and, while the baby wasn’t planned, she was determined that it wouldn’t set back her career goals.
‘I’m only taking four months off. I’m under no pressure to go back, but as much as I love the idea of being a mum, I think I’d be demented if I had to stay at home. What was it like when you had your little girl? How long did you take off?’
Vikki watched a heavily pregnant woman struggling to stand as her name was called. ‘I didn’t go back.’
Amy frowned as if the idea were an alien one. ‘Do you like being a full-time mum?’
‘Freya most definitely does. She started nursery last September, but she still sobs every time I leave her.’
‘Doesn’t it get boring, though, without any adult conversation?’
Vikki laughed and immediately wished she hadn’t. It sounded as false as it felt. ‘It’s not like I’m in solitary confinement. I get to meet other mums and I help my own mum out quite a bit. She rents out holiday cottages and she’s not been well lately so I’ve practically been running the place.’
‘Sorry, Vikki, that must have sounded really rude of me. I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough that being a mum is a job in its own right. It’s the ones who want to stay at home but can’t that we should feel sorry for,’ Amy said, trying too hard to make up for being so dismissive of Vikki’s chosen role in life. ‘I just can’t see me being one of them. It’s not that I don’t want this baby, it’s simply that I love my job too. Is it so bad to want both?’
After turning down Sarah’s job offer only days earlier, Vikki knew exactly what Amy meant. ‘You’re not the only one,’ she said. ‘I was offered a job—’
‘Sorry, that’s me,’ Amy said when a midwife called her name. ‘It would be nice if we could meet up again, Vik. If I don’t bump into you here, then once I’m on maternity leave, I’ll track you down.’
‘Yes, that would be nice,’ Vikki said, and meant it. ‘I want to hear how you get on, juggling a career and motherhood. It might give me the nerve to do the same.’
‘It’s a deal.’
Vikki was about to suggest they quickly swap phone numbers but Amy was one step ahead and handed her a business card. Of course she would have a business card, thought Vikki. ‘I’ll message you so you have my details too,’ she said.
Twenty minutes later, Vikki’s name was called. The first meeting with the midwife was perfunctory and uneventful. The more noteworthy events, such as hearing her baby’s heartbeat for the first time and her first scan, were still some time away, so Vikki came out feeling no different than when she went in. She loved being a mum and she would love this baby as much as she loved Freya, but she couldn’t feel the excitement she knew ought to be there. She had wanted this baby, she kept telling herself while she played with the business card in her pocket.
On her way out of the clinic, Vikki had her head down and only looked up as she approached the exit. Movement on the other side of the door caught her eye and she glimpsed the swish of ponytails as two girls turned and ran – and they had been girls, even though one was a couple of inches taller than Vikki. When she stepped through the door, Vikki glanced quickly down the corridor and spied the two running away as fast as they could. They turned a corner, but before they disappeared, the taller girl glanced over her shoulder. Her violet blue eyes fixed on Vikki for the briefest moment and widened in fear. Vikki had seen the girl at Sarah’s New Year’s Eve party. It was Nina’s daughter, Scarlett.
After her visit to the midwife, Vikki didn’t return home immediately but paid a quick visit to see her mum. Rob had suggested that they shouldn’t tell Elaine until they had reached the critical three-month mark, but Vikki was overruling him, something she rarely did but she hoped he would understand. She needed someone to remind her how excited she was supposed to be and, as expected, her mum was overjoyed. A new grandchild was going to be the perfect remedy to a year that would otherwise be focused on her own health. Elaine could look forward to baby scans instead of dreading MRIs and follow-up appointments.
Her mum’s enthusiasm gave Vikki’s spirits a temporary lift, but only until she reached the Ellison House, which was her second detour. She pulled up outside the entrance and noted the tyre tracks on the drive that stopped short of the metal fence skirting the perimeter of the property. It had been less than a week since she had turned down the job offer, but Sarah wasn’t the type to let a minor setback like Victoria Swift thwart her plans. She would have been back on site with a variety of builders and architects – all those people who would be part of her project team. Everyone except Vikki.
By the time Vikki reached home it was getting late and she suspected Rob and Freya would be starving. She didn’t relish the idea of making dinner, which would reinforce the role she had assumed as opposed to the lost opportunity she might never get back, and was about to suggest they get a takeaway, but Rob had other plans.
‘You’re going out?’ she asked when he met her in the hallway. He was wearing his running gear and holding a water bottle in one hand and his car keys in the other.
‘I thought you’d be home ages ago. I’ve been waiting, Vikki.’
‘I texted to say I was going to see Mum.’
He kissed her cheek. ‘I know, I’m not complaining, but I’ve been cooped up for hours and I need to get out.’
‘You should try doing it full time,’ she muttered.
Shrugging out of her coat, Vikki could barely lift her head, let alone the corners of her mouth to return the smile her daughter gave her. She had toddled out of the living room with her arms open wide for Vikki to scoop her up.
‘Mummy home!’
‘Hello, pumpkin. Have you been driving Daddy crazy?’
‘Yes,’ Freya said proudly.
Vikki glared at Rob, who was now at the front door. ‘Good,’ she said.
‘I’ll drive over to the park, do a few circuits and be
back before you know it,’ he said. After a moment’s thought he added, ‘But if you and Freya want to eat now, I’ll grab something later. There’s bound to be a microwave meal at the back of the freezer somewhere.’
Vikki didn’t reply.
‘Right, see you later,’ Rob said. He had opened the door and managed to ignore his wife’s glare until she stopped him in his tracks.
‘Everything was fine, by the way,’ she said. ‘In case you were wondering how I got on at the clinic.’
There was a flash of irritation. ‘Yes, I know. You said in your text,’ he said. He looked about to leave but, with a sigh, he let his shoulders sink so he would appear suitably admonished. ‘Look, I won’t be long. You can tell me all about it later.’
Vikki turned without saying another word and it was Freya who waved goodbye to her daddy. In the living room, she was dismayed to find the floor covered in toys and crumbs. Rob had obviously let Freya do whatever she wanted to keep her quiet.
‘Are you hungry?’ she asked.
Freya pointed at the mess on the floor. ‘More bikkies, please!’
‘I don’t think so. How about you help me tidy up this mess and then we can have some fish fingers?’
‘And beans?’
‘Yes, and beans.’
‘Yay!’ Freya said, clapping her hands. ‘Me love beans, and chips, and ice cream, and Mr Tumble, and Daddy, and Peppa Pig, and Anna, and Elsa, and Olaf, and you!’
Vikki knelt down on the floor and began gathering up toys as Freya continued with a list of all the loves of her life. It was only when Vikki dared to put Olaf into the toy box that Freya stopped to take him back out.
‘No, me love Olaf best. Mummy give him a big kiss.’
Freya held out the toy and when Vikki looked up, the little girl’s smile wavered. Dropping the toy, she stepped closer and placed her sticky palm on her mother’s cheek. ‘No cry, Mummy,’ she told her.
Vikki wanted to say it was all right, that Mummy was happy and then give her daughter the biggest smile she could manage, but she dropped her head instead.
‘Would you like some help?’
Vikki didn’t know if it was guilt or kindness that had brought Rob back, nor did she care, she simply wanted him by her side. Not trusting herself to speak, she waited for him to kneel down beside her, and they cleared away the mess in silence.
‘Better now,’ Freya said. She still had a frown on her face.
‘All better,’ Rob agreed, and in a forced tone that was meant to be light, he said, ‘How about we put some music on and you can show Mummy the new dance we made up today?’
With their daughter preoccupied, Rob sat down on the sofa and pulled Vikki on to his knee. She rested her head on his shoulder.
‘Let’s try this again,’ Rob said. ‘How did you get on at the clinic today?’
‘I’m fine. We’re both fine.’
Rob wiped the tears from her cheek before trailing his fingers down her arm and across her thigh. He gently placed the palm of his hand against her abdomen. ‘Have you got a proper due date?’
‘Twenty-seventh September.’
‘Wow,’ he whispered.
‘Wow,’ she said, although she wasn’t quite sure why. Neither of them had sounded surprised or excited.
‘We said we would let things happen, and they have,’ he said. He hooked a finger under her chin and lifted her face towards him. ‘It’s what you wanted, Vikki.’
‘I know.’
‘And I don’t mean to sound harsh, but you have to stop sulking over the Tavistock job. It wasn’t meant to be, not yet,’ he said as kindly as he could. ‘If anything, doesn’t your reaction now prove you weren’t ready to take on something like that. Imagine how a burly builder would react if you started blubbing every time you didn’t get your way.’
‘But I wouldn’t,’ she said. ‘It’s just … It’s just my hormones.’
‘I know it is. And I’m not suggesting for a minute you can’t manage, of course you can, you’re about to be a mum of two.’ He drew her gaze to Freya, who was grinding crumbs into the carpet as she jumped and twirled. ‘And a far better parent than I am.’
She wished she had Rob’s certainty and wondered how life had become so confusing. It wasn’t always the case. Her dad had helped her map out her life from an early age, from the subjects she chose, the after-school clubs she should – and shouldn’t – attend, and what university course she should be aiming towards. It had taken Rob to make her see that she had been following someone else’s dream, and should make her own choices in life, and she had. Or had she? Was this really where she wanted to be?
‘It feels different this time,’ she said. ‘With Freya, it was all new and exciting, but now I know exactly what I’m taking on, what we’re taking on. Playing happy families is harder when you know it’s not a game.’
‘Tell me about it,’ he said. ‘Freya’s been driving me to distraction, asking why you were out so long. She was inconsolable, and that’s why I was so desperate to go for a run. But I’ll stay if you want me to. I’ll even make tea, if you don’t mind beans on toast.’
Safe in Rob’s arms, Vikki’s anxieties began to ease. ‘I’m afraid I’ve promised Freya fish fingers,’ she said, ‘and before you claim not to know how to cook them, you showed me, remember?’
‘I suppose I could jog on the spot while they’re in the oven.’
‘Oh for goodness’ sake, go on your run.’
Rob shifted along to the edge of his seat, sliding her off his knee in the process. ‘Only if you’re sure,’ he said.
Standing up, Vikki held out her hand and helped him to his feet. ‘Go, that’s an order. And when you get back, I’ll tell you who else I saw at the clinic.’
‘OK,’ he said, not in the least bit interested in anything except getting out of the living room before Freya noticed.
‘She was someone you’d recognize from Sedgefield High,’ Vikki said, casually offering another clue.
‘A student? Doesn’t surprise me,’ Rob said, having reached the door. ‘We should have a staffroom sweep for which students will be waddling down the corridors by the end of the year. You can spot them a mile off.’
Vikki waited until Rob had stepped out into the hall. ‘Would you expect Scarlett Carrington to be one of them?’ she called after him.
Rob poked his head around the door, his eyes wide. ‘Are you sure it was her?’
‘She looked right at me,’ she said. ‘But she was with another girl and they might not have even been there for an appointment. They could have been there for some other reason, but …’
‘But?’
Vikki bit her lip. ‘They did turn and run when they saw me, as if they had something to hide.’
‘Oh, shit.’
‘Do you think I should say something to Sarah? I thought maybe she could have a quiet word with Scarlett’s mum, but I don’t want to be a snitch.’
Rob leant against the door, his hand gripping the handle. ‘What if she’s going to have an abortion anyway? It’s not our secret to tell.’
‘She was at an antenatal clinic, Rob. Whichever one of them is pregnant, they were planning on keeping it.’
‘Then fine, tell Sarah. Someone needs to talk some sense into them.’
‘I know, but they’re what, sixteen? It’s their choice. Isn’t that what you’ve always told me? I wasn’t much older when I had to make some serious life choices. Would you have been happy if my mum and dad had said I was too young to get married?’
‘And would you be happy if it was Freya who got pregnant when she was still at school? Well, would you?’ Rob said, raising his voice in disbelief.
At the mention of her name, Freya made a beeline for her father, but Rob was too quick and retreated back out into the hall. ‘We’ll talk later, I have to go,’ he called out. The front door slammed, and he was gone.
Vikki didn’t give Scarlett another thought as she went into the kitchen to prepare dinner. Taking out a box of
frozen fish fingers, she wondered if she was that good a mum. Didn’t real housewives go out and buy fresh fish, cut them into goujons and cover them in homemade breadcrumbs? Would that give her more self-satisfaction in her chosen career? She wished it were that simple.
The sound of a phone ringing pulled Vikki from her musings and it felt strangely portentous that it should be Sarah calling.
‘Hi, Vikki, I hope I’m not disturbing you,’ she said and, presuming the answer was no, quickly added, ‘I wanted to let you know that we’ve had our offer on the Ellison House accepted.’
‘An offer? I didn’t even know you’d put one in.’
Vikki had been in the middle of sliding the grill pan under the heat, but it was catching on the runners and she pushed harder than she intended. The pan slipped and fish fingers rained down on to the bottom of the oven. She held back the curse which had as much to do with the news as it did the mess she had made. The Ellison project would be done and dusted before Vikki had a chance to recover from the birth of her baby.
‘I know it’s quick work, but once I get an idea in my head, there’s no stopping me. Look, you sound busy so I won’t keep you. Maybe we can meet up for coffee and have a little brainstorming session? I’ve tried talking to Miles about it, but he’s still sulking that I’ve jumped to another project when I haven’t even completed the last. I’ll admit it’s a bit of stretch but most of the houses on the other development have been sold off plan. I think I could stretch to paying you in Danish pastries for your time, if you’ll help.’
‘Oh, OK. I’d like that,’ Vikki said, and she would. But it would also hurt like hell.
‘Great, we’ll speak soon.’
Vikki’s mind raced as she wondered if she should mention Scarlett. Rob had a point about how she would feel if it were Freya. ‘Before you go,’ she said, ‘have you seen Nina lately?’
‘She’s enjoying herself in Rome as we speak.’
‘She didn’t take Scarlett with her, did she?’ Vikki asked, wondering if today had been a case of mistaken identity.
The Affair Page 17