Reaching out his hand, Bryn waited until Nina grasped it tightly. ‘I need you for lots of things,’ he said, ‘and if it’s not rushing you too much, do you fancy going out for dinner? Once you think it’s safe to leave the kids home alone, that is.’
‘Yes, oh please, yes, Bryn,’ she said, gasping it out on a sob. ‘I would love nothing better than to go on a date with you.’
He kissed her fingers and she warmed her hand against his lips.
‘We’re not disturbing you, are we?’
Nina had forgotten all about looking out for Elaine, but fortunately she had spotted them first. ‘We went to the park, but Freya launched the entire bag of food at the ducks in one go and now she wants feeding too.’
‘Me and Nanna gonna have chocolate cake.’
‘I didn’t want to take her home too soon,’ Elaine continued. ‘When do you think it’ll be safe to go back?’
‘I was hoping you would know,’ Nina said, blinking her tears away and searching Elaine’s face for answers.
Elaine shook her head. ‘I’m afraid not. Vikki has barely spoken since yesterday, other than to say that Rob did, you know …’ she began but became flustered.
‘I know,’ Nina said so the poor woman wouldn’t have to explain further. It was both sickening and reassuring to know that they had all reached the same conclusion. ‘I only hope Vikki can talk my obstinate daughter into bringing this sorry mess to an end. Please, take a seat.’
Elaine released a heavy sigh as she sat down.
‘Cake, Nanna!’
Rising quickly to his feet, Bryn towered over Elaine’s granddaughter. ‘And how about some hot chocolate to go with it?’
‘OK. Can I come too?’ Freya asked.
The trusting little girl reached up to take Bryn’s hand without hesitation and they disappeared inside the cafe. Despite the chill in the air, Nina’s insides glowed with love and pride for the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. It was only when her thoughts turned to Scarlett and what might be happening, that warm, fuzzy feeling disappeared and she leant over the table to give Elaine’s hand a squeeze.
‘I want to say how sorry I am for all the hurt we’ve caused.’
‘It’s not your fault, Nina.’
‘Isn’t it? Scarlett’s my daughter, my responsibility. I thought I’d done a pretty good job bringing the two of them up on my own, but apparently not.’
‘So what was my excuse?’
‘Sorry?’
Elaine played with the sleeve of her coat and took a while to answer. ‘Scarlett isn’t the only daughter who’s been keeping secrets.’
‘Vikki,’ Nina presumed.
‘I can’t claim to know everything she and Rob got up to, but the story about not dating until she had left school is wearing thin, don’t you think? More lies.’
‘Did you know she was seeing him back then?’
Horrified, Elaine said, ‘Good God, no. I didn’t know she was seeing anyone but, with hindsight, maybe I should have picked up the changes in her behaviour. She started going out more, allegedly with her friends, and her grades were slipping. She had extra lessons, of course.’
Nina didn’t need to ask who the lessons were with. ‘Apparently, Rob downgraded Scarlett’s tests so he could engineer their extra lessons.’
‘Oh,’ Elaine said, a blush rising in her cheeks, ‘what an utter bastard my son-in-law is turning out to be. I’ve been such a fool, Nina. If only my husband and I had tried to stop Vikki taking a gap year, or talked her out of marrying so young and giving up on her plans to go away to university. If only she’d got away.’
‘If only …’ Nina said. ‘Why do we always blame ourselves instead of, and I quote, that bastard son-in-law of yours?’
‘Oh, but I am guilty to some extent,’ Elaine said. She had her head in her hands when she added, ‘I think Vikki might have been persuaded to tell the police the truth about Rob when he was arrested, but I didn’t want her to. I didn’t even allow her to confess to me. I was too busy telling her she needed to salvage her marriage for the sake of the children. There would be all that horrible publicity and I’d …’ Again Elaine’s words failed her, but she wouldn’t remain silent. ‘I’d just got through cancer treatment and I thought I had a right to keep my family. I was scared that, if Rob was charged, Vikki might be forced to leave Sedgefield, and me. But what I came home to yesterday was the stuff of nightmares.’ Her head sunk lower and whatever image came to mind caused her to shudder. ‘I see him now for what he is, and what he’s done to my family, and yours.’
‘Why the hell don’t these girls see him for what he is?’ Nina muttered.
‘I’m pretty sure Vikki does now, and I only hope she’s strong enough to brave the storm that’s coming. If it’s not too much to ask, I hope our families can find a way to support each other.’
‘Absolutely,’ Nina assured her.
‘And Sarah too, perhaps? She might be exactly the role model Vikki needs, unless of course she would rather distance herself from all the scandal.’
‘I don’t think that would stop her. Sarah phoned me as I was leaving the house this morning, and I hope you don’t mind, but I told her what’s happened. She wants to help all she can. Sarah can be a formidable ally, but I warn you now, she does like to interfere.’
Bryn arrived a moment later, with Freya in his arms and minus the chocolate cake. ‘Sarah’s just phoned me.’
Nina was about to make a quip about speaking of the devil, but the look on Bryn’s face silenced her. She was rising to her feet as he continued.
‘The security guard at the building site spotted someone hanging around your house earlier, Elaine. He was on foot so all we have is a description, but Sarah thinks it might have been Rob,’ he said, mouthing the last word so that Freya didn’t pick up on it.
Elaine grabbed the phone she had left on the table in front of her.
‘Sarah’s already tried,’ he said, ‘that’s why she called me. I think she was hoping we were still at the house.’
Nina had that feeling again of having taken a step forward only to have Rob Swift push them back ten steps or more. There was no knowing how much advantage Rob could take of finding Scarlett and Vikki alone together. She dreaded to think, but she had a feeling she was about to find out.
‘Let’s get back,’ she said, breaking into a run and leaving the others to catch up.
Vikki couldn’t tear her eyes from Rob. His tears had quickly dried, leaving only a glint in his eye. He was waiting for Vikki to agree to the pact they were making, but the longer Vikki stared, the less she saw of the man she had married, the father of her daughter and the baby she had lost. The man in front of her was a liar and a cheat, and she hadn’t been taken in by the way he had expertly answered her questions without alienating Scarlett. She was almost tempted to applaud.
‘I thought I was doing the right thing. You were feeling vulnerable, I only wanted to make you feel better,’ Rob explained.
‘Oh my God, you swore on the baby’s life,’ Scarlett said. ‘Is that why it died?’
Rob’s face turned ashen. ‘What do you mean? Vikki?’
‘I lost the baby,’ Vikki said. She had wanted to sound cold, but there was a sudden rush of emotion that she couldn’t hold back. Her heart was full of horror and she wanted Rob to share the pain. ‘I saw it, Rob. I knew I was miscarrying and then, in the middle of the night, I went to the toilet and it just fell away. I stood there, looking down, and I thought about the life you had sworn on, and I had to flush away.’
She stood up and her body burned while her eyes remained ice-cold. ‘At first I was almost glad I was losing it. It was a part of you invading my body and I wanted it gone, but when it happened, there was no doubting it was a baby I’d lost. A tiny little thing that was being punished for your sins.’
Vikki walked past Scarlett to stand in front of Rob. She was reaching out her hand to him, precisely as he had wanted earlier, but she placed her palm firmly
on his chest and pushed. ‘So swear on your life this time, Rob. Swear you’ll do the right thing,’ she said, her voice growing louder and stronger. ‘Swear you’ll be true to me and leave schoolgirls like Scarlett alone.’ She pushed hard enough this time for him to stumble back. ‘And then fuck off out of my life.’
Rob’s eyes flew to the schoolgirl standing behind his wife. ‘Scarlett?’ he asked.
Before Scarlett could answer, the back door burst open and in a blur of movement Bryn grabbed Rob’s arm with one hand. The other was balled into a fist and struck Rob square on the jaw.
Scarlett
He didn’t kill himself, and I know I should sound relieved, but I sort of feel disappointed. He said he was nothing without me and he said he loved us both. So when he lost us BOTH, shouldn’t that have been unbearable? And he’d lost the baby too, after swearing on its life. If he was that heartbroken, why didn’t he jump in front of a bus or something?
I know that makes me sound like a right bitch, but that’s exactly what I am, and now I’m the one wishing I was dead. Mum wouldn’t care. I’m not saying she wouldn’t be upset if I died, but it would be so much easier for everyone. They could all get back to normal a lot quicker without me.
Bryn stayed over last night. After punching Rob, he’s everyone’s hero – mine too, if I’m honest, which is weird, because that was always supposed to be Rob. When Bryn knocked him down, I don’t think he would have got up again if Mum hadn’t been holding Bryn back. No one stopped Rob when he ran out of the house. I don’t think I was the only one who thought he would top himself, and maybe that’s why no one’s phoned the police yet.
Or it could be that they’re all waiting for me. Vikki said I should think through what we talked about and I can go back and talk to her again if I want. I sort of do. I sort of get what she was saying about how Rob convinced her that she wanted things even when she didn’t. I’m trying not to think about it though.
I have to go and speak to the police later, but I can’t tell them all that stuff, can I? It’s bad enough that they’ll expect me to talk about sex, how do I admit that I didn’t always want to do what Rob said I did? How stupid am I going to look? How can I explain that he had this way of making me do stuff, but not in an obvious way?
It was like what Vikki said about making a noise when they did it. He got me to do that too. He’d say how he could tell I was holding back and I should let myself go, so I’d be lying there making these stupid noises. And because I’d done it once, I couldn’t admit that I didn’t like doing it so I had to carry on. But how can you blame him for that when I was the one who was lying?
And yes, there was other stuff, stuff I actually hated, like, you know, putting it in places that hurt. But the next time, he’d say, ‘You really liked that, didn’t you?’ Sometimes I wouldn’t say anything, hoping he’d realize I didn’t want to do it again, but he’d smile and say there was nothing wrong in being a bit kinky.
I’m so confused now. I think I still love him, sort of, but it’s not fair. I was supposed to be special, but I’m not, am I? I was just there. Why are men so horrible? No way am I ever having sex again. How can I trust anyone that way? Not that I’ll get the chance, not for years and years probably. Even if Mum did decide to let me out of the house, I don’t have any friends left. There’s still Eva I suppose, but she’s going to be practically under house arrest too, and anyway, if she carries on going out with Liam, she’ll want to be with him, and if they do break up she’ll keep away from both of us. See? Even if I don’t kill myself, I’ll be dead anyway.
I keep asking myself how this happened. I was like all my other mates once, but not any more and not ever again. I’m – I’m spoiled goods. Even I don’t like me. I’m stupid, stupid, stupid. How could I not see how he was using me? All my life, Mum’s told me how clever I am, but I’m not, am I? I hate myself. I really hate myself. And being stupid isn’t the worst of it. I’m dirty and ugly and everyone hates me. I’m disgusting, and no, I won’t calm down!
I hate myself!
And I hate Rob too!
I hate him for turning me into this horrible person who lied to everyone, who didn’t care how much hurt I caused!
It’s all a mess and I can’t make things right. I can’t make that baby not dead and I can’t make my friends like me. I can’t make anyone like me. Nothing is going to be the same again.
I don’t know what to do.
‘Don’t you, Scarlett?’
Scarlett had drawn up her legs and curled herself into a tight ball on the padded chair. She had a box of tissues in one hand and a clump of damp used ones in the other.
‘I can’t,’ she said.
‘Can’t what?’
Scarlett didn’t answer immediately. It was the first time she had cried in front of her counsellor and now she didn’t seem able to stop.
Her counselling sessions hadn’t been what she had expected at all. There had been no cross-examination, no tricks to make her trip up like there were with the police. Mostly the counsellor let Scarlett do all the talking. At first, Scarlett had enjoyed shocking her by proving how worldly wise she was. The counsellor had never said she wasn’t, it was a conclusion Scarlett had reached all on her own.
‘I can’t tell the police what he did. And no, I’m not trying to protect him any more. I just don’t think I can do it.’
‘What’s stopping you?’
‘Nothing, it’s … it’s because I’m so pathetic,’ Scarlett said. She blew her nose, only to start crying again. She was looking past the counsellor to the closed door on the far side of the room. She wondered if her mum could hear her sobs.
‘Why do you say that, Scarlett?’
‘Because,’ Scarlett cried. ‘Because I’m scared. I’m scared that when everyone gets to hear what happened, no one will want anything to do with me ever again. I can’t do it, please don’t make me. Please.’
‘You know that’s not why I’m here. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to.’
‘I don’t like this,’ she said between sobs. ‘I just want my mum.’
Scarlett released fresh howls, but she wasn’t crying because she couldn’t testify against Rob. She was crying because she knew she would.
Nina had been sitting outside the counsellor’s office as usual. In recent weeks, there had been times when she had wanted to storm in there and push things along. She didn’t know how these things worked, but if what had happened to Vikki wasn’t enough to persuade Scarlett to testify against Rob, no amount of talking to a counsellor was going to change anything.
In some ways, it was a moot point. If Scarlett wasn’t prepared to give the police the evidence they needed to charge Rob, Vikki would be making a statement soon enough. Scarlett had one last chance to do the right thing and Nina was praying that she would.
Her daughter had been a beautiful baby with blonde curls and those startling eyes. As Nina had watched her grow into a young woman, she had presumed that they would remain best friends, and that Scarlett would always be able to share her deepest secrets with her. They had a bond, the kind that could never be broken and, despite everything, it was still there, or at least it was as far as Nina was concerned.
She didn’t want to lose her daughter. She loved her so much and she wanted to undo all the harm Rob Swift had done to her, but she didn’t know where to even begin.
‘Would you like a glass of water?’
The receptionist had noticed Nina crying before she had realized it herself. She took the proffered tissue and said, ‘No, I’ll be fine.’
Nina blew her nose, and then her ears pricked as she heard the sound echoing in another room. Was that Scarlett crying? Nina’s heart clenched when she recognized her daughter’s distant sobs. She stood up and this time she didn’t stop herself when she felt the urge to force open the door separating them. She walked straight into the counsellor’s office and the moment she opened her arms, Scarlett rushed towards her. Nina took a deep, juddering breat
h. She was getting her daughter back.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I often have a personal connection to the subject matters I choose for my books, and that would usually be the first thing I’d mention in my acknowledgements. However, I’m pleased to say that the issues contained in The Affair couldn’t be further from my own experiences; my main character Nina is simply living one of the many nightmares feared by any parent of teenagers. For me, those fears were never realized thanks in no small part to my daughter Jessica. I couldn’t ask for a better daughter, friend and confidante.
As always, thank you to my mum Mary, Lynn, Chris, Jonathan, Mick and the wider family, and to all my friends. Despite my promises, I still don’t meet up with you as often as I should, but I will do better – so no more surprise parties, Nee Parker! I would especially like to thank those friends who have helped with my research – by some strange coincidence, I’ve been introducing characters with jobs not dissimilar to the people I know (yes, that includes you Kathy Kelly). You have all been a part of my journey and I can’t begin to tell you how much I appreciate your support.
Thank you to my agent Luigi Bonomi who has played a key part in turning my love of writing into a career: my life continues to change in the most marvellous ways because of your guidance and support. I would also like to thank the fabulous team at HarperCollins including Kim Young, Jaime Frost and Katie Moss for their incredible support and belief, and I couldn’t be more thrilled that we’ll be publishing more books together in the coming years. There is one deliberate omission from that HarperCollins list and that’s because I would like to pay special tribute to my amazing editor Martha Ashby who deserves much of the credit for The Affair. I can honestly say that writing this book was a team effort, and our long chats gave the story and characters new depths that I could dive straight into once I caught my breath.
The Affair Page 33