He needed to thank her, and return her things. But more than that, he needed to tell her...things. About feelings and how empty he was without her and how, if she'd let him, he wanted to keep her safe always.
But before he did that, he needed some answers. And he knew exactly who to ask.
FORTY-SIX
Once the ship's doctor had set her arm, Audra flatly refused to stay in sickbay.
Jodi, the doctor, protested, "But I'd really like to keep you under observation, just in case – "
"I'll sleep in the same bunkroom as you, but I'm not sleeping here," Audra interrupted. "Last time I was in this ship's sickbay, it was my first time as an emergency medic and the patient had two shattered legs. I don't want to remember that, thank you."
Reluctantly, Jodi agreed, but only if Audra wore a sling that kept her arm secure across her chest while she was aboard the ship. If the ship ran into a storm, she didn't want Audra to risk doing even worse damage if her injured arm hit one of the bulkheads.
When the ship ran into a storm, Audra amended in her head as she accepted the sling. Not staying in sickbay meant taking less potent pain medication, too, but that could only be a good thing. The withdrawal symptoms after only one dose of morphine were bad enough – anything worse would put her back in sickbay where she didn't want to be.
Jodi showed her to her sleeping quarters, then asked Audra to join her in the mess hall for lunch.
Audra almost drooled at the selection of food on offer. She hadn't eaten anything that didn't come out of a dehydrated food package in weeks. She eyed off a particularly mouth-watering chicken parmigiana until she realised she couldn't cut it with her right arm out of action. Reluctantly, she chose the stir-fry instead.
Jodi sat with her. "I didn't realise you were the first responder to that American last year."
"He's Canadian," Audra corrected. "And I wasn't really. They didn't have a medic aboard the ship at the time, so they picked me up from Davis to help out until he could see a real doctor at Casey."
"Me. I spent last summer at Casey, and this summer at Mawson." Jodi took a bite of her chicken. "I remember him. He was a mess. I haven't seen anything that bad since I was working the Emergency Department as a med student and a guy got run over by a truck. So, do you know what actually happened to him?"
Audra swallowed a well-crunched snowpea. "Well, it wasn't a truck. He fell down a sinkhole on Heard Island. The place is riddled with lava tubes and he went through the roof of one. He said he had to swim out, and drag himself up the beach to an emergency hut to call for help."
Jodi gave a low whistle. "Wow, no wonder he looked so bad. By the time he arrived at Casey, I couldn't get anything sensible out of him. He kept calling me darling, or at least that's what I thought until I tried to contact his next of kin. Turned out his wife's name was Dairine. He thought I was her, and he was muttering about a baby. He even tried to kiss me once." She laughed. "Morphine makes people loopy, all right."
Audra managed a smile in response, but beneath it, her mind churned. So, did that mean he hadn't been trying to cheat on his wife when he'd grabbed her? He'd honestly believed she was the faraway Dairine when he'd tried to get her into bed? It didn't excuse him, of course, but it matched better with his behaviour ever since. It made him less of a dirty, cheating bastard who tried to force women to sleep with him and more of a...well, normal bloke who'd been away from his wife too long.
If it weren't for his wife, Audra might have reconsidered her resistance to his kisses on Valentine's Day. She might even have welcomed more. As it was...Audra sighed. She'd probably forgive him for mistaking her for his wife, and in the unlikely event that she ever saw him again, she'd thank him for taking care of her when she broke her arm. After all, he had carried her quite a way.
Whoever she was, Dairine was one lucky woman. She'd married a real, live romance hero, and Audra hoped she appreciated what she had.
FORTY-SEVEN
"Hi, this is Jean Pennant from McMurdo. Can I speak to Shelley, your Chief Meteorologist, please?" Jean waited for the woman at the other end to send someone searching for Shelley, but instead his call was transferred almost immediately.
"Hello, this is Shelley," she answered on the second ring. "Hello?"
"Ah, this is Jean Pennant. I'm a biologist. I was at Davis at the beginning of the season before heading out to Heard Island." He felt silly being such a coward and not blurting out his questions straight away, but he couldn't risk pissing the woman off and not getting any answers.
Her tone turned wary. "I remember you. Audra's roommate." A dangerous pause stretched before she added, "So, how is she?"
Jean sucked in a breath and blew it out. "She broke her arm."
"Yeah, I saw that. On the video. I also saw you were there."
He smiled mirthlessly. So someone had recognised him as the red blob in the boat. "Yes. It's about that, really. She wouldn't let me perform first aid. Do you know why that might be?" He'd bet his entire PhD scholarship that she did.
"Well, it's hardly surprising, is it?"
Jean froze. From the blasé way she spoke, it sounded like everyone knew about Audra's abusive past. Everyone but him, of course. "I guess not," he said slowly. "I mean, it's obvious someone's hurt her. She wouldn't say who, though."
It almost sounded like Shelley snorted. "She's too nice sometimes. But I'm not. I have no problems naming names, because no woman should have to go through what she has."
"So name them, then," Jean challenged, dying to know.
"I don't have to. It's all there in the video she took." Shelley sounded smug.
Jean only knew of one video. "The penguin one?" he guessed.
"Bingo."
She'd said something about her abuser in the video? He'd have to watch it the whole way through, instead of just the baby penguins.
"Ah, can you remind me?" he ventured.
That was definitely a snort. "Why, have you forgotten already? That's convenient."
"I wasn't there for all the video," he defended himself. "I was out in the boat for part of it, and I haven't watched it all."
"Not the video, you idiot. On the ship. The day you met her."
He'd hurt her? Was Shelley mad? There's no way he would've done anything to hurt Audra. He just didn't have it in him to hurt a woman, let alone do something that would leave her that scared that she'd refuse medical assistance.
"I don't remember anything of my time aboard the Aurora Australis that first time. Not Audra, not anyone. I was sedated on Heard Island and I woke up in a cargo plane," he said, desperate for her to believe him. "I couldn't have...I wouldn't...I..." He stopped. Protesting wouldn't get him answers. He'd done something, and he needed to know what so he could make it right. "Please tell me what happened."
So Shelley repeated the story Audra had told her, omitting no details to spare his feelings.
Jean had been a right asshole, he knew that now. It explained why she'd been so shocked to see him in her sleeping quarters at Davis, why she'd cringed away from their kiss, why she wouldn't let him touch her in that hut...It was a wonder Audra had deigned to speak to him at all, instead of having him arrested for what amounted to attempted rape the day they met.
Somehow, in his drug-addled brain, he'd mistaken the meteorologist for Dairine, and in his clumsy attempt to give his imagined ex-wife what she wanted, he'd ruined his chances with Audra. Now, more than ever, he had to see her, if only to apologise, and try to make amends for what he did.
He thanked Shelley, and ended the call as politely as he could. He had a plane to catch, and he had to find out where on Earth the port of Fremantle was, because Audra's icebreaker would dock in just over a week's time.
FORTY-EIGHT
Audra smoothed down the skirt of the dress she felt was way too formal for the deck of an icebreaker, or walking through the port city of Fremantle. She looked like she was dressed for a date, not for a doctor's appointment and a bunch of x-rays. She didn't have a choi
ce, though – her only other clothes were more suited to Heard Island and not a hot March day in Western Australia.
"I'm almost jealous," Jodi said. "That dress looks so much better on you than it ever did on me."
"I'll wash it and give it back to you, as soon as I've picked up some of my own clothes from home," Audra replied quickly. She'd made one phone call as the ship arrived in port, telling her family she'd be in Perth so she'd be home for dinner.
"No, you keep it. It never fitted me anyway."
"I'll pay you for it, then. Transfer the money through when I next get to a computer," Audra said.
"If you like." Jodi gestured for Audra to go first along the gangway to the wharf.
It felt strange to set foot on dry land again after weeks at sea, but Fremantle was as familiar as it had ever been. Fishermen lined up along the wharf, while a tourist in a souvenir cap topped with a garish kangaroo sat watching them from a bench in the shade of a crane. Audra breathed in the smells of home, and they were both strange and welcoming. She'd been away too long.
"C'mon, I called us a cab," Jodi said, pointing.
Audra followed her to the taxi, but her attention wasn't on the directions Jodi gave the driver. Instead, her eyes were fixed on the outside world, and everything she wanted to leave behind to return to Antarctica, if Jodi cleared her to go back to work.
Audra drifted through the x-rays and tests, answering some questions and letting Jodi handle the rest. They'd been through this already on the ship, so none of it was new until Jodi said, "This is healing nicely. Let's get this cast off and replace it with a brace."
That perked Audra up. "You mean I'll be able to shower properly again?"
Jodi laughed. "Sure. Oh, which colour would you like?"
Faced with a choice between camouflage and a bright polka-dot print, Audra picked the dots.
"That'll show up well against the ice," Jodi said.
Some time later, her arm feeling much lighter in her new brace and sling, they rode back to the wharf in another taxi.
"So, what's the verdict?" Audra asked finally.
"You'll probably be wearing that for three months, while you're on restricted duty," Jodi began.
Audra's heart sank. "So they'll probably give me a desk job in Head Office?" So much for the Midwinter dinner.
"I don't see why. Being the station meteorologist is mostly a desk job, anyway. You'll be restricted from doing most of the chores, though, and the rock-climbing wall will be off limits." Jodi grinned. "Most people would be happy to get a Head Office posting instead of wintering at one of the stations. Are you feeling all right?"
Audra breathed again. "I am now. Thank you. It'll be my first winter out there, and I've been told what to expect, but I've been looking forward to it. Maybe next summer I'll change my mind."
Jodi paid the driver and helped Audra out of the taxi. "Now, let's go get our stuff, so we can abandon ship and head home."
"Yeah." Audra looked up at the icebreaker, saddened at the thought that she wouldn't be travelling back to base on it. A new ship and a new adventure awaited, or maybe even a cargo plane, if Eric's predictions were true.
Then someone called her name.
Audra scanned the wharf, looking for the source.
Jean rose from the bench where he'd been sitting, pulling off his kangaroo cap. "I wasn't sure if it was you before, out of your expedition gear."
Jodi asked softly whether Audra wanted her to stay. Audra shook her head, so Jodi headed up the gangway and out of sight.
"What do you want?" Audra addressed Jean. Then, "What are you doing here?"
"I need to talk to you."
Audra didn't respond.
"About what happened on the ship." He paused, then added, "The day we met. What happened on the ship the day we met."
"I don't want to talk about it. In fact, I'd like to forget it ever happened," Audra replied, taking a step toward the gangway.
"Wait! Please. I need to apologise."
That got her attention.
"Why? After all this time, why do you suddenly need to do it now?" Audra asked.
Jean cleared his throat. "Because I only just found out last week." At her snort of disbelief, he continued, "I honestly don't remember anything about that ship." He jerked a thumb at the icebreaker. "I passed out in an Apple hut on Heard Island and I woke up in a cargo plane. I know it's no excuse, but I was so out of my mind with pain and drugs that I don't remember anything in between."
Audra wasn't sure whether to believe him or not.
"You've lived and worked with me for months. Have I ever not apologised when I've done something wrong? Straight away?" he asked.
One example stood clear in her mind. "You didn't apologise for that kiss."
He managed a sad smile. "That's because I'm not sorry I did that. It was an awesome kiss. Best Valentine's kiss I've ever had, bar none."
Audra blew out an angry breath. Men. They were all alike. Cheating, horny bastards who only wanted to get into her pants. She turned away.
"Please, Audra, wait! I'm sorry. I'm sorry for trying to force you to sleep with me on the ship. I'm sorry I didn't apologise the moment we met at Davis. I'm sorry I didn't remember the day I met you. And I'm sorry for any pain or trauma I caused you. I've never done anything like that before, and I never want to again. I'm sorry. You see, I must have thought you were – "
"Your wife, Dairine. I know," Audra interrupted. She stared into his anguished eyes for a moment before she nodded. "Don't worry about it."
"But...I hurt you. I swear, I never wanted to do anything to hurt you."
"Shelley told you, didn't she?" Audra read the confirmation in his expression, so she went on, "I didn't tell her everything."
Jean's eyes implored her. "Tell me. Tell me exactly what happened, and then tell me what I can do to make it up to you. I'll even buy you lunch while you do it."
Audra nodded and led the way to one of the nearby cafés. Though she wasn't really hungry, she ordered something off the menu and sat down with Jean at one of the indoor tables, where there was air conditioning.
She took a sip from her drink, and told him everything. From finding out she was needed on the ship to leaving him in Jodi's care at Casey. His eyes widened in surprise when she told him how she'd stabbed him, and that's when she believed him. Believed that he really didn't remember any of it, and that his apology was sincere.
A sudden thought occurred to her. "Did I do anything while I was on morphine? Anything that I don't remember?"
Jean drained his drink and gestured for the waiter to get him another one. "You snored."
Audra smacked his wrist. "I do not snore!"
He seized her hand. Her good hand. "All right, if you say so."
Sea ice eyes met hers, and Audra was momentarily lost. Mesmerised. How could such icy depths seem so warm?
"What are you doing this afternoon?" Jean asked.
"I'd planned to see if I could find any fresh mangoes, and eat as many of those as I can without being sick, then pick up some clothes to wear, before going to dinner at my parents' house."
Jean stared. "You mean this is your home town?"
"Yes."
"Can I come with you?"
Audra hesitated. "Why?" she said finally.
Jean lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. "Because I enjoy your company, and I've missed it. And because if this is your home town, you know it way better than I do. Without you, I'll be lost."
He's married! Audra screamed at herself in her head. He's married and it doesn't matter if he looks at you like that, he's not yours!
She yanked her hand back. "Maybe. First, I need to figure out what I'm going to do about money, seeing as I left Heard Island without my wallet or phone or even a spare pair of socks."
"I can help with that. I've got all your gear in my hotel room," Jean said.
Like that didn't sound dodgy at all.
He continued, "I've got your camera, too. I reall
y think you should – "
"Can you get them for me?" Audra interrupted.
"What, you mean go through your stuff to find your wallet and phone?" He looked stunned at the idea.
At least he hadn't pawed through her underwear. "They're in a pocket just inside the main section, sort of zipped to the back of the backpack. You'd just have to open it and you'll see it," Audra said.
"Or you could just come up and get whatever you need." He eyed her curiously, until realisation dawned in his eyes. "You don't trust me. After what I did when we met. I guess that's fair. I'm still willing to do anything you say to make it up to you for what I did."
"Just get me my things."
He gave her a mock salute. "Yes, ma'am. You want to come sit outside the hotel while you wait, or do you want me to meet you back here?"
Audra wasn't sure what she wanted any more. "Where's your hotel?" she asked.
Jean pointed. "Over by the fishing boat harbour with all the seafood restaurants."
A short walk from the wharf. "Okay, then," Audra said, gesturing for him to lead the way. But instead of heading for the sprawling, heritage building near the café strip, he turned toward the fishing boat harbour. Audra held her tongue until after they'd crossed the railway line and were approaching some of the seafood restaurants before she asked, "Are you sure you know where you're going?"
"Yeah," he responded cheerfully. "It's over there by the water."
Audra didn't remember any accommodation past the fishing companies. Surely it was just the seawall protecting the harbour. Was Jean sleeping aboard a boat?
Right near the end of Mews Road, where Audra could see nothing between her and the open ocean, Jean turned left. "This one's mine," he said.
To her surprise, he pointed at a row of two-storey apartments that Audra had never seen before. They didn't look new, either. "I didn't even know these were here," she marvelled.
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