She slumped down further in her seat. "I already told you, I'm not, Leon."
"But I need it for Leteesha!" he whined.
"Then save up your dole cheques and buy your own car." Audra sounded bone weary.
"But that's not soon enough. If you give me the money, I'll pay you back. I just need five grand. Davo down the road has this sick Skyline that needs a new engine, and he only wants a couple grand for it. Couple grand for the car, couple for the engine and a new paintjob, and I'll be able to get Leteesha back." His eyes glowed. "C'mon, sis."
"Don't you already owe her for the damage you caused to the car out front?" Jean asked, annoyed.
"Wasn't me," Leon whined. "And who the fuck are you? Stupid Yank."
Audra clamped a restraining hand over Jean's arm. "Jean's my friend from work. And he's Canadian, not American."
"Same difference," the boy sneered. "Go on, sis, give me the money. I know you got it."
"She's still not giving it to you," Jean snapped.
The boy backed down a little. "You her boyfriend, then, telling her what she can do with her money?"
Jean had had enough of this little punk. "Yes. And we're saving for a house, so we need every cent we earn for the deposit. Including the money you owe her." Under the table, he crossed his fingers. He'd be gone in a matter of days and she could tell them whatever she wanted then.
Leon turned his belligerent eyes on Audra. "That true?"
Audra swallowed. "Yes," she said softly, then more loudly, "Yes. It is."
"Where you buying, then? If Mum and Dad lose this place, we can all come and stay with you. There's a new housing estate being built just south of here, near the beach. That'd be good."
Jean barely managed to suppress a shudder. "Christchurch, in New Zealand. It's a lot colder then here, but it's closer to Antarctica." He slipped an arm around Audra's shoulders and felt her stiffen. "It's what we both want."
The front door clanged open and an older couple walked in, looking just as tired as Audra.
"Oh good, dinner," her father said, helping himself to some pizza, while Audra's mother rounded the table to give Audra a hug.
Her mother held out a hand to Jean. "You must be Audra's boyfriend. I'm Jolanta."
Too late Jean realised he still had his arm around Audra. "I'm Jean-Pierre." He shook hands with the woman. "I headed up the Heard Island expedition with Audra for my PhD research."
She nodded with what Jean hoped was approval. "Not bad."
Audra's dad stuck out his hand. "I'm Lukas. I hope you have better luck getting Audra to settle down than we have. She spends far too much time and money travelling around, when she should be saving it. Jobs can vanish like that." He snapped his fingers.
Audra shrugged off Jean's arm. "Dad, I've only been travelling for work. They pay me for it. Which reminds me, I should get some of my summer clothes while I'm here. I only brought winter ones with me, and they're too hot for March." She rose and disappeared in the same direction her sister had gone.
Jolanta settled into Audra's seat. "So, Jean-Pierre. What sort of research do you do?"
FIFTY-TWO
Audra stepped into the bedroom she and Sam had shared for more than fifteen years and didn't recognise it. "Where is everything?"
Sam glanced up from her computer – Audra's old laptop. "When you moved out, I bought a desk at the local op shop and the boys helped me move your bed out so I could fit the desk in here."
"What about my clothes?" Audra asked, opening the wardrobe door. Nothing inside was hers.
"The boys moved your stuff to the garage."
"Even the boxes I sent from Melbourne?" Audra persisted.
Sam nodded. "Everything. You know how cramped it used to be in here. If I'd moved out first, you'd have spread out, too."
Audra's mouth was dry. She'd counted on staying here tonight, but there was nowhere for her to sleep. It wasn't home any more. Her words from earlier, come back to haunt her. "The garage. Right."
She strode through the house, managing a smile for Jean and her parents as she headed for the back door. The garage was full of spiders and junk they didn't want any more. Her books, her clothes, her...everything she owned that wasn't at Davis was now in the garage, if one of their dodgy neighbours hadn't stolen it.
Audra flicked on the light, holding her breath as she worried about what she'd find. She exhaled in relief as she spotted the two boxes of clothes she'd mailed from Melbourne last spring, looking a little dusty but still sealed. Underneath those, it was a different story. A collection of water-stained boxes and garbage bags that hadn't been there before filled her with dread.
Waiting would only make matters worse, she told herself as she reached for the nearest bag. She laughed when she realised it held nothing but tinsel. Not her things at all.
None of the bags held her stuff, she discovered, which made her turn her attention to the boxes. A little water probably wouldn't have damaged her clothes, but her books were a different matter. Cautiously, she opened the first one. It was mostly full of books, except for a couple of items of clothing on top. Smiling, Audra pulled out the ball gown she'd worn to her Year 12 formal. She'd been the only girl in white, and while she hadn't won Belle of the Ball, she knew she'd looked good. She hadn't gained much weight since then, either, so it should still fit...
Audra held the dress up against her and looked down. A deep purple blotch spread across the fabric, like someone had spilled wine or ink down the front. A quick glance at the box told her the culprit – the dark cover of a book that had evidently been soaked through at some point in the past, bleeding through her dress until it had killed that, too.
Letting the ruined dress slip from her fingers, Audra dropped to her knees, desperate to check her books, but the further down she got, the worse they became. Covers had run and bled; pages pulped together until the books resembled papier mâché bricks. Textbooks. Fiction books. Her high school yearbook...
Her family had left her most precious possessions out here in the rain to rot.
A tear trickled down Audra's cheek, followed by another. She swiped them away. It was just stuff. It didn't matter. Not really. Except that...it did. It really, really did.
"Hey, are you all right?" Jean's voice cut through her self-pity.
Audra rose, praying that it was too dim in the garage for him to see her tears. She nodded. "I'm fine. I was just looking for a few things, and I think the roof might have sprung a leak, because some of them..." More tears filled her eyes and she had to stop talking to focus on blinking them back.
Jean's eyes landed on the open box. "Hey, is that your high school yearbook?"
That did it. Audra burst into tears.
Jean's strong arms encircled her, pulling her against his chest. Safe. She felt safe. For the first time in how long? Too long.
Since he'd carried her in his arms on Heard Island, her memory piped up. Carried her and protected her and cared for her like no one else had.
Gradually, Audra became aware of Jean's voice, murmuring, "It'll be all right. If there's anything I can do, just tell me. I'll help. I swear I'll help. Anything. Just tell me."
Audra choked back a sob. "I can't stay here. I need to go. And I need to take anything that isn't already damaged, before it gets wrecked, too."
"What do you need me to carry?"
She pointed at the Melbourne boxes. "Just those two."
"Consider it done." He hefted one in his arms and carried it through the gate to his car, followed by the other one. "Anything else?"
She wished there were, but Audra shook her head. "That's all."
"Do you want to head back to Fremantle, to the hotel?" Jean asked.
She could sleep in a hotel. It wouldn't be cheap, but it was only for a couple of nights. She could afford it. Audra nodded.
Jean offered her his arm. "Let's go say goodbye to your family, then, and I'll drive you back. You've had a rough day, and I bet your arm hurts."
He was
right. Perfectly, wonderfully right. If only he wasn't already married to someone else. Audra smothered a sigh and headed inside with him. It was time to say goodbye.
FIFTY-THREE
Jean parked the car outside the hotel and they both got out.
Audra began, "Thank you for – "
"Want to come up for a drink?" he asked. "I know what it's like to have your past stuffed into a garage for storage. Forgotten. Only one step away from going into the garbage, like you don't matter any more, when you do."
Audra sighed, dropping her gaze to the pavement. "I want to, more than you know, but I really shouldn't."
"We're both adults, capable of making our own decisions. What your family thinks about it doesn't matter," Jean said.
She bit her lip. "But what about your family?" She raised her eyes, which were full of hurt. "What would your wife say if she knew you were asking strange girls up to your hotel room for a drink?"
Jean barked out a laugh. "My ex-wife lost the right to say anything about what I do with my life the day she filed for divorce. When she shoved what remained of my possessions into boxes that she hid in a garage. That'd be about two years ago, now. So if she did have anything to say, it'd be along the lines of how it's about time I moved on, seeing as she's remarried and all. They've got kids, too. Twins."
Audra gaped. "You're divorced?"
He managed a smile. "You know, I think this is the first time I've ever been happy about it. Yes. I'm divorced. I was already divorced the day I fell through a sinkhole on Heard Island and broke both my legs; I was divorced as I swam through a lava tube and across Atlas Cove back to camp, chanting my ex-wife's name like a mantra, because, like the fool I was, I believed she loved me as much as I loved her, and that she wanted me home. I was divorced the day I first met you on the Aurora Australis, though I don't remember it, and I was divorced for the months I spent recovering in New Zealand while the doctors and medical staff did their damnedest to get me to walk again. But I didn't know until I arrived home in Vancouver, and walked into my ex-wife's house, to find her married to another man and carrying his child. Children, even."
Tears sparkled in Audra's eyes. "But why?"
"I never did ask her that. I figured it was too late to do anything about it, by the time I found out." As he stared into Audra's eyes, Jean realised he'd made a mistake in not asking. "Maybe I should. I don't want to mess up that badly again. Especially not with you." He pulled out his phone, thanking whatever powers of the universe had made sure he had Dairine's phone number for this moment, and made the call.
The phone rang four times before she picked up. "Hello?"
"It's Jean. Please, Dairine, don't hang up. I know you don't want anything to do with me anymore, and that's fine, but I have the right to know why."
Dairine sounded uncertain. "Why?"
"Because I've met another woman who means the world to me, and I don't want to make the same mistake twice." Jean saw Audra's eyes widen, but he ploughed on. "You don't even have to talk to me. Tell her. I'll hand the phone to her so you can say whatever you like. Dairine, my ex-wife, this is Audra." He thrust the phone at Audra.
Audra gingerly took it and placed it by her ear. "Ah, hello? I'm Audra."
FIFTY-FOUR
"You're Jean-Pierre's new girlfriend?" an Irish voice demanded.
Audra was momentarily tongue-tied. She'd expected a Canadian accent like Jean's, not an Irish one. "Ah, not yet. I thought he was married until about five minutes ago. I just asked him what happened to make you divorce him, and...he called you."
Dairine laughed. "So he's still a coward, is he? Doesn't like a direct confrontation. Still walking away from his responsibilities. All right, I'll tell you, and it'll serve him right when you break it off, too."
Audra stiffened, not liking Dairine at all. Perhaps divorce had been a lucky thing for Jean. Audra wet her lips. "Thank you," she said, forcing herself to be polite. After a moment's thought, she hit the speakerphone button so Jean could hear her, too.
"Jean-Pierre Pennant walked out on me to follow a dream. I told him not to call me and not to come back if he meant to go to the ass-end of the world and leave me alone. He left, so I filed for divorce."
Jean nodded, his eyes downcast.
"But was that all?" Audra persisted. Was it such a crime for a man to follow his dream? To go out and do what it took to get his PhD in one of the most hostile environments on Earth?
"What do you mean, was that all? He promised to take care of me. To get a job where we could live near my family. To give me children!" Dairine insisted.
But while he was following that dream, he was bettering his education, so he could get the sort of job where he could take care of a family, Audra wanted to scream at the woman.
"I would have given her all those things, if she'd let me," Jean said softly. "It was only one more year to wait, until my doctorate was done."
"Selfish, that's what he is. He'll do the same to you," Dairine continued, as if she hadn't heard Jean.
"Did he cheat on you?" Audra persisted.
"I'll say he did! He may have married me, but he gave his heart to those birds. Those bloody birds at the bottom of the world!"
Bestiality with a penguin? Didn't the woman know how bad they smelled?
A burst of laughter threatened to escape, but Audra managed to smother it in time. "I mean...with a woman? Or a man?"
"Are you trying to tell me he cheated on me with you?" Dairine demanded.
Audra drew a deep breath. "No, I'm not. I didn't meet Jean until after you were divorced, or so he tells me." Their first meeting loomed in her mind, pushing her to ask the question worrying her the most. "Did he...was he ever violent toward you?"
Dairine laughed again. "That coward? He wouldn't hurt a single, living thing. Not even bugs in the house. Instead of killing spiders like any normal person would, he'd catch them and carry them outside so he could release them. Besides, if he'd dared raise a hand against me, my brothers would have killed him."
Audra's breath hissed out in relief. "Thank you."
"You're welcome. And I'll tell you something else for free, so you don't make the same mistake I did. Jean-Pierre Pennant isn't worth your time. One day he'll be telling you he loves you and wants to give you the world, but the next day, he'll be gone, chasing a bird or some more letters after his name. If you make him choose between the birds and you, the birds will win. So save yourself some heartache and run while you can, before you start believing his lies. He loves himself and his precious research first, and you'll be lucky to come a distant second. If you turn your back for just a moment, he'll run off to the ends of the Earth to chase some new discovery, leaving you high and dry. Don't let him do it to you."
The faint sound of a baby's wail came through the phone.
"That'll be Thomas. I have to go. Run, you hear me, girl? Run while you can." Dairine ended the call.
Audra handed Jean back his phone.
"She's right," he said sadly. "I'm just a PhD candidate now. And then there's my postdoc, which could be anywhere. Biological research involves fieldwork, and I chose a field where – "
Audra pressed a finger to his lips to silence him. "I have one more question for you. How many girls have you invited to share your room for the night since you married her?"
Jean swallowed. "One. Just you, tonight." He paused. "And no men, ever."
Audra laughed softly. "I think I will come up for that drink. And maybe whatever else you implied in your invitation."
Jean held up his hands. "I'm only offering you drinks, I swear."
Audra met his gaze squarely. "Well, after tonight, I think we both need a drink. A big one."
FIFTY-FIVE
Jean keyed open the apartment door, gesturing for Audra to enter first.
Without waiting for an invitation, she seated herself on the couch. "We both know she's wrong, right?"
The door slipped out of Jean's fingers and slammed harder than he'd intended.
"What?"
"When you had to decide between me and your research out on Heard Island, you chose to help me instead of continuing to count your penguins. Even when you knew it might be your last chance to finish your research. The selfish arsehole your ex-wife described wouldn't have bothered to help me. At least, he wouldn't have until he was finished with his task. And you're not a coward, either." Audra took the shot glass Jean handed her and gulped the contents.
And choked.
Jean leaned forward to pound her on the back. "You okay?"
"Fine," Audra said, coughing. "It's that god-awful whisky again, isn't it?"
Jean nodded. "Cost me a damn fortune, but I'm not going back to Antarctica without it."
Audra nearly choked again at his words. "You're going back?"
"Just like she said. We had to make a few concessions to get me a spot on this year's Heard Island expedition. One of them involved me spending the winter at Davis as its botanist, taking care of the hydroponics. My research supervisor said it would give me plenty of time to finish my thesis without distractions." He met her eyes. "I fly out in two days. That's why all I can offer tonight is drinks, because you deserve so much more than a one night stand. I know I can't ask you to wait for me, but – "
"Enough of the self-sacrifice shit, bird-boy. Women can spend the winter in Antarctica, too, you know. And I'm willing to bet you a whole bottle of that horrible whisky that we'll be on the same flight south."
"But...but...your arm..." Jean floundered.
Audra held up her brace. "Broken. Yep. But fixable. And it's not enough to get me out of the work roster back at base. The boys on the icebreaker told me the only reason they brought me here to Fremantle is because they were due here for repairs and didn't have time to detour to one of the mainland bases to drop me off. They're shipping me back on the next flight south, so Shelley can go home. I'm the winter meteorologist at Davis Station this year." She smiled. "I get a nice payrise for it, too."
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