by Croix, J. H.
“Kind of hard to figure out the ‘not living’ here part of that equation. But I’m curious…a couple of people have mentioned that Nathan hasn’t been out much lately. He blows it off, but what’s that about?” Tess asked.
Hannah gave her a sharp look before responding. “Well, like I said, Nathan’s a flirt. He used to be on the local bar scene more often. He’s not a heavy duty partier, just used to run with the fun crowd. I can’t say why, but he’s laid pretty low for the last year or so. In a town like Diamond Creek—small and nosy—people notice things like that. He tended to keep things casual with women. Come to think of it though, he hasn’t dated anyone, even casually, in a while. Luke says Nathan has never been the way he is with you. So, make what you will of that, but I hope you don’t think Nathan makes a habit of getting involved with women the way he has with you. It’s pretty obvious you mean a lot to him.”
Tess felt warm all over, a flush blooming from the inside. Her heart did a little jig at Hannah’s words. Much as she didn’t want to admit it, she was in deep with Nathan. Just as she allowed this feeling to wash over her, the familiar defenses she’d built jostled for attention. What was she doing falling for a man that she had no practical chance with, given the geography of their circumstances? And shouldn’t she be worried about the fact that she was probably just a novelty to him? Once the haze of lust faded, what would happen? Though she didn’t like to think about it, Chad had been handsome and charming at first. What had seemed wonderful at first left a bitter taste now.
Tess gave her head a hard shake. Hannah waited quietly, seeming to realize that Tess needed a moment. Tess could imagine she and Hannah would be good friends if they lived near each other. Hannah was down to earth, easy going, practical and kind.
Tess looked at Nathan again. Even at a distance, he was handsome. She caught the flash of his teeth, which she loved, as he laughed at something Travis said. Turning back, she blushed when she realized she was fawning over Nathan like a teenage girl.
“I don’t know what to do,” Tess said, her voice sounding as confused as she felt.
Hannah nodded slowly. “Look, I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know you all that well, but I like you. I think you should just try to stop worrying and enjoy what you can with Nathan. There’s no way to know what could happen in the future. He’s totally into you and you’re into him. Enjoy the moment. I realize that might sound corny but it fits.”
Much as Tess wanted a better answer than that, particularly the part of her heart that was scarred from her failed relationship with Chad, she knew it was the only answer for the moment. Or the only answer that didn’t mean pushing Nathan away. As strong as the urge to do that was, the feeling that existed between her and Nathan was stronger.
“It is corny, but I see your point,” Tess said, nibbling the inside of her cheek. “As for the future…I guess I’ll just take it a day at a time.”
“If you need to talk some more, I’m here,” Hannah said. “Consider me your Alaskan go-to friend,” she said with a smile. “But, for now, we’ve got more fish to deal with.” Hannah stood and grabbed the fish whacker leaning against one of the coolers as she strode off to meet Luke at the edge of the water. Nathan and Travis were close behind Luke, dragging their nets through the water.
***
Tess stood at her hotel window looking out over the bay. Wind blew the rain sideways, creating a mist over the water. She had just returned from having an early dinner with her family. The sunny afternoon was long gone. The sky had clouded, wind, rain and much cooler air fast on its heels. With a sigh, she turned away from the window, sitting on the edge of the bed. They were flying out in two more days. Tess recalled that when her father had been planning this trip and her mother hounding her to come with them, she’d been worried that spending three weeks in a tiny town in Alaska would be too long. She’d never have expected to be wishing she had more time and certainly not because of a man.
Since the day she’d gone dipnetting with Nathan and his brothers, she’d abandoned any attempts to hide her fling with him from her family. She’d realized that she’d have far less chances to see Nathan if she tried to keep their relationship hidden. Her mother had been surprisingly well-behaved about the whole thing, only occasionally did her enthusiasm bubble over in public.
In the last week, Nathan had spent almost every night with her at the hotel. The nights were a blur of passion, tinged with a level of closeness that alarmed Tess if she let herself think about it. Early this morning, in the soft light of dawn, she’d woken curled on her side; Nathan spooned behind her, one hand curled on the underside of her breast, his palm warm against her bare skin. She remained still for a moment, luxuriating in the feel of being surrounded by his warmth. She breathed deeply, trying to inhale the moment. Nathan had woken, mumbling Tess, mmm into the back of her neck. She pressed her hand against the one that lay against her breast and held it tight, tears pushing against her closed eyelids.
Nathan’s body tensed in a shivering stretch behind her before relaxing and curling more closely against her. Nathan nibbled on her neck, his lips tracing down her neck onto her shoulder. His warm hands skated across her body in light strokes, the roughened texture of his palms a soft abrasion that set her nerves afire. He slipped beneath the sheets, parting her thighs, his tongue delving into the center of her. Half-awake, Tess tumbled into the heat that flared between them. She climaxed in a burst against his mouth, gasping his name. He slid up her body, his lips leading the way, taking her mouth in a deep kiss, his tongue stroking into her mouth just as he slid his cock into her slick channel. He stroked in and out of her, again and again in a controlled pace. Tess became frantic against him, lifting her hips to meet his, urging him deeper and deeper. Nathan didn’t break from the slow kiss until she came apart in his arms again, her orgasm so intense, it brought tears to her eyes. His forehead resting against hers, Nathan had followed her over the edge with one final thrust.
Just thinking about those moments brought a flush all over. Tess bit her lip and wondered just how she was going to handle the end of this time with Nathan. She’d taken Hannah’s advice and thrown herself into enjoying the moments with Nathan. She kept trying to convince herself that this time with him would stay encapsulated here in Diamond Creek once she returned to North Carolina. As the days and nights passed, it was getting harder to believe. She feared she’d made herself too vulnerable.
A sharp knock on her hotel door broke into her train of thought. Opening the door, she found her mother waiting.
“Hello dear, let’s go downstairs for a drink,” Celine said immediately.
Before Tess had a chance to respond, her mother had slipped her hand through her elbow and was tugging her into the hallway.
“Okay, okay, Mom. Can I get my purse?” Tess asked with a small laugh, slipping her arm out of her mother’s grasp.
Moments later, they were seated at a table by the windows that faced Kachemak Bay. The rain was blowing against the windows, obscuring any view. The weather suited her mood, a combination of dreary and chilled. Celine had ordered a bottle of red wine.
Once they were served, Celine sipped her wine, looking thoughtful.
“What, Mom?”
“What do you mean?” Celine parried.
Tess gave an exasperated sigh. “You dragged me down here for a reason, so let’s not bother with small talk.”
Celine smiled ruefully. “I lost the ability to trick you when you were a little girl. Not like your brother. I can still sweet talk him.” Celine paused and looked over at Tess, her eyes concerned. “Honey, you know how happy I am that you’ve actually let yourself have a little fun.”
Tess nodded, gesturing with her hand for her mother to continue. She was impatient and anxious; she wanted this conversation over. She’d known it was coming because her mother could only keep her opinions to herself for so long.
“I’m thrilled to see you spending time with Nathan. I couldn’t have pi
cked a better guy for you. When he joined us for dinner the other day, it’s obvious he adores you. And obvious that you’re trying as hard as you can not to let it show that he might matter more than just a little. Much as I don’t want to worry about you, I’m worried that you’re going to try to convince yourself to forget all about Nathan when you go back to North Carolina. That’s a mistake.”
Tess took a gulp of wine. “So, you think it’s great that I’m having a fling, but you think I shouldn’t forget about him when we go home? Mom, I kinda have to,” Tess replied. She couldn’t bring herself to say aloud that she could hardly bear to consider keeping the door to her heart open. The only way she was getting through the intensity of her feelings for Nathan was by telling herself over and over and over that it was temporary. Because it was.
Celine shook her head. “Honey, you don’t have to. If something’s worth it, at least leave the door open for there to be a chance. I may be a romantic, but I’m not stupid. I’m not sayin’ that being clear across the country is a good way to start a relationship. Just that I don’t want to see you pretend Nathan doesn’t mean anything to you. Who knows? Maybe he’ll visit you in North Carolina. Maybe you’ll come back to Diamond Creek again. Lord knows, your father would be thrilled to come back. Just…just don’t close yourself up. That’s all, that’s what I’m worried about.”
Tess’s throat tightened with emotion. In her warm drawl, her mother was asking Tess to do the one thing she just didn’t know if she could. What lay between her and Nathan was a curveball she hadn’t expected. After the disaster that was her relationship with Chad and the way she’d felt about herself as a result, she had promised she wouldn’t be stupid again. And here she was—falling for a guy where the geographic obstacles were large enough that the only way she could tolerate saying goodbye was by keeping her head and heart clear about what this fling was—temporary insanity.
“Mom, you’re worried. I get it. Let me do what I gotta do here. Nathan is great, but I can’t go home thinking something might come of it. I just can’t,” Tess said, flinching a little at her tone—hearing the tinge of desperation in it.
Celine pursed her lips, absently twining her necklace around her fingers, a thin chain of silver with a single amethyst set in silver. She wore matching earrings, the bright amethyst coordinated with a purple silk blouse, her silvery curls a contrast to the deep color. Celine nodded slowly. “Okay, I won’t bother you about this for now, but no promises that I won’t bring it up later.”
Tess started to protest, but Celine held her hand up. “You might not like it, but I know you pretty darn well. Watching you shut down after what happened with Chad made me sad. I just don’t want to see you wall yourself off even more over something good, like what you have with Nathan. I’m done…I’ll keep out of it for now,” Celine said with an emphatic nod. “Shall we talk about the weather?” she asked with a soft chuckle.
Tess sighed. She knew her mother meant well. It was just that her feelings were churned up enough already. She didn’t have the emotional wherewithal to try to keep a door open in her heart when it was going to be a hell of a lot harder than she could ever have anticipated just to say goodbye to Nathan.
Tess looked over at her mother, taking in the kindness in her gaze. She knew it was hard for her mother to let this lie for now. “Mom, I get where you’re coming from. I do. I might be able to talk about it later, just not now. Not while we’re still here in Diamond Creek, and I’m trying to figure out how to deal with Nathan.”
Celine nodded slowly and took a sip of wine. “Of course. I think Nathan’s worth the trouble. He’s damn handsome,” she said, a twinkle in her eyes.
Tess gave a soft laugh. “That he is.”
Celine deftly steered the conversation onto safer topics. Tess allowed herself to stop dwelling on Nathan and just enjoy the time with her mother.
***
An hour or so later, Tess quietly closed her hotel door and leaned against it, sliding to the floor. She was tipsy from the wine. She slipped her phone out of her purse and glanced at the blank screen. She’d expected Nathan to call by now. He and his brothers had a guiding trip scheduled today. While their return times varied, she figured they would have headed back hours ago based on the rain and wind.
The phone vibrated in her hand, an unfamiliar number flashing across the screen. The area code was the only one for Alaska. She answered promptly.
“Tess?” Hannah asked.
“Yes?” Tess asked in return.
“It’s Hannah. Just wondering if you’ve heard from Nathan.”
A knot of anxiety formed in her belly. “No, no I haven’t. Have you heard from Luke?”
There was a long pause. “Wish I could say that I had. I expected them back about an hour ago,” Hannah said slowly, her worry evident in her voice. “I was hoping you’d have heard from Nathan by now.”
A flash of panic reverberated through Tess’s body, her chest became tight, her breath short. Forcing herself to stay calm, she remained still, seated on the floor, her back against the door. “Is there something we should do?” she asked, her anxiety blooming, her stomach hollow.
Tess heard Hannah speaking to someone else, her voice muffled. “I just asked my friend, Susie, to call down to the harbormaster and see if he’s heard anything. Where are you?”
“I’m at the hotel where we’re staying, Midnight Sun Lodges.”
“Why don’t Susie and I come down there? I’m sure it’s nothing. They probably just got slowed down by the weather. I’d like to be by the harbor though so we can help unload when they get in,” Hannah said.
“Sure, meet me here. I’ll go get us a table in the lounge,” Tess replied.
The tipsy feeling she’d had when she got to her room had disappeared with a rush of adrenaline and worry. She may not have known Hannah that long, but she knew Hannah wasn’t one to overreact. If Hannah was calling, wondering where Luke and his brothers were, it was well past time that they should be back. Standing, Tess walked to the windows and looked out into the misty, gray sky. It was late evening now, but still light and would be for another few hours. The visibility was beyond poor. Tess could barely make out the shape of the walkway that led from the hotel to the beach. The rain was falling at a drenching pace, and the wind drove the rain sideways. She didn’t like thinking how it must feel to be out on the water in weather like this—cold, wet and miserable.
Moments later, Tess returned to the lounge where she’d just been with her mother. The waiter gave her a questioning look when he came over. “Didn’t I just see you?” he asked with a smile.
“Oh, just meeting a friend while we wait for someone to get in from fishing,” she explained.
The waiter, a slender young man with stick-straight brown hair and matching brown eyes, gave her a sharp look. “Hope they make it in soon. Pretty bad weather to be out,” he said.
The anxiety that Tess had been trying to keep at bay reared up, her chest tightening with worry for Nathan and his brothers. “It’s not good out. They have a lot of experience though, so I’m sure they’re just delayed,” she said.
“I’m sure they’ll make it in, just bad weather to be out,” the waiter offered.
Much as Tess wanted another glass of wine to dull the sharp edge of her anxiety, she thought it best to be able to think clearly, so she ordered coffee. Hannah arrived with her friend, Susie, and another woman, who bore a clear resemblance to Hannah. Susie was a tiny burst of energy. She had wild brown curls that she kept carelessly pushing out of her face and bright brown eyes to match. She was an amusing contrast to Hannah, barely reaching Hannah’s shoulder. Hannah quickly introduced Tess to Susie and Emma who turned out to be Hannah’s sister. Emma shared Hannah’s blue eyes and long, dark hair with less curl to it. She was somewhat reserved, although in comparison to Susie, almost anyone could seem reserved.
“Now would be the time that we should down a bottle of wine, but we need to keep our wits about u
s,” Susie said wryly. “Nice to meet you, by the way,” she continued with a nod to Tess. “I’ve been wondering who Nathan fell for. That man is gaga over you. Which is saying something because I’ve never seen Nathan like this about any woman.”
Tess was startled, but she couldn’t even assuage the curiosity Susie’s comment elicited. She was too worried about Nathan. The waiter arrived, promptly serving them coffee. While he was pouring coffee, Tess recalled that Hannah had asked Susie to call the harbormaster.
“Any news from the harbormaster?” Tess asked.
Hannah shook her head, her eyes worried. She absently tucked her long dark hair behind her ears and took a sip of coffee.
“Harbormaster said they were scheduled to return two hours ago. The good news is that they didn’t radio that they were having problems. The bad news is that they didn’t radio anything, and they’re two hours overdue,” Susie said. She gave Hannah’s hand a quick squeeze. “I know you’re worried, but this is Alaska. Weather like this is pretty common. I’m sure they’re just delayed because of poor visibility.”
Hannah nodded. Emma slid an arm around Hannah’s shoulders and gave her a squeeze. Tess didn’t know what to say or what to do. Her hands curled tightly around the mug of coffee, the warmth grounding her. With all the questions that had been tumbling through her mind about Nathan, her doubts felt insignificant and silly now. Try as she might, she couldn’t help but worry that something had gone horribly wrong in this weather. He meant far more to her than any man ever had. While she still didn’t know what to do about the geographic distance between them, she knew she loved him. Worry tightened her chest, a flash of panic bubbling. While part of her tried to stay calm, she was terrified that she would lose the chance to let him know how she felt.