by Croix, J. H.
Deanna pursed her lips. “Don’t you dare think about letting this get in between you and Nathan.”
Tess sighed. “Dee, I know you want me to ride off into the sunset with Nathan…” Deanna’s emphatic nod brought another laugh out of Tess before she continued “…but it’s not that simple. It never was. Yes, he’s amazing and we have tons of chemistry, but the only option for us to be more than a fling or a long distance relationship is for me to move to Alaska. I’m not sure about uprooting my whole life just yet.”
Deanna gave her a considering look and nodded. “I could’ve predicted you’d say that. I know how you deal with pressure so I’ll leave it be for now. Let me just say this—don’t be stupid.”
The bathroom door swung open again. Theresa entered, her shoes tapping on the floor. She immediately walked to Tess and gave her a swift hug. “Don’t you worry about this. John and I have already made the rounds to clue in anyone who didn’t hear the rumors about Chad. I’ve also made your excuses for you. So get out of here before Nathan beats the door down,” Theresa said firmly.
Tess had all kinds of things she wanted to say, but her nerves were worn. Looking between Deanna and Theresa, a small smile bloomed in her heart. Regardless of how she felt about the fiasco of tonight, she had amazing friends. They were her anchor tonight and would be when the dust from this settled. Without them, she didn’t know what she would do, especially after a night like tonight. And that just stacked on top of every other doubt she had about moving away. With a sharp shake, she forced her thoughts away from that. She just needed to get through tonight. “Thank you both. I certainly didn’t want…that…to happen,” she began, waving her hand in the direction of the boardroom. “But I’m glad you were both here to smooth things over. I’ll get out of here now and worry about straightening things out later.”
Tess squared her shoulders as she stepped out of the bathroom. Nathan leaned against the wall directly across the hall. Although he’d clearly dominated Chad, Tess felt a wash of protectiveness when she saw the bruise forming on his knuckles and a red area on one cheek. As Tess stepped toward him, Nathan pushed away from the wall and enveloped her in his arms. Tears welled. Tess forced herself to breathe slowly, hoping she wouldn’t fall apart in the hallway.
Nathan held her close and pressed his lips against her hair. His voice was muffled when he spoke in a whisper. “You’re probably pissed with me and that’s fine. I get it. Just wanted to make sure you knew that before we walked out of here.”
Mere moments ago, Tess had been pissed off—with Nathan, but Chad most of all. Just the fact that Nathan knew that and could say right off that he understood dissipated her anger. With her cheek pressed against his shoulder, she said, “It’s okay. I’m just upset that the whole situation blew up. But that’s not your fault.”
Tess leaned her head away, a curl catching on Nathan’s collar. She brushed it away and looked into his blue eyes—eyes filled with worry. “I didn’t want that fight to happen and certainly not in the middle of tonight’s dinner. But I’ll figure out how to deal with all of it. For now, let’s get out of here.” She grabbed his hand and led the way out.
Chapter 17
Nathan woke the following morning in Tess’s room, bright sun splashed across the bed. Half-awake, he rolled over, sleepily thinking he’d be curling around Tess. Finding the bed empty save for him, he rolled onto his back again, kicking the covers off of his feet. As he came slowly awake, his mind replayed the events last night. Just as he had last night after Tess had fallen asleep, he berated himself for losing control and punching Chad. That thought alternated with the fact that Chad damn well deserved to get the shit beat out of him. It was just that Nathan couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a fight—his only recollection was from high school when a tussle broke out during a basketball game. And he felt horrible that it had happened in such a public place. Tess had tried to be a good sport about it, but it was pretty clear she was struggling. Nathan wanted to shake her and remind her that while he may have lost his temper, Chad was the one who pushed her into this corner.
There’d been a moment in the hallway at the hospital when he’d thought Tess would be okay. That had passed. The ride home had been quiet. She’d been distant when they’d gotten back to her condo. In the time he’d been visiting, they’d made love every night. Last night, she hadn’t pushed him away when he’d tried to be affectionate, but he’d sensed a wall of reserve. Moving beyond cuddling didn’t feel like an option. He’d lain awake by her side, spooned behind her while she fell asleep. Lying still now, he heard the drip of the coffee maker.
With a mental shake, Nathan rolled to his side, swinging his feet to the floor and standing. Clad in only his boxers, he walked out of the bedroom to find Tess seated at the small table that lay between the kitchen and living room area. Her laptop was open and she appeared engrossed in reading. She didn’t turn toward him as he entered the room.
“Morning,” he said, leaning over to kiss the side of her neck.
Nathan hadn’t realized he was banking on Tess turning her head so he could give her a thorough good morning kiss. He became aware of his unconscious expectation when she didn’t turn to him. His chest tightened. He felt robbed—the easy affection that they’d had was gone—nothing, not even anger. She kept reading and mumbled a greeting. Not sure what else to do, he stepped past her and went into the kitchen to pour a cup of coffee.
After a few fortifying sips of coffee and several more moments of silence, Nathan decided he’d had enough. “Look, I said it last night. I get it if you’re pissed at me. But the silent treatment isn’t working for me. Give me a shot here. Don’t just shut me out.”
Tess kept looking at her computer screen, but her eyes stopped scanning. She abruptly stood and walked into the kitchen, topping off her coffee. Returning to the table, she sat, finally bringing her eyes to meet Nathan’s. Her hand clenched tightly around the coffee mug. It took all Nathan had not to say something right away, but he sensed that she needed to speak first.
While he waited, his eyes took in the sight of her—her tousled curls that he loved so in the morning, her ginger eyes, and plump pink lips. He’d fallen and fallen hard for Tess in Alaska and coming to her world had only deepened those feelings for him. He just wanted for whatever they had to be more than a passing chance. He wanted to wake up to her every day, to that mix of feistiness and vulnerability that clashed within her. He ached to touch her, to just hold her close and suffuse her with the depth of what he felt for her.
Tess took an anxious sip of her coffee, her shoulders rising and falling with a deep breath. “I appreciate that you get why I might be pissed. And honestly, I know that none of this would have happened if it weren’t for Chad. But…” She paused, biting her lower lip. “I don’t think you realize how embarrassing it was for you to start that fight where you did. The only thing that keeps my career solid is my ability to stay on good terms with the people who contract with me and whatever social world they navigate to raise money. Sure, there are plenty of people that will overlook what happened. But most of my work isn’t for people that are close to me the way Theresa and John are. I’m just trying to figure out how to smooth things over. It would have been bad enough for people to link me to Chad with what he’s facing, and now everyone in the room and then some knows I had a miscarriage and will remember that my boyfriend hauled off and punched Chad in the middle of what should have been a polite social event. It’s not like we were at a bar.”
Nathan was momentarily stuck when Tess called him her boyfriend—he was so damn pleased to have her describe him that way, he didn’t respond right away. A few seconds ticked by when the rest of what she said sunk in. “Tess, I know I fucked up. I’m sorry. I just lost it when he threatened you and started putting you down. I know me punching him didn’t help anything. I don’t suppose you’ll believe me, but it’s not exactly my style to fight. I know that what happened makes things worse for your busin
ess. It’s just…you matter a lot to me. I couldn’t even think straight.”
Tess blushed at his words, but her hand was still clenched around the coffee cup. “Nathan, I get it. I just don’t know what to do. I need some time to think and figure this out.”
Nathan’s stomach felt hollow. He didn’t know what she meant by needing time and was afraid she was about to tell him to book that return ticket to Alaska. While he missed Diamond Creek, his brothers and friends, he sure as hell didn’t want to return with things like this with Tess. In his fantasy, she’d be flying back with him. His feelings for her were so strong, he was even willing to consider moving to where she wanted. That floored him. His life in Alaska defined him in so many ways. He loved it so much that if someone had told him, even after he first met Tess, that a woman might lead him somewhere else he’d have firmly believed that was impossible. But now—he loved Tess, much more than he loved Alaska, and it was far more than lust that would burn out.
He swallowed and forced himself to wait. While he didn’t yet know Tess in all the ways he wanted, the way he would when they’d been together for years, he knew that pressure was not a strategy that worked for her. If he wanted Tess and wanted her to come to him with her heart wide open, it had to be on her terms.
Nathan looked over at her to see a tear roll down one cheek. Tess knuckled it away with a sigh. “Tess…” he said, starting to reach over.
She held a hand up. “Don’t. Just give me some space.” She took a slow breath, gathering herself. When she looked over again, Nathan sensed that his gut was right. He didn’t know how it would play out, but Tess wasn’t ready to hop on a plane with him and certainly not ready to ask him to move here to stay with her. Yet again, he recalled the moment his fist connected with Chad’s face and wished he’d been able to stop and think.
Tess held his gaze, her eyes confused and worried. “I love that you came out here. I love that you’re so protective of me. But…I need some time to make sense of everything and decide what I’m going to do. You’re not saying it, but I get the feeling you’re hoping I’ll move to Alaska. I just don’t know if I’m ready to make that decision.”
Nathan forced himself to stop and think before he spoke. Part of him wanted to downplay his hopes, but he didn’t think that would help. Telling Tess how he felt wasn’t pressure. It was just the truth. Looking into her ginger eyes, he told her what was in his heart. “I’m hoping that you’ll give us a chance. That’s all I’m hoping. The details don’t really matter. I won’t pretend that I wouldn’t love it if you moved to Alaska, but I love you. I told you that before you left Diamond Creek. If you’d give us a chance if I moved here, I wouldn’t have to think about it. It would happen. If you said we should move to New York City or Timbuktu, I’d be there. Just tell me when and where. Where you want to be is where I want to be.”
Tess’s eyes opened wide, her mouth parting. She held still for a long moment. “Nathan…you don’t have to promise me you’ll move wherever I want you to. Diamond Creek is part of you. I can’t imagine you living anywhere else.”
Nathan shrugged. “Sure, Diamond Creek is important to me. But you’re more important than a place. I’ll give you the space you’re asking for because I don’t want you coming to me out of obligation. I’d just ask that you keep in mind that I love you…really love you…and that we have something between us that doesn’t just happen. I’m more sorry than you can imagine about last night. But I’m not dumb enough to think that’s all this is about. I know you’ve had your doubts. Hell, I didn’t expect this when I was trying to sweet-talk you into going to dinner with me in Diamond Creek.” He paused, a small smile crossing his face. “I’m damn glad I didn’t give up, but I knew from the start that you had your reservations. Makes me want to kick Chad’s ass all over again because far as I can tell, he had a hand in making you doubt yourself and relationships.”
When Tess started to protest, Nathan waved a hand. “I’m not trying to analyze you. I’m just saying he was a jerk and you didn’t deserve it.” He took a long look at Tess and reached for her free hand, cupping it in both of his. “Give me a day or so to get my trip booked and then you can have your space. But, could we maybe plan a timeframe here? Like I could plan another trip in a few weeks or you could come out there?”
A mix of emotions danced across her face – sadness, joy, fear, anger. She nibbled on her lower lip, making Nathan want to pull her close for a kiss. She finally met his eyes, her gaze resigned and uncertain. “I’m not sure I want you to leave, but I’m not sure I can think clearly with you here.”
Much as it caused a visceral flash of pain in his heart, his chest tightening, his stomach clenching, he nodded. “Okay.” After a long moment of silence, he lifted her hand and placed a soft kiss in the center of her palm. “Know this…I love you.”
Another tear rolled down Tess’s cheek. This time, Nathan didn’t hesitate to reach up and wipe it away, cupping her cheek for a moment. “About my question, a timeframe?”
Tess shook her head abruptly, appearing to jolt herself out of her thoughts. “Oh! Yes, that’s a good idea. How about we say I come to Diamond Creek in a month? You came here this time, it’s only fair for me to come to you.”
A flame of hope sparked in Nathan’s heart. He nodded with alacrity. “Works for me. Want to book the trip when I set up my return trip?”
He didn’t want to say it aloud, but he was worried she would change her mind. A small smile stole over her face when she nodded. The heaviness in his heart eased, hope buoying it.
***
A week later, Nathan stood on the deck of Iris, their commercial fishing boat, looking out across the bay. It was late afternoon with the sun already starting to dip in the sky. It would eventually slip behind the mountains that were still dark and green, void of snow. Termination dust – the first snow to dust the mountains – would fall any day now. Every fall, it felt like winter raced toward them as the days rapidly shortened. The contrast from the endless summer days only heightened the feeling.
Nathan took a full breath of air, savoring the crisp, salty scent. He wore a lightweight blue down jacket over jeans to ward off the bite in the air. His mind wandered to Tess, which it did every few minutes. He wished she were here to enjoy fall in Diamond Creek. He loved the taut sense of being outdoors in the fall. This window of time between summer and fall was a blink but filled with life. Walks on the beach were bracing, and hikes through the local spruce forest were dappled with splashes of color scattered along the ground. Fall here happened mostly at your feet, as most of the trees were evergreens with a few birch and cottonwood thrown in the mix. The berry bushes and other flora and fauna changed in rich shades of red, orange and purple.
But, Tess wasn’t here, not just yet. She’d been good to her word and they talked every day. But the phone didn’t give him all the details of her expression, which shared so much. After she’d asked for some space, he’d flown back to Alaska a mere two days later. Oddly, the reserve that she’d cloaked around her the night after his fight with Chad and the following morning had dissolved after they’d talked and Nathan had offered to fly home. That reinforced what he’d quickly come to know about her—pressure only made things worse. As soon as the imagined pressured of him staying there had disappeared, she had relaxed back into the way she’d been—warm, affectionate and with enough passion to singe him.
Nathan turned away from the mountains and quickly stepped into the boat cabin. He’d stopped by to check the moorings since there had been a pounding storm last night. The wind had thrashed against the house well into this morning. Wind up on the hill meant much stronger wind over the water and by the shore, even in the protected harbor of Otter Cove. The lines had loosened a bit, but had held fairly well. In another week or so, they’d be pulling the boat out of the harbor for winter storage. Their smaller guide boat would stay in the water a little longer. Right up until December, they occasionally took trips for fun, along with a few for business.<
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He locked up and headed back to the harbor lot. Moments later, he was driving past the post office when his cell phone vibrated in his shirt pocket, the ring interrupting the local news on his car radio through the Bluetooth system. He tapped the answer button on his car console. “Nathan here,” he said.
“Hey man, what’s up?” Jared asked.
“Just leaving the harbor. Lines were a little loose, but all’s good. What are you up to?”
Nathan could hear the sound of papers shuffling and a muffled voice in the background. He shook his head and smiled to himself. Jared was constantly working and was obsessive about details. He often pored over accounts, orders and more even when it wasn’t necessary. Nathan was happy to admit that he didn’t see how complicated it could be since their fishing business was pretty straightforward, but Jared would immediately start explaining to him why the details mattered when it came to maintenance, repairs, cost for supplies, insurance and more. Nathan and Luke would nod politely and thank Jared profusely for his contribution to their business. And privately heave sighs of relief because Jared wanted to do what they didn’t—the minutiae.
Jared said something garbled.
“Dude, can’t hear you,” Nathan said.
“Oh sorry. Just answering Susie. To answer your question, I came by Susie’s office to go over some accounting stuff,” Jared replied.
“I’m assuming you’d tell Luke and me if we needed to worry about anything in that corner.”
Jared chuckled. “Hell yeah, you’d hear about it. Nothing to worry about. We’ve had a great year so far. Winter plow jobs will be icing on the cake.”
Nathan figured Jared was again talking to Susie because all he heard was a mumble of words for a moment and then Jared’s voice became clear again. “Susie wants to know if we want to meet for an early dinner at Sally’s.”