Save My Heart (Sticks & Hearts Book 3)

by Rhonda James

  As beautiful as they may be,

  They pale in comparison to you.

  P.S. I’m here for you if you need me. Always, S.

  My throat tightens, and I let out a choking sob. After all these years, he remembered that calla lilies are my favorite. I lower my head and grip the small card between my trembling fingers, allowing my tears to freely fall once more. I know it shouldn’t matter that he was thinking of me. It shouldn’t matter that he remembered calla lilies make me smile. It shouldn’t matter that the words on this card are the same words he spoke to me the night of our winter formal. The night he slipped the very same flower onto my wrist and followed the act with a tender kiss on my lips.

  It shouldn’t matter. But it does. In fact, it matters a whole hell of a lot.

  I hear a door close behind me and assume it’s the funeral director coming to see if I’m okay. That’s a good question. Am I? Clutching the card in one hand, I reach over and pluck a flower from the vase before turning to let him know I’m finished in here. But to my surprise, it’s not the funeral director standing before me.

  It’s Scott Rivers.

  “Scott? How did you—” I start, but he quickly answers. “Cassie.” I merely nod and continue staring at him in utter disbelief.

  “T-thank you,” I stammer. “For being here”—I gesture toward the bouquet—“and the flowers. They’re beautiful. But you didn’t have to do any of it.”

  “I know that, Sky. I came, because I wanted to be here for you. As far as the flowers go… Well, those were simply because I wanted to make you smile. I hope that’s okay.” His eyes plead with me to let it be okay, and it takes everything I have within me not to wrap my arms around him and show him just how okay it really is. It’s more than okay. Right now, it’s everything.

  But I refrain, keeping my hands clenched tightly in front of me until the moment passes.

  “I’m sorry about your mom. How are you? You holding up okay?” He offers an understanding smile. One that says It’s okay. You don’t have to pretend with me.

  “Oh, yeah. I’m good. It’s just strange coming back here. You know?” A small smile forms on my lips, and I hope it somehow conveys what I’m feeling right at this moment. I can’t do this. Please, get me out of here.

  Scott steps forward and takes my hand in both of his. “You want to get out here? ‘Cause I have an idea.” He gives my fingers a squeeze, and I feel a jolt of electricity clear down to my toes. I don’t say anything; I just nod and follow him out the door. The only stop we make is for him to grab the vase of calla lilies, because I can’t bring myself to leave them behind. We reach the parking lot but don’t bother stopping to tell anyone where I’m going; my grandparents will understand my reasons for leaving.

  “I should probably drop these off at the house and change.” I tug at the dress I’m wearing. “If you want, I can just meet you somewhere.”

  “No way. I’ll just follow you there and wait for you. I don’t want you to get there and suddenly change your mind.” He cups the back of my head in his hand and drops a kiss on my forehead. “Besides, you look like someone who doesn’t want to face going back there alone.”

  “How do you do that? How do you always know what I need to hear? Even after all this time,” I whisper into his chest as his arms circle my waist.

  He clears his throat before speaking in a softer voice. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s because when I’m near you, you’re all I see.”

  Nothing more is said while we remain standing with his arms around me, my face snuggled in the familiar crook of his neck. My thoughts drift back to the many times I’ve found myself in his arms. Out of all the things I missed about Scott Rivers, his warm hugs had been at the very top of that list. I’m sure everyone is staring at us. Probably even gossiping. I know I should care about what they may be saying, but right now I don’t. Call me crazy, but to me this feels like much more than a simple hug. Right now, this hug offers comfort, but it also holds the potential promise of something more. Could it be, after all this time, there is something still present between us? I want so badly to ask him that very question, but I’m terrified of what his answer may be. So, for now, I’ll take what he’s quietly offering, because this is better than nothing.

  It feels wrong, but at the same time it feels… So. Very. Right.

  CHAPTER 17

  SCOTT

  Four years. That’s how long I’ve thought about having her back in my life, and while I hold her in my arms, I can’t keep from asking myself that one burning question. Why the hell did I ever let her go in the first place? Trust me, this is not the first time I’ve asked myself this question, yet I still don’t have an answer, but now that I have her in my arms, I’ll be damned if I’m going to be the one to break away first. It’s her voice that finally breaks through the silence, causing us both to take a step back.

  “Maybe we better be going.” Her gaze drifts over her shoulder to the crowd of onlookers gathered behind us. “I’ll meet you at my Mom’s.” I watch as she climbs behind the wheel of her rental car and find myself wondering if she’d stayed in Chicago, would things have been different? Would we have talked things out and gotten back together? I spent nearly a year hating myself for the foolish choices I made. Hating that I listened to my asshole friends. Hated that I allowed Rachel Westin to tempt me with her body and empty promises. But mostly, I hated myself for not standing by Skylar and being the man she believed me to be. The man she needed me to be.

  She pulls away from the curb, and I follow her all the way to her mom’s place, still lost in thought. I don’t need to think about where I’m going; I’ve driven this route so many times I could do it with my eyes closed. I find it interesting how just being back in Chicago has me feeling as if we’re both eighteen again. From the moment I heard her talking to that empty room, I knew she needed help forgetting all the bad shit her mom put her through.

  I wait by the front door, while she places the vase of flowers on the kitchen table before heading down the hall to change her clothes. I can only recall two times when I set foot inside Skylar’s house. She used to tell me about how she and her mom didn’t get along, and it always made her uncomfortable if I stopped by when her mom was home. I remember this one time when we’d gone to her house after school. We’d been sitting on the bed in her room, kissing and groping through our clothes. We hadn’t been dating very long, and her mom had walked in on us. She’d said awful things to Skylar, called her a little slut. I’d been ready to go off on her mom, but she begged me to leave and promised me everything would be okay.

  The last time I was here had been the day after Skylar left Chicago. I’d heard a rumor at school that she was gone, and I ditched my classes to come here and see for myself. Her mom had answered the door and confirmed she had taken off to go live in Atlanta, then she’d slammed the door in my face before I could ask anything else.

  “Okay. I think I’m ready. Just where are you taking me, anyhow?” she asks on her way down the stairs. I hold my arm out for her to take, and she surprises me by accepting it.

  “Well, now, that’s a surprise. You’ll just have to trust me.” I flash her a quick wink just before she lowers herself into the car.

  “Hmmm, where have I heard those words before?” She shakes her head. “I seem to recall you saying those very words the night we snuck over Mrs. Varney’s fence and went skinny dipping in her pool.” Her hands come up to hide her face, and she lets out a muffled scream. “Scott, please tell me we are NOT sneaking into some poor old widow’s backyard.”

  I hold the steering wheel with one hand while tapping a finger against my lips. “Now that you mention it, that does sound like a lot of fun,” I tease.

  “Oh, you wouldn’t.” She gives me a look, and I immediately smile to let her know I’m only kidding around.

  “I just wanted to take you to some of the places we used to frequent back when we…” I trail off, not certain how I should put this.

  Skylar look
s to me, and her mouth opens as if she wants to say something but thinks better of it. A few seconds tick by before she’s the one to finally say it. “Back when we were together? Is that what you were going to say?” I merely nod as she cracks a smile. “It’s okay. You can say the words. I’m not going to freak out or start crying on you. I mean, we were just kids, right? I’d like to think we’ve both grown up.”

  “Oh, yeah. Definitely. It’s just, we haven’t talked since the other night, and I wanted to be respectful of your feelings. You know what? I don’t even know what I’m saying, so I’m just going to shut up and take you to our first stop.” I force a smile and try to focus on the road, while she giggles in the seat next to me.

  The school parking lot is nearly empty by the time we pull in, which is exactly what I’d been counting on. I park the car and wait for her to say something.

  “Why are we in our high school parking lot?” She peers through the windshield as if she suspects there must be something more than an empty lot awaiting us.

  I angle my head toward the building and reach for her hand. “Come on. Allow me to take you on a little journey.” Her eyes dart between my hand and the school building.

  “Um, Scott, I’m not sure if you remember this, but I don’t exactly have the best memories of this place.”

  “I’m not taking you there.” I point to the main entrance. “We’re going to that building right over there.” I lift our joined hands and point toward the school library. The place where it all started between the two of us. The very library where we shared our very first kiss.

  “Oh,” she says quietly. “I’ve always loved this library.” She lets go of my hand and walks a few feet in front of me. Even from here, I can see the glimmer of a smile forming at the corners of her mouth. There’s a renewed spring in her step, and I laugh to myself as she takes the stairs two at a time then turns to me with a full-blown smile before heading inside.

  The place is practically empty when we enter, and when I walk over and explain our purpose for being there, the librarian in charge merely smiles and tells me that we should feel free to take all the time we need. I hang back, admiring the way Skylar moves through the stacks. Timidly at first. But then she comes to a section that must hold special meaning. One particular book must strike a nerve, because she removes it from the shelf and runs her fingers lovingly over the hard cover. Once she moves on, I follow her footsteps and quickly glance down to see exactly which book had caught her attention. “Forever” by Judy Blume.

  I find her sitting at a table. The one positioned the farthest away from every other table. Her back is to me and her blond hair curtains her face while her finger slowly traces over something written on the table. I approach quietly and take a seat directly across from her. My gaze drops to where her hand is, and I find myself smiling when I see the words carved into the wooden surface.

  She said yes 10/14/12.

  “I’d almost forgotten about this,” she whispers absently. “It almost feels like forever ago. Doesn’t it?”

  “Honestly? No. It doesn’t feel like forever ago. In fact, right now it feels like yesterday.” I look at her face, and my mind transports me back to a time when we were eighteen and anything was possible.

  “Scott. What are you doing?” she hisses. “Put that away. You’re going to get us in trouble.” She reaches for my hand in an attempt to pry the pocketknife from my fingers.

  “No way. You need to relax. We’re not going to get caught. No one’s even back here. Just be quiet, and no one will know a thing,” I throw in a jaunty wink, and that seems to do the trick. “Besides, this needs to be said.” She stops scowling and inches closer to see just what it is I’m carving into the wood surface.

  I’m defacing school property, because I’ve spent the last two weeks doing everything I can think of to make this girl realize I like her. I’ve ditched my friends to spend every lunch hour here in the library with her. I’ve known Skylar since we were kids, but over the years, our paths never seemed to cross. We run with different crowds. I’m part of the popular clique, while Skylar doesn’t seem to fit into one particular group. In fact, I can’t recall seeing her spending time with anyone. Maybe she chooses not to. After all, she spends the majority of her time hiding out at this very table with her nose buried in a book.

  The library is practically deserted, and I get this crazy idea to try and get her to open up to me. To have her show me a side that no one else has seen. I figure the easiest way to help her relax will be for her to read me something from one of her favorite books. She thinks it over for a moment then gets up and selects a book off one of the shelves. She cracks open the well-worn cover and skims through a few pages before clearing her throat. I listen, mesmerized by the rich sound of her voice. I study the way her shoulders hunch as she leans over the table. I’m intrigued by the way her fingers grip the edges of the book. How her eyes dart across the page and grow larger as the scene becomes more and more heated. And I especially love the little sigh she releases after reading the author’s description of the perfect kiss.

  She finishes then looks up to meet my eyes as I gaze upon her with newfound interest. A pinkish hue now covers her naturally creamy complexion, and I find myself wondering why the hell she chose to read that particular scene if she knew it was going to embarrass her. Being the kind of guy I am, I decide to ask.

  “You seem nervous. Did that make you uncomfortable?”

  She shrugs her petite shoulders then draws her knees up to her chest. “Maybe. But only a little bit.” She rests her cheek on one knee then offers up a shy smile. “I like the way that passage makes me feel.”

  “Oh, yeah?” I lean a little further into her personal space. When she doesn’t back away, I figure she wants me there just as much as I find myself wanting to be there. “Tell me, Sky. How did that make you feel?”

  Her blush deepens, and for a second I worry she may not answer, but then she surprises me. “Warm. Tingly all over.” Her eyes fall closed as she turns away and whispers one final word. “Curious.”

  I cup her chin in my hand and turn her to face me. “I’m sorry. What was that last thing you said?”

  “Curious, okay? It makes me curious.” She huffs out a breath and tries to bury her face in her hands, but I won’t allow it. At this point, what I’m feeling goes way beyond intrigue.

  “Curious about what? Kissing?” I prod. “Wait. You honestly expect me to believe you’ve never been kissed?”

  Her eyes meet mine, and I see the early signs of tears forming behind her long lashes. “No. I’ve never been kissed. There. You happy now?”

  In a moment of clarity, I push off my chair and drop to my knees in front of her. Using both hands, I part her legs and force my way between them. The look on her face is a mixture of surprise and anticipation, as if she knows what is about to take place. “Hell, yes, that makes me happy.” I weave my fingers through her hair and draw her close. “It means I’m the first to do this.” My lips hover just above hers. “Please tell me you’re okay with me being the first guy to kiss you.”

  “And if I say no? What then?” she teases playfully, and her lips part in invitation.

  “Then I’ll bother you every day until you say yes,” I answer, our lips a whisper apart.

  She nibbles her bottom lip and peers up at me bashfully. “I like it when you bother me.”

  “I think you should know, I’m pretty crazy about you, Skylar Dennison, and I want all your firsts.” With a single nod of her head, she grants the permission I’ve been seeking. Our lips touch, tentatively at first, because I don’t want to rush in and scare her away. I go slowly, peppering first the top then her bottom lip with soft kisses. My grip on the back of her neck tightens, and I hear the faintest sigh slip past her parted lips. I take that as an invitation to press on and take this kiss to the next level. The tip of my tongue brushes across her lower lip, and the next thing I know, I feel her tongue touching mine. With each swipe of our tongues, the kis
s deepens, and it’s everything I imagined it would be and more.

  She tastes of fresh peaches with a hint of minty freshness. Kissing Skylar Dennison is like that feeling you get when you crawl into a bed with freshly washed sheets. It’s refreshing and comforting, and I find myself wanting to stay right here forever. I’ve kissed a lot of girls, and I have to say that this kiss beats every single one. Hands down.

  Which is why I decided to commemorate the kiss with a little memento of the occasion. I’m capturing the moment for posterity, so to speak. Don’t ask me why I said that; it’s just something Skylar often says, and right now, this girl owns all of me. My thoughts. My hopes. And maybe even my heart.

  I pocket my knife then look down at the words etched into the table and immediately know that regardless of what happens between us, I’m probably going to remember this moment for the rest of my life.

  She said yes 10/14/12.

  CHAPTER 18

  SKYLAR

  “You want me to climb all the way up there, in the dark?” I turn and give him not one but two raised brows.

  After leaving the library, Scott drove me out to Old Man Hodgeman’s field. Another favorite escape of mine when we were younger.

  “Oh, come on, Sky. When we were in high school, we used to come out here all the time. Remember?” He gives me a nudge with his shoulder, which makes me growl and in turn makes him laugh.

  “Yeah, I remember, but back then I was a naïve girl who’d do anything to impress you.” He gives me a smirk, and I resist the urge to smack it off his handsome face.

  One brow arches toward his hairline as he holds back a laugh. “Sweetheart, it would appear you and I have conflicting memories of your so-called ‘naïveté.’ Matter of fact, I seem to recall one special night in particular. Remember? It took place right up there.” He points to an area high on the tower’s ledge.

  “Stop it!” I smack his arm repeatedly while shaking my head. “You don’t need to remind me, okay? Can we please not talk about that?” I swear, even in the dark he can probably make out the blush spreading across my heated cheeks.