Quinn went back into the bedroom and discovered that night had fallen while he had been in the tub. He quickly snapped on all the lights in the room. He hated the darkness. In the dark even the fanciest hotel room could become the cage he’d called home for the past six years.
The bed looked inviting so Quinn climbed into it, sure he’d fall right asleep. Fifteen minutes later he realized that wasn’t going to happen. The bed was too soft, the pillow too fluffy. Six years of sleeping on a straw mat with only a roll of clothing for a pillow had spoiled the pleasure of a soft bed for him.
Quinn sat up and looked at the floor. Even the carpet in the room looked too soft. His gaze went to the bathroom. The carpet in there looked more like what he’d been used to sleeping on. Soon he lay on the floor of the bathroom, a blanket over his hips, a towel beneath his head. And blessed sleep came at last.
*****
Cassie woke to darkness, swollen eyes, and a pounding headache. Slowly, she made her way through the dark bedroom to the bathroom. She didn’t want to turn on the light, didn’t want to see the pain and disappointment that was surely written on her face.
She stood for a few moments in the darkness before reaching out and flicking on the light switch. As she looked at herself in the harsh, unforgiving light, Cassie felt tears spring to her eyes. She blinked rapidly, determined not to give into them again. With a quick turn of her wrist she opened the faucet and bent to splash water over her aching eyes.
The torrent of emotion had passed; she had had her moment of weakness, now she needed to focus forward. Cassie had married Quinn and pledged her love to him ‘till death parted them. Death hadn’t won so that pledge bound her to Quinn even if the man in the room across the suite wasn’t the same person she’d married. Surely something remained of the fun-loving, generous, caring man Quinn had been before the kidnapping.
Somehow Cassie had to make it work. Jani was counting on having a daddy like her other friends. And Cassie wanted her husband back. She couldn’t, she wouldn’t, let those rebels have the final victory by breaking up their family. They’d done that for six years. But no more. Quinn was home, and they were going to become a family again.
Cassie changed into a pair of leggings and a large T-shirt, an old one of Quinn’s and, after taking an album from her bag, left the room. The suite was dark and quiet. Slowly she moved across the living room to the closed door of Quinn’s room.
She started to knock but then paused. If he was sleeping she didn’t want to wake him. Cassie just needed to see him, to know he was really okay, that she hadn’t dreamed his return.
Light poured out as she slowly pushed open the door. Cassie froze, wondering if he was awake since all the lights appeared to be on. But still she couldn’t stop herself. She’d come this far. Her heart would not be denied the opportunity to see her husband once again.
She peeked around the door. The bed was empty. Cassie quickly scanned the room but Quinn wasn’t there. Fear coursed through her and propelled her further into the room. Where was he? A light came from the bathroom, so Cassie moved towards the open door. Somewhat surprised at her own boldness, Cassie paused when she first glimpsed Quinn’s foot at an angle on the floor that made her think he’d fallen.
As she drew closer Cassie was able to see that Quinn did indeed lie on the floor, but not as the result of a fall like she’d feared. It looked very much like that was where he wanted to be.
Cassie stood in the doorway looking at her husband. Even in sleep he still looked tense. Quinn wore no shirt, his dark skin contrasted sharply against the light carpet of the bathroom. The ache in her heart intensified when she saw the scars on his chest. How he must have suffered over the past six years. Would he ever be able to talk about it? To put it behind him?
Sobs welled up in Cassie at the thought of Quinn in such pain. She dipped her head and cupped a hand over her mouth to keep from making a sound and disturbing Quinn. When she finally regained control, Cassie looked back up, and met a hard gaze.
Startled, Cassie gasped and stumbled back against the door. “I’m sorry.” The words came out as a ragged whisper. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
Quinn didn’t say anything for a long moment, just leaned on one elbow looking at her. “I’m a light sleeper,” he finally said. “I’m fine. The bed was too soft.”
“Hotels aren’t always known for the best quality mattresses, even in a top of the line hotel like this. We’ll get a firm mattress for you when we get home.”
“When are we going?” Quinn sat up, the blanket pooling around his hips. “Where are we going?”
“I live in my folks’ house now. Dad died a year ago.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Quinn looked at her, his gaze intense. “How did he die?”
“His doctor diagnosed him with cancer a year after…I came home. He fought it as hard as he could but in the end it was too much. He’s in Heaven now with Mom. After being apart for so many years I’m glad to know they’re together again.” Cassie shifted from one foot to the other knowing she had to tell Quinn the rest of what he’d missed while in captivity. “Your dad passed away too, Quinn.”
Quinn’s eyes closed for a second before flicking open again still expressionless. “When? How?”
“He had a heart attack about the same time my dad was diagnosed with cancer. He went quickly without any pain.” Cassie rubbed a hand across her heart, remembering. Quinn’s father had struggled a lot with the uncertainty of his son’s situation. No one said for sure that it had caused his heart attack, but Cassie often wondered. And because Quinn’s parents had been older when he and Renee had been born, their age had also been a factor in their health the past six years. “It was a rough time.”
“And my mom?”
Cassie looked away from Quinn briefly, hating to have to give him more bad news. “She’s in a nursing home. Renee tried to care for her after your dad’s death, but it was too much.”
Watching Esther’s decline had been hard on Cassie. Having lost her own mom at an early age, Esther had filled that role in her life. It was like losing her mom all over again.
“What’s wrong with her?” Even though there was no expression on Quinn’s face it seemed it had become more starkly drawn in the past few minutes.
“She has Alzheimer’s. She is doing well in the home, but there are days when she doesn’t recognize any of us.”
Quinn looked down. Cassie longed to wrap her arms around him and offer comfort but there was an invisible wall around him she couldn’t breech. She settled instead for sitting down on the closed lid of the toilet, her hands gripping the album.
When Quinn looked up again she took a deep breath.
“Did you hear any of my messages?” Cassie asked.
Quinn’s brow furrowed. “Messages?”
“Every year I made two messages that were broadcast over Colombian radio stations. In those messages I didn’t give you the bad news, but I did give you some good.” Cassie held out the album.
Quinn stared at it before reaching out and taking it from her. He flipped the cover open and when he saw the first picture he looked up quickly. For the first time since their reunion some emotion showed in his eyes. But it was there and gone so quickly Cassie couldn’t tell for sure what it had been.
“What is this?” He looked down again at the picture that had been taken when Cassie was almost nine months pregnant. He didn’t turn anymore pages.
“That special dinner I had planned for you the day you were taken had been to tell you I was pregnant.”
“I have a…” Quinn flipped to the next page. “A daughter?”
“Yes. Janessa Quinn was born on April eight, the year after you were taken. She’s five now and looking forward to meeting her daddy.”
Quinn flipped through the album, pausing every so often to run a finger over a picture. The last picture in the album had been taken only days before hearing of his release. Cassie could pict
ure it in her mind since she’d taken the time to slip the picture into the album less than twenty-four hours earlier. Jani’s long brown curls hung to her waist and she was smiling, her brown eyes dancing so like the way Quinn’s had before he’d…changed.
“She’s beautiful,” Quinn whispered hoarsely. “She looks like you.”
“You think so?” Cassie cocked her head to one side. “I always thought she looked like you with her dark hair and eyes.”
“Yes, but she smiles like you and the shape of her eyes are like yours.”
Cassie felt her heart lighten. They had found a connection. Jani needed them both and they needed her to give them a focus for the future.
“Why did you name her Janessa Quinn?” Quinn had started back at the beginning of the album again.
“Well, the Quinn should be pretty obvious,” Cassie said with a smile. “But Janessa I chose because of its meaning. I found out I was having a girl when I was seven months along. I’d been having a few contractions, and they wanted to make sure everything was okay, so they did an ultrasound. From that moment on I poured over the baby books looking for the right name. Janessa jumped out at me because it means God has been gracious.”
Quinn glanced up at her, a questioning look on his face.
Cassie went on to explain, “When you were taken I was devastated. I didn’t want to go on living because at first I was so sure they’d kill you. Knowing I had a baby depending on me helped to keep me going, and I knew that although you had been taken away, God had left a part of you with me. He was gracious in His gift of a daughter for me.
“She is what has kept me going, kept me alive in my heart and soul when I wanted to give up. I would look into her eyes and see you there and know I couldn’t give up hope, that I couldn’t stop praying and searching until we had some answers.” Cassie smiled as she thought of their daughter. “We call her Jani for short, and she’s anxious to meet you.”
“Is she here in L.A.?” Quinn asked.
Cassie shook her head. “I decided to leave her at home with Renee. There is so much going on here I thought it was better to wait until we could go home. It was hard enough getting privacy for our own reunion. And I thought we might need a little time together first.”
Quinn nodded slowly as he turned his attention back to the album. Cassie sat quietly watching him page through it for the third time. Again she was thankful for Jani’s life. It had been hard telling Quinn about his parents, but at least she’d had some good news too.
“Can I keep this?” Quinn asked as he closed the album.
“Of course,” Cassie replied readily. “I’ve been preparing that for you. We have many more pictures and videos at home. I’ve tried my best to chronicle Jani’s life for you.”
“Thank you.” Quinn held the album to his chest.
An awkward silence filled the room. Uncomfortable with it, Cassie stood. “I’ll let you get back to sleep. We have a press conference in the morning and then in the afternoon we’re meeting with people from the mission. I’ve already told the guy in charge of the press conference that you may not wish to speak. I’ll make a statement I’ve prepared but will not answer any questions right now.”
“I’d rather not have to talk to the press,” Quinn said with a frown.
“That’s fine. I’ve actually become quite adept at dealing with them over the past six years. Last year I was on a nationwide documentary program with Mary Alice and Susan talking about our experiences.”
“What about Emily? Why wasn’t she there?” Quinn asked.
Cassie could see the worry in his eyes. “David was released and he’s fine.”
“Was he released recently?”
Cassie hesitated. In a way she hated to tell him how soon after they’d been taken that David had been freed. “No, not recently. They only kept him nine months.”
Quinn’s eyes widened. “Nine months? Why was he released so quickly?”
Cassie shrugged. “We don’t know. Suddenly he ended up in Bogotá, sick but alive. David didn’t know the language well enough to understand what was going on around him. It was a good thing though because at the check-up they gave him they discovered a suspicious patch on his skin. They diagnosed it as skin cancer, but because it was caught soon enough he got the treatment he needed and is now cancer free.”
“And Kevin and Michael? The people I’ve been in contact with so far have been more interested in checking me over than giving me any information.” Frustration laced Quinn’s words.
“Up until this morning, you all were of the same status. We had no idea where you were or if you were still alive. Most reports we heard were that you were…dead.” Sadness filled Cassie’s heart. “I’m sure the news of your release is bittersweet for Mary Alice and Susan. It will give them hope that Kevin and Michael are still okay, but at the same time it’s hard not to wish it were their husbands who had been released.
“I remember how I felt when I heard of David’s release. It was hard because for the time immediately following his release I anticipated the call telling me you were free, too. I never imagined it would take six years.” Cassie walked to the door of the bathroom, then turned back to look at Quinn. “I want you to know how glad I am to have you back. The thought of living the rest of my life without you was not something I wanted to contemplate.”
Before Quinn could reply, Cassie left and headed back to her room.
*****
Quinn sat in the stillness of the bathroom, the album clutched tightly in his hands. He was still in shock. A daughter! It had been a big regret during the first few years of his captivity that he and Cassie had never had any kids. They had been trying before he’d been taken, but without success…or so he assumed. He’d known she’d make a terrific mom and apparently she had. Jani looked like a happy child.
With trembling fingers he opened the album again. He’d looked through it three times already but couldn’t get enough of seeing Jani. He had missed so much. He wanted to ask God why but figured he wouldn’t get any answers. Just as he hadn’t gotten any for those years in the rebel camp until he was beyond hope and even caring.
Sadness seeped into his heart as Quinn looked at a picture of his dad holding Jani and His father wasn’t waiting to welcome him home, and his mother might not even recognize him when they did meet again. At least he still had Renee. He wondered what his baby sister would think of the changes the past six years had brought. Something told him she wouldn’t be too thrilled with some of them.
Quinn looked through the album a couple more times before hunkering back down on the bathroom floor and falling asleep.
Dreams, or rather nightmares, plagued him throughout the night. He woke each time sure he was actually back in the rebel camp dreaming about being free. Finally Quinn gave up any further attempt at sleeping.
Darkness still colored the city as he sat on the bed flipping the channels of the television. So much had happened while he’d been gone. A new president had taken up residence in the White house. Tragedies had hit the nation.
The world had gone on without him.
When the sky beyond the window began to lighten, Quinn turned off the television and started to prepare for what lay ahead. He left his room and went to the small fridge in the main part of the suite to find something to drink.
Ten minutes later Cassie came out of her room. She was dressed in a long black skirt and light pink blouse that skimmed her hips just a couple of inches below her waist. Her blond hair hung loose, shining in the morning sunlight. People never believed the blond was natural, but thanks to her Scandinavian background Cassie had never had to use a bottle of color on her hair.
Quinn remembered how much he had loved to see the way her hair sparkled in the sunshine. She had been his sunshine, always brightening his day with her look and her smile. A deep longing for the past filled Quinn. He wanted to go back. Back before the rebels had taken him. Back before the light and hope had faded from his life.
But
even Cassie couldn’t bring it back for him.
He cleared his throat. Cassie looked up from the piece of paper she was reading, a surprised look on her face. She paused momentarily but recovered quickly and approached him.
“Are you hungry?” she asked, picking up the room service menu. “I’m not really, but I know I should try and eat something. The press conference is set for ten.”
“Just order me something simple. Some toast or pancakes.”
Cassie nodded and picked up the phone to place the order. She had barely hung up the receiver when there was a knock on the door.
“Well, that can’t be room service,” Cassie said as she headed for the door.
Quinn followed behind her but stayed out of sight.
“Mr. Sidwell.” Quinn heard Cassie say. “What are you doing here so early? I thought we’d see you just before the press conference.”
“Yes, well I’d like to go over a few things before then.”
“I’d prefer to wait until a little later,” Cassie said firmly. “Quinn and I are going to have breakfast. We can meet you in an hour.”
“I’d really rather go over this now,” the man responded in a sharp voice.
“I believe my wife said later, Mr. Sidwell.” Quinn moved to stand behind Cassie. He’d forgotten how short she was until that moment when he could look over the top of her head to the polished man standing in the doorway. “Your choices are to wait for an hour like Cassie requested, or forgo the conference all together.”
“Uh no…” Sidwell took a step backward. “I’ll be back in an hour.”
He disappeared down the hallway as Cassie closed the door. She turned to him, a curious expression on her face. “I could have handled that.”
“I know, but you never liked confrontational situations,” Quinn reminded her.
“You’re right, I don’t, but I’ve learned how to stand my ground with bullies like him.”
Quinn realized there were a few changes in Cassie he’d have to learn to deal with as well. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interfere.”
Faith Hope and Love Page 3