"Sure I'd love to come with you." Cassie decided if Quinn didn't say he didn't want her along, she was going to take advantage of the situation and go. Maybe being together more would help them get back on track.
Within minutes they were out in the crisp, pine-scented morning. Jani headed off down a path they had taken on previous visits. Quinn followed her and Cassie brought up the rear. It was a beautiful morning, and Cassie couldn’t help but whispered a prayer of thanks for the beauty of God's creation and prayed for a similar beauty to unfold in her relationship with Quinn.
"See the squirrel, Mama?" Jani pointed towards a scampering brown form. Cassie stopped and watched as it hurried up a nearby tree. "I wish I could have a squirrel as a pet."
Cassie grinned. She knew exactly where this was going but before she could warn Quinn, he stepped into the trap.
"We really need to leave wild animals in the wild, Jani. They wouldn't be happy trapped in a cage."
Jani paused as if considering it. "You're right. Then maybe I could get a dog."
The trap was sprung and when only silence came from Quinn, Cassie realized he was aware of what had just happened. She decided to take pity on him and gave Jani the usual answer.
"It wouldn't be fair to get a dog, Jani. We’re away from the house so much that a dog would be lonely."
Jani didn't say anything but began to march stoically down the path. Wise kid…she knew when she was defeated.
Cassie looked up at the sky. The sun danced through the overhead branches as gusts of wind moved the leaves. Suddenly Cassie found herself falling when she tripped over something lying on the path. Strong arms wrapped around her and halted her downward movement. Quinn settled her on her feet but didn't release her right away.
Cassie glanced up and suddenly was cast back in time.
"Are you all right, sunshine? Did you hurt yourself?" Quinn's brown eyes were filled with concern.
“I'm fine. You saved me!" Cassie batted her lashes. "My hero."
Quinn laughed. "You probably just pretended to fall so I'd have to catch you and hold you in my arms."
“Well, if I did, it worked." Cassie snuggled more deeply into his embrace as their lips met...
Cassie could see by Quinn's expression he too was recalling that day. She quickly stepped away from him because his expression also told her he wasn't happy about the memory.
"Sorry about that. Guess I need to keep my eyes on the path instead of the sky. Thanks for catching me." Without waiting for Quinn's response, Cassie hurried after Jani, her eyes glued to the path. She wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.
The rest of the walk passed uneventfully. Both Quinn and Cassie had little to say but thankfully Jani filled in the silence once she got over her pout about the dog.
Back at the cabin, Quinn found a couple of old fishing rods and took Jani down to the lake to cast a few lines. Cassie, who never enjoyed fishing, was only too glad to stay up at the cabin. She spent time cleaning up the inside of the cabin which sported a layer of dust after being empty for several months.
As Cassie dusted the mantel, her gaze fell on the scrapbook she and Jani had been putting together. Slowly she laid the duster down and reached for the thick book. Her fingers skimmed over the navy blue cover, her mind going back over the many hours she and Jani had spent together working on it.
Cassie sank into a nearby chair and sat staring down at the book. They had worked together on it with so many hopes and dreams of what life would be like when Quinn returned. For Jani, all those dreams seemed to be coming true but for Cassie, her dreams had shattered, leaving her feeling empty and hollow.
Against her better judgment she opened the cover, knowing the picture that would greet her. It was the one Renee had taken of her and Quinn shortly after they'd gotten engaged. Not even the sun had shone as brightly as their love for each other had that day. Looking deeply into one another's eyes, their whole future lay ahead.
Cassie closed the book and rested her arms on top of it. How long was it going to take for her to come to terms with the fact this wasn't going to be the way she'd always dreamed?
A teardrop fell onto the cover of the book and Cassie hastily brushed it away. So many tears when there should only have been smiles. When would the tears stop? When would her broken heart heal?
A noise from the front porch drew her attention. Through the screen Cassie saw Quinn and Jani climbing the steps. She brushed a quick hand over her cheeks to make sure no tears lingered. Standing she replaced the scrapbook on the mantel and turned just as they walked into the cabin.
They paused on the mat inside the door, both of them soaking wet.
"What on earth happened?" Cassie asked as she hurried to Jani's side.
Jani stared at the floor and offered no explanation so Cassie looked at Quinn.
"She was standing too near the edge of the dock and when she thought she got a bite she got a little excited and sort of slipped into the water. I went in after her."
"Well, I'm glad no one was hurt," Cassie said, rubbing her hand over Jani's back. "Why don't you get out of those wet clothes and I'll stick them in the washer."
Quinn nodded and headed for the stairs while Cassie steered Jani in the direction of the bathroom. Jani was uncharacteristically quiet as Cassie got her undressed and into the shower. She kept her gaze averted and uttered not a word of complaint when Cassie said she'd have to wash her hair.
"Jani, sweetheart, what's wrong? Did you get hurt when you fell?"
Jani shook her head no but didn't say a word.
Cassie cupped her daughter's chin and forced her to meet her gaze. Misery clouded her normally clear, sparkling eyes.
“Oh sweetheart, what's wrong?" Cassie asked again.
"Is Daddy mad at me?" Jani asked, her voice tremulous. “For falling into the water and making him get all wet?
Cassie shook her head. "No, darling, he's not."
Some of the misery began to fade. "Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. I think you probably scared him when you fell in, but he's not mad."
Jani seemed to relax and the tension ebbed from her face. “I almost caught a great big fish."
"Did you really?" Cassie asked, amazed at the resiliency of youth.
Jani was pretty much back to her old self by the time they left the bathroom, her small body swaddled in a towel.
"You go on and get changed while I put your clothes in the washer."
Jani disappeared into the bedroom as Cassie gathered the wet clothes from the bathroom floor. When she came back out of the bathroom Quinn stood there, holding his own bundle of wet clothes.
Chapter Five
"Well, it looks like the two of you survived your dunking no worse for wear," Cassie commented with a smile.
"It was certainly colder than I had anticipated, but I'm used to bathing in cold water so it wasn't too much of a shock."
"Jani thought maybe you were mad at her because of what happened." Cassie cocked her head to the side. "I assured her you weren't."
"No, I wasn't, although she probably scared a good ten years off my life."
"I guess I should have told you that Jani does know how to swim. I knew we couldn’t spend any length of time up here with her being so near the water if she didn't know how. She learned at an early age. But thanks for jumping in after her."
"I'd hardly have left her in there to fend for herself," Quinn said defensively. "I may not know much about being a father, but I do know that when your child is in a dangerous situation you try your best to rescue them."
Cassie fumbled for the words to reply. "I, uh, didn't mean to imply that you wouldn't have rescued her. I am truly grateful you went in after her. She is my world. If anything happened to her..."
Agony clenched Cassie's heart at the thought. Jani had been the one thing that had kept her sane all these years and it looked like she would be the only physical link Cassie had to the wonderful, happy time she and Quinn had shared together before
the kidnapping. Cassie couldn't imagine losing her.
Struggling to keep her emotions under control, Cassie held out her hand. "I'll put your clothes into the washer with Jani's."
Quinn handed them over without comment and Cassie left him standing in the living room while she went to the small room that served as storage and laundry room. With trembling hands she pushed the clothes into the washer and added the detergent before switching it on.
After the machine started, Cassie stood there, her hands braced on the vibrating machine for a few moments, trying to gather herself back together. Too many emotions were bubbling near the surface. She didn't want them to spill over in front of Quinn or Jani. They needed to be kept for times of privacy and solitude.
When she returned to the living room Jani stood there, dressed and trying to dry her hair. Cassie grabbed a comb from the bathroom and sat down on a chair, pulling Jani to stand between her legs. As Cassie worked the comb through the long strands of wet hair she listened to Jani tell Quinn about her other attempts at both fishing and swimming in the lake.
Out of the corner of her eye Cassie watched Quinn, glad to see Jani had lost her fear of his being angry with her.
It didn't sink in right away but suddenly she realized he wore the same shirt he'd worn the day before.
"We need to go shopping," Cassie blurted out before she could catch herself. Both Jani and Quinn looked at her. "Sorry, I just realized you probably need more clothes, Quinn. We can go to town later and pick you up a few more things."
"That's not necessary," Quinn objected. "I'm fine with what I have."
"But you only have a couple of pairs of jeans and shirts. You need more than that."
"I'll get some when we get back to the city and I get my hands on some money."
"You don't need to worry about that, I have money," Cassie told him. When she saw his expression darken she knew she'd said the wrong thing.
"I won't take your money. You've worked hard for it." Quinn replied, his voice hard and unyielding.
"It's not my money, Quinn," Cassie said softly. "It's our money. We're a family."
Quinn remained silent. To Cassie, his words had been like yet another nail in the coffin of her dreams. He wouldn't even take her money. He wouldn't take anything from her. He wanted nothing she had to offer. Except her daughter.
Cassie looked away and stared into the fireplace that lay as empty and dark as her future.
"Consider it a loan," Cassie said flatly. "The inheritance from your dad is waiting for you. You can pay me back when you get money from your account. You need more clothes."
"Fine. I'll pay you for whatever I spend," Quinn agreed although Cassie could hear the reluctance in his voice.
“If we want to get to the stores before they close we'd better leave soon."
Within short order, Cassie sat behind the wheel of the SUV headed for the closest town with a small shopping center. She had not anticipated things getting worse once they were at the mall but they did.
The young salesgirl in charge of the men's section seemed only too willing to help Quinn out. She ignored Cassie and Jani and focused her attention on Quinn, doing her best to keep his attention on her.
Cassie looked at Quinn more closely and realized she had only recognized the differences from the way he'd been before. She had not realized how attractive this new ruggedness was. His darkened skin and lean, muscular body suddenly captured her attention as it had the salesgirl's.
Startled, Cassie caught herself, guilt flooding her. It felt wrong to admire the way Quinn looked now. Almost as if she was betraying the Quinn she'd married. Confused, Cassie looked away from where he stood selecting jeans.
Jealousy and confusion ate away at her. She'd never before felt jealousy where Quinn was concerned with other women. He'd always made her feel secure in his love and affection. And he'd had no trouble letting the world know he was committed to her.
Cassie's gaze went to Quinn's left hand. His bare left hand. Even the ring she'd chosen for him was gone. Did any part of the old Quinn remain?
“I think I have enough for now," Quinn said, interrupting her thoughts.
Cassie nodded and followed him to the cash register to pay for his purchases. She breathed a sigh of relief when they left the store and escaped the salesgirl's flirtatiousness.
"Do you want to get something to eat before we head back to the cabin?" she asked as they walked towards the doors of the mall. "There are a couple of burger places and a pizza parlor close by."
"Pizza," Jani and Quinn replied in unison. They grinned at each other.
"Pizza it is."
From the look of the empty, dirty tables in the nearby pizza parlor they'd just missed the dinnertime rush. The hostess apologized for the wait and told them a table would be cleared for them in a few minutes. The tantalizing aroma of tomatoes and cheese hung in the air and Cassie realized just how hungry she was.
Once seated at their table Quinn left the ordering up to Cassie.
"Anything you order is fine with me," he told her. "I'm not too particular about what I eat as long as it's not rice or beans."
"I want a cheese one, Mama," Jani piped up. “Nothing else on it."
Cassie nodded. “I remember, sweetheart.”
The waitress returned and Cassie placed their order.
Silence descended on their table once the waitress had left. Even Jani was quiet for a change. She busily looked at all the old movie pictures on the wall next to their booth.
Thankfully the silence wasn't too noticeable since the conversation from the few nearby occupied tables was loud enough to cover it. But to Cassie it was deafening since there would never have been that kind of silence with the old Quinn. They always had something to talk about.
"Cassie!"
Hearing her name, Cassie turned and saw an older woman approaching their table.
"Hi, Muriel," she said, hoping her dismay didn't show.
Cassie hadn't really wanted to run into anyone who knew her but that was unrealistic since her family had been vacationing in the area all of her life.
"Honey, you didn't let us know you were coming up here." Muriel's gaze moved to Quinn. "Quinn, it's great to see you again. We heard the news on the radio."
“It's good to be back," Quinn replied with a nod of his head.
"Will you be in church tomorrow?" Muriel asked.
Cassie wasn't sure about Quinn but she planned to go with Jani. "We'll be there."
"Great. We'll see you then."
Cassie sighed with relief as the woman moved away. She was glad Muriel hadn't made a big fuss out of Quinn's presence. Many people had prayed over the years for Quinn and Cassie hated to be so selfish about sharing him, but she herself hadn't really gotten to know the new man her husband had become.
"Can I go play one of the games, Mom?" Jani asked, pointing to the corner of the room where several arcade games stood. "I want to play the bopping one."
Cassie pulled out her wallet and slide four quarters towards Jani. "When those are gone, that's it, okay?"
Jani nodded, her ponytail bouncing with the movement. "Want to come, Daddy?"
Quinn slid out of the booth and followed Jani towards the games. Cassie turned in her seat to watch them. Seeing them together filled her heart with joy. It was the one area of the reunion where her emotions weren't mixed. This new Quinn was a great dad, as good a dad as the old Quinn might have been. That he loved Jani was obvious and the little girl clearly returned his feelings. Cassie was happy for both of them. She just wished she didn't feel like the proverbial third wheel. It seemed to her Quinn tolerated her presence simply because of Jani, that if there had been no Jani, they wouldn't be together now.
"Looks like they're having fun," a voice interrupted Cassie's thoughts.
Cassie looked around to see the waitress slipping the pizza and pop onto the table. "Yes, my daughter really likes that game. But she likes pizza more so I imagine she'll be back pretty quick."
>
The waitress smiled as she watched Jani look over, spot the pizza and immediately abandoned the game. “Looks like you're right."
"Oh yum," Jani exclaimed as she slid into the booth just as the waitress left.
Quinn sat down next to her but didn't seem to be eyeing the pizza with as much excitement.
"Are you okay?" Cassie asked him.
“I'm fine." Quinn replied, still staring at the pizza. "I just keep forgetting that loading my system with this kind of food doesn’t sit real well. I guess my digestive system is still set for beans and rice."
"Does it even bother you if you eat small amounts?"
"Not as much but when I'm hungry, small amounts don't always fill me up."
"We can buy some rice if you'd like. Maybe gradually decreasing your rice and increasing other foods would work better than changing so quickly."
Quinn shrugged. "Probably but to be perfectly honest, I never want to eat another bite of rice in my life."
Cassie fell silent. It seemed nothing she tried to do for Quinn was what he wanted. In silence she picked up her piece of pizza and took a bite. Quinn also took a slice and began to eat it, apparently willing to risk feeling sick later.
"Another piece, please, Mama," Jani requested after she'd polished off her first.
Cassie gave her a slice and took another slice for herself. Quinn also took a second slice once he finished his first. Between the three of them they managed to finish off all but one piece of the pizza. Cassie had the waitress wrap it up knowing Jani would gladly eat it the next day.
Once back at the cabin, Cassie helped Jani get ready for bed. They read a story together and then went looking for Quinn to join them while Jani said her prayers. They couldn't find him in the house so Cassie assumed he had gone out to the water.
"Where's Daddy?" Jani asked, a concerned look on her small face. "He's not gone again, is he? I never want him to be gone again."
Cassie tucked Jani's blanket in around her and sat down on the edge of the bed. "He's not gone. I think he's probably down by the dock. Why don't we say your prayers together and then I'll go find him to come kiss you goodnight?"
Jani nodded and closed her eyes. "Dear Jesus, thank you for bringing Daddy home. We missed him so much. Help him to be happy."
Faith Hope and Love Page 7