“That begs the question, Millicent. What kind of man would you align yourself with?” His question rang with earnest and a worry or fear she hadn’t seen in Preston before.
“None that exist in this world. One who would treat me as an equal, a partner in life.” It took all her might to keep her tears at bay. She would not look weak, even if the sixteen-year-old girl inside her was dying all over again. She would never have the things that young Millie wanted. She had accepted that long ago, but that didn’t mean it didn’t still hurt.
Staring down at his hands, he shook his head. A long inhalation lifted his broad back, and then it fell again. His voice was laced with disappointment. “Perhaps you have not looked hard enough, sweetheart.”
Chapter 18
Nearly a week of lawn games, cards, picnics and musical interludes had passed without any change in the status of the ladies or Preston. Riding in the carriage with Lady Helena while they toured the Peaks, he had to accept that there was nothing wrong with her. She was agreeable, smart and beautiful. It made him miserable.
“Are you tired of the country, Your Grace?” Helena asked.
“Not at all. I love it here. I just have a lot on my mind. My mother will arrive today. She plans to spend a month at Brookhaven before returning to London.”
A warm smile lit her face, and her eyes sparkled like the lake on a summer day. “I look forward to seeing Her Grace again.”
“Mother said that you and she were acquainted before the picnic at the Serpentine.”
“She is a particular friend of my aunt, the Countess of Salebridge. We have had tea together on several occasions. I found her to be kind and extremely witty.”
He laughed. “I think you are required to say that since I am in the carriage.”
Her giggle was musical. As hard as he tried to dislike Helena Buckbrush, he could not.
“I suppose that is true, but I really do like Her Grace. If I did not like her I would have said something like, ‘oh isn’t that a treat.’”
“Is that the standard polite response in such matters?” The carriage slowed as they reached an area with excellent views.
“I have a long list of polite comments to make when one disagrees or thinks something that cannot be said aloud. I will be happy to share them with you, if you’re interested.” She let him hand her down from the carriage.
“That would be a treat. Then I will know when a lady of society is saying the polite thing but thinking wicked thoughts. Doesn’t that break some Lady’s Code of Honor?” He watched her amusement grow as she opened her yellow lace parasol and leaned it on her shoulder.
“Women have no such code. I would expect you to know that by now, Your Grace.” She winked and walked to the edge of the cliff where the party was viewing the rolling hills, rocks and azure sky.
“I’m not certain that is the entire truth, my lady. Though I will concede that many of your sex do not honor any code, I can confirm that many men lack honor as well. In this we are equal.” As hard as he tried, he found little joy in their sparring. She was exactly the kind of woman he wanted. Smart yet perhaps a little shy. Never ostentatious and of the right breeding.
He should have enjoyed the view of the land he loved and the woman beside him, but he searched only for Millicent until he found her off on her own sitting on a rock and taking in the vista. The sun glinted off her hair, and her skin gleamed like warm cream. Perhaps the time had come to forget about what he was required to do and focus on what he wanted. This pretense was maddening.
* * * *
By the time they returned to the estate, Her Grace, the Dowager Duchess of Middleton, had arrived, rested, and was waiting with tea and Gordon Merrifield.
As soon as Preston spotted Merrifield, his gaze went to Millicent. She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. While he’d expected her to be upset, the rage behind her crystal gaze stunned him. At the same time, he was unaccountably proud of her for not cowering. “Merrifield, you have appeared out of the ether yet again. To what do we owe this second visit in one week?”
Gordon had risen as soon as they entered the bachelor’s parlor. He bowed. “I hope I’m not intruding, Your Grace. It’s very quiet at my estate, and the servants mentioned Her Grace was arriving today. I thought I would take the opportunity to visit.”
Mother raised one brow, a private smile tugging at her lips. “We have caught up on all the local gossip and were just discussing how fine the weather has been, and we’ve agreed that the cold will be upon us any day.”
“Indeed,” Preston said. He had to make an effort to relax his fists before the entire party realized his distaste and started asking questions. The last thing he wanted was to embarrass Millicent. “I agree the weather is about to change. One can smell it in the air.”
“Exactly what Her Grace said.” Gordon’s enthusiasm was overzealous. He turned to Millicent, who had taken a cup of tea and inched away from the conversation. “Miss Edgebrook, I wonder if we might continue our conversation from a week ago. I believe I have more information, which you might find interesting.”
Several platters of small bites had been placed around the room, the fire was blazing, and the tea was good and hot. The party had spread out after making their greetings. Now attention was drawn back to Millicent and Gordon. Preston wouldn’t have it. “I’m afraid Miss Edgebrook and I have business to discuss.”
Looking from one to the other, Millicent drew a long breath. “Your Grace, I’m sure that whatever Mr. Merrifield has to say will only take a moment. Can our meeting wait?”
Barely controlling his temper, Preston had little choice. “As you wish, Miss Edgebrook.”
On their ride back, a chill had sparked the air. Millicent and Gordon stepped into the foyer, and the footman closed the door after them.
Mired in thoughts of how to protect Millicent, Preston was in his own world when Lady Helena cleared her throat. She held a cup of tea out for him. “I noted you take milk, no sugar. Is that correct, Your Grace?”
He took the offered cup. “Thank you, my lady. That was most kind of you.”
Mother watched from over her own teacup.
Waiting was not a skill Preston enjoyed. “Mother, I believe you are acquainted with Lady Helena Buckbrush.”
“Of course. We have met many times at her aunt’s home in London as well as the picnic in London. How nice to see you again.”
“Thank you, Your Grace. The pleasure is mine.”
“Did you enjoy the ride through the district today, my dear?” Mother had a way of putting people at ease. She patted the cushion next to her on the divan.
Helena sat, and her smile was warm and genuine. “The area is truly beautiful, and your son was a fine guide.”
Sitting, Preston let the conversation fade into the rest of the chatter around the room. He drank his tea and pretended not to watch the door.
When they returned a few minutes later, Millicent walked over to Mrs. Whimple in the corner, and Gordon said goodbye and took his leave.
Preston wanted to run to Millicent and find out exactly what that imbecile had said. Since that was out of the question, he studied her stiff posture and preternaturally calm expression. He couldn’t divine much from her, but Mrs. Whimple’s eyes widened, and she paled with whatever Millicent had told her.
“Preston,” his mother interrupted his thoughts. “I understand the Duke and Duchess of Kerburgh are leaving us tomorrow.”
“Yes. They have other obligations that take them away a few days early. The rest of the party will return to London in four days.”
Jacques had joined their ranks while Preston mused. “I have always liked Brookhaven. It’s like my other childhood home.”
Mother smiled and took Jacques’s hand. “You and your family spent every summer of your youth here. It’s no wonder you have an affinity. I am happy to have you back i
n your ‘other’ childhood home. Perhaps I should have come earlier so we could spend more time together.”
“I have no plans to leave England for several months, Aunt Phillipa. When you return to London, I will come and see you.” He kissed her hand. Preston called Jacques’s mother aunt as well, though he hadn’t seen his Aunt Marie in many years.
Reading his mind, Jacques added, “My mother and father have written to say they will come to visit before the weather makes the channel impassable. Father says things are stirring up again in France, and he wishes to get Mother to safety. I was going to keep it a secret, but I’m too happy not to share the news with my friends.”
The news was a welcome distraction from Millicent. “That is wonderful news. I haven’t seen them in much too long.”
Mother beamed. “I was recently telling Preston that I wanted to go and spend some time with them. This is much better. I, for one, will be happy to have them both safe and sound in England. Shall we all have Christmas here at Brookhaven? I would love that.”
It was a wonderful notion to have his family and their closest friends under one roof for the holiday. The only thing that would make it better was if his Millicent was part of the celebration. When had he started thinking about her as part of his future? It must have been right from the start. Picturing her as family, his family, it was addictive. He couldn’t live without that outcome. He needed help. “Would you excuse me. I need to have a word with Kerburgh.”
Crossing the room, Preston sought out Michael and asked where he might find his wife.
Eyes narrowed, Michael said, “I’ll take you to her. She’s in our rooms writing letters, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to send another man to my bedroom to speak to my wife.”
Preston couldn’t blame him. “You don’t trust me?”
They strode out of the parlor and up the stairs. “That is not relevant. I trust Elinor. Still, I’m going with you.”
When they arrived at the guest bedroom assigned to the duke and duchess, Michael poked his head in. “Are you available for a visitor, my dear? Pres would like a word.”
“Of course,” Elinor’s voice rang from within.
Michael opened the door fully and let Preston go in before shutting the door and leaning against it with his arms crossed over his chest.
Elinor shook her head and covered her giggle with her hand. “You needn’t look so stern, Michael. Preston isn’t likely to declare his love. I suspect that honor belongs to another lady.”
“All the same,” Michael said, leaving the rest of the sentence to be speculated about.
She rolled her eyes. “What is it, Pres?”
“I have a problem.” He turned one of the two chairs away from the fireplace so that it faced Elinor sitting at the small desk by the window.
“How can I help?” Pushing back her half-written letter and covering the ink, she gave him her attention.
“I’m in love with Millicent Edgebrook.” He blurted it out in one puff of air, but the idea hung in the air for a long while before anyone spoke. Like a fool with a shiny bauble, Preston wanted to say it again and again.
Michael laughed, walked over and slapped his back. “Are you just figuring this out?”
“No, but I’ve decided I cannot do without her. I thought perhaps I could marry one of the other ladies, as they are more socially acceptable, but it won’t do. I love her.” There it was again. Like a star in the sky burning for all to see.
Her smile filled with happiness, Elinor asked, “What is your problem?”
“The lady is not willing to marry. As far as I can tell she intends to remain unmarried. I have made several overtures to see if she would be amenable to marrying me, but each time, she changes the subject.” Frustration leaked into his words. Realizing his grip on the arms of the chair was dangerously close to breaking the wood, he relaxed his hands.
“What do you mean by overtures?” Michael had turned the other chair and was leaning with his elbows on his knees.
The subject would have been uncomfortable to discuss with Elinor alone. With Michael in the room, Preston thought he might lose his nerve. Better to get it out and see if they had any usable advice. “I mentioned my desire for her. We have become quite close in the time we’ve know each other. Whenever the topic of a long-term relationship comes up, she changes the subject or leaves the room. But I know she feels something for me.”
Elinor and Michael exchanged a look, then she returned her gaze to Preston. “You have not asked her to marry you or told her that you love her?”
“No. I do not want to make the same damn mistake again.” Preston rose and crossed to the window, wishing he’d never entered the room. “If I ask and she refuses, I’ll be left the fool again. For heaven’s sake, it’s the entire reason she was hired, to help me find a wife. The Duke of Middleton cannot be made a fool for a third time. That will not be my legacy.”
Elinor said, “Yesterday, Millie and I took the children for a walk. She was so wonderful with them. At the lake she taught them how to skip rocks across the surface. Sarah was an expert in no time. She kept them occupied for twenty minutes tossing stones in the water. Afterward we found a nice tree, and she told them fairy stories. She had the children riveted on her every word. By the time we returned, they were all calling her Aunt Millie. Just that fast she was family to them.”
“Extraordinary.” Michael grinned and sat back against the cushion.
“That’s very nice, Elinor, but I don’t see how it helps me with my problem.” He turned in frustration and found of them smiling at him in a kind of sorry way.
“Come and sit.” It was a command. Elinor had a soft way of making everyone do as she wanted.
Once he had obeyed, she sighed. “You know the answer, Pres. There is no reward without risk. If you want this woman and you believe you can make her happy, you’ll have to tell her. She’s smart and knows what she wants from life. If you can give her the things she needs, then tell her. Make your argument as you might in Parliament and see if you can convince her that you’re the one. Don’t hint and don’t try to get her to tell you she’s willing before you’ve risked anything. Tell her what’s in your heart.”
Panic started in his chest. “And if she refuses me?”
“It’s a risk.” Michael shook his head. “Women all want to believe that the man they love will do whatever it takes to make them happy. And why not? They make that effort for us. The trouble with most men is they fall short on their duty. It is obvious Miss Edgebrook harbors feelings for you. I can see it in her eyes whenever she looks at you. If she says no, make a new plea and ask again. Keep on asking until she knows you’re the only man who can make her happy.”
The fear of Millicent’s rejection hummed in his ears until he had to shake away the notion. “You two are not making this easy on me.”
Elinor’s laugh was like the breeze blowing through the leaves, wild and filled with delight. “Who told you getting what you want is easy?”
Just because she was right didn’t make Preston feel any better. In fact, he thought he might vomit. “Are you sure you must leave tomorrow?”
Leaning forward, she took his hand and squeezed it. “We promised the boys we would visit them at school before we head back to Scotland. We won’t have another chance to see them until they come home for Christmas. I admit, I just can’t wait that long to see my babies.”
The idea of Millicent and fairy stories made him smile inside. She would be a wonderful mother one day. Drawing a deep breath, Preston stood. “Thank you for your counsel. I shall manage.”
Elinor hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek. “When you have news, write and tell us.”
Michael shook his hand. “We’ll see you soon.”
“I will write to you either way. I’ll see you both at supper.” Now that his mother was at Brookhaven, Preston could go to his
room and not feel guilty about abandoning his guests. He needed time to think without Millicent too close or duty barging through the door. The problem was, both Millicent and duty were always with him.
* * * *
After supper, Preston had been forced to listen to more of Wilhelmina Tatham’s musical entertainment. Millicent had been lovely in a deep green gown that had been delivered with the rest of her new wardrobe earlier in the day. Claiming a headache, she’d gone to her room an hour before. He hoped she would come to Father’s study when everyone else went to bed, but he doubted she would. Perhaps he would find a way to lure her away from the crowd tomorrow. With only four days left before they all went back to town, he needed to move fast or lose his opportunity.
As the hour grew late, people made their way out of the parlor and up to their rooms. He avoided intimate conversation by keeping a stern expression. Only his closest friends would know better, but even Jacques, Elinor, and Michael kept their distance.
Anthony sipped the last of his brandy. “You throw a grand house party, Middleton. I’ve enjoyed the company. The ladies are beautiful, and the hunting has been excellent. What more can a man ask for?”
“I’m pleased you have enjoyed yourself. We can hunt again tomorrow if you like.” Americans had a directness that put many Englishmen off, but Preston appreciated the blunt honesty that came with Anthony’s friendship.
“I would enjoy that. If I may ask, are you attached to Lady Beatrix?” He put down the empty glass and stood facing Preston.
“No. If you are interested, I am not an obstacle.” It occurred to Preston that warning Anthony was the right thing to do, but it was a difficult balance between that and protecting a lady’s honor.
“I’m not certain if I’m interested. She is lovely to look at, and I find her company tolerable. Perhaps there could be more there. My mother is after me to find a wife. I just don’t really want one.”
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