Just Joe ~ Jen Luerssen

by Luerssen, Jen

  She nods. “Yeah, I did and I do, I love you like you’re my family. I was worried about you and I was trying to be a comfort.” I stare at her in disbelief but her face shows sincerity.

  I retreat, physically and emotionally, sitting back up on the stool. Suddenly I feel bone tired and just sad. I put my head in my hand and try to shake off her rejection. Deep down, I know she’s not being truthful with me. I know she feels the same about me. The care she showed Jack was above and beyond and that was familial. How she cares for me is different. We sleep in the same bed, hold each other and go beyond friendly touching. Also, that kiss? Damn, I wasn’t the only one there and I wasn’t the one that took it up a notch. I’m willing to wait though, she’s worth it. I’ll be patient, well, as patient as I can be.

  Betsy covers the pot and lowers the flame and then turns to me. “I’m going upstairs. Feel free to eat as much of the chili as you want. It should be ready in about an hour.” She turns and heads upstairs, leaving me alone in my cold kitchen. An hour later I make myself a bowl of chili and then pack up the rest and put in the fridge. I watch some movies until I can’t keep my eyes open, then drag myself up to bed. I hear her door open and close and then her pad down the stairs and out the door.

  I leave my door wide open and for the first time in a long while, I pray to whatever higher power there is for her to come to me when she gets back from the theater. The past few nights have spoiled me. It’s not the same without her lovely self curled into me. When I wake in the middle of the night, I find my door closed and am all alone.

  * * *

  Jack comes home the next day and is mostly back to full health. He and I take it easy one more day and everything goes back to normal with Betsy. She dotes on Jack and he eats it up. Her concern for me is almost nonexistent except for her plying me with food. She makes us a huge breakfast, making sure we eat protein to keep our strength up. We have leftover chili for lunch and it’s even better today. She then pulls out all the stops and makes us meatloaf, mashed potatoes and brussels sprouts roasted with bacon and garlic. If food can heal a person then Betsy would be a great healer.

  “Thanks for taking care of this loser, since I couldn’t,” Jack says. “I hope he wasn’t too big of a baby.”

  “Just a little,” she says and they laugh. “You guys aren’t allowed to get sick anymore though, it’s too scary and I’m tired of soup.”

  “You make some good soup though, lady,” he compliments. “I think my new favorite thing is brussels sprouts though.”

  “Wait, I need to record this moment,” I say. “Jack loves a vegetable!”

  “If you made vegetables like these, I would have eaten them all.” He pops one in his mouth and smiles, chewing with his mouth open.

  “Bacon does make most anything palatable, even the dreaded brussels sprouts,” I add. “I think we would have had other issues if we had bacon with every meal, though.”

  We help Betsy clean up and both turn in early. I’m so tired I can barely make it upstairs. This seems ridiculous because all I’ve done today is eat and nap. When I get to the top of the steps, I feel a little dizzy so I lean against the wall.

  “You okay?” Betsy asks from behind me.

  “No,” I say even though Betsy is asking about me feeling faint, not about our relationship. “I miss you.” As I say this, I turn to her. “It felt like we were getting closer, you know? I don’t know what to do now. I want you to curl up next to me in my bed, play with my hair, and kiss me.”

  My hand goes to her braid and I twirl it around my wrist. She shakes me loose. “We are close, Joe, I don’t want that to change but I think it would be best if I stayed in my own room, Maybe I crossed a line, but I don’t want that to change our friendship.”

  My shoulders drop. “Ugh, fine. Just so you know, I’ll always be your friend, no matter what happens between us. I’m a ride or die, friends to the end guy. Even if I kiss you for a while and then stop.”

  Her hands go to my drooped shoulders and she pulls me into a hug. “Joe, you are the best and weirdest surprise of my life. I never thought I’d have a friend like you. We will ride or die together, and of course, we are friends to the end.”

  I retreat from the hug and bring my forehead to hers. “We can be all that and be together.”

  She retreats and goes into her room. I sigh and walk dejectedly to my room. I decide to text Frank since he’s an expert in women not loving him back.

  Me: Hey FF, how do you handle it when someone doesn’t love you back?

  FF: Seriously? Why are you such an asshole?

  Me: Dude, come on. Mikey loves you back, that’s not the problem.

  FF: Two weeks of silence are making me feel differently.

  Me: You can be patient, you’re the most patient person I know.

  FF: Coming from the least patient person, that’s not reassuring.

  Me: You’ll wait for Mikey until the time is right to go get her. Then you’ll have pretty dark-haired babies for me to babysit.

  FF: There’s zero chance that you will ever get to babysit my kids, just want to put that out there.

  Me: Oh, Frank, you’re so cute.

  FF: Oh my god, just get to the point already. Is this about Betsy?

  Me: Yes, in my waning flu haze, I grew the balls to kiss her.

  FF: I’m guessing your advances were unwanted?

  Me: No, that’s the thing. She did this semi-lap dance for me after we’d been snuggling for days. Then I kissed her and she jumped all over me.

  FF: So, what’s the issue?

  Me: I brought up feelings and she shut down.

  FF: Oof, sorry dude.

  Me: She said she’s my friend but that is all she can manage.

  FF: Hm, I’m not sure. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I need more information. Let’s talk at tomorrow’s rehearsal.

  Me: Thanks, Frank. I appreciate you guys switching for me.

  FF: Just don’t come if you’re going to spread it around. The last fucking thing I need in my life is your plague.

  Me: Noted. I’m all clear to work so I’m sure I’m fine for you to give me a bro hug.

  FF: Let’s not.

  Me: That’s cool, Lia likes my bro hugs.

  FF: You stay away from her with your germs!

  Me: Fine, I will hold all of you at arm’s length.

  FF: Like I said, don’t fucking touch me.

  Me: Ooh, sexy talk.

  FF: No

  Me: Goodnight, Grumpy Cat.

  FF: Fuck off, you overgrown puppy dog.

  I put my phone down and close my eyes. Frank will know what to do. He has loved hundreds of ladies that couldn’t stand to love him back. Their loss, though. Frank acts like he hates me but he doesn’t. There’s no unrequited love in our relationship.

  Just Stay

  TURNS OUT FRANK WAS NOT helpful at all. After practice, we had some tea since I was still feeling like crap and didn’t want to have a beer. My day was pretty easy going, Don made me paint the baseboard in Betsy’s master. We were pretty much done with the upstairs except for trim work. Betsy had some window treatments delivered so after I finished painting, I hung those for her. She could move back in at this point, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. In addition to the upstairs, the kitchen was getting there as well. If she wanted to move back in it would be with very little inconvenience.

  I was fuzzy during practice which we ended early since Lia was feeling pukey. Our tour starts soon and we all want to be healthy and good to go. No one hugged me but it’s cool. Being sick sucks and I wouldn’t want my friends to have this. I briefed Frank on the full situation and all he said was, “Sounds like she told you up front she doesn’t do long-term and you didn’t listen.” Right? Like no fucking help at all.

  I get home around seven and Jack and Betsy are sitting at the bar. Jack has books and notes out, clearly doing some school work, and Betsy is tapping away on her laptop. The scene sends an arrow straight through my heart. If I could
come up with a perfect scene I’d love to see when I get home from work every day, this would be in the top three. Obviously, the number one would be just Betsy, naked. Only food would make this scene solidly in the top two.

  “Hey, Joe,” Jack greets me as I walk in the kitchen and sit next to him. “You are just in time for our non-soup meal to arrive.” He smiles wider as the doorbell rings right after he says this. “Ding dong, mother fucker!” he shouts and runs to the door to get our mystery food.

  I look over at Betsy and she is staring at me. “Hey,” I say. “How are you?”

  She shakes her head. “I’m just fine, a little tired from all my nursing duties from the past week, but I’ll live.” She’s still staring at me.

  “What?” I ask.

  “Did you seriously send a box of hot dogs to my work with a giant card that said ‘Please touch my wiener?’” she asks and yeah, I may have taken some bad advice from Don.

  “Did you like it?”

  “I liked the hot dogs, the idiotic note, not so much.” I knew it was over the top but I thought she’d find it funny and I just want to make her laugh and smile.

  “It was Don’s idea. He said when you are wooing a woman, she needs to know what you want,” I say, my shoulder’s shaking trying to not laugh. “It was meant as a thank you for taking good care of me and Jack.”

  She smacks my bicep (flex). “My boss was at the front desk when they arrived, so thanks for that.”

  “Did you share a wiener with him or her?” I ask.

  “Fortunately, Nate loves a good wiener so I shared the love.” She smiles and I know she’s not angry.

  “So generous. There’s plenty of wiener to spare, as you know,” I say, pointing to my lap.

  “Joe, stop pointing at your crotch, you’re besmirching the good Davis name,” Jack says as he walks in carrying a huge bag. “Get some plates for our sushi feast. Betsy and I ordered the right side of the menu.”

  We dig in and Jack tells me about his weekend with Theresa. “She was diffusing essential oils, plying me with smoothies and let me hold the signed Led Zeppelin III album. Also, we played Settlers of Catan with her boyfriend, Hal. It was literally perfect.”

  “No way to compete with that,” Betsy agrees. “Frank’s mom sounds like the coolest. How did she birth such a malcontent?”

  “Solid questions, Bestie. I know Frank seems like a dick, but he’s not really.” I mean, he can act like a total dick, but he’s not. “My little Frankie is just an asshole with a heart of gold.”

  “Hmm, you should remember that for when you give the speech at his wedding,” Jack comments while dipping his dragon roll in soy sauce that’s almost completely green from the copious amounts of wasabi he’s added.

  “He’s getting married?” Betsy asks. “I thought he and Mikey were broken up.”

  I shrug. “It’s only a matter of time before he puts a ring on it. Then I’ll be the best man, obviously, and would give the most charming, funny and sweet toast there ever was.”

  “How do you know you would be his best man?” Jack asks and I’m hurt.

  “Who else would it be?”

  “Sebastian, Andrew, I think he’d even pick Javier over you,” Jack says and I throw a piece of ginger at his stupid face. “Did you just throw food at me?”

  “I did,” I say turning in my seat to face him fully. “First of all, how dare you doubt my best friend status with Frank? Also, he’d never pick Javier. Thirdly, yes, I threw food at you, you ungrateful wretch. You were the one who mentioned the speech at his wedding.”

  Jack is laughing while he peels the ginger from his cheek. “Dude, I thought they’d let you be like the ring bearer or some shit. Certainly, they wouldn’t have you make a speech, but I assume you would just take the mic at some point and embarrass yourself.” Betsy joins in the laughter and whatever, these two ganging up on me isn’t the worst thing ever.

  “Both of you can bite me.” I point at both of them and try to give them a serious stare. This makes them laugh harder. “Fine, just know I’m taking this conversation into account when I plan the speech for your weddings.” I know I said it but the thought of making a speech at Betsy’s wedding and it not being mine as well is a stab to my heart.

  After we are done eating, I clean up while Jack and Betsy go upstairs to play some Diablo III on his computer in his room. I retire to the hot tub because I finally am fever free and it feels so good. The door slides open violently. Betsy stomps over to me and sits on the edge of the tub, glaring at me.

  She pushes my shoulder, hard and I fall over with a splash. “Jerk,” she says poking me in the shoulder and hovering over me. There’s fire in her eyes but all I want to do is pull her in the tub and kiss her. So, I do. Her surprise huff as I hold her to my lips by the back of her neck quickly turns into a sigh as she sinks in. The hand that was poking me goes to my hair and she gently pulls it. We are in a full meld of a kiss and I’m not sure how it happened but I’m happy to be here. With a big inhale she pulls back and then sits up and away from me. She is in her pj shorts and tank so she shouldn’t be too mad I pulled her into the tub.

  “Too far,” I mumble and try to pull her back. She resists so I right myself and give her a questioning look because I don’t know why she is here in the hot tub calling me a jerk and then letting me kiss her. “What?”

  “Why didn’t you tell me I could move back into my house?” she asks and I shrug.

  “Technically you can, but why not wait until it’s almost done? We are going to be there for another month to two at least,” I say and it’s true. “You have a place to stay, your house will be noisy and filled with paint fumes. I didn’t mention it because we just finished the upstairs today, and you’d still be without a kitchen for a while. There’s no reason to mention it.”

  “That’s not your choice to make. If I can be back in my own space then I want to go back.” She splashes me.

  I wipe my hand down my face. “If that’s what you want, but honestly, you’ll have more privacy here with just Jack and me. Please stay here, it’s not an imposition if that’s what you’re thinking. We love having you here.” It’s true. With Jack in school and hanging more with his friends, I’ve been lonely here in this old house. She brings a warmth I can’t replicate.

  “It’s too much,” she says while looking at my lips. I’d say it’s not enough. “The sleeping together, the kisses, you being you. I need a little distance.”

  I move closer to her tug her braid and take a deep breath. “Do what you need to do. You do realize I’ll still be at your house all the time so there’s not that much distance.”

  She smiles at me. “It will be enough. I’m going to go pack my stuff.”

  “It’s almost nine, I’m sure you can wait until tomorrow.” I’m mentally begging her to jump back in.

  She jumps up out of the water and claps her hands together.

  “It’s not a lot of stuff and I want to get my stuff moved in in the morning. I have a brand new mattress in storage, would you mind helping me get it so I can sleep there tomorrow?”

  “Sure,” I say defeated. “How did you know, by the way?”

  “Don texted me picture of you napping on my floor with a wet paintbrush in your hand and said my room was ready.”

  That fucker, he’s dead.

  Just the Plague Part 2

  THE STORAGE PLACE DOESN’T OPEN until eight so I haul Betsy and her stuff to her house and we put it all in her room, which she loves. She especially loves the roman shades she picked and is grateful I put them up for her. By the time we have all her stuff unloaded, it’s time to go to get her mattress.

  “Any second thoughts?” I ask because when we left her house it was super loud and there’s still a lot of dust flying around.

  She shakes her head. “I know it’ll be loud at times and not super clean, but it was what I was planning on before the mold so it’s fine.”

  “Well, just know that if it gets to be too much, you have a s
tanding invite at Casa Davis.”

  “I appreciate that. You have been very generous.”

  “You are my best friend, and it’s really nothing,” I say as I turn into the storage place.

  She is staring at me so I glance at her. “You really believe that?” she asks.

  “What? That you’re my best friend?” She nods. “Of course. I have a lot of friends but I know you’re my best one since there’s no one I’d rather hang out with than you.”

  Her smile is wide and glorious. “The things you say, Joe.”

  I shrug. “It’s true.”

  We get her bed and Don and I carry it up the stairs. She spends a few hours unpacking and setting up her room the way she wants it. Meanwhile, Don and I continue working on the flooring in the back room. At lunchtime I head up to see if she wants to go with me to get tacos. I knock and let myself in.

  “Jeez, wait for me to invite you in.” Betsy is sitting on her bed, her laptop in front of her.

  “Sorry, I thought we were past that.”

  “What? Respect and human decency?” she asks, but is smiling so I know she’s not really angry with me. “What’s up?”

  “Wanted to see if you wanted to go to Los Altos or Cancun maybe? It’s Tuesday so federal law requires that we have to get tacos.”

  “That’s not real, but yes, I’m so tired and I’m starving. I was going to go into work but I think I’m just going to hang here today.” She closes her laptop and stands, slipping her Vans on. “Let’s go.”

  * * *

  After lunch, Betsy holes up in her room and Don, Denver, Luz, and I work on the floors. When we are done, I head up to say goodbye to Betsy. I knock lightly and open the door. She is curled up on her bed asleep. I tiptoe over, move her computer off the bed and cover her with her fuzzy blanket she loves so much. The pull to join her is overwhelming, so I kiss her forehead and turn off the lamp sitting on a stack of books next to her makeshift bed.

  When I get home there’s a note from Jack saying he went to Kel’s. I’m alone. I hate being alone. I’m one of those weird people that like to be around other people all the time. I’m needy that way. I eat some leftover chili, take a shower and get into bed naked. Since I’m lonely, I decide to text Betsy to see if she woke up from her nap.