Now Lelani was imagining Mr. and Mrs. Mendez home by themselves. “But your parents, Gil. Won’t they be lonely?”
He laughed. “No way. They’ll have a houseful of relatives. It’s the same thing every year.”
“Except you and Anna won’t be there.”
“You won’t be home with your parents either, Lelani.”
“That’s true. But Maui is a bit of a commute.”
Gil didn’t respond, and Lelani suspected he wanted to ask her more but was simply being polite.
“Besides, I don’t think they want me around.”
“Why?”
“It’ll be their first Christmas with the baby … with Emma.”
“But what about you? Don’t you want to be there too? I mean, she is your baby.”
Lelani considered this. “To be honest, I’ve been thinking about her lately. Like I’ll see a baby that’s about her age—about six or seven months—and they are so adorable. And I think I am missing out on that.”
“Can’t you change your mind?”
“I don’t know. I mean, of course, I’m sure I can change my mind. But my parents. They’d be upset. And we made a deal—they don’t want me coming back so soon. So far, they’re the ones holding everything together. They’re the ones who paid for my college and supported me … and I let them down.”
“Life happens.”
“I know.”
“You need to forgive yourself, Lelani.”
She didn’t say anything. Maybe he was right on some level, but at the same time it seemed impossible … unimaginable.
“I know you don’t like talking about this,” he continued. “But burying your feelings isn’t good for you either.”
“I know.”
“Eventually you’ll have to face it.”
“Eventually, but not this Christmas.”
“As long as you’re not torturing yourself.”
Lelani didn’t respond to that either. And, fortunately, Gil changed the subject back to Anna and Jake. “It’s going to be interesting to see what happens,” he continued. “I was actually getting attached to old Edmond.”
“Me too.”
“And it’s obvious that Edmond really cares about Anna.”
“And she cares about him, too.”
“But she might not be in love with him.” Gil sighed. “Not like she was with Jake, anyway.”
“But Jake hurt her,” Lelani pointed out. “Do you think it’s possible to fall back in love with someone who hurt you like that?”
“Could you?”
Lelani knew that he was referring to Ben now. Emma’s father. And the truth was Lelani wasn’t sure. Ben had hurt her more than anyone. He’d deceived her about being single, and then when she found out she was pregnant he abandoned her. Even so, she still remembered how it felt to be totally in love with him. In the past, she had imagined Ben searching for her, telling her he was wrong, that he wanted her back, that he wanted to take care of her and Emma, that they would be a family.
“I guess it’s complicated,” she finally admitted. “I mean matters of the heart. On one hand, you can feel like you totally despise someone who has hurt you. Like Anna probably felt toward Jake. But then that person appears to change, he apologizes, he says the right things, he pulls you in, and then everything is turned upside down.”
“I know,” said Gil firmly.
“You know what?”
“I know that Anna will be sorry if she goes back with Jake.”
“Really?” Lelani frowned at him now. “You’re starting to sound like your mother.”
“Maybe so, but I think history can be the best predictor of the future.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning it’s simple and straightforward, like math or science. You put two and two together and you know they equal four. You put Anna and Jake together and you know it equals trouble.”
Lelani wasn’t sure that he was only talking about Anna and Jake anymore. She suspected that somehow she and Ben had slipped into his metaphorical equation as well.
“It’s too bad some people think with their hearts instead of their heads,” stated Gil.
“Which do you think with?” she asked him.
He paused as if weighing his answer. “Maybe both.”
“I’d like to think that I do too. But I have to admit that it hasn’t always been the case.”
He pulled up in front of the house on Bloomberg Place and let out a loud sigh. “I’m sorry, Lelani. I’m sure it must’ve sounded like I was lecturing you. Anna tells me that I can get all high and mighty sometimes. I probably sounded like that now.”
She smiled at him. “No. I like talking with you.”
“It’s just that I really do care about you.” He turned and looked at her. “And sometimes I sense that you’re tormented.”
“Tormented …” She nodded. “Yes. That sounds about right.”
“And, being a guy, well, I guess I just want to fix it.”
“But you can’t.”
“Right. But I want to help if I can.”
“You do help, Gil. I mean, you’re right … I don’t like to talk about it. I do want to shove it away and pretend it’s not there. But it’s always there, you know, bubbling beneath the surface. And it helps me to know that you know about everything and that I can talk to you if I need to.”
“Any time.”
“Thanks.”
Then he got out, helped her out of the pickup, and walked her to the door. “I know we’ve been saying that we’re just friends, Lelani, but I need to be honest with you. I feel like you’re more than that. Or maybe I just wish you were more than that.”
She didn’t know what to say.
“But I don’t want to push things either,” he told her.
She looked up at him. “I really did have a lovely time tonight.”
He smiled. “I did too.”
This time she reached out and took his hand. “And I’m sorry I’m such a basket case sometimes.”
“You’re not a basket case.”
“Well, I probably hide it, but I know that you know what I’m like underneath.”
“You’ve got a lot to deal with.”
“And I appreciate your patience with me, Gil. Really, I do.”
He nodded and squeezed her hand. “And you’re getting cold, Maui girl. You better get inside and get warm.”
Then, to her surprise, she kissed him on the cheek. Then, feeling self-conscious, she turned and hurried inside the house. She closed the door and leaned against it and wondered why she had done that. Here she’d been managing to keep things under control and she goes and kisses him. But on the cheek, she reminded herself as she locked the door. Hadn’t he kissed his mother on the cheek earlier tonight? Really, he shouldn’t assume that it meant anything.
And yet as she went to her room, she had a distinct feeling that it did mean something. Or that she wanted it to mean something. And that worried her.
Eight
Kendall
“You expect me to believe that you actually slept with Matthew Harmon?” Amelia looked skeptical as she blew the steam off her latte. “Come on, girl. In your dreams.”
“I did,” protested Kendall. “Just ask Lelani if you don’t believe me. She went to the wrap party too.”
“Right. Like I’m going to call someone I barely know and ask her if my best friend is lying to me.”
“Fine, then don’t believe me.” Kendall held her head high, glancing across the crowded coffee shop. She was curious as to whether anyone had overheard her confession about Matthew. Not that she cared, since she was rather proud of the fact that she was involved with Matthew Harmon. But everyone seemed to be engaged i
n their own conversations or reading the Sunday paper.
“Furthermore,” said Amelia indignantly, “why did you ask Lelani to the wrap party and not me?”
“Because you’re married.”
Amelia rolled her eyes. “So?”
“So, I wanted to take a single friend.”
“You wanted to take a single friend, but then you end up going to bed with a married guy?”
“I didn’t know he was married.”
“Everyone knows he’s married, Kendall. Have you not heard of Heidi Hardwick? Get real.”
“Okay, I sort of knew who she was, but I honestly didn’t know they were married. Or maybe it was some kind of Freudian trick, like I knew on some level of consciousness, but I simply forgot.”
Amelia laughed. “Yes, obviously it was some kind of Freudian trick.”
“Anyway, he’s not happily married.”
“How do you know that?”
“He told me.”
“Before or after you slept with him? That is if you actually slept with him.”
“After.” Kendall frowned now. “Well, to be honest, it might’ve been before, too. The night we met is still kind of blurry.”
“You were drinking, obviously.”
“It was a party.”
“Just how drunk were you?”
Kendall gave her a sheepish smile. “Pretty wasted.”
“So how can you be sure you actually slept with him then? Maybe you hallucinated or imagined the whole thing.”
“Because I was in his room the next day. With him.”
Amelia seemed to be coming on board now. And when she asked for specifics, Kendall was glad to give them to her. Sure, it was possible that Kendall was fabricating some of the details, since she really couldn’t remember that much about the actual event, but she knew how to make it sound good.
Amelia shook her head. “Well, you are a piece of work, Kendall.”
“A good piece of work?”
Amelia laughed. “Let’s just say an interesting piece.”
“But there’s a problem now,” said Kendall sadly.
“What?”
“I think I’m in love.”
“In love or infatuated?”
“In love.”
“How can you be so sure? I mean you admit it was a one-night thing, right?”
“Yes. But he’s such a cool guy. And he liked me. And I’m sure if he wasn’t married, well, I might have a real chance.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“It’s hard to describe. But something about the way he held me, the way he spoke to me, I could tell he really cared about me.”
“Maybe he was just appreciative of the free sex.”
“Amelia!” Kendall frowned.
“Get serious, Kendall. A guy like Matthew Harmon can have practically any girl he wants—or at least any girl who’s giving it away. I mean he’s obviously not faithful to his wife. You were simply at the right place at the right time. You were drunk. And you’re easy.”
“Thanks a lot.” Kendall felt like walking out on Amelia right now. What kind of friend was she anyway?
“Come on, Kendall, you know that guys are like that. Easy come, easy go. Use her then lose her.”
“Not all guys.”
“No,” said Amelia with cutting sarcasm. “Guys like Matthew Harmon, the ones who cheat on their wives, they’re definitely different.”
“He was different.”
“Fine. Whatever.” Amelia was checking her cell phone now, always a sign that she was bored with the conversation. For that matter, Kendall was fed up with her “friend’s” criticism. When Amelia got married she turned into some kind of moral snob, like she’d never partied or slept around before. It was getting pretty aggravating, too. And here Kendall thought Amelia would be so impressed, and that she’d be fascinated to hear about Kendall’s amazing encounter with a real film star.
“Are you jealous?” asked Kendall suddenly.
“Jealous?” Amelia laughed in an unconvincing way.
“You know, because I’m still single. And because I took Lelani, not you, to this really great wrap party, and we hung out with famous people, and I slept with a great-looking celebrity?”
“Why on earth would I be jealous of that?”
“Because you’re a boring old married lady,” teased Kendall. “And your days of fun are over and gone.”
“And you’re insane.”
“And you’re jealous.”
“Puh-leeze.” Amelia snapped her phone closed. “Arden and I are fabulously happy and I am not jealous.” She stood now. “But here’s a word of advice for you, Kendall.”
“What?” Kendall stood too, hooking the strap of her Hermès bag over her arm.
“Do not get involved with a married guy.”
Kendall frowned.
“I’m serious, Kendall. It never works.”
“What makes you such an expert?” asked Kendall as they exited the coffee shop together.
“A mutual friend.”
“Who?”
“Laura.”
“Laura Stein?”
“Yes.”
“She’s involved with a married guy?”
“Yes. And she’d kill me if she knew I told you.”
“Then why did you?”
“Because I’m making a point. Laura is miserable.”
“She never looks miserable to me.” Kendall paused by her car now.
“She’s good at hiding it, but trust me, she’s miserable.”
“Why?”
“Because the guy keeps promising to leave his wife.”
“And?”
“And he never does.”
“Maybe he’s going to.”
“No. He’s not. They never do.”
“Never?”
“I saw it on Oprah.”
“Yeah, right.” Kendall shook her head and unlocked her car.
“I’m just warning you. A married guy who’s cheating on his wife will say anything to get what he wants and, believe me, he wants it both ways. It’s a lose-lose situation, Kendall. And you’ll be the big loser.”
“Thanks a lot.” Kendall made a face. “But just so you don’t stay up nights worrying about me, I am not going to be having an affair with Matthew.”
“Good.”
Kendall told Amelia good-bye and got into her car, slamming the door a little too loudly. “Amelia is such an idiot.” Of course, she smiled as she said this, giving a dainty little finger wave to Amelia as they drove in opposite directions down the street.
Kendall continued talking to herself as she turned down Bloomberg Place. “Like I’m really going to have an affair with Matthew Harmon. Like that’s even possible.”
But as she drove down the street, she wondered, what if it was possible? Seriously, maybe she had given up on this guy too easily. What if she gave this her best shot? What if she went down to LA and surprised sweet Matthew with a little visit? Naturally, she’d make sure that she looked absolutely stunning. She’d get the hottest outfits together, and her hair and nails and everything would be total perfection. She’d book a room in a great hotel and then she’d just “happen to run into him.” And who knew what might happen after that? Anything was possible.
As she pulled into her driveway, she felt extremely hopeful. Seriously, why couldn’t she win Matthew away from that stupid Heidi Hardwick, a selfish woman who cared more about her career than she did for her husband?
Kendall hurried straight to her room and got online, and before long she was convinced that Matthew’s marriage was doomed.
She spent the next couple of hours reading everything she could find about both Mat
thew and Heidi. It was an established fact that they’d had marriage troubles the past several years, although, according to one source, the couple had been trying to fix them lately. Allegedly, anyway. Who knew what was really true and what wasn’t? Still, if Heidi’s career was taking off like everyone seemed to be predicting, she might become a bigger star than poor Matthew before long. And in that case, Matthew might need someone in his corner to encourage him. He might need someone like Kendall to come home to.
Kendall closed her laptop and smiled. This might not be as impossible as she’d assumed. Even if it was difficult, it could be well worth the trouble. Besides, Kendall liked a challenge.
It was time to go shopping. The only problem was that Kendall was broke. She’d taken Megan’s advice and used December’s rent money, recently collected from her housemates, to pay the minimum balance on her credit cards. She’d known it was a bad idea, but Megan had been insistent. “You need to get your finances under control,” she’d urged. Megan had also encouraged her to cut up all of her charge cards, but that’s where Kendall had drawn the line. Instead, she had promised to seal them in an envelope and stick them in a drawer and forget about them.
It was time to get those plastic cards out. And, she told herself, this was different from just careless spending or being a “shopaholic” as her housemates liked to say. This was a serious mission and an investment in her future. Winning Matthew Harmon could change things for Kendall, permanently and wonderfully.
Kendall drove straight to the mall and hit her favorite stores, but she soon realized that this mission would be a bigger challenge than she’d expected. It was December and she wanted to find cool clothes that would work in sunny Southern California. Finally, she went to a boutique that specialized in cruise and vacation clothes.
“Kendall,” said a female voice from behind her.
Kendall had been standing in front of a three-way mirror, checking herself out in a turquoise blue Gucci bikini. Surprised, she turned to see that it was none other than Laura Stein trying on a coral-colored sundress.
“Laura,” said Kendall happily. “How are you?”
“Great,” said Laura. “What do you think of this dress?”
“Nice.” Kendall nodded. “And it looks like you’ve been tanning, too.”
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