by Robin Janney
Oh God, no…
The room began to spin, and there was no stopping it.
Angela crumpled to her knees, managing to grab the counter as her chest constricted painfully, and she couldn’t breathe. A red haze was already filling her vision. She managed to grab the phone before she hit the floor. She couldn’t breathe…or see…but she managed to dial the farm.
She held her chest with one hand, the phone in the other. Despite the buzz filling her ears, she heard someone answer. “Daddy?” she managed. “Daddy? Oh God it hurts…Daddy? Are you there?”
“What the fuck? Angela?” Who was talking to her? She couldn’t tell. It sounded like a girl, but it wasn’t Mom.
“It hurts…I can’t breathe…I want…my Daddy…”
“DAD!” Who was screaming? It couldn’t be Cassie…she’d never sound this worried. Cassie hated her. “Angie’s having a panic attack! It sounds bad!”
“It is…” she told the person, trying to breath and unable to do so. “It hurts…I can’t breathe…I want Daddy…”
“He’s on his way, Angie…Ange, Ange, I’m sorry…I forget sometimes. We always called you Angie before…Oh fuck, I hope I’m not making it worse…Dad said to keep talking to you…”
“Daddy…”
“He’s on his way…and Mom went somewhere already…I think it’s a ladies’ breakfast or something like that…something for church…I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say…Dad’s on his way…”
“You’re sure? Please…” Every breath hurt, when she could get one. Stars danced before her eyes, shadows moved around her in the red haze. She didn’t know what she was afraid of, but terror filled her. Was there someone in the apartment with her? “I just want Daddy…”
“Yes, I wouldn’t lie to you about this…honest…” Whoever was talking to her was crying with her. Definitely not Cassie then. “Oh my God, Ange…I don’t know what triggered this but I’m so sorry!”
“No…no…” It was all she could manage. She felt so cold…unable to stop energy from leaking out of her. Where was her daddy? Her ears were buzzing and it hurt. Whoever she was talking to sounded so far away, like they were at the other end of a tunnel. “Daddy’s coming?”
“Yes! He’s on his way, I promise. He told me not to worry about missing the bus and then he tore out of here…he’s probably speeding…”
“Okay. Okay.” It brought some comfort.
“I was dragging my feet because there’s a history test I didn’t want to take. Mr. Drake is such bore. Oh my God, Ange, I’m sorry…”
God, who was she talking to? It sounded like her sister, but Cassie would never be this worried about her. Was there an elephant standing on her chest? “Daddy…”
“Daddy’s here,” came his voice through the fog. Gentle hands lifted her, cradled her. His hand took the phone from her. “I’m here, Cassie. I’ve got her.”
She’d been talking with Cassie after all? Somehow that made it worse and Angela struggled in her father’s embrace. “Oh God…Oh God…I’m sorry…I’m sorry I hurt you Cassie…”
“I hung up already honey,” his voice said. “I’ll tell her what you said. Now just focus on breathing.”
“Can’t…chest hurts…”
“I understand. I’ve got you Angela.”
“Don’t let go…please…I’m so cold…”
“I won’t. Daddy’s got you.” His arms tightened around her. “Can you tell me how long it’s been going on?”
“Call…just started…” What time was it? She couldn’t remember.
“It just started before you called?”
“Yes…”
“Should be about ten minutes left then, if it goes like it has in the past…you just focus on the sound of my voice, honey, and maybe it won’t hurt so bad…”
“Okay…okay…” His voice was always so calm.
“I think you scared your sister.” A kiss was pressed to her temple. “I don’t know if that helps the two of you or not. I’ve never heard her yell for me like that.”
“Me…me neither…” It was helping. Oh God, if he would just keep talking. The buzzing in her ears was fading as she listened to him.
“Have you heard from Craig? Is that what’s this is about?”
“Yes…yes…Oh God…”
“Aw Ange, don’t tell me I have to start shopping somewhere else…”
“No…no…” She felt so silly, but the air was beginning to clear.
“So, he’s coming then? Good God girl…if this is how you take good news, I’d hate to see the bad.”
The sounds of his chuckle reverberated through her. “Me…too…A little longer…it’s…almost over…”
“I can tell. You’re breathing better. See, it’s going to be okay.”
And it was. Her father held her the long minutes until it passed, and she could sit up on her own. “Oh God,” Angela muttered, holding her head in her heads. “What time is it?”
“Almost seven-thirty,” Philip answered, glancing at his watch. He sat next to her on the floor still.
“I’ll never make it to class on time.” She sighed and rubbed her chest. “It hurts.”
“It’ll probably be sore all day, honey. Why don’t you take off classes, and work, and come out to the farm with me? Maybe run out to see Dr. Evans?”
“I have to take care of Princess…”
“Bring her with. Not sure what old Binks will think about that, but I am not comfortable leaving you alone after this episode.”
Angela nodded numbly. “I know. It was bad. I haven’t had anything like this in years.”
“It’s settled then, you’ll stay with us straight through to Thanksgiving. Get whatever you need, then we’ll go down and get your dog.”
“Okay.” Still, she sat there another minute, her hand rubbing the middle of her chest. “If he’s just coming for Mom’s cooking, I might hurt him.”
Her father laughed. “I wouldn’t blame you.”
The two climbed to their feet, helping each other up.
“Give me a few minutes, Dad. I have no idea what to wear now.”
He ran his hand over her hair. “Take your time, Angela. I’m not going anywhere without you.” He watched as his daughter walked unsteadily through her apartment to her bedroom. As soon as she was out of sight, he switched on senses he hadn’t used in years and looked around. He’d only been in his daughter’s apartment a handful of times, but never for very long.
He looked around carefully. It looked like she lived here, everything had its place, and everything was in its place…everything was clean, super clean even, which told him her anxiety had been resurfacing even before this attack…and yet something felt off. He couldn’t put his finger on it. He pulled back the pink gauzy curtain hanging over the door window and gazed out. It looked like a quiet Tuesday morning in Tyler’s Grove. A few cars passed through, but that was it.
Angela was coming back, a small suitcase in her hand. “I guess. I just…”
“Just what honey?” He opened the door for her and followed her out.
“I feel like I’m forgetting something.” She laughed weakly, walking down the steps.
“Well, when you remember, let me know and I’ll bring you back to get it.” He made sure she was safely in their old truck before climbing behind the wheel.
“I can tell you one thing. I’m hungry.”
“I’m sure Mom has something around you can make.” He patted her hand and started the truck. “Come on, let’s go get your dog.”
22
T hanksgiving dawned cold and cloudy.
Two days removed from her panic attack, and Angela still looked too pale to her father. He watched as she flitted around the kitchen helping her mother and aunts with the meal preparation. Philip finished refilling his coffee mug and crossed to where his wife was stirring something on the stove.
“Has Angela had anything to eat yet?” he asked quietly.
His wife shook her head.
Speaking as quietly as her husband, she said, “I even made blueberry muffins this morning. She only picked at it.”
“She hasn’t turned down blueberries in years.” He sighed. “How much longer until we eat?”
Maude blew air out through her lips. “About an hour, maybe an hour and a half.”
“Any muffins left?”
“No, Bonnie’s kids polished them off when they arrived. There’s some Special K in the cupboard.”
“I’ll have her back to helping in a just a few minutes then.”
Maude nodded, but said, “If you want to keep her out entirely, we’ve got this.”
“I’ll try,” he said. Grabbing a bowl from the cupboard, Philip filled it with cereal and poured milk over it. He left his coffee sitting near the coffee maker, hoping no one decided he was done with it. Angela was stirring what looked like green pudding at the table. He touched her shoulder lightly. “Angela, come with me. Someone else will finish this.”
She allowed him to guide her without protest. The living room was teaming with kids watching them Thanksgiving Day parade come to an end. “Too noisy,” he grumbled. The den down the hall would be just as bad since that was where he and the guys were gathered until meal time. He changed direction and guided her in the opposite direction to his small farm office. “Now, I know for a fact you didn’t have any breakfast yet today. Your mother told me so.”
“Dad!” she protested as only a daughter could.
“Don’t you ‘dad’ me,” he said sternly, but lovingly. He sat her by the window on the stool. The stool’s sole purpose was for his kids to sit on when they needed to talk. “You need to sit still for a few moments and relax your nerves. You won’t get Craig here any faster by fretting about it.” He pressed the bowl into her hands before he sat in his chair. “Angela, it should tell you a lot that he’s on his way.”
“I know, I know…it’s just…I wish I could have talked to him myself. I never thought to give him this number.” She sighed, stirring the cereal with the spoon. “There was so much snow out there.”
“I know, and Becky’s call yesterday said he was well clear of the snow.”
“I know, you’re right.” She lifted the spoon to her mouth and grimaced around the bite. “Ugh, it’s beginning to get soggy.”
“Then you’d better hurry and finish it.” He laughed at the look she gave him. But she kept eating. “Now, your mother said she’d be alright without your help. Find something else to do until dinner time.”
“She said that?”
“She did.”
“Is she feeling okay?”
Philip drew a deep breath, frustrated not for the first time about the barrier between the two, but perhaps it was understandable. “You know your mother loves you. Cassie wasn’t the only one your panic attack scared. Speaking of which, how much does Craig know about them?”
She winced and shrugged her shoulders. “He doesn’t know everything, but he knows about the one Pastor Mark triggered so he knows some.”
“Okay, good enough for now.” He waited until she was finished with the cereal. “I know how it is when you’re young and want to make an impression. Are you satisfied with your appearance?”
He hid his smile as she glanced down at her sweater and jeans.
“Uhm, not really. Mom said she doesn’t need my help?”
“Nope, she’s cut you loose. She said we have about an hour, so take your time.”
“I’m going to go change my clothes then. If he’s driving straight through, the least I can do is look nice when he gets here.” She stood. “Thanks Dad.”
“No problem. Here, I’ll take your bowl.” He took his daughter’s burden and followed her back into the main part of the house. He split off and returned to the kitchen. Dumping the leftover milk into the dog’s dish, Philip wondered where the dogs were. “Someone let the dogs out?”
“They were getting rambunctious,” his sister-in-law Sylvia said.
The last thing he needed was for Angela’s dog to get lost or hurt, but a quick look outside told him the yellow dog wasn’t going anywhere. His old hound dog had flopped beneath a tree and Princess was curled up beside him trying to catch his tail every time it wagged.
“Oh, thank God,” he muttered. He returned for his coffee mug, only to find it had disappeared. Grabbing the same mug from the drainer, he poured himself a fresh cup. No point in griping about it, not today. He found his way back into the den. Family was everywhere, and for a moment he felt pity for Craig who probably had no idea of the chaos he was walking into.
Fifteen minutes later, he heard Angela yelling down the steps from the upper level.
“Cassie! Where’s the curling iron?”
“I don’t know!” was the answer yelled back. “If it’s not on the vanity, then I have no idea!”
Jared, who was on the floor playing a board game with cousins, looked up. “Crap.” He stood and took off towards the stairs, his voice reaching his sister’s decibels. “I was using it for a science experiment!”
“Jared!” both sisters yelled.
“I’m coming, I’m coming!” the boy yelled seconds before his feet hit the steps.
Philip stepped out the door of the den long enough to yell his own comment. “What have I said to you three about yelling up and down the stairs?”
“Sorry Dad!” was heard in triplicate. Laughter rippled through the large farmhouse.
Later as they were gathering around the tables, one for the adults and a couple folding tables in the living room for the kids, Philip caught sight of Angela. She’d changed into an older dress, a light blue flowered piece more suitable to summer, that showed off her calves, her arms, and her neck. Far more conservative than she’d dressed for her dates as a teenager, but the most daring he’d seen her dress since her senior prom. And apparently Jared hadn’t ruined the curling iron because her braid was gone and replaced with gentle curling waves.
He managed to give her a one arm squeeze on the way to the head of the table. “You look nice.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
Taking his seat, he looked down the long table at the rabble as they took their seats, laughing and joking still. Angela was the only one not joining in. He cleared his throat loudly and waited for them to settle and silence to descend. Heads bowed, hands creating a circle around the table, he began to say grace. “Heavenly Father, we are gathered here today…”
The sound of a vehicle pulling into their driveway interrupted him. “Hang on everyone.” Philip stood, even as some of the younger ones giggled. Even Bonnie and her daughter were exchanging whispers. He patted Angela’s shoulder as he passed by her, and by the time he’d reached the front door there was a hesitant knock. He opened the door, smiling. “Craig, we’ve been expecting you.”
The young man returned the smile. He looked tired and nervous. “I’m sorry I’m late, I haven’t missed dinner, have I?”
“We’ve just sat down. Come in, come in!” Philip stood to the side and ushered the late arrival in. “Give me your coat.” He waited patiently, taking the coat from Craig as the other looked around his new surroundings. He looked cautious still, but Philip could tell the moment Angela was spotted. Tension vanished from the tired face, the smile more heartfelt than the one he’d given Philip. He finished hanging the coat on the rack and guided the young man in. “We saved you a spot,” he was saying. “Here, sit next to Angela and we’ll get back to saying grace. We’ll do introductions after.”
“S
ounds good to me,” Craig said as he sat in the high-backed chair next Angela. She was biting her lip, but she was smiling. She looked tired, but relief filled her eyes. “Hi,” he said. “I made it.”
“I see this.” She held her hand out to him. “We hold hands during grace. I hope you don’t mind.”
“I think I can manage.” He wasn’t as sure as he sounded, but he slipped his hand in hers, barely aware of someone else taking hold of his other hand. There was a slight tremble in A
ngela’s light grasp, but it eased. He didn’t want to stop looking into her eyes.
But Philip was clearing his throat, a gentle rumble. Angela looked away from him, and Craig lowered his own gaze. He wasn’t paying any attention to Philip’s prayer, instead looking out of the corner of his eye at the woman he’d just traveled across the country for. She was a beautiful sight for his tired eyes.
When the prayer ended, and it was safe to look up again, he held onto her hand longer as he looked over at her. He wanted so badly to pull her aside, answer the questions in her eyes, but doubted her family would approve. He gave her hand a final squeeze, then dropped it to grab the bowl being passed to him.
“You would not believe the snow I had to come through,” he said to her as he put a portion of the bowl’s contents on the plate in front of him. He wasn’t paying attention to the food just yet.
Amusement filled her eyes as she took the bowl from him and passed it along. “Oh yes, I would. I was watching the Weather Channel before the kids got here and wanted to watch the parade. I believe the one total I heard was over a foot.”
“Close to two,” he confirmed. Another bowl made its round. He had no idea what he was putting on his plate.
“Does your truck have four-wheel drive?” asked an older man sitting across from him.
“Yes, it does.” He looked over to the other. “And I still had trouble in places, especially higher up in the mountain.”
The woman to the man’s right had a strong resemblance to Maude. She tsked softly. The hair on her head was completely silver. “How long have you been driving?”
“It was stop and go the entire trip,” he explained. He added more to his plate. It didn’t look too bad, whatever it was. “This last stretch was almost twenty-four straight.”
There was a moment of silence at the table, apparently everyone had heard his answer.
“That is so cool!” said the teenager sitting next to him. He almost bounced in his seat.
“Bobby!” scolded the woman who looked like an older version of Maude. “It is not cool! It was a very dangerous thing to do.”
“But worth it.” Craig looked over to Angela, saw her wide eyes. “You want to tell me who I’m talking to?” he teased.