by Robin Janney
As the service ended, a few of the people in the surrounding pews greeted him but he wasn’t very interested in making small talk. He still hadn’t seen Angela, and he was on his way out the door when there was a light tap on his arm. He turned to see slight Mildred Langtree standing behind him. “Hey, Millie.”
“Hi Craig,” she said in her frail voice. Her light blue eyes sparkled behind her glasses as she smiled up at him. “Angela said you’d be coming tonight and to not let you leave.”
“She’s here?” he asked, putting his hands in his coat pockets.
“Yes. There were some no-shows tonight, and she got pulled back to help behind the scenes.” The small woman rolled her eyes. “I tried taking her place, so she could be out here when you came, but I was politely told I was too old.”
“They’re crazy,” he replied, grinning. Millie was easily in her late eighties.
“I’ve been telling them that for years. Now, why don’t you come downstairs for refreshments?” The elderly woman waved for him to follow her. “There are cookies!”
“Sure.” He followed her into the flow of people. He saw the steep flight of stairs she was starting down and voiced his concern for her. “Are you sure you want to go down these?”
“I do it every Sunday, young man.” Her hand held fast to the rail. “Besides, someone needs to show you around and I didn’t see anyone else stepping up.”
Others flowed around them, and Craig was glad there wasn’t anyone trying to come up the stairs. The bottom level was brightly lit, a Christmas tree in one corner. People were already seated around tables, plates of snacks in front of them. The chaos reminded him of the Carman family on Thanksgiving Day, friendly voices and children’s laughter.
“Oh my,” said Millie as they reached bottom. “Talk about sensory overload! Will you be alright?”
He smiled, having already spotted Angela on the far side of the room. “I’ll manage,” he told his guide.
“Good. Now, the bathrooms are back that way. I’ve heard the men’s toilet has been acting up recently, so if you have to use it – be careful.” The older woman stopped so she could wave her hands as she gave him the layout. “And down that way is one of our exits, the other one leading to the parking lot is that way. The refreshments are along the back. I’m going to go see if Jonas will take me home now, but you run along and join Angela.” But she gestured for him to come closer as if she wanted to whisper something to him.
He obliged her.
Her frail voice was hushed as she spoke. “I just want to let you know, I’m praying for the two of you.”
Smiling at her, he stood straight again. “Thank you, Millie. It means a lot to hear you say that.”
“Now you go have fun.” She patted his arm and wandered away.
He thought about taking his coat off again but wasn’t sure where to put it. Instead, Craig circled around to the drink table and grabbed two plastic cups of punch. He couldn’t help but overhear their conversation as he approached Angela as she helped Nora Thompson change her newborn’s diaper.
“He is so adorable!” Angela was saying as she passed the woman a diaper. “And he was such a good baby tonight.”
“I was a little worried about letting him be baby Jesus, so I’m glad it worked out.” Nora finished her change, wrapping the squirming boy in a blanket. “Would you like to hold him?”
He was amused to see Angela become flustered.
“I…I don’t know. It’s been awhile since I held a baby.” She even stepped back.
“It’ll be fine. He’s half asleep as it is.” The mother handed the baby to Angela, who took it somewhat reluctantly. “See, it’s fine.”
Angela relaxed after a moment, holding the baby boy close. Her smile was soft. “The last baby I held peed on me.”
Nora laughed. “They do that. Hello, Mr. Moore!”
“Ladies,” he said in greeting.
“Hi Craig!” said Angela, her face turning pink. “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to sit with you upstairs. One of the costume helpers couldn’t make it and I was volunteered. I was a little worried you’d changed your mind.”
“I almost did,” he said honestly. “Millie explained to me what happened.”
“Oh good.”
“Did you enjoy the program?” Nora asked him, looking between him and Angela for the first time.
“I did.” He wondered if even a polite lie in church was forgivable.
The infant in Angela’s arms began to make mewling sounds, his tiny hands searching around him. “Oh,” Angela said. “Uhm, here, you’d better take him back.”
The mother accepted her infant back, her face amused. “Yes, he’s probably getting hungry again. I’ll let you and Mr. Moore visit. Kenny will want to be going soon.”
The young mother slipped away unnoticed.
“Here,” Craig said to Angela. He held one of the cups out to her. “I brought you some punch.”
“Thanks.” She accepted it from him and took a sip. Her face wrinkled in a grimace. “They put too much soda in it again.” She turned her gaze to him, her eyes twinkling with teasing. “Well, what do you think?”
He shrugged and realized he’d already drank most of his punch. He didn’t remember drinking from the cup. “It tasted fine to me.”
“No!” She laughed, her hand coming to her mouth as she did so. “I meant about my dress! I told you I was going to make some new clothes with my Christmas bonus.”
“So you did.”
“Well?” She stepped back and did a spin for him, the dress shimmering as she did so.
He took a moment to consider the dress. Had it been blue, it would have been close to the dress the Angel wore in his dreams. The skirt was long, and plentiful while the bodice was well-fitted. The sleeves flared out below the elbows with ruffles matching those around her collar. The emerald green fabric looked too thin to be meant for winter, and he didn’t think he’d ever tell her how it brought out the red in her hair. He made the mistake of considering how she filled the dress and felt his face heat.
Clearing his throat and hoping he wasn’t as red as he felt, he took a sip of his remaining punch. She’d even let her hair flow loose like she’d been doing more of since Thanksgiving, glittering snowflake decorations scattered in the curls. “You look beautiful.”
“Oh.” It was clear to him she had no idea how to process the compliment. “Wait until you see what I made for tomorrow. You are still coming tomorrow, aren’t you?”
Craig nodded. Didn’t she know how beautiful she was? “There’s no way I’d pass up a chance at your mother’s cooking. Besides, maybe your father has more stories he’d like to tell.”
Her chin came up in defiance. “If you’re talking about my jaded past, I’ll have you know those stories are now outlawed.”
Fear shown in those eyes even though her expression didn’t change. She did have one hell of a poker face. He gentled his smile, hoping she could see he was just teasing her. “I like those stories.” He gave her a one shoulder shrug. “They help me understand you. It’s a side of you I don’t get to see.”
“Thank God.” Her chin lowered some. “I work hard to keep her hidden.”
On that note, Craig felt his entire countenance darken. Smile fading, he swirled what little punch he had left around in his cup. It really did have too much soda in it. “Angela, can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” Angela waited, seeing his face was as serious as his tone. When he didn’t say anything right away, she asked, “Do you want to go somewhere else? The sanctuary might be empty enough to be more private.”
“No. No, I’m fine.” Although he did step closer to the wall they stood near, and a little closer to her. “I just…Don’t you feel silly worshipping a baby in a manger?”
“No.” Without thinking, she put her hand over his. He didn’t pull away like he usually did when she touched him, but his hand did stop moving the cup and he looked her in the eye. “He didn’t stay a baby. Why w
orship only one aspect of Him?”
“Why worship him at all?”
Angela drew a deep breath. “Because He’s God. He created us and loved us enough to take our sin away. Besides, I think He craves our companionship more than our worship.”
His anger turned dark and quiet, it took all of Angela’s strength to not back away. “I don’t even know if I believe in your god anymore. I’m sorry, but if he’s really there, why does he allow evil to rule this world? If he loves us so damn much, then why does he let us be hurt by that evil? I won’t forgive him, and I hate him for all he’s done to me.”
The shadow in his eyes was strong tonight, the strongest she’d seen in a while. For a change, it was his hand which was trembling, and Angela’s the steady one. Since he was tolerating her touch so far, she left her hand where it was, so he could feel her strength. “How can you hate Someone so much when you don’t believe He exists?”
She felt his floundering, his inability to answer her – or God. His eyes lost all emotion the moment before he walked away from her.
Her eyes closed in prayer, unwilling to watch his retreating back. Was he fleeing her, or her God? She didn’t know.
“Trouble with your boss?” asked an amused voice close behind her.
She turned, halfway into a defensive stance. It had flowed so easily this once. Pastor Mark was standing there, imitating her pose. Was he mocking her? She relaxed her body enough to be polite even though everything in her wanted to run. “No more than usual.” Still, she took a step away from him. “He’s a difficult man to witness to.”
“Most are. I’m sorry your family couldn’t make it tonight. Car trouble in the winter is never fun. Will you be celebrating with them tomorrow, or is Craig making you work Christmas?”
“You didn’t see the signs? The store closed tonight at five and won’t be open again until Monday morning.”
“I must have missed them. So, you’ll be able to spend all of Christmas with your family. I’m glad to hear that.”
“So am I.” She didn’t mention Craig would be there too. So far, the pastor had been keeping his distance from her but didn’t seem willing to give up the chase. She looked around casually at the crowded room, wishing there was someone’s eye she could catch. “Good turnout tonight.”
“Yes, Christmas and Easter are…son of a…”
She saw her pastor scowl a moment before she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. She turned to see Craig had returned, his coat and hair damp. “Hi!”
“Did you walk?” he asked, sparing a glance at the man on the other side of her.
“I did. Why?”
“Because it’s storming out and I don’t want you walking home in it.” His eyes were back on her now. The shadow from earlier had lessened greatly.
“What’s it doing?”
He smiled at her eagerness. “Sorry, but it’s rain. I wouldn’t be surprised if it switches over to snow before morning, so maybe you’ll get your white Christmas yet.” He shrugged deeper into his coat. “I’ll wait if you want to stay longer.”
“I can take Angela home if she’d like to stay longer,” volunteered Mark before Angela could answer.
For the first time, Craig looked directly at the other man and met him glare for glare.
“No, Pastor Mark. That’s kind of you, but I still have some baking to do.” Angela smiled, but neither man saw her. “Just let me get my coat, Craig. Merry Christmas, Pastor Mark.”
Craig nodded, his eyes following her as she walked away. Looking back at the pastor, his eyes flattened back into meeting Mark’s challenging glare.
“I wish you’d leave her alone,” Mark all but hissed. “She’s too good for you.”
“Funny, but I feel the same about you. Maybe you haven’t heard we’re in a relationship?”
The pastor’s face darkened further. “Until there’s a ring on her finger, she’s fair game.” He openly sneered at Craig before walking away.
Angela returned shortly afterward, with a wary look on her face, winter coat on and buttoned. She carried a small gift bag in one hand, her purse hung over her shoulder. “Did Pastor Mark say anything to you?”
“Nothing worth repeating.” She accepted his answer with a nod, a worried look crossing her face. Craig wondered if she was worrying about a future confrontation from the other man.
She began to walk towards one of the exits, and he walked beside her. Had he made her attendance here harder? Probably. He should warn her.
“Angela, let me know if he says anything to you.”
Looking up at him as she passed through the doorway leading to the parking lot, she asked, “Why?”
He slipped his hand under her elbow as they walked across the parking lot. “I may have told him we’re in a relationship.”
“May…” She turned towards him, her foot slipping out from under her. He caught her before she could fall and helped steady her. “You what?”
“I thought he should know so he could maybe start leaving you alone.” Why would that upset her?
Her hand curled against her chest and her breathing hitched. “It’s okay,” she was saying softly. “It’s okay.”
“Angela?” He watched her worriedly. Was she panicking? This wasn’t like what happened after Princess’s accident; it felt worse. “We are in a relationship. Aren’t we?”
“Yes…yes…it’s just…he’s not…going to like that…” She stood as if rooted to the icy ground beneath her feet, the cold rain dampening her hair. The gloved hand curled against her chest was shaking. “Daddy…said…it’s okay…”
“It’s okay, Angela.” He decided to follow her lead and repeat the phrase back to her. Short sentences, Kevin had said. Craig bent, trying to catch her eyes as they darted around the parking lot. Her father had warned against holding her too soon, and he wasn’t sure if a simple touch on her elbows would be too much, but he decided to risk it. Why hadn’t he asked her about her boundaries yet? Reaching out, he held both her arms lightly near her elbows. “It’s okay. What about your dad?”
“He’s okay…” Her eyes finally latched on to his. “With us…”
“I know.” He nodded. “Your dad talked to me.”
“He did?” Her breathing seemed to slow at that.
“Yes. Made sure I would be gentle with you. He wanted to make sure I’d know what to do in a moment like this. Do you think you can walk to the truck? You’re getting wet.”
“Maybe.” Her breathing hitched as she looked around. “Maybe. It’s beginning to freeze…will we…”
“Get to the farm? Yes. I’ll get you there no matter what,” he promised.
“Okay. Okay.” She broke eye contact and glanced over his shoulder. Irritation replaced anxiety on her face, though her breathing was still too irregular for his liking. “Oh God…I’m glad…we’re skipping church tomorrow. If we walk slow, I’ll be okay.”
“Alright.” He glanced over his shoulder as she turned away, saw a few curious onlookers watching from the church doorway. They were shadows in the bright light behind them, but going by outlines alone one had to be Flo Jamenson and the other Pastor Mark. Staying by Angela’s side, he wrapped an arm around her to steady her. She slipped once more, and instinctively he pulled her closer. “You okay?”
“Yes.” He opened the passenger side door for her and made sure she was in safely. Once he was behind the wheel, there was silence. She seemed calmer, so Craig let her be. In a few minutes, they were sitting in front of her apartment building. “Let me walk you to the door,” he said as he placed his truck into park.
Angela unbuckled her seatbelt, not looking at him. “No, you don’t have to. I’m alright now.” She pulled her coat tighter around herself. “Thank you for talking me through that. It wasn’t because of what you said to him. I’m just worried about what he’ll say to me next time he has a chance.”
He nodded and looked out his window. “We’ll deal with that when it happens.” And he was as sure as she that it would ha
ppen. How would the evening had transpired if he had just not walked away from her? “Angela, I’m sorry for walking away from you. And not just because you had to deal with Mark.”
He heard her turn towards him.
“You came back, didn’t you?”
So much came through her voice, soft as it was. He looked over at her, smiling. “Yeah, I guess I did.” He reached over and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. They’d stood in the freezing rain long enough that some of the curls she’d put in her hair had a mind of their own.
“I’m glad you came tonight, Craig. It meant a lot to me that you didn’t change your mind.” Angela slid across the seat quickly and kissed him on the cheek. “Merry Christmas. I’ll see you in the morning.”
She was out of the truck and walking up the path to the steps before Craig could react. He watched her make her way up the icy steps. The warmth filling him had nothing to do with the air rushing out of the dashboard vents. Her lips had been soft and warm; the subtle scent of roses lingered, as did peppermint.
Not for the first time Craig wondered if he’d ever be brave enough to kiss those lips. Not a brief kiss, but a lingering kiss meant to be remembered. A kiss while he held her close, as a lover and not a friend. Despite his words about being in a relationship, he was sure all he would do was wonder. He was such a coward.
Craig waited until she was safely inside her apartment and lights turning on in the dark apartment before putting his truck into gear and driving away.
Slinking in the shadows, unseen by human eyes, Beast rubbed his hands in anticipation.
Tomorrow. If everything proceeded as planned, he’d make another move.
He couldn’t wait for tomorrow.
25
C hristmas with the Carmans was much like Thanksgiving had been. A few more relatives maybe, despite the brief snow storm the night before. After dinner was finished, the family scattered again and Angela briefly lost track of…was he her boyfriend?