by Robin Janney
Oh, please…
She was running, sliding…but the ice held. Good. Let her think herself safe. Her laughter poisoned the air, making him sick, but he endured. She lay on the far bank, looking back at the farmhouse. He flew a little higher, waiting.
And there it was. She had slipped and fallen on her second run and slide. Once she stopped spinning, Beast dived towards her. He couldn’t touch her…but the same could not be said for the ice.
M idway to standing up, intent on apologizing to absolutely everyone, Angela froze. The air was filled with a groaning, cracking sound she knew too well.
“No!” was all she was able to get out before the ice opened beneath her and swallowed her whole.
Angela kicked and clawed for the surface, panicking when she had trouble finding it. The water stole her breath, stole her sense of direction, leeched away all her warmth. It felt like her feet were caught in something, but she kept kicking, kept reaching.
I was having fun! I didn’t mean it this time!
She broke through the surface, but she still couldn’t breathe. They’d guided her outside. Had they been watching? Would anyone come for her? Survival instinct overpowered the panic. Yes, she was in the deep end, but she had been near the shore. She struggled to find it, breaking ice as she grasped for a solid hold. Her feet ran into the bottom at last, and she kept following it.
Strong hands pulled her the rest of the way out. She struggled against her rescuer as he lifted her off the ground until she heard his voice.
“It’s alright, Angel. I’ve got you.”
Relief filled her at Craig’s voice. She wished she could breathe. His eyes…something in his eyes…was that love hiding behind fear?
26
M aude whipped the dryer door open even though it was running as Craig tried to set Angela down in the laundry room. She was tempted to curse herself when her daughter collapsed down to her knees. She covered ground quickly, taking Angela’s cold, wet chin firmly in her hands.
“You need to stand, Angela.” At the faint nod from Angela, she helped Craig return the soaked girl to her feet. “Your part’s over now, Craig. Leave. Shut the door behind you.”
She waited impatiently for the man to leave, her husband pulling on the younger man’s arm, but Maude didn’t wait until the door was shut before reaching behind Angela and unzipping her dress. Between herself and her two sisters, they struggled to strip Angela of her wet clothing. The girl was trying to help, but her gasping breaths told Maude she was in the grips of a panic attack. It was expected at this point. The trio of sisters rushed to dry Angela with towels warmed briefly in the dryer.
They’d even opened the heating vent in the floor to its fullest and turned the thermostat up so it would blow hot air. The rest of the house would probably be sweltering by the time they were done.
Maude tried to take the bracelet off her daughter’s wrist, but Angela pulled her hand away. She decided it wasn’t worth the battle since it was probably Craig’s gift to the girl; she hadn’t been wearing it at dinner.
“She’s so cold,” muttered Eloise.
“She should go to the ER,” said Sylvia, struggling to take the snowflake clips out of Angela’s mess of hair. A towel rested on the girl’s shoulders, waiting to wrap around the hair once they were out.
“No…” Angela managed to say through gasps. “No hospital…”
Maude sighed. A talking Angela was a relief, even if she didn’t like what the girl was saying. “I can’t force her, Sylvia.”
“If she were my daughter…” The older woman wrapped the towel around the shivering Angela’s hair.
“But she’s not!” Maude worked on slipping a flannel nightgown over Angela’s head at the same time. It was an old one of hers, so it would be too big on top and too short, but it would be better than nothing. “If you’re going to argue, leave and send Philip in now.”
Sylvia sighed. “No, I’m just worried like you.” She squeezed water out of Angela’s hair with the towel.
“Angela, lift your foot honey,” said Eloise, of the three she was the calmest. She pulled a thick sock onto Angela’s foot when the shivering girl complied. “Now the other one. That’s a good girl.”
Maude pulled a blanket from the dryer. It wasn’t as warm as she wanted, but it would have to be good enough. She needed to get Angela warm. She and Sylvia wrapped the blanket around her shivering frame. She lifted a hand to her daughter’s cold face. “Angela, look at me, sweetheart. Now listen, we need you to calm down enough to get you upstairs to bed. Grandma’s got the electric blanket warming so you can climb right in. You’re safe now. Do you understand?”
She saw understanding in her daughter’s eyes, but her gasping for air hadn’t changed. Her lips had a bluish tinge, and Maude didn’t know if it was from the cold or lack of oxygen. “Think about something happier, sweetheart. Think about Craig. He loves you, you know? I can see it in his eyes. We all can.”
“Does…he…know?” Angela managed to ask, and Maude took heart. If she was speaking, she was breathing.
“I don’t know, but I hope he figures it out.” Her daughter was still shivering, despite the blanket wrapped around her. They couldn’t wait any longer. “We’re going upstairs now. We need you to walk.”
The way was clear, some older children having been taken back outside. The stairs were the toughest challenge, but they managed to guide a shivering Angela to her old bedroom. Pearl pulled the blankets back to allow her to climb into bed.
Maude tucked the blankets around her daughter, glad to see the anxiety fading. “Do you want anyone to sit with you?” she asked.
“Can…Craig? If he’s…still…here?”
“Oh, sweetheart.” The mother wiped at the hot tears leaking out of blue eyes. Any doubt she’d had about the relationship faded. “I’m sure he’s still here. I’ll get him. Mother, come with us.”
“I’d like a moment to apologize to her.”
Looking at her mother, Maude sighed. “Keep it brief. And when Craig comes in, take your leave. They don’t need a chaperone in a house crawling with people.”
“I never…”
“You did.” Maude sighed. She looked back down at her daughter. If they were lucky, she’d fall asleep for a while. The girl probably hadn’t been sleeping any better than she’d been eating. “Don’t be afraid to fall asleep, Angela. It looks like you could use some. You’re safe here.”
Indeed, sleep sounded wonderful to Angela. She watched her mother leave the room, then turned her eyes towards her grandmother. Who said she was going to apologize?
“Oh sweetie.” Pearl sat on the edge of the bed. She rested a hand on top of the blankets covering Angela. “Please forgive your meddlesome grandmother. I was trying to help the two of you. I suspect your parents will give me an earful later.”
Tired of it all, Angela nodded. She did love her grandmother. “Of course. Just…”
“No, you don’t need to explain any more than you did before.”
There was a tap at the door.
“Come in,” said Pearl, rising from the bed. She pulled Angela’s old desk chair over to the bedside as Craig came in. “Here. I was told to leave you two alone, so I’ll go for now. I’ll check in later, maybe bring some pie up.”
“That would be nice,” he said, lowering himself to the chair.
The sight of Craig warmed her heart, as did the sound of the door shutting behind her grandmother. His shirt was different, it looked like a flannel shirt of her dad’s. He smiled down at her. “You look like you’re almost asleep.”
“Almost,” Angela whispered. She slipped her hand out from under the warm blankets and held her hand out to him. Offering, not pressing. “I’m sorry.”
He took her hand without hesitation, his warmth enveloping her. “So am I. I won’t go anywhere if you fall asleep. I promise.”
She nodded, her eyelids drooping. “Did you call me Angel?”
“I did.”
“I like
it…” She let sleep claim her.
27
A nger brewed in Philip, but he wasn’t ready to voice it. A pleasant day had taken a bitter turn, and he didn’t know who to blame. When his wife and her sisters came out of Angela’s bedroom, he and Craig were standing on the upstairs landing waiting for them. Craig hadn’t been as wet as Angela, but Philip thought it best to see him into at least a dry shirt.
In a low voice, he asked, “Do we know what happened yet?”
Maude shook her head. “Not entirely. I just know Mom said…a name she shouldn’t have. She’s taking a moment to apologize. Angela asked if Craig could sit with her, I told her I’d send him in. I’m hoping she falls asleep.”
Philip nodded and patted Craig’s shoulder. The younger man was confused, and concerned, but Philip hadn’t been able to explain much yet. “If Craig wants to. He and I can talk later.”
The young man shrugged uncomfortably, but he said, “I would.”
“Go ahead then.” Philip watched as the other man walked the few steps away to the bedroom door. “Why don’t we head back downstairs, make sure everyone else is calm.”
“We’ll probably start packing up to go,” Eloise said, the shortest and youngest of the three. “Not because of this, it’s just a long trip.”
“We know,” Philip told her. They headed down the stairs and walked in different directions. Some of the smaller children were still crying, not having understood what was happening. “I’m going to call Miles, make an appointment for her.”
“They might be closed tomorrow,” said Maude, taking a moment to survey the family. Many would have been picking up to leave anyway. “I’m going to pack up some leftovers for her, throw in a couple cans of chicken noodle soup. I have no idea whether she’s been eating or not. Her ribs are showing again. Her anxiety has been so wishy-washy recently.”
“And yet you think this relationship is good?” asked Pearl, coming from the stairway.
“I do,” both parents said as one.
“It’s young love, Maude. I’m sure it’ll even out,” Philip said to his wife. Pointing his finger at his mother-in-law, he said, “I’ll deal with you later.”
He walked away before she could roll her eyes at him. Walking into his farm office, he shut the door behind him and took a deep breath. He loved his mother-in-law, but she could be trying. Taking his seat behind the desk, he dialed the doctor’s home phone.
“Merry Christmas!”
“Merry Christmas, Miles. It’s Philip Carman.” He leaned back in his chair.
“Evening, Phil. You only call my home phone when Angela’s sick.” The older man sighed. “Has she had another severe panic attack?”
“Worse. It’s complicated, but she was playing on the pond and the ice broke. She was pulled out quickly, and we’ve got her tucked in under the electric blanket upstairs. But, with her history, we’d really like her to come see you.”
“Oh, my little Angela.” There was another sigh. “The clinic is closed tomorrow, but if she can meet me at the ER around one I’ll see to her.”
“Thanks, Miles.”
“You’re sure it was an accident this time?”
“Yes, we were all watching her from the house. I tested the ice this morning, just in case any of the kids wanted to play out there. I even said so at dinner. She must have found a weak spot.” Not for the first time, he considered filling the pond in with dirt. “Thank you.”
“Any time.”
Philip hung up and considered what to do next. Craig deserved an explanation of some kind. The father in him needed to know if the boy still wanted to pursue a relationship with his daughter after a scene like today. He also needed to have a conversation with his mother-in-law. And he wanted a cup of coffee.
Coffee first.
Family said their farewells as he made his way back to the kitchen. Once there, he poured himself a cup of coffee. Then decided to pour a second mug for Craig. The young man could probably stand some warming up too. It had been a relief to see the younger man halfway to Angela by the time he himself had only made it to the door.
“I’m just going to take this up to Craig,” Pearl was saying impatiently to Maude, a small bowl with blueberry pie and a scoop of French vanilla ice cream in her hand.
“I told you to leave them be,” his wife replied, with a stomp of her foot.
“I won’t stay long, I promise. I told him I’d bring him some pie.”
Both women sounded irritated. Well, so was he.
“I’ll take it up,” Philip offered. He took the bowl from his mother-in-law. “I’ll talk with you when I come back down.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Philip! What is there to talk about? I slipped up and said Randy’s name.”
“Mother!” Maude hissed.
But it didn’t slow the older woman down. “That girl has been on a downward spiral since she was ten and all this family has ever done is stand by and watch like we did today! If you had shown her proper discipline when she was younger, she’d be able to control her anger better. And now you’re approving of a relationship with a man who isn’t even a Christian!”
Philip wished he was wearing his reading glasses just so he could look over them at her like she was doing to him right now. “Mother, we will finish this discussion when I come down. The ice cream is melting.”
Without waiting for a response, he turned and took his leave. Balancing the bowl and two coffee mugs, Philip opened the door to Angela’s old bedroom. He handed the young man the bowl of dessert and then one of the mugs. Shutting the door behind him, he took a moment to look down at his sleeping daughter. Her lips were almost red again.
“Thanks,” Craig said, his voice low. One handed, he placed the dishes on the stand next to him and returned to leaning his elbow on the stand, propping his head up on his hand. His other hand held Angela’s. “I think this is the most peaceful I’ve ever seen her. I don’t know how far to believe it though, she’s spoken of nightmares keeping her awake before.”
“She told you that, did she?” That was something of a relief. Philip crossed the room to look out the bedroom window. This side of the house faced the road, and he watched his departing family in the driveway below. Faint sounds of laughter reached him.
“Yeah. She’s mentioned using sleeping pills before, so I gather she has a lot of trouble sleeping.”
“She used to wake up screaming from her nightmares.” Philip sipped some coffee, taking a moment to center himself. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she still does. Craig, I know she’s shared some with you. She’s told me so. I need to know how much you know.”
There was a deep intake of air. “For every piece she shows me, there are so many pieces she keeps to herself. I probably do the same to her.” Another sigh. “I know Angela has PTSD and panic attacks. I’m not sure from what. I know her world fell apart when she was ten, and she’s never been able to move away from that moment. I finally figured out she had an older brother, Jared told me that much but insisted Angela be the one to tell me about it. Was it her older brother’s death which devastated her?”
Philip found himself nodding his head. “Angela will probably have to deal with the post-traumatic stress for the rest of her life, Craig. Some of it may fade. Despite what you saw today, it’s not anywhere near as bad as it used to be. It stems from two events, only one I can tell you about.”
“Because you don’t break your daughter’s confidence.” The look on the younger man’s face was pained. How much had he guessed? “I understand.”
“Good. Have you ever heard of the Crossroads Accident?” Sylvia and Jonathan’s van drove away slowly. Had they all left? Maybe there’d be leftover pie for a change.
“I know it’s a bad intersection, but I’ve never heard anything specifically called that. I’ve driven through a few accidents through that area, even…”
Philip’s skin prickled with goosebumps and he turned to see Craig sitting straight.
“I’ve even bee
n in one,” the younger man continued. “We were lost and ended up in this town miles away from where we were supposed to have been. We had just gotten directions to get back to the interstate, and we were coming into the Crossroads. This car drifted into my lane as it took the turn too fast. I over-compensated and landed my truck in the field. We all got out of the truck and…We heard this little girl screaming. Oh my God, Philip…were those your children? Was that Angela?”
“August twelfth, nineteen ninety-three. Yes. You were there?” As strange as it sounded, Philip found it believable. He’d seen stranger things in his lifetime, and it hadn’t been the only time these two had crossed paths before their romance had begun. By the time he and Maude had been notified of the accident, both children had been cleared from the scene and were on their way to St. Joseph’s.
“Yes.” Craig looked horrified, his free hand covering his mouth. “She kept trying to get to her brother. The woman there just couldn’t keep a grip on her. It took both myself and my friend Kevin to hang onto her. We were here three days after that, waiting for the truck to get fixed. We had heard the boy died, but I swear to God I never heard names. I had no idea.” He trailed off, looking at Angela. When he spoke again, it seemed more to himself than to Philip. “I held her then, why can’t I hold her now?”
Philip cleared his throat softly. “Because there’s a difference between comforting a child and holding the woman you love. I wonder if she recognizes you on some level. Well, it’s not the strangest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“I’m sure. Should I tell her?”
“Not today.” Philip turned back to the window, trying to deal with his own pain. “Don’t be the one to bring it up. She’ll have to tell you eventually.”
“I think she tries to.”
“Probably. She’s never been able to tell us about what happened that day, beyond the obvious. We’ve never pressured her.” His coffee was cooling, and he took a deeper drink. “This isn’t the first time she’s been through the ice. The first winter after the accident, she woke up screaming. It wasn’t the first time, or the last. Like when she slapped you, I don’t know if she was aware of what she was doing. She ran out of the house, and she ran out onto the ice. I think she was trying to get to his grave. It was cold, but not cold enough for the ice to be solid. It happened twice after that, only she put herself through on purpose. I know there have been other suicide attempts. Like running after the tornado.”