by Robin Janney
Angela’s fingers brushed his arm. “I hurt you…” A fresh wave of tears followed. “I’m sorry, Daddy…”
“I’m sure I’ve hurt myself worse chopping wood.” He kissed the top of her head.
“Can…can we go home now?”
“Sure, I’ll take you home.” He released her, and helped her resituate. Wiping the blood from her neck where she’d drawn blood on herself, he decided to follow Craig’s approach and give his daughter the space she needed.
N ot everyone agreed with their decision. Maude and Cassie both hugged Angela when they arrived home, which would help in the long run, but Jared (who had never once visited her in the hospital) was away at the time of her arrival, and it set the storm brewing. Because, when Angela came downstairs in the evening for their late dinner, the boy leapt to his feet and let his opinion be known.
“What are you doing here, Angela?” her younger brother demanded angrily. “Why aren’t you with Craig? You’re married now!”
“Jared Michael!” their mother scolded. Cassie, already seated at the table, hissed at him to shut up.
And Angela stopped in her tracks, clearly confused. She looked sleepy, as though she’d been napping or crying. “I need time. Jared.”
“Time? Time?!”
Philip decided to make his presence known before the boy could do more damage than he’d be able to understand. Stepping out of the kitchen, he placed his mug of coffee on the table.
“That’s enough, Jared.” He turned the full father mode on. “Angela, sit down and eat your dinner. Your mother and sister made grilled cheese and tomato soup just for you. Young man, you are coming with me right now.” With a firm hand on his youngest child’s shoulder he led the boy out of the dining room. Leading Jared to the farm office, he sat him down on the stool by the window.
“I understand you’re angry, son, but you will never talk to your sister like that again. Did you see those marks on her neck?” He waited for the boy to nod. “She did that to herself, coming home from the hospital. See these scratches on my arm?” He held his arm out and his son nodded, looking stricken. “Her flashback to the accident was strong enough that she fought me, Jared. She couldn’t discern between memory and reality. I can never take her through that intersection again if that’s what’s going to happen. Whatever happened to her in the van, she can’t process it yet. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen her flashback like this, but it’s the worst I’ve ever seen. I’ve already called Craig to let him know he’ll have to avoid the intersection as well.” His son didn’t understand everything, and Philip couldn’t share all his sister’s trauma with him, but the boy was nodding.
“We are all angry about what happened to your sister. It hurts all of us. But you’re right, Craig is her husband, and this is how he’s chosen to handle things. He has decided to give her the space she needs. After what I saw today, I have to agree with him. So, we will respect his decision and follow his lead. Is that understood?”
“Yes, but…”
“But what?”
Jared looked down at his feet. “It shouldn’t have happened, Dad. God told me it wouldn’t happen if they got married. But it happened anyway.”
Philip’s sigh was deep. It wasn’t the first time they’d talked about this. “Prophecy can be tricky. You should have come to me long before you did. We’re human and sometimes we hear what we want to. Is it possible you misunderstood?”
His son shrugged.
And he took another deep breath. “Consider the possibility. We’re not right all the time.”
“Angela’s usually right.”
“Usually, but not always. She’s been wrong before. Come on, let’s go eat our supper.”
“Yessir.”
T he next month passed quietly.
Angela spent most of the time in her room, or in the backyard going through different karate forms. The slow motions she used to center herself seemed to help more than the physical therapy had, so Philip hadn’t commented when she stopped going.
He was working in his farm office late on the twelfth of July, the fans blowing a hot breeze when a soft noise drew his attention to the doorway. Angela stood there, her hands twisting in front of her.
“Yes, Angela?” he asked, more impatiently than he’d intended.
“Daddy, uhm, I want to see Everett.”
For reasons he didn’t understand, this broke his heart. It was something none of them had foreseen, so there wasn’t a plan already set in place. Looking over the rims of his reading glasses, seeing her wilt beneath his gaze, he said, “I’ll see what can be arranged.”
She nodded, started to leave, then came into the room and hugged him fiercely. “You’ll always be my daddy, you know that.”
He returned her embrace. “I know, honey. Go on up to bed. I’ll take care of it.”
Nodding, she left. It was with a heavy heart that he listened to her steps as she climbed the stairs.
W hich is how Angela found herself in the Pancake House a day later, the father of her heart sitting at the counter while she walked across the room to sit across from the man who’d sired her. It felt like everyone in the room was staring at her as she made the walk. Were the two old ladies with silver hair whispering and giggling? She wasn’t sure why this meeting had to take place in public, just that Philip had told her it was the only way it would happen.
“Hello Angela,” said Everett, as she sat in the booth across from him. He motioned to the waitress. “Would you like something to eat or drink?”
She started to shake her head, but then changed her mind. “Actually, I’d love a Pepsi.”
The waitress snapped the gum she was chewing. “Sorry sweetie, we only sell Coke products.”
“I forgot,” Angela said, lowering her face in embarrassment. At least her hair hid her face enough no one would see her reddening cheeks except the man across from her. She tried pulling it farther forward.
Everett pulled out a five-dollar bill seemingly out of nowhere. “She wants a Pepsi. Have someone run across the street to the mini-mart and get her one. They can keep the change.”
“Sure thing,” said the waitress, taking the five and tucking it in the neck of her blouse. “Anything else?”
Angela shook her head, mortified. “What are you doing?” she hissed as the waitress walked away.
“Angela, your father has told me you’re aware of the relationship between us. You should know there’s nothing I won’t do for you.”
Angela shook her head and wiped a hand over her face.
“What else have you forgotten?” he asked.
She froze, looking at him between her fingers. She didn’t acknowledge his question, she couldn’t. She lowered her hand. “I want to thank you. Not just for the drink. For other things I know you’ve done.”
The red-haired man nodded. “Philip said you wanted to talk to me.”
“Yes.” Her hand rested on the tabletop, fingers tapping. She should have ordered tea so she could pick at the tea bag. The anxiety wasn’t going away, so she brought her other hand up and laced her fingers together. Everything was worse than it had been before…what happened. Panic seemed so close to the surface now. It surprised her when the man across from her reached out and rested gentle fingers on top of her hands.
“It’s alright, Angela. Take your time.”
She nodded numbly as he withdrew his hand. His touch had helped the trembling ease, even if it hadn’t taken it away completely. The waitress returned, setting a plastic bottle of Pepsi next to her, but Angela didn’t touch it. After the waitress walked away, Angela asked him, “I want to know: why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you give me up?”
Pain flickered across his face. “There is no simple answer to that.”
“There never is,” she whispered. She cleared her throat. “I’ve got time.”
He gave her a small smile. “Alright then. Angela, I loved your mother. I live in a very dark world, an
d she was a bright shining light in it. Her energy, her zest for life, brought me joy and happiness. But she was sick, in a way that tore at me because I couldn’t help her. I didn’t understand how sick she was until the day she died, and then it was too late.”
She hesitated, remembering impressions from another world. “The day she jumped.”
“Yes,” Everett confirmed softly, not asking how she knew. One look told her he was lost in his own painful memories. How would she have explained if he’d asked? “The light in my world had been extinguished, and part of me died that day. I was a wreck, Angela; I was able to take care of my business after a fashion, but not my daughter. Not the way you needed, not the way you deserved. You were such a tiny baby.” He held his hands out in front of him to demonstrate. “I could see the same light in you I saw in your mother. I didn’t want to expose you to the darkness I chose to live in, I didn’t want it extinguishing your flame like it had your mother. A lot of people died that first year.” He shifted uncomfortably.
“I’m ashamed to admit I never thought to give you to your mother’s brother,” he continued. “I should have because he was devoted to his twin, and I could see the devotion pass to you. I’m even more ashamed to admit that I was going to sell you to the highest bidder. I believed the highest bidder would be the ones to give you the best care. I was in pain.”
He was still in pain, Angela thought as she nodded. Not all scars can be seen. Why was that phrase important? “But you tried to get me back, right? I remember the men you sent to the house.”
Everett wiped his nose with a napkin. “I did. I might have stalked you and your parents those first few years. More than a little.” His smile was one of chagrin, his own fingers tapped lightly on the tabletop. “I was trying to make sure they were doing their best, making sure you were safe, that you were loved. You were such a happy little girl. You loved the park so much.
“They’d lost an infant girl, shortly before you were born. So when Cassandra was born, I figured they wouldn’t need you to fill the gap in their life anymore. I tried getting you back to fill the void in my life. I never realized how much they love you.”
“Because they ran?” Angela picked the soda bottle up in her hands, trying to fit the pieces together. Why did it feel to her that what he really wanted to say was he’d never realized how much he loved her? “I remember sitting in the back of the car, crying until Daddy agreed to bring my cat with us. I knew we wouldn’t be coming back.”
“Yes. They had the audacity to tell me no and then run off with you. Which is why, when I found you here, I decided to make the adoption legal. I realized they’d be able to take better care of you than I could.”
Angela drew in a deep breath. There was a lie in there somewhere, but that last was true. He’d loved her enough to leave her with a family who loved her even more. She nodded. “Okay.”
His amusement was clear. “Just like that?”
“Yeah,” she said with a shrug.
Everett leaned back in his seat, looking at her. “You look like your mother.”
“So I’ve been told.” Afraid of where the conversation would go, Angela began to rise.
“Wait, just wait a minute.” His fingers tapped on the table as nervously as hers had before. “I was never able to help your mother. I want to help you. Angela, I have something I want to give you. I know you’ve married a rich man…” She flinched and hoped Everett didn’t question her. “But I want you to feel free to leave him, in case it doesn’t work out. The money your parents refused to take was put into a trust fund for you, along with the money they paid me. I’ve added to it over the years. You can have access to it whenever you want.”
Anger burned in her and she slapped the table. Whether over the money or the insinuation that her marriage wouldn’t work out, Angela didn’t know. “I don’t want your dirty money!”
He leaned forward. “Would you lower your voice? I promise you, every penny is clean.”
“I don’t care! I don’t want anything to do with you!” She stood suddenly and threw the soda bottle at him, hard. He caught it easily. “Take your Pepsi, and your flashy suit, and keep your money. If you don’t want it, give it away!”
“Now that’s Philip’s attitude there,” he answered dryly, setting the soda bottle on the table.
“Good! It’s no surprise, because he’s my father!” She turned to storm away and stopped dead in her tracks. Everybody was staring at the two of them; nobody even lifted a fork. “What are you all looking at?” she demanded. “Haven’t you ever seen two people argue?”
Then she stormed through them.
Everett watched his daughter go, his heart heavy. Had she been a cat, her tail would have been lashing. Philip met her and put an arm around her as they left. If Philip could kill by looks alone, he’d have been dead. Looking at the staring crowd, he rose to his feet. “You heard her; what are you looking at?” He threw a few bills on the table and followed in his daughter’s wake.
L ate that afternoon, as it neared dinner time, Philip sat in his farm office making notes of things he wanted to talk about with Craig regarding the farm. His reading glasses had slipped down to the end of his nose, and he listened with half an ear to the rest of the house.
Upon returning home, Angela had gone to her room and stayed there. Because she had stomped the entire way like a five-year-old having a fit, the rest of the family had quieted down and remained so. Whatever was weighing on Angela, was beginning to weigh on them all. It didn’t help that no new daisies had appeared for days now.
The old house phone on the desk next to him rang. “I got it!” he called out into the house. He half-heard his wife’s acknowledgment as he picked the receiver up. “Carman residence.”
“That went well,” replied Everett caustically.
Philip threw his pen down in frustration. “What were you expecting, Everett? She may be your daughter, but she won’t be bought!”
“I wasn’t trying to buy her!” There was anger in the older man’s voice. “I was trying to help her!”
“That’s not how it looked to her! You know she’s not seeing things through the right lens right now!”
The other man made a frustrated sound, then a soft sigh. “How is she?”
“The same as she’s been since she was ten. Angry. Depressed. Confused.”
Everett was silent a moment. “She walks like Jeannie when she’s mad. Remember that strut?”
“I remember. I see a lot of my sister in her.”
“Did Angela’s doctor say anything about the possibility of short-term memory loss?”
That drew Philip up short. “In the beginning, yes. He never really brought it up again. Why do you ask?”
“I think she’s forgotten something.”
“Oh Lord,” said Philip. “That would explain so much. She looks lost half the time, like she doesn’t know where she’s at. What did you see?”
“She forgot the Pancake House doesn’t sell Pepsi, which I could understand except for the way her face turned red. It shouldn’t have embarrassed her half that bad. Why is she trying to handle this on her own? She has so many people who’d be willing to help her.”
“Maybe that’s what she’s forgotten,” suggested Philip, taking his reading glasses off. “Whatever happened in the van before you could get to her was bad, Everett.”
“I tried getting there in time…You have to believe me, Philip.” The other man took a deep breath. “I don’t think I could stand to lose her too.”
“You and me both.”
The two men hung up. Philip sat at his desk tapping his pen before putting his reading glasses back on. If Everett had noticed something like that, Angela might be nearing a breaking point.
Which is why he wasn’t exactly surprised an hour later to hear an angry scream from upstairs followed by the sound of shattering glass. Racing up the stairs and fearing the worst, he found Cassandra had beaten him there.
The high school graduate wa
s kneeling next to her sister, who sat on the floor holding a picture to her chest. He stood in the doorway to supervise, uncertain his oldest daughter wouldn’t become violent like she had in the past. Glass shimmered on the floor amidst daisies, and he realized the last vase of flowers was shattered, as well as the pictures she’d placed with them.
“Come on, Ange. What’s wrong?” Cassie, he saw, didn’t try to touch her sister, just knelt near her. She tossed him a quick glance, relief on her face. “We’ve been talking so much since you came home, you know you can trust me now.”
Angela, her hands trembling, tears streaming down her face, flipped the picture around to show it to her sister.
“Is something about your wedding bothering you?” Cassie asked. She took the picture and turned to sit next to her shaking sister, clear of the broken glass. “Look how happy you were! I love the dress you wore!”
“I…” Angela was struggling to breathe. “Cassie, I don’t remember it!”
“Don’t remember the picture being taken?” she asked.
Philip came all the way into the room, understanding before Cassie did. He sat down on the floor in front of them, letting them talk.
“I don’t remember any of it. I see the rings on my finger, but I don’t remember him putting them there. I don’t…I don’t remember giving my virginity to him. I don’t remember the morning after, or the day before.”
“Oh, Ange…” Cassie put an arm around her hurting sister. “I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell him?”
“I didn’t want to hurt him. He was so happy I was awake.” Angela covered her face and leaned into her sister’s embrace. Her crying was quiet. “What if…if I don’t remember, and he doesn’t want me anymore? It would be such an easy divorce.”
“Angela, I love you, but you’re being silly.” Cassie continued to hold the picture where Angela could see it. “Look at that face. Craig loves you so much. If you told him you don’t remember, I know he would bend over backwards to do it all over again…just for you. Jared told me about the first time you guys had dinner at his place. Do you remember that?”