by W E DeVore
“But I’m not the one saying goodbye, old man.” Q looked down at the keyboard. “I’ll do what you want, but you need to play it on the record. I’ll learn it note for note. I promise.”
Stanley kissed the side of her head. “You should have married my son.” He teared up for a moment and she took his hand. “Did he suffer?”
Q shook her head. “No. It all happened so fast. One minute he was talking to me and Sanger. He couldn’t say much, really, then he started to take a turn and he was just… gone. Just like that.”
“I’m glad he wasn’t alone.”
“Me, too, old man. Did you know he was seeing someone last fall?” she asked.
“No, I’m not surprised. He was always seeing someone. Lorene almost quit last summer because he started running around on her,” he said.
“You let Savion date Lorene?” she asked.
“Wasn’t my idea. It ended after she figured out he was sleeping with another woman. She almost quit on me. Why are you interested in Savion’s love life?”
“No reason. A friend of his told me at the funeral that he was seeing someone pretty seriously until she broke his heart. I was just wondering who it was.”
“I doubt he really loved her. If he was broken up about it, she must have bruised his ego. Left him for another man or something.” He frowned and shook his head. “Walter said he was seeing a married woman.”
“How did he know?” she asked.
“Savion told him. Bragged about it. Said he was following in my footsteps.” He hung his head. “I was a terrible role model for that boy. I didn’t raise him right.”
Q squeezed his knee and said, “I don’t know. You helped raise me and I turned out ok.”
He grinned and kissed the top of her head. “I love you, sweet girl. You know that, right?”
“I do. I love you, too, old man. You need a minute?”
He shook his head. “Nope. Go on downstairs and tell them I’m ready. Let’s knock this out.”
She left the room and walked down the stairs and into the control room. Walter and Lorene looked at her expectantly and she sat next to them at the console. “He’s good to go.”
Lorene unmuted the channels and told Stanley they were ready when he was. Q closed her eyes and listened to the piano part she’d have to learn, note for note, and play on what was going to be one of the worst days of her life.
After three takes, Stanley came downstairs and walked into the vocal booth without saying a word to sing the vocals:
Thank you, New Orleans, it’s been a hell of a ride
But I’m gonna have to meet you on the other side
Thank you, New Orleans, it’s been a hell of a ride
Walter put his arm around Q’s shoulders and she squeezed his hand. They watched Stanley through the glass. He’d lost another few pounds over the last three days and his purple silk shirt hung more loosely from his lean frame. As he was finishing the fourth take, Tori came into the control room. He smiled and waved at her. She held up a picture to the glass for him and he nodded, finishing the song before walking out.
He wrapped his arms around her. “So, I guess it’s official.”
“Official as can be, daddy,” she said.
Nausea pooled in Q’s stomach, knowing that Stanley was not the daddy that Tori was talking about.
Stanley held up the picture and said, “I want y’all to be the first to know, I’m gonna be a daddy, again.”
Everybody in the room let out a jovial cheer. Q stood to give her friend a congratulatory hug, playing along for Sanger’s sake as much as his, but Charlie leaned against the back wall and gestured for her to come to him instead.
“What is it, Charlie?” she asked.
He replied in a low whisper, “I gave her coke at the party last month. Me and Lorene were doing a line and she found us. Asked if she could have a bump for later. She said she wanted a buzz while she cleaned up the mess. I just gave it all to her. We were about to leave anyway. Do you think it’s ok?”
Q smiled at the sudden sweetness of her most male friend. “It’s obviously fine, Charlie. She may not have even been pregnant then and besides, if it was a problem, it would be a problem already.”
“You sure? What if it comes out all… I don’t know… hyper?”
She laughed. “I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work like that. I think you’re off the hook. Besides, all you did was give it to her… the rest? That’s not your responsibility.”
He looked down and nodded.
Stanley insisted that everyone stay to supper and Tori left to cook dinner. He watched as the studio cleared out, holding Q back to wait with him. She struggled to contain her amusement, watching Charlie trail after Tori like a puppy dog, offering to help her cook.
After everyone had gone, Stanley went to the bar and said, “Stay and have a drink with me Q. I don’t want to share my anejo with the rest.”
She sat down and gratefully accepted the glass of amber liquid from him.
“Well, mazel tov, old man. You excited about being a daddy again?” she asked, trying to keep up a good front.
Liar, liar pants on fire.
He sat down in the chair across from her. “About as excited as a dying man gets, I suppose. It’s kind of a miracle, though.”
“I’m happy for you. I always wondered why you only had Savion. Seems to me that you like being a father and I know how much you enjoy the company of women….” She winked at him and he laughed.
“I loved Savion’s mother. That woman was something else. I would have loved her for the rest of my life. Too bad for me, she loved fucking around with Cinco more than she loved me.”
He sighed. Q remembered the story from her childhood. It had been a New Orleans scandal of near biblical proportions when the wife of the legendary Stanley Gerard was caught in bed with his guitarist and best friend. Rumor had it that Stanley tried to shoot his former bandmate and the mother of his only son. Q didn’t believe it, though.
They sat in silence for a moment before he said, “Loretta almost died in childbirth when she had Savion. His head got stuck and almost broke her hip. By the time they got him out, she was bleeding so bad, they didn’t know if she’d make it. That’s what caused the epilepsy. Him being stuck as long as he was. He was so sick all the time when he was a baby and I never wanted her to go through that again, so I got myself snipped.”
“You had a vasectomy?” Q asked. “Isn’t that kind of permanent?”
He looked through her and said, “It was supposed to be. Has been for all these years. Guess it grew back.”
She drained her glass and studied him for a moment. “You don’t think it’s yours, do you?”
“No, young blood. I know it’s not mine.”
“Doesn’t it bother you? That she’s trying to play it off like it is?”
“Q, I’ve spent enough of my life in a divorce court, I don’t want to spend the last few months of it there, too. Tori didn’t know about the vasectomy. I never told her, just that I didn’t want to have kids.”
“Do you know who the father is?” she asked, sitting back down on the couch.
“Hopefully somebody that looks like me.” He laughed and Q struggled to laugh along with him, knowing that Aaron Sanger looked nothing like Stanley Gerard. “Savion was supposed to get all the publishing and royalties when I went. That was his. Only his. It’s always been that way. He wouldn’t have had to teach, unless he wanted to. He could have done research and never have had to worry about funding again. Certainly wouldn’t have to go begging to the chemical companies for money. Who would have thought that a poor piano player from the Seventh Ward would have had a genius mathematician for a son?”
Q saw the flash of pride that crossed Stanley’s face whenever he spoke about his son, tempered by grief.
“I’m so sorry, Stanley.”
“I know. In a strange way, it makes it easier now. Knowing that he’s waiting for me,” he said. “We had a huge fight last summer
when he lost his funding. He wanted me to give him a loan and I could have, I just didn’t like the way he asked.”
“How did he ask?”
“Like it was his already. Maybe I spoiled him too much. I told him I’d bought him a house. Bought him every car he’d ever owned. I wasn’t going to buy him his career, too. That part was on him. He was a grown ass man. He needed to figure it out for once.” He looked away in shame. “We hardly spoke after that. That’s why I didn’t tell him I was sick. Spite is a funny feeling, ain’t it?”
She reached over and squeezed his hand. “Yes, old man. It is.”
“Anyway, after the fight, I redid my will and set up a trust for Savion that would have given him a good income, but the rest went to Tori.”
“Why are you telling me all this?”
He sipped his drink and said, “You’re the closest thing I have left to a child, Q. I’m changing my will, again. I like to think I’m a generous man, but I’m not generous enough to give away all my publishing rights to a woman who’s carrying another man’s baby.”
“How long have you known?” she asked.
“A few weeks now. I found the test the morning after Savion’s funeral. She didn’t want me to know until she was sure. Maybe she even thought it would help.”
She let out a low whistle. “Oops. Tori doesn’t know you’re changing the will?”
“No. And she won’t like it. She might even fight it. So, I want you to know my wishes, in case she or any of my ex-wives tries to contest it. Tori can have the house and her business and a little bit of money, but that’s it. The lawyer knows about the vasectomy. She’ll have to prove that the baby’s mine. If it is, it’ll get the publishing. All of it, once it turns twenty-five. If not, I’m leaving it all to the Toledano foundation. The lawyer’s stopping by tomorrow evening for me to sign the new will. I’ll need you to witness.”
Q gasped. “No, Stanley, that’s too generous.”
“What else am I going to do with it, Q?” he asked, honestly. “I don’t have the first clue about setting up a charity with it and I figure, why bother, if I know someone who already has the chops. Your grandmother does good things with that foundation. I trust her to do the right thing. You tell her that I want to set up a scholarship for kids who are so into math that they’d rather solve equations than make music. It’s all in the will. I just want you to know, so if anybody challenges it, you can tell them otherwise.”
“Alright, old man. I’ll take care of it. You gonna tell Tori that you know?”
He sat back and relaxed. “Once the will is signed. It doesn’t seem fair to come at her sideways like that after I’m gone.”
“Nothing might even come of it,” she said. “It’s still really early.”
“Really early for what?” he asked.
“The baby. How far along is she?”
“Twelve weeks to the day. The last time these pills didn’t drag me down so bad that my wife could stand me touching her.”
She did the math and the numbers didn’t add up. Realizing that Sanger couldn’t be the father of Tori’s baby, she said, “Stanley, maybe it is yours.”
“Why would you think that?”
She knew she couldn’t tell him the truth, so she settled for a joke instead. “Maybe you’re making me believe in miracles.”
Stanley laughed out loud. “Maybe you smoked too much weed today. Come on, let’s go see if supper’s ready.”
They stood up and Q said, “I can’t stay, Stanley. Ben will be here any minute to get me. We have dinner at my grandmother’s before the show tonight.”
As they walked upstairs, Q heard Ben’s rich laugh and found him sitting near Derek Sharp on the back porch, much to her astonishment. Ben stood up when he saw her, still smiling broadly.
“What’s so funny?” she asked.
Derek winked at her. “I was telling Ben about your first time on a suspension wire. He didn’t know you were afraid of heights.”
“I’m not,” she said. “I’m just not a fan of dangling like a worm on a hook.”
He grinned. “I’ll keep that in mind when I’m working on the staging for the tour.”
“Just the first two shows of the American leg, anyway,” she replied.
Q confirmed load-in time for the show at the Cove that night, and took Ben’s hand, leaving Stanley’s house to drive to other side of town and their obligatory family dinner. As soon as they were safely in the car, she pulled out her phone to call Sanger. “I’ve got to call Aaron. He’s not going to be a father.”
Ben looked at her sideways. “How you figure that?”
“Tori is twelve weeks pregnant. Twelve. They started dating right before Jazz Fest. Even if it happened the very first time, she couldn’t be twelve weeks pregnant.”
“Why would she lie to Aaron like that? That would be pretty easy to figure out. He’s not stupid.”
Q shrugged. “I don’t know. He broke it off with her after he started seeing Yvie. Maybe this is her way of getting him back. To keep him from moving on.”
He pulled to a stop light and looked at her. “Or maybe she’s lying to Stanley, Q, not Aaron. I mean, he won’t be around. All she’d have to do is fudge some numbers for a few months. Would he really know?”
Ben's logic vaporized all the hope that had filled her for the last few minutes. “Goddamn it. Why do you have to be so smart all the time?”
He took her hand in his. “I know you want to fix this for him. I understand it, I do. I have four sisters and every time one of them is in trouble, I want to be able to make it better. But Aaron did this to himself. You’re going to have to let him figure it out.”
“Should I tell him?” she asked.
He nodded. “Y’all are going to a baseball game tomorrow, aren’t you? Tell him then. But let him handle it from there.”
“Can’t you come with us?” Q whined. “This is man business. I feel like such an interloper.”
“This ain’t my area of expertise, darlin’. I can’t even get my wife pregnant.”
She balled her fists and tried to keep herself from getting angry at the implication. “Ben. We talked about this. I can’t have a baby right now…”
He jerked the car to the side of the road. “Stop it. I know. I wasn’t talking about that. Every time you’re late, I think that maybe you are. And it makes me so happy because I want to be a father, Q. I want a child. I know you don’t, but I want a little girl or a little boy to call me Daddy. I just do.” He exhaled and looked out the window at the moving traffic.
She waited for him to say something, but he was silent. She finally said, “Ben, I want to give that to you. Just not right now.”
“Really?” he asked, obviously not believing her. “Just tell me the truth, Clementine.”
“The truth is that I have a chance to do something that I never thought was possible. I gave up on it years ago when QT and the Beasts started doing the wedding circuit. I need to try. Please. I have to try.” He stared out the window and she said, “I know it’s not fair and I know it’s not what we talked about. But for better or worse, Stanley Gerard’s last boogaloo is going to be mine and for right now I’m the sixth member of Dark Harm. If I give up those opportunities to be a mother, it’ll break us and I don’t even want to think about what that will do to a kid.”
“I’m an asshole,” he finally said.
“Yeah, but I kind of like you.” She reached out her hand to turn his face to look at her. “Please. Give me a couple more years to see where this goes.”
“I didn’t marry you to make you a housewife.”
“Well, good. Because you’d be sorely disappointed, seeing as how I can’t cook.”
He studied her face for several moments. “You’re going to have to go on tour, aren’t you?”
“Yes, that’s the only way this happens. Once Stanley’s record comes out, we’ll start getting offers. The Burlesque has gotten a few since ‘I’m on Fire’ went viral. I don’t want to be gone lo
ng. Neither does Tom. We thought we’d just do a couple weekends a month. One week here and there.”
He reached out and took her hand. “I hate the idea of you not being with me.”
“Me too. I have no idea how to even sleep without you around.”
“We’ll make it work. It’ll be alright,” he said, leaning over to kiss her. “The rest will keep.”
She pulled back. “Do you mean that? Or are you just saying that?”
“I mean that.” He kissed her and pulled back into traffic. “I always wanted a famous wife. Kids can wait.”
“Liar, liar, pants on fire.”
◆◆◆
They pulled up to the Toledano family home and Ben parked on Nashville. When Q glanced up at the large three-story house and its deep, inviting porch, she had a sudden glimpse of Ben running up the walkway, chasing a toddler. She smiled at the sweetness of it and pulled him down to kiss her as they got out of the car.
He gave her a puzzled look. “What was that for?”
“Nothing. Just love you is all.”
He kissed her again before they climbed up the front porch steps. Ben rang the doorbell and Constance immediately opened the door.
“There’s my sweet Benjamin!” She reached up and patted Ben’s cheek and he bent down to give her a hug.
“You look gorgeous this evening, Bubbe,” he said.
Constance flushed and smoothed back her sterling hair, knowing full well how attractive she looked in her teal suit.
“Flatterer,” she scolded, leading them into the house with Q following behind.
“Don’t mind me,” Q said. “I’m just your only child’s only child, old woman.”
Her grandmother ignored her and led Ben into the living room to fix him a drink.
When Q had first brought Ben home to meet her family, Constance had been livid at the idea of her only grandchild living with, what she’d called, a ‘goyishim Viking from Metairie.’ By the end of dinner, however, she had been thoroughly convinced that Ben could do way better than Q and her granddaughter had better be counting her blessings that a man like him loved her. It had only gone downhill for Q from there.