by T. Neilson
He took Kit Kat down the long slope toward the stables and dismounted there. Then he gave her a rub on the nose and a pat on the back and called up to Adrianna’s brother, Fletcher.
“Wet again?” Fletcher asked.
“Sorry.” Luke passed the reins over. “We went for a dip. Couldn’t resist.” Fletcher looked a little bit miffed but didn’t say anything.
Luke gave Kit Kat a final thank-you pat and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She nudged him in return.
“Who’s the masochist in the paddock?” Luke pointed toward the rising cloud of dust, and Fletcher grinned.
“Your friends,” he said, and he flashed a grin that implied there was something funny about that.
“Is Cole riding?” Luke asked.
“The skinny one?”
“Yeah.”
Fletcher nodded. Luke nodded back. Well, if Cole was riding, that accounted for the look on Fletcher’s face. “How’s he doing this time?” Luke asked.
“Better than yesterday,” Fletcher said diplomatically.
Luke spotted Cole as soon as he came out of the shadow of the stables and into the pounding heat again. It seemed like Cole never really looked comfortable, no matter where he was or what he was doing, unless he was sitting down at a table. He was so very Daniel’s opposite that it was almost funny to watch the two of them together. Daniel was roaringly competent and always had been. It was why he and Luke got along so very well. They both worked in precision industries and worked like their lives depended on it—although only Daniel’s really did. Cole, on the other hand? He had made a virtue of his clumsiness. It made him cute, rather than ridiculous.
Cole was riding circles in a paddock, hanging on tight to a tall gray horse, and looking decidedly uncomfortable. Daniel stood at the edge of the paddock, one booted foot up on the bottom rail, watching Cole ride round and round. He had applied his skills to acquiring a good used pair of cowboy boots, a pair of broken-in jeans, an old, faded T-shirt, and a battered cowboy hat. He looked the consummate cowboy watching a greenhorn. But Luke happened to know Daniel had never ridden on a horse in his life.
“Nice costume,” Luke said as he came to stand beside Daniel. Daniel laughed. “How’s he doing?”
Daniel made a small, noncommittal noise that meant, “Well he’s still on.” Luke tried not to laugh. There had been a time when he was learning how to ride too, and even as a child, he knew he didn’t exactly look dignified. Luke leaned on the fence and propped one foot up on the bottom rail too.
“How was your date?” Daniel asked.
Luke winced. “It wasn’t a date,” he said.
Daniel gave him a long look and didn’t say anything.
Luke frowned at him. “It wasn’t.”
“Maybe it should’ve been,” Daniel said. He looked back at the paddock, at his boyfriend riding in circles.
“Maybe it should’ve been,” Luke agreed. “But it wasn’t. And it’s never going to be. And I’m… at peace with that.”
Daniel gave him the side-eye. “Okay, sure, Zen Master,” he said.
Luke didn’t roll his eyes. “Just because you’re in romance dreamland”—he gestured vaguely at Cole riding circles with all the grace and ease of a chicken on the back of a goat—“doesn’t mean it’s all cotton candy for the rest of us.”
“I don’t want to be rude, but….” Daniel paused as though he were thinking twice about what he was saying, and then he plunged on and said it anyway. “You’ve got to take some steps if you want things to change. I would’ve thought you’d be good with change, what with everything that’s going on this year.”
Luke stared at Cole as though he were a dish that needed tweaking before it went to service. “If that change involves losing my friendship with him, I’m not interested.”
Daniel sighed. “I don’t envy you,” he said. He was looking at Cole again too, but unlike Luke, he watched Cole like a dog watching a morsel of food. “I spent a long time alone too,” he murmured. “I know what it’s like.”
Luke nodded. Daniel had always had trouble keeping relationships going. His work was… difficult—difficult to explain, difficult to do, and difficult for people to understand. It involved a lot of moving around too, which was always murder on relationships.
Luke knew all about that. He hadn’t dated anyone in a long time, and it had been even longer since he dated someone who didn’t work in the kitchen with him. There was just no point. If you were a dedicated chef, you went where the ingredients were, where the education was, where the best food was. If you were a dedicated chef, you just didn’t have time for anything else. It was the kitchen or nothing.
“We’re all just dating our menus,” Simon had once said. Too true. No wonder they were both still single.
Luke glanced at Daniel again. “I don’t think chefs should date,” he said.
Daniel burst out laughing. When Cole turned in the saddle to see what he was laughing at, he almost tipped over.
“Oh, come on,” Daniel said as Cole righted himself.
Adrianna called out, “What happened? You were doing so well.”
Daniel ducked his head and turned to Luke. “If chefs don’t date, who’s going to repopulate the kitchens of the world? Who’s going to rear the next generation of troubled, abuse-seeking foodies?” He gestured at Cole. “How will my partner stay in business?”
Luke scowled at him.
Daniel chuckled and seemed aware that Luke hadn’t enjoyed the joke quite as much as he had. “You have to admit it,” Daniel said, “you guys are suckers for abuse.”
Luke nodded. “Yep,” he agreed. “There’s something about kitchens.”
Daniel gave him a long look. “You know that’s a kink, right?”
“It’s not like that,” Luke muttered.
“Well….” Daniel shrugged. “Ever consider the fact that you might be torturing yourself by hanging around him because you missed the torture in the kitchen?” Luke scowled, and Daniel shrugged. “Just sayin’.”
“Thanks,” Luke said. He turned to Daniel. “Look, I’m… I’m content if it’s not love. I’m content if it’s just… mutual admiration.”
“No, you’re not.”
Luke glared at Daniel, and Daniel looked back at him, his big square face perfectly blank.
“You’ve been moping after him, and I mean visibly moping after him, since the minute you laid eyes on him at the restaurant. And,” he added in a lower tone, “frankly, if you ask me, I’d say he was having a hard time keeping his eyes off you too.”
Luke fought down a surge of hope.
“I’m serious,” Daniel said. “You’re in love with him. And I think he might be on board.”
“The man is straight,” Luke answered at last. He heard the flatness in his tone. Daniel’s brows angled up, and the corners of his mouth angled down.
“Shitty,” he said quietly. And then, with his eyes narrowed shrewdly, he asked, “Are you sure?”
“He’s had three girlfriends in the time I’ve known him.”
Daniel pushed himself off the rail and turned to face Luke. “That doesn’t mean a goddamn thing,” he said. “You and I both know that. You’re as gay as the Pride parade, but you dated girls in high school.”
Luke sighed. It was true. He had. He wasn’t one of those unicorn people who didn’t feel pressured to be straight. But he had an Argentinian family and a strong Catholic upbringing that had made him really, really try to fit the mold. He never managed it, though in some ways he had never stopped trying. After all, he was still taking his mother’s calls, despite all the things she said to him.
Daniel put his hands in his pockets and leaned back against the fence, eyes following Cole as he passed by again. “He might be bi,” he suggested.
Luke shook his head. “Look, I’m glad you care, but it’s better if you don’t give me hope.”
Daniel shrugged. “Fine. I won’t. But don’t call something a sure thing if it’s not.
” He smiled faintly. “In my business, that’s fatal.”
Luke nodded and was silent for a while. Cole seemed to have resumed his seat. He was doing a little better, and the tall gray horse’s stride was starting to lengthen out as she warmed a little to her rider. Luke tried to cling to the peace he had felt earlier, when he decided to accept what he was offered and not ask for more, but it seemed to have vanished.
“Even if he is bi or in the closet or whatever,” he murmured, “he’s way too busy right now. He’s got the biggest event of the year coming up.”
Daniel glanced over at him. “Oh. You mean Luminara.”
Luke blinked. “You know about that?”
Daniel looked pleased with himself. He leaned on the rail again, a smug grin on his face. “I got tickets.”
Luke stared at him. “How did you get tickets?”
Daniel leaned close. “I ordered them last year when they went on sale. Cole couldn’t stop talking about it, and I figured….” He shrugged. “Cole doesn’t know,” he added. “He’s going to go bananas when he finds out.” He looked at Cole again and then at Luke. “I’m not sure it’s really my thing. But I guess it’s basically a boozy picnic with fireworks, which sounds great. Besides, Cole’s going to love it. I fully expect a blowjob after I give him the tickets.”
Luke made a face. “Ugh. Why would you tell me that?”
“I don’t know,” Daniel said, looking at him sternly. “God knows you’ve got enough sexual frustration built up for ten people. Maybe a little jealousy is exactly what you need to get your head out of your ass and get you after your man.” Daniel gave him a slightly pitying look. “Tell me you’re going to go see him again before you run off to Argentina, even if it’s not to confess.”
Luke nodded. “I am.”
“Good.”
“I’ve agreed to help him take a look at some cattle. He’s buying a dairy herd.”
“What?” Daniel stared at him.
“He needs somebody to help him out.”
Daniel looked back at Cole in the riding ring and made a face. “Well, it’s not nothing.”
Luke grunted. Daniel was right, however much Luke might not like it. The last time he and Simon had spent any significant time near each other, they had been hardly more than kids. So much could change in the span of ten years. He knew a butcher who had transitioned in that time and a pastry chef who had discovered he wasn’t, in fact, suffering from low libido—he was actually ace and wasn’t suffering at all. He frowned as he thought about that and screwed the toe of his boot into the soft paddock dirt. Finally he looked at Daniel. “What do you do, I mean in your line of business, if you aren’t certain about something?” he asked.
“Like if I have bad or old intel, or something? I do recon.” Daniel’s answer came easy, and his eyes were still fixed on Cole. “A day, two days. Ask around at the mark’s usual haunts, talk to their friends, stuff like that.” Daniel smiled as Cole rode a big gray horse called King round and round the ring. Cole’s face was a mask of concentration. He was getting his seat now, settling in on the saddle, looking more comfortable and less stiff, but his elbows still flapped with every bouncing step of King’s trot.
“I can’t exactly do recon on Simon,” Luke said. “That would be unfathomably creepy.”
Daniel laughed through his nose. “Asking the guy’s friends and family if they think you have a shot is a totally normal thing to do,” he answered. He flashed a smile at Cole. “Looking good,” he called. Cole grinned a dorky, lopsided grin and nearly lost his seat again.
Luke elbowed Daniel hard. “Don’t distract him.”
Daniel said, “Mgh. Look at him. I bet that saddle is making his ass sore.”
Luke glanced over at Cole and assessed him. Adrianna was doing pretty well with him, in spite of Cole’s awkwardness. “My guess is it’ll be his thighs that’ll hurt,” he said. “They don’t get stretched like that very often if you sit at a computer all day. He’ll be stiff tomorrow.”
Daniel made a small noise. Luke, who knew about Daniel’s preference for a rough scene, smirked faintly. “You should ask Adrianna if she has a crop you could buy.”
Daniel shook his head without taking his eyes off Cole. “He’s not the crop type,” he murmured. “But I might ask where to buy a bit and reins.”
“Like that, huh?” Luke said.
Daniel smiled a faint, dreamy smile. “God yes,” he answered and finally tore his eyes from Cole to focus on Luke. “Honestly, ask around. You don’t have to be creepy about it. The guy’s got brothers in town, right? Why don’t you just talk with them.”
Luke considered it. Simon had given him Tristan’s contact information. Would it be inappropriate to ask? One thing was for sure—Tristan would understand Luke’s desire to be delicate about the situation.
He turned back to watch Cole and then to look at Daniel, who watched Cole with open affection in his face. It wasn’t just that he thought Cole was adorable—it was also that he so clearly couldn’t wait to fuck him. And when Cole noticed the way Daniel was watching him, he lit up like a light bulb and nearly fell off the horse again. But that didn’t change the big, dopey smile on his face.
Luke tried not to feel a pinch of jealousy. He had tried longing. He had tried coming to terms. And in spite of what he told himself and what he said to Daniel, neither were working for him. So there was only one thing left to do.
EVEN though he still felt like it was a little sketchy, Luke decided to follow Daniel’s advice. He said farewell to Daniel and Cole at the riding ring and took himself down to Sweet Nothings.
It was late in the afternoon by the time he arrived, and the bakery door and the two large windows all stood open. A chalkboard sandwich sign proclaimed all bread was 50 percent off after 5:00 p.m., but the place was all but empty.
Tristan stood behind the counter, looking tired and nursing a coffee in a white paper cup. The logo on the cup, a skull and crossbones—no, a skull and crossed portafilters—looked about as hard-core as the guy who had apparently delivered it. Jake wore a pair of dirty jeans, busted-up steel-toed boots, and a worn-out tank top with the legend, “North Balmoral Motors. We’ll get your engine running” across the chest. Luke could see how he and Simon wouldn’t hit it off.
Jake was nursing his own cup of coffee, and he’d left greasy fingerprints all over the white paper cup. A little closer, and Luke could see Jake’s scars and tattoos and smell engine oil on his clothes. He was sitting on one of the stools beside the counter, talking with Tristan. And Luke couldn’t miss the look of adoration on his face whenever he looked at Tristan.
Well, here’s goes nothing.
He had hoped that Tristan would be alone. He hadn’t reckoned on Jake being there too. His presence would make ferretting information about Simon a little more tricky, but Luke was on a timeline, and the hours were literally ticking down.
Tristan and Jake looked at him as he came in the door. He waved a hand in greeting. “Hi,” he said. “Am I too late? Are you closed for the night?”
Tristan shook head and set his cup down. Then he came over to the cash register. “No. Not at all. It’s Luke, right? What can I get for you?”
Luke looked helplessly at the selection of baked goods behind the glass display and stalled. “Umm… I’ll take one of the, umm… blackberry and lemon tarts and, uh….” He gave up. Dissembling had never really been his strong suit. “Look, I want to ask you a personal question.”
Tristan looked politely puzzled. “Sure?”
Luke glanced at Jake, who seemed to be watching with an air of someone reading the subtext and looking forward to a little amusement. Luke heard himself swallow.
“Your brother…,” he started.
“Got to narrow it down,” Jake murmured, speaking to his coffee. “There’s a lot of them.”
“Simon,” Luke clarified. He licked his lips. “This is an odd question but, your brother Simon, has he ever dated men before?”
There was a lon
g, long silence in the bakery. For a moment nothing moved, and Luke was aware of a crow cawing somewhere in the distance. Then Tristan put down the tongs he had picked up and set down the paper bag. He put both hands flat on the countertop and looked first at Luke and then at Jake. “Oh, Jesus,” he said quietly. When he looked back at Luke his expression was strained.
“Honestly? I don’t want to be….” Tristan paused and exhaled through his nose. “So, I don’t know a damn thing about my brother’s sex life. All I know is that all his previous relationships have flopped. And no, none of them have been with men.”
Luke swallowed, aware of the noise of it in the quiet of the bakery. He nodded.
“Okay,” he said quietly. “Thanks. I just wanted to take the temperature.”
Over at the stools, Jake cleared his throat. “You know,” he said to Tristan, “it wouldn’t surprise me if he were gay,” he said.
Luke and Tristan looked at him, and he shrugged.
“The guy’s been trying to set Tristan up with a better boyfriend than me since the moment he heard about me. And,” Jake said, casting a quick glance at Tristan, “he’s got a good eye.”
Tristan scowled. “The fact that he can appreciate a good-looking man doesn’t mean he’s gay.”
“True enough,” Jake conceded with a nod.
Luke nodded too, but he was thinking about culinary school and the relationships that Simon had there. And yes, that might’ve been ten years ago, and yes, a great deal could change in ten years, but he had his doubts that Simon was ace. Of course, he wasn’t exactly objective.
“So,” he ventured, “if I were going to talk to Simon about….” He hesitated. “If I were going to ask him….” He gave up on subtlety. “I’m in love with your brother, and I need to know if I have a chance with him.”
Again, silence. Then Tristan smiled and sighed at the same time. His shoulders seemed to ease. “I can’t tell you,” Tristan said. “But I will say that if someone had fallen in love with my brother, and if they could make him happy, that might be the best thing that could possibly happen to me. And I would support that person one hundred thousand million percent. Are you going in?”