The only weapon I could get to was a toilet brush. I could wield it. If you can kill a man with a pencil, you can kill them with a toilet brush, I always say. Okay, so I made that up. But it's probably true. Too bad no one would hear it.
A thud in the hallway made it clear the man was on the second floor now. I strained to listen to hear if he was going up one more flight. Nope. Footsteps came down the hall in my direction. Did it really matter anyway? He knew where I was because he'd put the frog in here while I snoozed.
I moved slightly, and the frog adjusted to compensate, seemingly waiting to attack. If he jumped into the water, would I get poisoned? Why hadn't I done more research? Be prepared is the Girl Scout motto, although I'm pretty sure they didn't have any warnings on bathing around poison dart frogs.
The door to the bedroom creaked open. He was right outside the bathroom. I wondered if I could somehow grab the frog and throw it at him? We'd both get poisoned, which seemed a bit antithetical.
My hand found the soap underwater. I could throw that, and in the chaos, maybe I could scramble out before the frog got me. That toilet brush was looking better every second.
"Merry?" Rex's head popped through the doorway.
Blood began flowing again, but there was still the danger from the frog.
My husband smiled, unaware of the death that awaited in the form of a two-inch, deadly amphibian.
"Well, then," he said. "This is the way I wanted to find you." Rex frowned. "Wait, is your hair green and white?"
"Hey, honey," I said evenly. "I'm thrilled you're here."
He leaned against the doorway. "You don't sound like it."
"Sorry about that." I didn't change my bland tone. "It's just that there's a golden poison frog on the edge of the tub, and he might kill me at any moment."
Rex's eyes went to the edge of the tub. The frog seemed not to notice his presence. It was still fixated on me.
"What should we do?" he asked.
"Well," I said in a calm voice, "I was hoping you'd have an idea."
"Hold on a minute." And then Rex disappeared into the bedroom.
"Um, honey?" I asked quietly. "This is how you help? By leaving?"
"I'm looking for something," he shouted.
The frog took a step closer, cocking his head again.
"Hurry, please." I kept my voice soft and steady. No point in freaking out the frog.
"One moment," came my husband's voice.
"This really isn't helpful." My voice cracked.
Rex reappeared holding something, but my eyes were on the frog. How fast could I move? I was in water. Water that was now turning cold. I could bring up my hands to block, but that would have the same result. Dammit. Why didn't I do more research?
"Okay, Merry." Rex took a step closer. "I'm going to try something. I need you to hold still until I tell you to get out. Then you have to move quickly, understand?"
"Since those are the only options, what choice do I have?"
"Not much," he said.
My husband lunged toward the tub just as the frog leaped toward me. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion as something black flew toward me alongside the frog. Just as it was about to land on my face, it disappeared.
"Ta-da!" Rex was holding the frog inside a black stocking cap.
My breath went out of me in a woosh, and I rose unsteadily from the tub. I flailed a little but grabbed the tub's sides. A lot of people die in their bathrooms. I didn't want to dodge a killer frog only to hit my head on a bathtub with the same result.
Rex reached out with his empty hand and steadied my arm. I grabbed a robe on the back of the door. It felt like I was adding a layer of armor to my skin in case the frog escaped.
Then I dove into my husband's arms and shuddered.
He wrapped his one arm around me and buried his face in my neck.
"Are you okay?"
It took a second to compose myself. "Of course." I pulled away. "I've been in dangerous situations before."
"Yes, but I wasn't there to hold you after, was I?"
That was a fair point. But I couldn't let him think I needed a man to comfort me. Usually I just went back to wherever I was living and ate an entire chocolate cake to come down. I didn't have that option here.
He held the frog inside the hat and looked somewhat disappointed when I got dressed.
"What should I do with it?" Rex asked.
"I'd say put him in his enclosure. But I haven't figured out how to do that yet."
Rex held out the hat.
I waved him away. "No, thanks."
He followed me downstairs and into the kitchen, where I found a water pitcher. He dumped the frog inside, and I added a layer of aluminum foil with holes in it to the top, securing it at the rim with a rubber band. Then I slunk into a seat at the table.
Rex walked to the counter, found a bottle of sherry, and brought two glasses back to the table. He poured one for each of us, and I guzzled it down. I wasn't a huge sherry drinker, but it was technically a wine, so that counted. I held out my glass for more. My husband obliged.
"What are you doing here?" I asked after another glass.
"I took a couple of days off. Ed Carnack stopped by last night. His cousin had called and said you were causing trouble. And since they aren't used to you in this part of the state, I thought I'd better stage an intervention."
His eyes went to the frog, who was sitting in the pitcher, staring at me as if he was on a mission or had a contract or just really liked green hair.
I took a deep breath. "Your timing was perfect. I don't know how long I would've lasted."
Rex nodded and continued, "I went out to the camp to surprise you, but Kelly said you were here." He looked up. "This is quite a place. What are you going to do with it?"
"I have no idea." I tapped on the glass, which seemed to intrigue the frog. "Burn it to the ground, maybe?" I spotted the cap and reached for it.
Rex looked at me, and his eyebrows went up. "What is it?"
"I found the exact same cap at camp in the middle of the night."
"It's a pretty basic black wool cap," Rex said.
"Not in Iowa in the summer."
Very carefully, I opened it, glancing at the inside. No label. No slimy venom. I told Rex everything I knew. Back home during an investigation, I probably would've held things back until I figured them out. But Rex wasn't law enforcement here. And maybe he could help.
An hour later, Rex rummaged through the freezer, where he found a frozen pizza. He turned on the oven and sat back down while it heated up.
"What do you think?" I asked.
"Normally, I wouldn't overrule another member of law enforcement. But there's something wrong here."
I agreed, "My spydy senses are tingling."
Rex laughed out loud, and I realized I'd never told him that before. "I have something similar, but it's just intuition. And right now, something tells me that people seem to be hiding things from you."
"How about it, Ferguson," I teased. "Will you stick around and help out?"
He stood up and bowed. "Rex Ferguson, frog catcher, at your service."
We ate the pizza and wondered about this attempt on my life.
"I'm kind of surprised you aren't freaking out," I said.
"Would it make a difference if I did?" His eyebrows went up. "Now, why don't you give me a tour of the house?"
"It's getting late." I pulled out my cell and called Kelly, who assured me that the girls had been playing freeze tag and had the leftover pizzas for dinner. She was fine with me spending a little quality time with my husband.
It wasn't an in-depth tour—just a cursory one. I felt bad leaving Kelly with the girls, until I remembered the mud pit. Then I took it a little slower.
"You haven't found the last two clues?" Rex asked.
"No. And we did a thorough search. I'm wondering if she died before getting the other two out. Maybe the killer realized she was planning to tip me off and acted earli
er."
"That's a very good point. Besides, it doesn't sound like you were getting anywhere anyway."
I shook my head. "Nope. The clues were pretty vague."
We finished back in the kitchen, where I cleaned up the mess from dinner. We decided that the frog would be alright overnight in the pitcher, but we closed it inside the pantry just to be safe. Rex drove his SUV, and I drove the silver van back to camp. Kelly was outside, sitting on a lawn chair.
"What are you doing out here?"
"Don't worry. They're asleep."
My gaze turned to the high ropes course. In spite of the fact that I can take care of myself—as long as I'm not bathing around venomous critters—it was nice to have Rex here. As backup.
"Have you been out here long?" I asked.
"Toad stopped by to check on us. She left about ten minutes ago."
"Toad?" Rex asked. "What is it with you and amphibians?"
Kelly explained the idea of camp names, and then I told Kelly about the frog. She scowled and pulled out her cell, and we went inside. I gave Rex a tour while she remained in the kitchen. After a lengthy study of the murder board, we joined her.
"Turns out you would've been okay. I've been doing a little research on the things at AJ's house and remembered something about that frog. In captivity, they are harmless."
I pictured the frog's beady little death stare. "He didn't seem so harmless."
"No, what I mean is, they don't have access to some sort of toxic beetle. If they aren't eating those things, then they can't produce the venom."
Oh good. "Well, that's a relief, as long as Aunt June hasn't imported those beetles to feed him."
"That's true. I guess we won't know until we find out what they've been eating." She yawned and stretched. "If you guys don't mind, I'm going to crash."
"Good night." I waved as she disappeared down the hall.
Once the door closed, I had Rex follow me outside, where I pointed out the ropes course. We walked over to it, and he looked up at the platform. Then he walked around the base and peered into the woods.
"Merry," he said after a minute. "If you think the girls are in danger, maybe they shouldn't be here."
"Have you met Betty? I probably need to protect the baddie from her. Did you know she does magic now? Full on vanishes and reappears. Very scary."
Rex grabbed the ladder and worked his way up to the platform. I watched his muscles straining against his T-shirt. My husband was a total hottie. Maybe we'd been too hasty in leaving Aunt June's house.
He disappeared over the edge and then peered down at me. After a moment, he climbed back down.
"You're right. There's really nowhere to go up there, except to work your way through the course."
"You had to see that for yourself, did you?"
"Sorry. Part of the job. I'm used to double-checking things." He smiled, putting his arm around my shoulders. "You know, this is kind of fun. Like the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew."
I held up one finger. "Except that Nancy Drew was far superior."
"What do you mean?" Rex wondered.
"It took two guys to do what she did by herself."
"Good point. Do you want me to call for backup?" Rex took me into his arms and kissed my forehead.
I pushed back. "As long as you realize that I'm your equal in every way." I wasn't sure I wanted to share the glory with Rex.
He held his hands out in front of him defensively. "Oh, I'm very much aware of that."
I sized him up. "Okay. You're in."
"He's in?" A tiny voice made us jump. We turned to see Betty standing right behind us, completely outfitted in black like a ninja, wearing one of the harnesses she'd bought with my credit card.
"How is he in but I'm not?" Her little chin went up defiantly.
I swiped the black stocking cap off her head. "Where did you get this?"
"I have a whole box of these. I brought ninja suits for all the girls."
For a very brief moment, I wondered if it was Betty I'd seen on the platform and if Betty, not the planter of the poisonous frog, had left the cap behind at the house. Maybe the black stocking cap was a red herring. I handed it back.
Rex stifled a grin and walked a short distance away, pretending to be fascinated with the woods surrounding the course. I loved him even more for letting me deal with the kid. Other guys might jump in and exert control. Not my husband. He let me be the heavy. After all, the girls needed women role models.
"Why did you bring ninja suits?" I asked.
She rolled her eyes and popped on a ski mask, pulling it down over her face. "Why wouldn't I bring ninja suits?"
"No rappelling or ninja…um…ing," I said quietly. "And if you're going to do something outlandishly dangerous." I leaned down and whispered, "You can't do it without me."
There went my being a tough and responsible adult.
The child considered this then stuck out her right hand. "Deal."
"I didn't mean we're going to do it," I floundered. "I meant…"
"I know what you meant." She looked at Rex. "I'm going to bed now!" she shouted loudly.
I watched her until she disappeared back into the lounge.
"Merry?" Rex called out. He was still by the edge of the woods, staring. "Has someone been through here with a machete?"
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
We took both vehicles into town the next morning. I wanted Rex to check out Fancy Nancy's, and the girls wanted pancakes, again, so we all went in for breakfast. Rex parked right behind the van in front of the diner. He stared at the buildings on both sides of the street.
"It looks deserted," he said.
"It does. Wait until you go inside."
His jaw dropped when he saw the inside of the place. "And you say that all the businesses are like this?"
"Every one we've been to."
"Good morning!" Nancy waved us over to a large round table for eight. "And who's this handsome devil?"
I introduced Nancy to my husband. She smiled, handed us menus, and went off to wait on others.
"This must be the town hotspot." Rex looked around.
He was right. It was packed. Everyone was there. Sheriff Carnack was eating with Nigel and Dr. Morgan. Basil was sitting with a bunch of rainbow-haired women. Hal was chatting amiably at the counter with Pete Oroner. Tommy Maplethorpe ate by himself. I wondered if that was par for the course if you were a mortician.
"He really is a dead ringer for Ed," Rex said under his breath as he stared at the sheriff.
"Only in appearance," I said. "He warned me that, unlike Ed, he wouldn't take kindly to my investigations here."
Rex stifled a smile. "Don't tell me you're listening to him."
"Of course not. I wouldn't do that for him and not you."
Nancy reappeared, and we all ordered. Kelly gave me a look as if to ask what we were supposed to do with all the food we'd bought here. I gave her a look as if to respond that Aunt June was picking up the tab. Maybe we could donate it to a food bank or something. Or send it home with Betty.
The girls were huddled and whispering. They stopped, and Betty turned to Rex.
"Detective," she started.
"You can call me Rex," he said.
"Mr. Wrath," the girl continued. "We want to be junior detectives when we get back home."
"Oh." Rex seemed surprised but only for a moment. "We don't have a program like that, but I can look into creating one."
"Really?" I asked as I envisioned Betty and the girls tearing through the streets of Who's There, driving a police car at full speed with the lights on. She'd be arresting people right and left for dubious activities. I had no doubt in my mind that, while she'd make an excellent spy, she'd make a dangerous cop.
"Why not?" Betty demanded.
"You won't be doing what they want to do," I warned Rex.
"We want to use the gun range," Ava said.
"And arrest perps," Inez added.
Lauren spoke up, "And crack them like
an egg and make them talk."
Betty asked, "What kind of torture methods are we allowed to use?"
Kelly burst out laughing, something she rarely did with me. She was always "on" as the real adult in our troop. Was she letting her standards slip because Rex was involved now?
Kaitlyn didn't want to be left out. "The only way to prevent recidivism in felons is to steer them through the process with great empathy."
We all stopped and stared at her.
"Isn't that one of the Kaitlyns?" Rex asked.
"It's Viper," Betty said. When Rex looked confused, she introduced all the girls by their snakey camp names. "Those two"—she pointed at us dismissively—"won't respect that. They don't even have camp names!"
I waited for my husband to look at me askance. Instead, he replied, "In that case, Cobra, you'd better call me Drew." He pointed at Kelly and me. "And they will be Hardy One and Hardy Two."
"What are you doing?" I asked. "I'm Nancy Drew. You're one of the Hardy Boys."
Kelly interjected, "I'm not a Hardy Boy. I'm Nancy's best friend, George."
"Maybe he's Ned Nickerson," Lauren said.
We all looked at her.
"How do you know about that?"
"I've read all the Nancy Drew books," the girl said. "George is my favorite too, Hardy One."
"Why does she get to be One? I should be One," I grumped.
I turned to Rex. "You could be Ned. He always kind of hung in the background to do the heavy lifting while Nancy saved the day."
"I did?" Nancy appeared with a tray laden with food.
"We were talking about Nancy Drew," I said as I stared at the giant fluffy pancakes in front of me.
"Ah. I was more into the Bobbsey Twins myself." She asked if we needed anything else and then vanished.
"Merry?" Basil was standing next to me. In my pancake worshiping mode, I didn't even realize he'd walked over. "Who is this dreamboat?" He nodded at Rex.
I introduced them. "Basil is the one who did my hair."
Rex shook his hand, and the hairdresser practically swooned as Rex declared, "I love it! We'll have to lure you away to our town."
It was the perfect thing to say as Basil turned crimson with delight before rejoining his ladies.
Mad Money Murder Page 15