by Sara Arden
“I think so, too.” She took a container out and popped it open. Strawberry shortcake. “Life’s short. Eat dessert first,” she said by way of explanation.
Yeah, he was on board with that. So it made it easier to ask the next question. “We go to Ben’s Place whenever we’re off on the weekends. It’s nothing fancy, but I’d like it if you came with me.”
“Are we going as friends?”
“Always friends, but I’d like to call this something else, Soph.”
She smiled and it was shy and soft and sweet. Everything that made him want to kiss her, hold her, and protect her from the rest of the world. “A date?”
“Yeah. A date.” Suddenly, it didn’t seem so crazy. It didn’t seem like this was wrong, like it was something he wasn’t supposed to have.
“Okay.” She bit her lip and looked up at him. “Yes.”
The alarm suddenly clanged to life and Hayden didn’t hesitate. “Gotta go.” He was on his feet and dashing down the stairs back to the firehouse.
All his insecurities and doubts were brushed aside to make room for his singular focus. He moved quickly, but with practiced and efficient motions, dressing in his turn out gear and heading toward the truck.
Then he realized no one else was moving. They were watching him like it was some kind of sporting event.
Royce and Noah were snickering, and even Lt. McCade was laughing. “That’s a good one, boy. I’ve never seen you move so fast.”
“There’s no call?”
“Not unless you count teenagers getting Leticia Fuddleberry’s surly old mule drunk on Boone’s Farm. He’s currently eating his way through Esther Underhill’s begonias,” McCade said. “Esther called because she says she’s going to burn down Leticia’s barn. Useless anyway, she says.” He snorted.
Hayden nodded slowly. “You guys are dicks.”
He breathed in and out with measured practice, his adrenaline high and his body ready to respond to the non-existent emergency.
Bill clamped him on the shoulder. “Just trying to show you something, son. You didn’t hesitate to do your job, did you? You left that pretty girl all alone up on the tower. You didn’t spare her a thought, did you? You heard the alarm and you responded.” He squeezed his shoulder then gave it a hearty slap. “Something to think about.”
“I see what you’re trying to do, Dad. But I need you and Mom both to stop with the lessons and the advice and the meddling.”
“You’ll sooner sell hair bows to hornets, son. That’s just who we are. We want you to be happy.”
“I’ll get there, but I’ll do it on my own.”
“You’re taking too long for our taste. Your mom and I are ready for grandchildren to spoil.”
Children? He hadn’t even been on a real date in eight years. “Whoa, you need to back that train up to the last stop.”
“No one said tomorrow, but you know, sometime. It would be nice. Think about it.” Bill went back to his office as if he hadn’t just dropped a bomb on him.
It wasn’t hard to imagine that kind of future with Sophie. Without any effort at all, really, he and she had become a “they.” It had been so natural, so easy.
Children? With her? For a second, just a single second, everything he’d wanted growing up was possible. He’d never been that boy who thought girls were “icky.” Or that commitment was terrifying or that love was any kind of weakness. Not until that first time he’d hesitated to run into the fire.
Royce made fun of him when they were kids because when the neighbor girls wanted to play house instead of Ghost in the Graveyard, Hayden would play along. Sometimes, it was even his idea.
His father’s words made him think of what it would be like to come home to Sophie, sharing a meal with her, little faces waiting for him that called him Daddy, and spending quiet nights together, just being.
They weren’t ready for anything of the sort, but thinking it was possible, thinking it was what his future could hold filled him with a kind of peace he’d never expected.
“Hey,” Bill said. “Where’d Noah go?” He grinned. “I bet he’s up there trying to make time with your pretty friend.”
Royce snickered. “You know, I bet if we put her up there when we do our run, I bet Hayden would win.”
“I’ll win anyway,” Hayden reassured him.
He took the stairs two at a time, just to prove to himself that he could. Hayden definitely felt it by the last flight, but this was good for him. It kept him in shape.
She was still there, no Noah in sight.
Sophie looked up at him, but while she was still all that was sweet and good, there was a hunger in her eyes. He realized that was all for him.
All softer thoughts faded to the background and he imagined other things on that couch with her. Soft cries, and heated touches…
It changed the way he thought of her.
The way he felt about his thoughts.
She wasn’t a kid. She wasn’t a victim.
Sophie was a woman grown who’d decided she wanted him. He couldn’t fathom why. The way she looked at him now was more than hero worship. It was earthy and primal.
The guilt he’d felt for wanting her was washed away, not that it had ever had a chance to hold its own in the onslaught of the fire of desire between them.
“Keep looking at me that way, Sophie, and I might forget where we are.”
She bit her lip. “I’ve always looked at you like this.”
No, he would’ve noticed. He definitely would’ve noticed. Wouldn’t he? Or maybe not. Maybe he’d been so wrapped up in his own shame for his failure that he’d completely missed the reality of the woman in front of him.
The silence hung between them now, weighted with expectation. Or maybe it was anticipation?
“So, there’s no fire?”
There was definitely a fire, but it burned between them and it was so hot, he was afraid it was going to incinerate them both.
“Just the guys giving me a little grief.”
She grinned. “Your mom said they might, but she also said it wouldn’t hurt you to take a bit of teasing.”
Royce had been right. Sophie hadn’t been living, not really. These last few days, she’d seemed to bloom. Her light shone a little brighter.
Or maybe he was finally seeing it, really seeing it?
She stood and straightened her dress. “As pretty as you are in your gear, I have to go. I’ve got a client session.”
He took her hand and drew her close. She came easily, her body fitting against his, even in his turn out gear. Hayden leaned in and kissed her cheek. He wanted to do so much more, but for now, this was enough.
“Thank you for lunch.”
“I’ll see you Friday.” She put her hands on his shoulders and rose up on tiptoe to return the kiss.
It was a casual brush of her lips against his cheek. Innocent, but still somehow the most erotic thing that had ever happened to him. She smelled so good, like lemons and sugar cookies. Her hair was soft against his skin and when she released him, the loss of her was almost a physical pain.
Something dark sparked in the back of his mind, a whisper of dread in his ear. This was all going to crash and burn and neither of them would make it out unscathed.
The part of him that just wanted to help people, that just wanted to save them, it was screaming. It told him that the person he needed to save here was himself. The man he wanted to be didn’t have any connections, any ties that made him weak.
But what if Sophie wouldn’t make him weak? She’d already made him want to be a better man. A better firefighter. What if they could actually have this?
He walked her to her car, and when he came back inside, Royce greeted him with a slap to the shoulder and, “Hayden and Sophie, sitting in a tree—”
“Shut up.”
“Wanna do that tower run now?” Royce smirked.
“You better get this out of your system before Friday. She’s coming with us, and if you can’t contro
l yourself, Livie Dodd and I may just have to spend some time together.”
All mirth was gone from his face. “Hey, that’s not funny.”
Hayden grinned. “Things are looking up, brother.” He headed to his locker to strip out of his gear with Royce on his tail.
“You weren’t really going to say anything to Livie? Were you?”
Hayden didn’t answer.
“Look, she wouldn’t even let me be her friend or look out for her like Ben asked me to if you say anything. I’m not kidding.”
Hayden turned to look at his brother. “Not so funny when it’s your turn, is it?”
“You and Sophie aren’t the same.”
He grinned. “Maybe it looks the same to those of us on the outside.”
“Look at where you are now, though. That sweet girl is bringing you picnic lunches at the station with Mom’s blessing. You needed the extra help. Livie doesn’t look at me the way Sophie looks at you.”
“You sure about that?”
“Leave this alone, Hayden,” Royce warned.
“Take your own advice.”
He hated seeing his brother conflicted like this, especially about his best friend’s widow, but he needed Royce to understand that his own situation was just as complicated and his relationship with Sophie just as complex.
Maybe Sophie wasn’t his dead best friend’s widow, but they shared a deep connection as well that had been fraught with land mines and wounds that hadn’t healed just the same as Royce and Livie.
Royce seemed to consider his words. “Is it that serious?”
“Why do you even have to ask that? We give each other a healthy ration of crap, but I thought we knew each other better than that.”
“You’re right, Hayden. Sorry, man. I got wrapped up in my own situation and let’s be honest, poking fun at you made it easier to deal with.”
“Misery loves company and all that?”
“Not even that, brother. I guess if I could focus on you, one of us will get what we want.”
Hayden didn’t know what to say to that, so he gave Royce his own advice. “Maybe you should talk to her. Really talk to her. Not flirting, or Royce-speak.”
“Royce-speak is the only language I know.”
“Come off it. You know how to speak to her. You just don’t want to hear the answer.”
“You’re right about that.”
7
She was going on a date.
A real date with Hayden Cole.
This had to be some kind of alternate timeline in a parallel universe. Things like this didn’t happen to her. Not when she was awake, anyway. This last week had been a kind of dream.
She knew it was fast on its way to becoming a nightmare if she didn’t tell him the truth and do it soon. Sophie couldn’t seem to make herself spit out the words, even though she knew it was best to do it now. It would only hurt more and do more damage the longer she waited.
Except the way he’d looked at her when she went to see him at the firehouse. Both like she was magic and like she was real.
She’d never had that before.
She’d never thought she had a chance with Hayden before.
Now, everything she wanted was right her in her hands.
Part of her wondered if she needed never confess her sins. If she could just bask in this until—but she knew it would be a lie.
Sophie had started to hope that maybe if she gave him the absolution he needed he could give her the same. That what they were building could survive this.
She wished she had a girlfriend to talk to, to confide in. Someone who could give her advice, but she’d always been so alone. The only people she really spoke with were her clients. Sophie knew that probably wasn’t healthy, but she’d been hiding from the world in a way. She knew that about herself. Helping other people with their problems had always been easier than examining her own.
Sophie decided that for tonight, she was going to turn off all the noise in her head. She’d have plenty of time to pick it to death after all of this fell apart, as it inevitably would. Right now was for making memories. For living in the moment.
For letting herself live.
She decided she wasn’t going to wear a dress this time. He said it was casual. So she was going to wear a pair of the best fitting jeans she had, a cute t-shirt, and the pink cowboy boots she always wore when she needed an extra boost of good luck.
When she heard his knock on her front door, her stomach twisted on itself and she thought she was going to be sick. So much for turning off the noise in her head. It had just migrated to her stomach.
She rethought every mistake she’d ever made. From the first grade spelling bee when she’d bombed out with “cashew” to that time she’d dyed her hair red, to this very moment. It was all wrong. Everything she did was always wrong.
Sophie took a deep breath and swallowed it all down. The panic, the anxiety, and the judgment.
When she opened the door, it was suddenly all okay. Because it was Hayden. Hayden made everything better. Hayden made everything right.
Hayden made her right.
“Hey,” she said, trying not to pull her bottom lip between her teeth. It was a nervous habit and she was convinced it made her look like a squirrel.
“You look great. You ready?”
“It’s a really nice night. How do you feel about walking?” What she really wanted was an excuse for him to come back to her place after the bar. Not to seduce him, even though if he made a move she definitely wouldn’t say no. She wanted more time with him. She wanted the evening to last until it wasn’t evening. She wanted to see another dawn with him on her couch.
“Sure. I like an evening walk with a pretty girl on my arm.”
She giggled. God help her, she giggled. Sophie understood what some of her clients meant when they talked about the fluttering in their stomach, or the high that sounded like it was almost some kind of mania. She experienced it for herself. It was like being drunk on champagne, all the bubbles in her stomach and in her head without any of the bad.
He held her hand as they walked, his fingers warm and strong. The night air was cool, a relief after the heat of the day. Crickets chirped and sang, and lightning bugs flickered and danced, lighting their path to Ben’s Place.
Music blared from the little bar and the parking lot was full of trucks, most of them with firefighter or rescue plates.
She didn’t know Livie Dodd well, but her heart had broken for her all the same when her husband had been killed saving a woman and her children from a horrible accident on Highway 5.
He’d gotten them out, but when the car went over the side of the bridge and into swirling, muddy waters of the Kansas River below, it had taken him with it.
Her fingers tightened around Hayden’s. She knew he’d not hesitate to do the same thing. She knew there was a price for loving a hero.
She didn’t want to think about that either. She wished her brain would leave her heart the hell alone and just let her be in these moments.
“Are you okay?” He’d obviously noticed the death grip she had on his hand.
“Yeah, fine.” She smiled at him.
“Would you rather go somewhere else?”
Yes, back to my place where it’s dark and quiet, and I don’t have to pretend I’m not a fraud. “No. This is a thing you like to do, so I want to do it with you. It would be nice to make some new friends.”
As soon as they were inside, Royce put his arm around her waist. “There’s my best girl!”
Hayden rolled his eyes and she laughed. “You were waiting for me?”
“Of course. Look, kiddo. I don’t know how to break it to you, but you brought us food. We’re yours. Me included.” He winked at her.
“So that’s all a girl has to do to catch a Cole brother is feed him? Well, shoot. I’d have done that years ago.” She winked back.
“You don’t get both of us. You have to pick one,” Hayden teased.
“You.
Always you.” She hadn’t meant to speak those words aloud, but they were the easiest to speak. An honest truth she’d been keeping inside for far too long.
“I’m not out of the running yet, brother,” Royce said. “I mean, I’ve got muscles too.” He flexed. “And I’m a fireman, just like you. I’ve got a lot going for me.”
Livie brought a pitcher of beer and frosty glasses to the table. “Royce Robert Cole, will you leave that girl alone?”
“No.” Royce had zero shame. “You won’t go out with me, so someone has to.”
“You’ve never asked,” Livie said with a sniff.
For a moment, the carefree Royce was gone and in his place was a man drowning. “Fine. Want to go out with me?”
Sophie just realized that Royce was head over heels for Livie.
“Yeah, that’s the last thing I need is a pity date.” She snorted. “I have a better idea. How about you stay after tonight and help me clean up? That’s actually what I need.”
Royce looked pained. “Of course, Liv. All you have to do is ask.”
Livie looked at her. “I hate asking, you know?”
She knew exactly what she meant. Sophie decided to use some of her skills to help. “Yeah, me too. But if we want people to respect our boundaries, that means we have to articulate our needs. We can’t expect them just to know we need something. I mean, even if we need a thing, it doesn’t mean we want it. So asking sucks, but it’s better to be uncomfortable asking and maintain your agency.”
Liv cocked her head to the side. “You know, I didn’t think about it like that.” Then she rewarded her with a grin. “You’re right. So, Royce. I’d really like you to help me clean up because I’m so tired and I need a break.”
It seemed like it took a lot for her to say those words.
“Anything you need, Liv. I’m happy to do it. I’ll start now. I’ll man the bar while you work on the inventory, okay?”
Liv flung her arms around his neck. “Thank you!”
Royce didn’t hesitate to hug her back.
“We can help too,” Hayden offered.