by Sara Arden
She began snapping the beans and before long, they were all in the pot.
“Dinner will be ready shortly,” Rose said. “I don’t boil them until they’re mush.”
Neither did her granny. She’d liked them to still snap when she took a bite.
“Ma, I think the chicken’s ready,” Allison said.
“I know what’s ready and what’s not, child. Get the secret pie.”
Allison grinned. “So you know how the guys think we’re in here fussing over women’s work? My daddy, bless him, used to be a bit of a pie hog. So Mama would make a pie just for us and we ate it before dinner.”
“Dessert first,” Sophie whispered.
“That’s right. Now, we’ve got apple or pecan. Which would you like?” Allison asked her. “Me? I’ll have one of each.”
“I think I will, too,” Sophie agreed.
“Okay, now is the time for total honesty.” Allison pressed her lips together and grabbed Sophie’s hand.
Oh God, this was it. She knew. Allison had lulled her into a sense of safety and now she was going to use the pie to pounce.
“I will.” She’d answer whatever Allison asked her.
“Do you want a little slice of each, or let’s be real. A real slice?” Allison watched her as if the fate of the world rested on her answer.
She was so relieved she said, “Real slice, of course.”
“You’re going to fit right in,” Rose said, squeezing her arm as she walked past.
“So how many pies did you make?”
“Just three.” She grinned. “Two for us, because we did all the hard work. And one for them.”
The apple pie was the best thing she’d ever had on her fork. Of course, she thought the same thing about the pecan that she ate next.
“Do you do this every Sunday?” Sophie asked.
“Usually, it’s only one piece of pie. But today was special and I didn’t know if you liked apple,” Rose said.
“Who doesn’t like apple pie?” She wrinkled her nose.
Rose shrugged. “Who am I to judge? If my Hay-hay loves a woman who doesn’t like apple pie, I’ll just have to trust she can’t be all bad.”
Sophie laughed so hard she snorted. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t chance it.”
“So we’ll just have to keep you,” Allison said.
She tried not to feel like every kindness from these women was a punch to the gut, but it was.
After they were stuffed full of pie, Rose declared the beans to be done and began serving the fried chicken. She noticed that this chicken was a mutant. It had six legs and four breasts, so everyone got exactly what they wanted.
She loved the dynamic in this family. The way they teased each other and played, the way they always stood for each other. Sunday dinners. Grammie’s fried chicken. Now, she’d been inducted into the secret pie ritual.
As they gathered around the table, talking and laughing, Sophie didn’t speak. She watched everyone instead. Listened to everything they said. Basked in the glow of the warmth that surrounded them.
Hayden squeezed her hand under the table. “Everything okay? You’re not overwhelmed?”
“Not at all. This is the best.”
“Sorry about the beans.”
“You should be so lucky.” Sophie found herself smiling.
“To snap beans?” Hayden raised a brow.
“Yeah.” She nodded. “It was nice just chatting with your mom and Grammie.” The lump was back in her throat and she swallowed hard.
“Soph?”
“I’m just emotional. Your family is like what you see in the movies, but it’s better because it’s real. I didn’t have that.”
He squeezed her hand again. “I definitely should’ve brought you home sooner.”
“Oh, look. Legs.” She pointed at the platter to turn his attention away from her.
Hayden wouldn’t be so easily distracted. “No matter what happens with us, you’ve been so much a part of me that there is always a place for you here.”
“Damn, Hayden. You made me cry and swear at your Grammie’s table.” She stood up. “Excuse me.”
She went toward the powder room she’d seen on the way in the closed the door behind her.
Sophie leaned her head back against the varnished wood door and exhaled heavily. She thought about the scene playing out without her and part of her was sure that she didn’t belong there. Yet, Hayden had told her she did. Grammie told her she did.
Even Allison.
She fought to control her breathing as panic clawed up her throat thinking about having to face their disappointment in her.
Or even worse? Their acceptance.
There was part of her that felt Allison would tell her it wasn’t her fault, that what happened to her parents wasn’t on her. She didn’t know why that was worse, but it was.
She inhaled deeply and straightened herself. Sophie splashed a bit of cold water on her face and smoothed her hair.
Sophie utilized some of the breathing exercises she’d given to her clients to get a grip on herself.
When she was ready, she went back to the table. “I’m sorry I got a little touched. I’ve been alone a long time. Everyone’s been so welcoming and warm.” She fanned her face again. “I guess I am a little overwhelmed.”
“Well, honey pie. You know it’s not a family gathering until someone breaks something or someone cries. I’m really glad this week it’s someone crying. My china can’t take anymore,” Rose said. “Here, have some chicken.”
“I’ll even give you a leg,” Royce said.
“Do you need two?” Bill asked. “You need a matched set.”
She was going to refuse, but she realized this was their way of reassuring her that she really did belong, that she really was part of their family. So she accepted the chicken legs gratefully.
“I hear you’re on suspension, boy.” Grammie eyed Hayden.
“Yes ma’am.”
“Then why am I only seeing your face at my table today? You know when you’re in trouble you come home to Grammie.”
“I’m sorry, I’ve been caught up with Sophie.”
“Oh, fine. Blame me.” She took a bite of the chicken leg.
“It is your fault. I want to spend every minute with you.”
Royce choked. “Not fair,” he spluttered.”
“What’s not fair? That your brother admitted to having feelings so you can’t tease him about it?” Bill asked.
“Well, yeah.” Royce nodded and eyed the platter of fried chicken.
“What are you twelve?” Sophie teased.
“Most definitely,” Royce admitted.
“Yeah, he was singing Hayden and Sophie sitting in a tree…” Hayden rolled his eyes and snatched the piece of chicken Royce had been eying.
“That’s because no one wants to sit a tree with Roycers,” Bill added nonchalantly.
“Yeah, that’s my shame as a mother.” Allison’s expression was grave.
“This is why I don’t bring women to meet you,” Royce said.
“If you have a lady you better bring her to meet your Grammie.” Rose looked ready for war.
“Grammie, I promise you. If I ever date again, I’ll bring her to meet you directly.”
“Not if she’s one of those Bunny Fires, though. Just the serious ones. I’m old. Can’t be wasting my energy.”
Bunny fires? She mouthed to Hayden.
“Firebunnies, Grammie. Firebunnies,” Hayden corrected.
“Don’t go telling your grandmother about firebunnies,” Bill admonished.
“Pish posh.” She wrinkled her nose. “A floozy is a floozy is a floozy. Bunny fires or not.”
“Ma.” Allison rolled her eyes.
“Did you date any bunny fires, Allie? Before Bill?”
All eyes were on Allison.
“Maybe I did and maybe I didn’t.” Allison took a sip of her tea.
Grammie laughed. “Oh, I remember how much you hated Bill whe
n you started at Lucky Seven. He was, and I quote, ‘the bane of my existence.’ You talked about him every day in training.”
“Really? Why?” Sophie asked.
“I tried to make her quit,” Bill admitted. “I ran that girl so hard, but she never faltered. Never gave up. She gave me what for.”
“Why’d you try to make her quit?” Royce looked back and forth between his parents.
“Because, son, I thought women didn’t have a place in the firehouse.”
“Except the bunny fires!” Rose cackled.
Allison shot her husband a look. “That’s true. You had your share of bunny fires.”
“So did you. Remember when RoniLynn stopped by the station with cookies and ended up spending the whole time talking to you?” Bill nodded. “Or that guy, who shall still remain nameless—”
Allison cast her a conspiratorial look. “Yeah, I went out with a guy just to make Bill jealous. It was silly and childish, but it worked.”
“Who was it? And why haven’t we heard this story?” Hayden asked.
“Jesse Sterling.”
“Erin’s dad? That’s weird, Mom.” Hayden shook his head. He knew his parents had been people before they were parents, but even at his age, he liked to pretend they weren’t.
“Right?” Bill nodded emphatically and fixed his wife with a pointed look. “Weird, Allison. Weird.”
“It wasn’t weird then. He was handsome. He had all this black hair and… well, let’s just say he could’ve been your dad,” Allison replied.
“Over my dead body,” Bill said conversationally as he took another piece of chicken.
“Thirty-two years and I still love to needle him.” Allison sighed. “My happily ever after isn’t a castle. Or a prince. It’s making this man make that face.” She pointed.
“Funny, Allie. Real funny.”
But the love they shared together was obvious. The jealousy was all pretend, the banter, simply for the sake of it. To keep each other sharp.
The family laughed and talked, joked and ate until all the food was gone, except for a single slice of apple pie.
“I’ll fight you for it,” Royce offered.
“I actually couldn’t eat another bite, but that looks so good, I’d try.” Hayden nodded. “Do you want the last piece, Sophie? You’re the newest addition, so you get dibs.”
“I really couldn’t.” She didn’t feel the least bit guilty about the two slices she’d had before dinner.
Bill, Hayden, and Royce all looked at each other, and then Bill pounced, dragging the whole pie plate toward him. “It’s mine.”
“Thank you so much for having me, Grammie Rose. Everything was delicious.”
“Good, that means you’ll be back. You don’t have to wait for Hayden to bring you. My door is always open to my babies.”
“Thank you.”
Allison grabbed her hand. “The boys get to help clean up. I’ve got something to show you.”
Sophie followed along until Allie pulled her into a back bedroom. It was decorated in blue and peach. Lots of lace.
On a shelf, there was a scrapbook.
Allie handed it to her.
When she opened it, she saw that it was all Bill and Allie. The first page was Allison’s graduation photo with her degree in fire science. On the page with it was her first CPR certification, signed by Bill as the instructor.
The pages were filled with small pieces of their life together. Pictures. Movie ticket stubs. Leaves pressed between pages.
“This is amazing.”
“I’m glad you think so.” Allie handed her another book. It was new, the outside bound in pink leather. “Hayden says pink is your color.”
Her hands shook as she accepted the book and when she opened it, there was the picture Allison had been talking about. The one with nine year old Hayden holding her hand on the dock.
“That’s when it started. That’s when I knew you’d be ours, Sophie.”
Sophie couldn’t fight it anymore. She burst into tears. Ugly sobs.
“Oh shit, I broke her,” Allison chirped. “Honey, no. Oh God, don’t cry. My children didn’t cry. I don’t know what to do when you cry.”
But she did know, because she pulled Sophie into her embrace and smoothed her hair, stroked her back and rocked her, just like she’d always wished her mother would’ve done for her.
“I’m so sorry.” She sniffed and tried to get control of herself, but she couldn’t. Every time she thought she was ready to speak, she started crying again.
“No, I’m sorry. I broke you, and Hayden’s going to kill me.”
She hiccupped and hugged Allison once more before trying to extract herself, but she didn’t want to let go. She didn’t want to give up the haven she’d found.
“Here, sweetie. Come on, why don’t you tell me what happened. So I can never do it again.” Allison was adamant.
“It was my fault,” she blurted.
“Whatever it was—”
“The fire. My parents. My fault.” She hiccupped again and fought off another wave of sobs. Sophie exhaled a shuddering breath. It got easier.
“Oh.”
“Do you want me to go?” She tried to tell her body to get up and move, to retreat, to leave this place where she wasn’t wanted, but she couldn’t move a muscle.
“Of course I don’t want you to go.” Allison cupped her cheek. “You tell me why you think it was your fault.”
“Wishing candles. I had wishing candles and when my parents would fight, I would light them and throw my wishes out to anyone who was listening. That night, my dad was so angry. I don’t even remember what I did to set him off, but when he came for me, I’d decided I’d never let him hit me again. So when he tried to grab me, I threw the biggest candle at him.”
Saying it out loud made it real. Confessing it, she thought it would cut her so deeply, but it was like she’d cut out something ugly. Sure, the wound was open and bleeding, but it was a relief to have it out.
“What happened to me, it wasn’t Hayden’s fault and I feel like I’ve been lying to him. I feel like everything he’s done, all of this no attachments because what happened to me could happen again… It’s my fault. Not his.”
Allison pulled her in for another hug. “It was absolutely not your fault. Don’t you think for one second it was, but you know you should tell Hayden.” She stroked her hair. “Not because you owe him anything, but you owe yourself. My son has some very strong opinions and he hasn’t changed his opinions no matter what any of us have told him. This may change things between you, but maybe it’ll put you both back on even territory.”
“I was so selfish. I didn’t want to give this up.”
“You don’t have to give it up. I won’t stop loving you because you and my son have a disagreement. Or even if you decide you can’t be together.”
Sophie’s breath hitched and she struggled not to cry again.
“I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. It may not seem like it now, but it’s all going to be okay. If my son is the man I think he is, he’ll need some time to adjust his thinking, but in the end, he knows what’s good for him.”
Allison kissed the crown of her head. “Come on. Let’s go get you freshened up or Hayden’s going to think I’m murdering you. Have faith, little one.”
“In what?”
“In him.” Allison tightened the hug. “In yourself.”
13
Hayden added another twenty pounds to the weight bar and laid back on the bench. He needed to clear his head. Maybe that subspace between pushing his body and concentrating on his breath, in and out, the bar up and down, would give him some clarity.
He couldn’t get what his brother had said about losing Sophie out of his head.
Dinner with Grammie had gone well.
Or so he’d thought.
Mom and Grammie had immediately taken her under their wings and snatched her off to the kitchen for their secret pre-di
nner ritual. His heart constricted when he realized what was happening, that she’d been accepted. He wasn’t sure what went on in there, but he knew it was good, and whatever it was, Sophie needed it.
Only it hadn’t had the desired effect.
Sophie had been different after dinner. Even more different and almost distant when he’d taken her home, but she’d invited him in and they’d ended up in bed.
She’d been different there, too.
There’d been a kind of urgency to the way she kissed him, but it was more than passion and desire. She’d been frantic, as if they were on a ticking clock. He hadn’t wanted to leave her, but he’d had to go to work.
For the first time ever, he’d considered calling in sick.
Hayden had this sense that if he left, he was never coming back, which was stupid. He and Sophie were building something and he couldn’t imagine anything that would break it. Not even his conversation with Royce.
They’d work it out.
He’d work it out.
He could be better. He could fix this thing inside of him. He could find the balance he needed.
He could be what she needed and who he was driven to be.
Nothing was going to stop him for getting the life he wanted. The future he’d only just begun to imagine he could have with her.
“Putting up some serious weight today, brother.” Royce said from the doorway.
“This is what I do every day,” Hayden replied. “You rethinking the tower challenge?”
“Not on your life. You may be putting up some serious weight, but I still do more than you and I can do it while running up those stairs.” Royce winked at him.
“Doesn’t count if you die on the way up.”
“Put your money where your mouth is. Any time. Any day.”
Hayden sat up. “Okay, how about now?”
“You’re on, suit up.” Royce smirked, as if there was no possible way that Hayden could beat him.
Hayden dashed to put on his gear.
The whole firehouse stopped what they were doing as soon as word spread the competition was on. Everyone gathered around outside by the tower.
Bill was waiting for them. From the look on his face, he obviously wasn’t going to try to talk them out of it. In fact, with the clipboard he held in his hands, Hayden figured he’d decided to judge the thing.