The people at the hospital were friendly. She’d been invited out for drinks and to join a bowling league, but her heart wasn’t in it. The one time she accepted an offer to meet a few co-workers at a local bar, she’d spent the entire time listening to a recently divorced male nurse commiserate about child support payments.
Most times, her reasons for craving independence eluded her. She blew out a large breath and tugged her scrubs off as she headed for the shower.
****
Damian ran his palms up and down Dorothy Lee’s arms. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I really can’t.”
“What the hell’s the matter with you?” She moved back and scowled at him, her eyes narrowed.
They’d been in her apartment for about twenty minutes. No matter how hard he tried, it wasn’t going anywhere. Her perfume was overpowering. Her body pressed up against him didn’t feel right. Her hair was the wrong color and length. Hell, she was even too tall.
Dammit, she wasn’t Kerry.
“It has nothing to do with you, believe me.”
She straightened her low-cut tank top and edged her brightly painted toes into flip flops. “Well, I know that. I don’t ever have a problem. But you,” she wagged her finger in his face, “have a problem.”
Damian ran his fingers through his hair, and picked up his hat from the couch. “Yes, I do. And I’m really sorry for…this.”
She broke into a smile. “It’s okay, cowboy. I’m willin’ to bet you got yourself all tied up in knots over that girl who was in town here a while ago.” She raised her eyebrows. “Don’t look so surprised. Most everyone knows you’re sufferin’.”
He snorted. “Suffering. Yeah, well, that about covers it.”
“Let me give you a bit of advice, honey. If you want that woman, go git her.”
“Not that easy.” He lowered his head, and rested his hands on his hips. “Believe me, not that easy.”
He left to the sound of her comment. “It never is.”
Chapter Ten
“Hello?” Kerry fumbled with her cell phone and packages as she bumped the condo door closed with her hip. She dumped the grocery bag on the kitchen table, then dropped her purse on the floor before easing into a chair.
“Hi, darlin’. How’s Albuquerque treating you?”
The silkiness of Damian’s voice slid over her like warm honey, sending her stomach into a kamikaze dive.
“It’s okay. I’m off today, did a little bit of shopping. How’s everything in Amarillo?”
So, this is what we’ve come to. Nonsense chatter, saying nothing while saying everything. Next he’ll probably ask about the weather.
“The same as always. How’s the weather?”
She rolled her eyes. “Fine. How’s your weather?”
Damian sighed, and she could picture him running his fingers through his hair. Silky strands, curled at the edges of his collar.
“Kerry, are you happy? Is this what you really want?” he blurted out.
“Of course.” The two words came out before she even thought about it. She was happy, wasn’t she? This whole thing proved she was an independent woman.
“I miss you.”
Oh God. If she didn’t get off the phone, she would disgrace herself by sobbing her way through the conversation.
She took a deep breath to calm herself. “I miss you, too.”
“Come home.”
“I am home.”
A full minute of silence followed while Kerry chewed on her lip, wanting so much to say what he wanted to hear, but too stubborn to say it. “I, um, have to go, Damian. It’s time to, um, do stuff.”
“Good night, darlin’. Dream of me.”
She pushed the end call button. Dream of him? That’s all she did, day and night.
Kerry stared out the window at the billowing white clouds before she peeled off her jeans and T-shirt, tossing them into the hamper on the way to the shower. The warm water slid down her face, mixed with her salty tears.
****
The next morning, Kerry slipped the ignition key into the column and shifted into drive. She was all the way out of her driveway and at the first traffic light before she realized she hadn’t fastened her seat belt. Cursing at her muddle headedness, she snapped the belt shut.
Another day, another dollar, and after work, another night of munching on cookies before heading off to bed to toss and turn. If this kept up, besides the extra weight, the bags under her eyes would be able to carry groceries.
The noise from the employee cafeteria greeted her long before she entered the room. Six-thirty and the place buzzed. Kerry grabbed a cup of coffee and a raisin bran muffin, then took a seat against the wall, where hopefully no one would join her. She chewed slowly as she stared out over the room.
“Hey, girl, where were you?”
Beatrice Eden, another Labor and Delivery nurse on her shift, snapped her fingers in front of Kerry’s face. She pulled out a chair and sat, then placed a tray filled with her usual breakfast—bacon, scrambled eggs, biscuits with gravy, and coffee—in front of her. Kerry was continually amazed at the amount of food the slim nurse could eat.
“Oh, merely thinking.”
“You seem to do a whole lot of that. You got something on your mind you want to share with the class?” She grinned in between bites of biscuit slathered with thick gravy.
Kerry shrugged. “No, nothing really.”
Beatrice swallowed, and leaned in closer. “If you need someone to talk to, come tell me about it, okay?”
“Sure.” She rose and slid her chair in. “I’ll see you upstairs.”
Although there were seven women in labor, the day dragged. Her two mothers were doing fine. Linda Abrams, an older mother having her first child, and therefore considered a high risk, had delivered a healthy baby girl. Once the crew whisked away the baby to be checked over, cleaned up, and returned to her joyful parents, Casey Jefferson, another first-time mother, remained the only laboring patient in her charge. A petite young woman, her blonde hair smoothed back into a pony tail, and deep blue eyes that shifted back and forth, missing nothing.
“You’re doing great, hon.” The computer screen monitoring contractions showed everything to be normal.
The young woman groaned and turned her head toward the machine. “I don’t suppose you can tell from that thing how much longer?”
“I can tell you things are moving along well. You and the baby are fine.”
An older woman with short, stylish blonde hair, dressed in gray slacks and a purple print silk blouse peeked around the door after knocking softly.
“Mom,” Casey panted the word out.
“Darling, why didn’t you call me?” The woman smiled in Kerry’s direction as she rushed to the bed. “Hello. I’m Pearl Warren, Casey’s mother.” She smoothed the hair back from her daughter’s forehead. “How is she doing?”
“Just fine. Your daughter and grandbaby are in the best of health.”
Pearl pulled up a chair and sat, holding her daughter’s hand. “I near died when I got the call from David that he’d dropped you at the hospital.” Once again she turned to Kerry, keeping her informed. “David is Casey’s neighbor.”
She nodded, already drawn to this chatty woman.
“I did call you, but I got your voice mail. It seemed faster to just ask David.” The last part of her sentence faded away as she fisted the sheets under her and panted. “It hurts.” The young woman gripped her mother’s hand and squeezed. After the contraction had passed, she glanced in Pearl’s direction. “Can I have some water?”
“Sorry. No water, but your mom can give you a few ice chips.” Kerry took a small cup, scooped out a bit of ice from the pitcher on the table by the bed, and held it out.
“Did you email Stephen?”
Pearl nodded at her daughter’s question, then looked over at Kerry. “My son-in-law is in Afghanistan. He applied for leave, but was denied.” She stroked her daughter’s cheek. “I shot off a note to him as soon
as I got David’s message.”
“I wish he were here.” A small tear tracked down her pale cheek.
“I know, honey,” her mother soothed as she fussed with the sheet. She glanced at Kerry and gave her a slight smile.
After another fifteen minutes and much discomfort and moaning, a quick check verified Casey fully dilated and ready to head into hard labor.
Kerry kept a close watch on the monitor as Casey’s mother rubbed her daughter’s back. “Hold back, Casey, don’t push yet.”
“But it hurts!”
“Hang in there and breathe. It will pass in a minute.”
Casey panted, her mother coaching her as the contraction reached its peak and then eased. Pearl wiped her daughter’s face with a cool cloth.
When Kerry checked the baby’s heartbeat, she turned at the sound of voices in the hallway that stopped abruptly at the door. The partially closed door moved open, and a tall, very handsome African American man dressed in army fatigues stood there. His gaze immediately went to the bed, his brows drawn in. An older couple stood behind him, the woman patting her wet cheeks with a tissue.
“Casey?” The soldier walked toward the soon-to-be mother, as she rolled onto her back.
A smile lit up the young woman’s face. “Stephen!”
His smile dimmed as his wife burst into tears. He leaned down and wrapped his arms around her as she sobbed into his shoulder.
“Shh, honey. I’m here.”
“I thought you couldn’t get away. You said you couldn’t come.” She placed her fist on his chest and shoved him away, then yanked him back again and cried some more.
“It was to be a surprise, but you almost did the whole thing without me.” He ran his fingers down her cheek, wiping away her tears. “Mom and Dad picked me up at the airport with the news that you were already in labor.”
The couple entered and the older women hugged each other.
Kerry fought tears as she watched the reunion between husband and wife. She took a deep breath to get herself under control. After dozens of births, this reaction startled her, and she pushed the reason for it to the back of her mind. She had a job to do.
“She’s doing great,” Pearl said as she released Stephen’s mother.
The young husband slid his gaze back and forth between Casey and Kerry. “Is everything all right?”
“As your mother-in-law said, Casey is doing fine.” She smiled. “In fact, I think you made it here just in time.”
“The baby?”
“Strong, and ready to make his entrance.” Kerry headed toward the door. “If you’ll excuse me for a minute, I want to make sure the doctor is ready if we need her.”
Stephen reached for her arm. “Isn’t the doctor going to be here?”
The worry on the young soldier’s face touched a deep part of her. His stiffened shoulders, the thin lines creasing his forehead, and the grasp he had of his wife’s hand spoke of the love these two shared.
A love she’d thrown away.
She mentally shook herself. Distractions had never been a problem for her before. She had to get herself under control, push all of these wayward thoughts far away. Her focus had to be on the health and well-being of this woman and her baby. “I’m a certified midwife. I’ve done dozens of deliveries. Your wife is young and healthy, and in good hands. But if anything looks suspicious at all, I’ll send for the doctor immediately. Just relax and enjoy your reunion.”
He smoothed the damp hair from Casey’s forehead. “You’ll be right back, though?”
“In a jiffy.” She patted his arm.
Casey groaned and grabbed Stephen’s hand.
A quick look at the computer screen assured her everything continued to go well. “Good job, Casey, but I don’t want you to push yet.”
“Ahh! It hurts.”
Stephen rubbed her back and scattered quick kisses on her forehead. As soon as the contraction ended, Kerry hurried away to notify the doctor on staff.
Twenty minutes later, after instructing Stephen to stand behind the bed and support Casey’s shoulders as she bore down, Kerry draped Casey’s spread legs with sheets to give her some privacy from the others in the room.
As the mother’s cries grew louder, the tension in the room increased. It appeared this particular couple had the ability to sharpen her senses, make her more aware of sights and smells. Things that had always remained in the background now took center stage. The fear on Stephen’s face as his eyes flicked back and forth between Casey and Kerry, mixed with her own tension as the baby fought to make its entrance. The older women’s perfume ate up the air in the room, and the bright overhead lights made even the thin crack on the wall behind Stephen’s head visible.
He coached his wife like a pro, soothing her with words, and soft whispers in her ear. He even grinned when Casey threatened to cut off the part of him that had put her in this particular situation.
The two soon-to-be grandmothers clutched each other’s hands, their eyes never leaving the spot where their grandchild would emerge. The troubled grandfather kept eyeing the door, as if planning an escape, and through it all, Kerry tried to keep the focus on her job, and away from the man who insisted on intruding into her thoughts.
“Okay, hon, you can bear down now.”
A lengthy deafening wail from the mother’s lips echoed in the room.
“That’s good, relax now for a minute. I can see the baby’s head.”
Stephen used a shaky hand to wipe the sweat from his wife’s forehead. If the baby didn’t come soon, there would likely be a need for another hospital bed. Amazing how big and strong a man can be on the battlefield, but fall apart if the woman he loves is in pain.
Another contraction rippled across the woman’s belly, and a tiny head with curly black hair emerged.
“Great, Casey. The next time you feel a contraction, bear down, hard.”
Within a minute, the young mother’s body arched as another scream rent the air, and a tiny body slid out.
Grinning at the beautiful baby boy, Kerry wiped the sweat from her brow with her forearm, and quickly sucked out the fluids from the infant’s nose and mouth with a syringe. The newly arrived infant let loose with a lusty howl. She placed the baby on Casey’s stomach and handed Stephen a pair of scissors.
“Time to cut the cord, daddy.”
With fumbling fingers, the new father did as instructed. Kerry glanced at the couple as she took the implement from his hand. Stephen had his arms around his wife, his dark skin a beautiful contrast to his wife’s paleness. Both of them gazed at the baby with love and wonder. Then, like all new parents, they counted fingers and toes.
This could be me one day. Kerry’s knees buckled as a sense of longing washed over her.
She’d participated in dozens of births, but none of them had affected her this way. Hopefully, this man would return from the war and raise his son. Maybe there would be more babies. He and Casey would take care of each other and the children they brought into the world.
Goodness, he’s fighting a war, and she’s here alone. When push came to shove, Casey Jefferson didn’t want to be independent; she wanted the strength and love of her husband.
The three grandparents joined the couple, surrounding them with love, kisses and hugs. Kerry hated to break it up, but the baby needed to be weighed, measured, an Apgar test done, and cleaned up.
“I’ll take over, sweetie. It’s almost three-thirty.”
She pivoted as her relief, Lauren, came into the room. “Oh, thanks. I’ll just finish up here first.” Kerry carefully took the slippery bundle from Casey’s arms.
Lauren opened the door wider as a gurney was pushed into the room. “Perfect, because they’re wheeling in another mother.”
Kerry did her measurements then cleaned the baby, bundling him up before handing him over to his anxious parents. Taking one more glance at the happy family, She wiped her hands down the front of her scrubs and left the room, a great empty hole inside of her.
She was halfway down the hall when a deep voice called her name. Stephen strode up to where she stood and embraced her, his hug so strong it nearly took her breath away.
“Thank you so much for taking good care of my family.” He grinned, showing deep dimples in both cheeks. “My family. I like the way that sounds.”
“It was my pleasure. I’m glad you made it here in time. Do you have to return?”
He nodded. “But only three more months.”
“I wish you well. And thank you for serving.” She squeezed his arm and headed toward the elevators. All of a sudden, she couldn’t seem to get enough air in her lungs and her throat swelled with emotion. She had to get out of the building, away from the sounds and smells of babies and laboring mothers. Skipping the elevator, she raced down the stairs and burst from the heavy glass door, taking in gulps of air.
Her mind remained numb during her wait for the bus and the drive home. She entered her driveway and turned the ignition off. Her hand moved automatically to the door handle, then she hesitated. Her gaze scanned the area—the dull condominiums, exactly alike, similar flowers in front, identical patches of grass. She leaned over the steering wheel and viewed her kitchen window. No curtains hung there.
With a sigh, she opened the door and stepped out. The little voice in her head began to shout.
Coward. You’re independent, but are you happy? Afraid to take a chance, ‘cause it’s not part of your stupid plan.
“Like hell,” she shouted back.
Her mind flashed to Stephen and Casey, admiring the wonderful new life their love had created.
Independence wasn’t worth much if this was all she had.
Kerry slid behind the steering wheel and started the car. Damian was the right person, and if this wasn’t the right time, well—she’d make it work anyway.
The vehicle rocked as she steered it over the speed bumps on the short ride that led out of the complex. Her hand automatically hit the right directional, and she eased into the heavy traffic. After two miles, she hit the signal again, and pressed harder on the gas pedal as she passed beneath the green and white sign indicating the entrance to Interstate Highway 40 East—Amarillo.
Choose Your Heart Page 8