“Olivia, you can’t take an incomplete, it will completely tank your GPA.”
“Finn, it’s better than me taking off for parts unknown. I’m ready to go explore Europe this time,” I hissed. He stared at me while I continued shoving books into my backpack. “It took a lot for me to come back and finish out the year, okay? I’m trying.”
“Olivia—“
“Don’t. Just don’t. I don’t want to hear it. You guys can think what you want, but I don’t want to hear it. Don’t even mention dating or him ever again.”
“Is Nate the same as Christian? Do you really think they are anything alike?”
“Damn it, I told you not to say his name. For that fact, don’t say either one of their names ever again.”
“Listen to me, he’s miserable without you.”
“He’s the one that was making out with Lila. Tell him to go find her if he’s so fucking miserable.” I grabbed my bag off the bed and stood next to the open door. “I’m dead serious, Finn, if you don’t want me to leave, you better not ever mention him to me again.”
“He isn’t guilty of what you think he is. I think you should just listen to him.”
“Stop it!” I yelled. I took a deep breath. “I don’t care what Nathaniel Ford does with his life. We are finished and he’s free to date or fuck anyone he wants to.”
“You’re being an idiot.” I rolled my eyes and brushed past him. “I don’t want you to have any regrets with this, Olivia. Don’t you have enough that you blame yourself for? If you find out the truth and it isn’t what you think, will you blame yourself for losing him?”
I already blamed myself. I blamed myself for opening up and trusting another guy.
“You’re an asshole, Finn. Maybe you shouldn’t talk about regrets when you’re the one making them left and right when it comes to relationships.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked with an edge in his voice.
I took off down the stairs to avoid talking to my twin any longer. He was playing on all of my insecurities and it wasn’t fair. As much as I wanted to hate him, I couldn’t. Cora had tried talking to me too, but it was easy enough to tune her out. None of them had to see Nate’s hands on that whore’s hips and their mouths connected. I shoved my hands into my eyes to try to get the image out of my head.
One step at a time.
I just needed to keep putting one foot in front of the other. My soul felt like it was going to split in half, but if I kept going, the pain would eventually fade. Past experience was good in this case, because I knew when I went numb, it wouldn’t hurt so badly.
Abby and Noah had been excited when I showed up and asked to spend a few days of my spring break with them. It was obvious they wanted to ask about Nate, but thank goodness they hadn’t. I didn’t know if I could put myself through the pain of explaining everything that happened. I spent three amazing days with my daughter. No one was asking me about Nate or giving me a guilt trip because I left. Cora tried to get me to tell her where I was, but all I would say was that I went to go see friends. She called every day, but I only answered twice while I was gone. Time away was good for me.
My first day back on campus had been awful. I saw Nate across the school grounds and I had a panic attack. Heartsick. That’s the only way to describe how I felt. Still feel. Everything in my body ached for Nathaniel.
If I hadn’t shown up what else would have happened in that room. His hands were on her hips and she was grasping the collar of his shirt like she wanted to eat him alive. I couldn’t let myself think about all that shit.
Fucking Lila Tate. The dumb bitch had it coming, but really should I blame her? It takes two for these things to happen. Christian Harris taught me that lesson well. My heart shattered into a million pieces because of him, and I was stupid enough to trust another man. Nate not only shattered my heart, he broke me worse that Christian ever did. He saved me from just existing and then shattered the illusion that I would ever be able to love another man again.
I leaned against the building to catch my breath after going down the seven flights of stairs to escape Finn. My first class was in twenty minutes and I had no desire to go sit through an hour of a professor that just wanted to hear himself talk. Reaching into my bag, I grabbed my car keys and took off towards the parking lot.
____
The first shot of tequila was rough, but by the third I had hit my rhythm. I had never been much of a drinker, but if I’d realized how well the alcohol had numbed me before that might be a different story. My new friend was the bartender at the local bar near campus. He didn’t question my fake ID, or the reason I asked for shot after shot, or why I asked him not to let me drunk dial anyone unless I needed them to come pick me up.
I sat at the bar for hours. It was karaoke night, so when it was my turn I got up there and sang my little heart out. Singing was one of my hidden talents. When I sang, it was never to a room full of people, it was normally the shower walls. The crowd gave me a roar of applause when I finished singing about my sweet disaster. I beamed at the crowd and tried to bow and nearly ended up on my ass.
My new friend the bartender helped me back onto my barstool and asked me who I wanted him to call to come get me. I stared at him for a few moments before bursting into tears. Before my life became fucked up beyond recognition I would never be in a position of not knowing who to call, but now I was lost.
“Darlin’ are you sure you’re okay?” he asked me again. How many times had he asked me that?
“I’m fine. I’ll be ready for you to call someone in a few minutes. Oh, maybe I should call them.”
“Nope, you made me promise I wouldn’t let you drunk dial anyone.” He grinned at me and pulled my cell phone out of reach.
“I promise I won’t call Nate. He won’t answer if I call anyway. I fucked that one up beyond repair,” I slurred.
“Did you fuck his brother or best friend?” I stared at him blankly for a moment. “No? Then you’ll be fine. There’s not much a man wouldn’t forgive for a cute little thing like you.”
“I wish that was true. I want another drink.”
“Darlin’ that’s not a very good idea.”
“Please,” I drawled out. I batted my eyes and pooched out my lip.
“What happens if you can’t get ahold of any of your friends? Then you have to sit here even longer waiting to sober up.” I put my head down on the bar and looked up at him. Maybe he was right. He put a glass of water in front of me and I took my head off the bar long enough to take a long drink.
“Hey guys,” my bartender friend called out to some people walking in. He took pity on me and one last shot showed up in front of me. “One more Olivia and that’s it. I mean it.”
My head shot up from the bar and the room spun a little. I took the shot and said, “You’re my new favorite.”
“Me or the liquor?” he asked, laughing.
“Shhh…don’t ask questions.”
I downed the shot and tried to stand up from the bar, but my feet didn’t want to cooperate. He watched me like a hawk as I made my way to the bathroom. I had to be a huge liability, but I felt so numb I didn’t care.
My reflection in the mirror looked awful. Makeup was smeared all over my face and I had to squint to not see two of me. At least no one I knew was here to see me in my poor state. Slowly, I made my way back to my barstool. There was a tall guy with dark hair that was talking to my new friend. He looked familiar from behind and when he turned around, I gasped.
“Liv.”
“What are you doing here, Nate?”
“I came to get a drink with a few of the guys. What are you doing here, Olivia?”
“I made a new friend.” I pointed to the bartender.
“Jason, what the fuck is she talking about?”
“She’s trashed man. I was about to call Finn to come pick her up, but she asked me not to. I figured Cora was my next call,” he answered quickly. “You know I would never—“
“What in the hell are you two talking about?” I demanded. My hand shot out to steady myself on the bar and Nate grabbed my waist to keep me from falling. “Don’t fucking touch me,” I snapped.
“Olivia, just let me call Finn,” Nate said, quietly.
“I’ll go when I’m ready to go.”
Jason raised his eyebrows at Nate like, ‘What do you want me to do about this?’
“Olivia, I’m taking you home. You don’t have to talk to me, fuck you probably won’t remember this in the morning, but let’s go.”
The last shot must have kicked in at some point during the conversation, because I could barely stand or listen to anything Nate was saying. He pulled me into his side and grabbed my purse. Jason handed him my debit card and he carried me out to his car.
“Olivia, what are you doing? This isn’t you.”
“You broke me. I loved you more than anything and you broke me,” I mumbled into the seat before passing out.
____
My head throbbed and I felt like I was going to be sick. Groaning, I turned over to see what time it was. Cora looked up from her desk, but didn’t take her earbuds out. I squinted at my cell and saw that it was almost noon. That sucked. I never slept this late, but I also never drank that much either. I was supposed to have class in half an hour, but that wasn’t happening today.
Racking my brain, I tried to remember what the hell happened last night. The last thing I could think of was that I sang in front of the bar. I closed my eyes and the relief made me moan.
“If you’re going to be sick there’s a trash can next to you.”
“Thank you.”
She still didn’t look up or take out her earbuds. I didn’t want to admit to Cora that I had no idea what happened the night before, but I wanted to thank her for coming to get me.
“I know I’ve been a huge bitch lately, but thank you for coming to get me.”
She didn’t answer, so I peeked out of one eye. I didn’t have the energy to get her attention. Maybe I could tell her again later. My hand searched blindly for ibuprofen in my nightstand. I took three tablets with the water bottle that Cora had also provided and turned over to give them time to start working their magic on the little assholes pounding away at my head.
“I wasn’t the one that came and got you last night.”
“Huh?” I asked, pulling my pillow off my head. I regretted it instantly.
“Nate brought you. He showed up at Ember and you were drunk off your ass. He went out of his way to bring you back and made sure you weren’t alone until I got back to the dorm last night. That’s the kind of guy Nathaniel is, so maybe you should be thanking him.”
I sat up and glared at my best friend.
“Cora, just what did I do to piss you off?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all,” she said gathering her books and throwing them into her bag. I was surprised the seams didn’t rip with the force she was using. “I’m going to the library.”
She slammed the door after her and I winced at the noise. My finger shot up as I flipped off the empty room. God, I was really, really fucking pathetic.
I’d had Olivia in my arms again. The things she’d said absolutely slayed me, but I couldn’t focus past the fact that I had been able to touch her and to feel her against me. She looked gorgeous, even drunk as hell, but there was a sadness in her eyes that I knew mine mirrored.
Cora hadn’t been at the dorms when I dropped off Olivia. I pulled out my keys and chose the one I needed. The lock clicked into place quickly and I carried a passed out Olivia to her bed. She curled into the fetal position on her bed.
“Don’t leave. Please don’t leave me.”
I stared at her for a second. “Do you know who you’re talking to?”
“Nate, stay with me.” She reached out and grabbed my hand. It felt good to have her want me to touch her, instead of her constantly avoiding me.
“Give me a second to get what we need.”
“Just promise me you won’t leave.”
“Okay, Liv. I promise.”
I pulled the trashcan over to the side of the bed just in case she needed to throw up and grabbed a bottle of water from the girls’ mini fridge. I set it on her night stand and pulled her bottle of ibuprofen out of her drawer. She would definitely want a few of those when her hangover kicked in too. As I stepped closer to the bed, she grabbed my hand again.
“Lay with me for a little while?”
She sounded so hopeful.
“For a couple of minutes. You won’t remember a second of this later.”
She turned over and her crystal blue eyes met mine. They were clearer than I expected, but I saw remorse in their depths.
“I miss you so much.”
“Cupcake, I wish you really meant that.”
“I do,” she mumbled before turning over. I closed my eyes and tried to calm my breathing. She whimpered and I snapped open my eyes. I rubbed small, soothing circles on her back as she drifted off to sleep.
Once she was out, I knew I should leave, but I couldn’t drag myself from her side. I should just text Cora and have her come and take care of Olivia. That was the absolute last thing I wanted to do though. If I left, I wouldn’t get this time with her. We were through and I had to accept that fact. I sat up and shook my head.
The door behind me cracked open and Cora’s surprised gaze met mine as she came into the small room. I raised my finger to my lips and motioned for her to follow me into the hallway.
“What happened?” she asked as soon as the door was closed behind us.
“She got drunk and I just so happened to come into the bar that she was at.” She narrowed her eyes at me in suspicion and crossed her arms over her chest. “I swear. You can ask the guys I went with. I didn’t want to go, but they were sick of me being such a dick so they drug me along with them.”
“Is she okay?”
“She’s fine, but she will have one hell of a hangover in the morning. Jason said she drank her weight in tequila.”
I turned to leave. “Nate, for what it’s worth I think she’s being an idiot.”
I didn’t look back. I couldn’t. Cora didn’t need to see every emotion going across my face that I wasn’t able to hide any longer.
“Thanks, Cora. I’ll see you around.”
She closed the door behind her with a quiet click and I wanted to beat down the door, demanding she let me inside. Instead of making a fool of myself, I went to the gym. At least I could punch things there without getting myself into trouble.
____
The frat house was full tonight. Alcohol was flowing freely and for once I was going to join in. Sure I drank, but I hadn’t been drunk in a long time. Not since—I cut that thought off quickly. My night wouldn’t be all about her.
I found Finn in the kitchen with a cute brunette that did absolutely nothing for me. Before her, this girl might have stirred my cock to life, but now there was nothing.
“Shots?” I asked Finn. He raised an eyebrow, but nodded in agreement.
“I was just telling Stephanie here that I was—”
I shoved the tequila at him and the brunette, ignoring what he was about to say. “Cheers or whatever.”
The girl shot Finn a look, but took the shot with us. I immediately poured another and took it without offering them one.
“Buddy, are you okay?”
“Peachy,” I mumbled. “Fucking grand.”
“You still haven’t heard from her?” The brunette asked with a sympathetic look.
“Who the fuck are you?” I snapped. “You don’t know anything about me.”
Finn grabbed my arm and hauled me over to the corner of the room. “Look, I normally have to babysit Cora, and this is the first time in weeks that she’s on the straight and narrow. Don’t make me watch you tonight.”
“No one needs to watch me. I just want people to leave me alone and not mention anything.”
He reached on the counter, grabbed a bottle of Ji
m Beam off the counter and pushed it into my chest. “Go. I need to get laid and you need to quit being an ass to the girl I’m trying to get into my bed.”
I looked down at the bottle in my hands. “I’ll be fine.”
____
Cora bent down in front of me and my vision swam as I tried to look at her. I closed one eye and reached out to pat her hair.
“Hi, pretty Cora.”
“Oh, Nathaniel.” She sighed. “How much of this bottle did you drink?”
I grinned as she held the whiskey bottle up. “That’s mine. I don’t share, but I’ll share with you.”
Finn was suddenly in front of me too. My head pounded as I looked up and I felt sick to my stomach.
“I’ve been trying to forget, but it hasn’t worked. I want to see her even more. Finn, will you take me to go see her?” My words slurred together and even I couldn’t tell what I was saying.
“No buddy, we can’t do that tonight.”
Cora turned towards Finn. “Should we take him upstairs?”
He nodded. “Probably. He can sleep it off.”
Finn and Cora helped me stand up. Everything seemed fuzzy around the edges and I was having a hard time focusing on what was going on.
“I’m going to sit back down.”
“No,” Finn and Cora said at the same time. Suddenly the world was upside down and my stomach was in my throat. Bile rose in my throat and I gagged a few times.
“I’ll fucking kill you if you puke down my back.”
I couldn’t respond because I’d slipped into a blissful dark abyss where I couldn’t think about the one girl I wanted.
____
I groaned when my door swung open the next morning. Well, I thought it was the next morning. One look at the clock told me it was the afternoon. Finn stood in front of me with a sadistic grin on his face.
“Hey, buddy!” I winced and pulled the pillow over my head. “How are you feeling this morning?”
“You’re a dick, go away.”
Waiting to Breathe: Book One of the Waiting Duet Page 16